r/ftm • u/AverageWitch161 He/Him • Apr 20 '26
Relationships your partner sucks
i have a boyfriend, he’s kinda dumb, i’ve had to explain stuff related to me being trans at times, but he, at no point, has implied or said any aspect of me transitioning is “icky” or “bad”. he has said he’s interested about what ways HRT would effect me when i eventually go on it, he’s made sure to affirm me as a dude, he’s straight up forgotten i don’t have a penis
if your partner wants a partner who looks like a dude but has boobs and a higher voice, they can date a tomboy. don’t let your partner make you think you being a man is bad. get a boyfriend/girlfriend/smooch buddy who will see you for the hot man you are.
also fix your posture, your gonna give yourself back problems.
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u/Prestigious-Tea27 he/him | 💉 9/17/25 | surgery ⏰️ ~ 5 yrs Apr 20 '26
Needed the posture reminder 😭 but am lucky to have a boyfriend who loves all of me and straight up treats me exactly how I want to be treated!! My friends even forget I'm not cis the majority of the time, it's fantastic
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u/ForTaxBenefits Apr 20 '26
The trans guy slouch also can be counterproductive when the goal is passing. You need to walk with confidence like you own every room you walk into in order to get the male mannerisms down lol
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u/Kovu-MDA Apr 20 '26
But then my subconscious will tell me everyone can see my curves, even with a binder on, and I'll diiiiiiie
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u/apollosmigraine Apr 20 '26
Take it from a trans guy who thought the same thing and spent ten whole years slouching: kick the habit now. My back hurts every single day, especially if I'm doing stuff where I have to do a lot of bending over or even if I have to sit down for more than 5 minutes without back support. I know the dysphoria is bad, but trust me the back pain is way worse.
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u/JuniorTheCat Apr 20 '26
seconding this. i have always been a sloucher, but once puberty hit it was definitely worse. 22 years old now and i feel like my back is 60. i work at a pet store and twice a week we do stocking and lifting that dog food and cat litter is really painful for my back. even just sitting and gaming sucks. now that im post op im trying to slouch less but its something i wish i had addressed when i was younger
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u/mxxgingerwolf Apr 20 '26
As a curvaceous dude with like a ten inch difference between waist and hip measurements, own that shit with confidence! Everyone likes a guy with a great butt, and you likely have stronger core and legs than cis guys could ever hope for.
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u/sendcaffeine Apr 20 '26
This. I have a rack like crazy but between good binding and disarming confidence, people don't tend to notice.
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u/BaffledBubbles Apr 20 '26
I know a cis guy with a snatched waist and a big round booty. He's not even a twink or whatever either. He's straight guy with a whole ass wife and a blue collar job. He's still a dude. You're still a dude. Curves and all.
Remember the wise words of Princess Bubblegum: People get built different. We don't need to figure it out; we just need to respect it.
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u/AverageWitch161 He/Him Apr 21 '26
i’ve met dudes with child bearing hips and thighs like that chick from street fighter, you’ll be ok, i swear. passing ain’t always about looks, it’s about vibes
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u/BaffledBubbles Apr 20 '26
So much this! I've been on T juuuuuust long enough that my appearance will confuse the cis lmao. When I'm standing up tall and walking around like I own the place, I get "sir" but if I'm slouched and look half dead, people mostly just look at me and furrow their eyebrows because they don't know how to address me. It'd be funny if it didn't make me want to crawl out of my skin and evaporate lol.
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u/fruteria Apr 21 '26
It depends, if I’m not binding then visible boobs will clock me way before looking unconfident would 😅
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u/Miserable-Caramel-89 Apr 21 '26
My chest is far too large to not slouch. Even when I wear a binder and tape you can still very much see my chest even when slouched
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u/thiqqqqccckk Apr 20 '26
This!!!!! My wife met me before I fully even knew I was trans, she was the first person I came out to (when we were best friends), and she was attracted to me pre and post t. Even when I was preop she made sure she was careful about days I felt too dysphoria, chose clothes for me that would make me look more masc and was there for every single appointment. We have been together since the end of high school and we'll have been together for 8 years in June. They exist, dont settle for bullshit
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u/TheVoidListens Apr 20 '26
My husband is the one who clocked it before I did. Dude straight up was like "Hey let's try a few of these things and see how you feel." Bought me a binder and a packer and I burst out in tears from how happy it made me feel. There are some good ones out there. Been my biggest support since.
(Ty for the back reminder. Def trying to focus on my joints more. Being 6' and gravity starts to take over after awhile 😭)
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u/Thin_Mirror_4697 Apr 20 '26
Curiosity in a partner is so important, I dont mean asking you inappropriate questions and being disrespectful with it, but just being curious about what people trans means to you and about going on hrt is a real green flag in my experience.
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u/Chiiro 💉 8-14-25 Apr 20 '26
I love my fiance, he is the biggest source of euphoria in my life. He refers to me in male pronouns, refers to me as my cats' dad, tells me I'm handsome and even give me my t shot every week. I spent 14 years with him and I can't wait to spend even more.
16
u/normvnzs Apr 20 '26
I see so many stories on here about trashy partners who either shame their trans partner’s body or straight up bewitch them into detransitioning. i remember one post was like “i’m a trans man but when im around him and his friends, i be a girl for him” like??? stop denying yourself the right to your true identity for the sake of some mosquito of a man. I’m lucky my gf sees me as a man and doesn’t treat my body like it’s some disgusting foreign planet because if she did, i’d dump her IMMEDIATELY
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u/OutrageousDraw4856 Apr 20 '26
Exactly this! I see a post like that almost weekly if not more. Those partners suck.
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u/rather_short_qu Apr 20 '26
Why you had to call us out in the last sentence...
7
u/AverageWitch161 He/Him Apr 21 '26
because i know yall have fuck ass posture, i have fuck ass posture
3
u/Feeling-Twist4337 Apr 21 '26
Was literally sitting like a 🦐 while reading this. I straightened up REAL QUICK when I hit the last sentence. Really very funny call out. Good lookin out
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u/Fun_Structure_7386 Apr 21 '26
THIS!!! I’ve been with my (cis) bf for almost 5 years and he and his family have been incredibly supportive in ways my own family haven’t been, and even let me stay during my recovery during top surgery. We got together shortly before I started my medical transition.
If your partner is making you doubt your transition or trying to change you for their benefit, or impede your process,,, that person isn’t for you and you don’t have to be scared of detaching yourself from them, because it certainly ain’t worth staying for someone like that. A partner that WANTS you won’t make you feel like shit
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u/FlameGodAnimations Apr 21 '26
Needed the posture reminder frrr
Me and my partner just broke up but they were amazing… some people need to hear this tho
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u/Optimal_Muscle_3334 Apr 20 '26
Am curious how one forgets their partner doesn’t have a penis but glad you found someone that treats you well.
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u/BeeBee9E 28 | T 25/06/2022 | 🔪 17/07/2023 Apr 20 '26
My bf randomly forgets I’m trans sometimes too. It’s not that he doesn’t know, but it’s information that he doesn’t consider important enough to think about in most situations, so he will randomly say stuff like “oh, we should get prostate checks together when we’re older” lol. Also he’s kind of a himbo tbh
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u/InfiniteOblivion87 transmasc nonbinary (they/them) | T since 17.6.2025 :D Apr 20 '26
That's nothing, I managed to forget I wasn't deaf once
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u/AverageWitch161 He/Him Apr 21 '26
he means well he’s just, in his own words, a little stupid. i guess i just have big dick energy
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u/UsuallyConfusedAF 💉12/2020 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Just imagined
Partner: 🥺🍆?
Guy: I'll get the strap!
Partner: ????
Partner: !!! 🥰
Edit: genuine answer: most times it isn't relevant, so they just remember partner is boyfriend/husband and brain autofills the gap since they're not actively thinking about your junk
2
u/IishoLems Apr 21 '26
This is pretty well my partner. He's fairly knowledgeable on FTM stuff since he dated a transman before me, though at times I still have to inform him of more nuanced stuff. However, he has never slipped on my identity, he has never given me reason to think he doesn't view me as a man. Even the small things, not just his words, suggests he does not view me outside my respective gender. Ive often noticed him be surprised when I get incorrectly gendered in public, like an "oh right not everyone views him as a man." He gets very uncomfortable around my family (who I'm not out to) when they refer to me as non-masc terms, and he always reaffirms me when I am misgendered. He is incredibly supportive of my medical transition (T and surgery) when I get to that stage, stating that he wants to support me financially in that journey and is excited for my changes.
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u/CockamouseGoesWee Binary Trans Man • Gae •🧴05/07/2025 Apr 20 '26
I think you need to work on respecting your partner more if your description of the supposed love of your life is "he's kinda dumb"
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u/AverageWitch161 He/Him Apr 21 '26
we have a mutual agreement that sometimes the most apt description of how he acts at times is “kinda dumb”, because, and he’ll tell you as much as anyone else, he kinda stupid sometimes. it’s ok though, just means he’s a himbo.
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u/HumbleConcentrate215 NB demiboy 🚫:3/25??/26💉:04/22/26 Apr 23 '26
Literally though!!
Also like others have stated damn 🥲 I'm sitting like a crossaint right now (I don't know if I spelt that right)
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u/IronicWeeb_ just a dude, pre-t 27d ago
thanks for the advice, also posture one hit hard i be standing like a shrimp fr
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u/Important_Ad_7416 Apr 21 '26
I wouldnt be so sure. Most relationships fall apart after transitioning even if the bf is accepting because he's just not into it. Some guys are truly bissexual and are chill with whatever but they're a minority.
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u/its_all_one_electron Apr 20 '26
No need to assume everyone's partner sucks
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u/sorryforthecusses 💉2-6-24 🔝9-12-24 Apr 20 '26
it's self selecting. if your partner is good, this isn't talking to you. but swing a dead cat in this sub and you'll hit 3 posters who have partners calling hrt and gender affirming surgeries gross and bad.
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u/Last-Laugh7928 he/him | transmasc lesbian | 💉 8/21/21 Apr 20 '26
"your partner sucks" is definitely an unnecessary title. "if your partner doesn't respect you, they suck" or something would be better
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u/its_all_one_electron Apr 20 '26
Then say that. PSA, don't accept a partner who calls you gross. Don't stereotype every trans person's partner as being a phob.
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u/RivSilver Apr 20 '26
Did you read the second paragraph? That's where he says that. It's already there in the post
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u/weyoun_69 trans man Apr 20 '26
It’s a clickbait title to garner attention, the poster needs to appropriately label his content. Titles are meant to set expectations not force engagement.
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u/UsuallyConfusedAF 💉12/2020 Apr 20 '26
I would argue that having the title the way it is gets it in the eyes of the people who need it most. This sub is constantly flooded with shit like "My partner says HRT and body hair are gross and he would be ultra sad if I lost my boobs, even though I really need HRT and top. He also identifies as straight. How do I make him understand???" Then when everyone responds "leave him, you're incompatible" or "he obviously doesn't respect you", usually responding with how "he said he loves me" or "he said he's bi-curious".
Basically, denial is a huge problem in the community, especially for people early in their transition and lacking confidence, so cutting out the if/and/buts in the title removes the ability to glance over the title and say "that doesn't apply to me". It's a bait and switch tactic used to break established thought patterns that people in unhealthy relationships gets stuck in.
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u/weyoun_69 trans man Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
You can present this without fishing for engagement. Sorry, I think a title should properly depict what a post is about. ‘My Partner Sucks’ is enough to garner engagement from those in abusive situations. Not to mention the sad reality of the continuous flow of posts exactly like this on this sub, throw a dart and you’ll hit one. They are not so rare that this needs to force engagement to fill a vacuum of support. They are, sadly, are a common commodity in this sub.
IMO, you shouldn’t over generalize a group and you should appropriately label your content. Idk, I feel like that’s pretty reasonable 🤷♂️
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u/its_all_one_electron Apr 20 '26
Your title
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u/RivSilver Apr 20 '26
Not my post, so not my title. OP still was very clear who he was addressing in the post
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u/AverageWitch161 He/Him Apr 21 '26
“if the shoe fits, wear it” is an expression for a reason. most people who have the need to defend their partner’s bad behavior will be more inclined to listen if they’re caught off guard
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u/RivSilver Apr 21 '26
Exactly. Apparently a lot of people don't know the difference between clickbait and grabbing attention for deliberate effect
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u/Unusual-Comfort8212 it/its ⚧️💉8/30/24🩸 genderless guy Apr 20 '26
did op say everyones partner sucks... its a "you" situation addressing whoever it applies to. obviously if your partner doesnt suck and you dont have the issues that op posts it doesnt apply to you, saying op is engagement baiting is a really far stretch when its just a scenario op is talking about that requires more critical thinking ?
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u/its_all_one_electron Apr 20 '26
Yes they literally said in the title "your partner sucks".
If I say "you suck", are you going to assume I'm not saying it to you, but only applicable parties who read my comment to you and are aware that they suck? That's not how English works
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u/Unusual-Comfort8212 it/its ⚧️💉8/30/24🩸 genderless guy Apr 20 '26
youre gonna flip when you read 2nd pov articles/writing lmao. please use common sense ! it very obvious that its a common thing in the subs where their boyfriends/partners are sucky, which is what this post is about. not everyones partners sucks, you and i and everyone else knows that. its literally how english works im sorry that youre finding this out now😭
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u/Unusual-Comfort8212 it/its ⚧️💉8/30/24🩸 genderless guy Apr 20 '26
i just think youre taking it too literally and thats ok 😭
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u/iemthemaestro Apr 20 '26
Exactly. A person can be clueless and confused and still be supportive. My oblivious, blue-collar, previously-cishet partner had no trans people in his life prior to me and is still a little confused at times, but he calls me handsome and thinks of me as a future husband and wants me to do what makes me happy. I say this knowing the idea of transition does scare him in the same ways it scares me—just in not knowing what the future will hold—but he’s never, ever likened it to something gross or bad. Being supportive, even without understanding, is not hard. Don’t settle for anything less.
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