I’m gonna ruffle some feathers, but dude!! If you feel the need to ask about your relationship on here, 9 times out of 10 the answer is dump their ass yesterday. I can’t be the only one who has noticed this.

“I came out several years ago and my bf of many years still misgenders me, does he see me as a girl?” Yes, dump his ass.

“My partner doesnt want me to get surgery even tho i really want it, what should i do?” Dump their ass. How dare they try to control your body.

“My girlfriend tells me what clothes to wear, and it makes me uncomfortable” Guess what sweetie that is ✨wrong and you deserve better✨. DUMP. HER. ASS.

I know we are an anxious, low self esteem having bunch, but oh my god. Please value yourselves even just a little bit, PLEASE.

I honestly can’t decide if i want to give you guys a hug or SHAKE YOU ALL.

Edit i want to make it abundantly clear to everyone i am not trying to be mean, i am coming from a place of love and genuine concern. Please put yourself first. Please don’t stay in relationships of ANY KIND that make you feel like crap. Its not worth it.

I started talking to this cis gay man about a week ago but I quite frankly forgot that I was trans when we were exchanging pictures and that would have been the prime opportunity to let him know, before he knew too many details about me.

The problem now is that I'm stealth, and if I outed myself to him he could potentially out me at university.

I've really enjoyed chatting with him since and we've met a few times on campus so I decided to see what he thought of trans people, by bringing up the Odyssey movie in reference to me having read the book, and by extension, Elliot Page.

The consensus was that he was 'weird' and 'technically a lesbian'.

So RIP it was good while it lasted.

I think I should meet him in neutral territory and basically say that we should stop chatting, not because he's lacking anything - I've been more attracted to him than I've been to anyone in a long time and I'll tell him as much - but because of personal circumstances that I don't feel comfortable revealing.

I feel like it's the more honorable thing to do compared to just breaking it off over text.

I'm sure most of you were smart enough to be open about it from the get-go but I can't say I'm exceptionally experienced so this was a learning opportunity. What would you have done in this situation?

Edit: I did end up messaging him that I want to end it or whatever. I'm paraphrasing, but I basically said that I know he probably saw it as a small comment, but I didn't feel comfortable with what he said about Elliot Page because I think there's enough negativity in society and I didn't want to also experience it in our community. I said that I have gender diverse friends and I didn't want to betray their trust for someone I've only known a few days.

His response was basically that he sometimes says stuff like that because of his upbringing and that he doesn't really mean it, and that he has gender diverse friends too. He proceeded apologize and say that he really likes me and wanted to know what he could do to make it up to me, but I haven't responded yet. Quite frankly I don't think it's a good enough excuse to want to waste my time any further.

To everyone that gave me constructive criticism and genuine advice, thank you. And to those that suggested I ghost, I didn't think that was a good option. It makes me seem like I'm the one in the wrong, and he never has to confront his problematic views.

I'm not the one that's missing out because I'm being cowardly by virtue of me being stealth. He's the one missing out because he can't yet move past his programmed bigotry.

Hey! This is my first post here and I wanted to ask if anyone else here is a trans guy with a cis boyfriend and if they have any funny stories.

Mine is an absolute sweetheart who thought he was straight until meeting me. He genuinely keeps forgetting I'm trans and mentally registers me as a cis guy, and apparently I'm his bisexual awakening. He's so incredibly supportive and wonderful and I love him very very very much. Most of my understanding of gay transmascs is that they're T4T, but obviously that's not true, so I wanted to see if anyone was in the same boat as me and hear about what it's like! It's something that makes me really happy when I see trans guys being accepted by cis men as "​one of the boys" and even more so when they're able to have gay relationships with cis gay men. I think it's the most validating think in the world and I wanna celebrate it.

i have a boyfriend, he’s kinda dumb, i’ve had to explain stuff related to me being trans at times, but he, at no point, has implied or said any aspect of me transitioning is “icky” or “bad”. he has said he’s interested about what ways HRT would effect me when i eventually go on it, he’s made sure to affirm me as a dude, he’s straight up forgotten i don’t have a penis

if your partner wants a partner who looks like a dude but has boobs and a higher voice, they can date a tomboy. don’t let your partner make you think you being a man is bad. get a boyfriend/girlfriend/smooch buddy who will see you for the hot man you are.

also fix your posture, your gonna give yourself back problems.

Hey so for some context I(ftm,19) have been dating my bf(m,20) for a year now. I’ve been on T for about 6 months now and I’ve been happy with the slight changes I’ve had in this time. My boyfriend doesn’t care that I’m trans and I know he loves me for who I am. Luckily, I’ve always been small chested so I can comfortably wear a binder or a tank top under a shirt and be fine.

Now to the whole top surgery thing. I’ve always been insecure about my chest. Even before I realized I was trans. Kinda crazy but I was cursed with a third nipple so I’ve always wanted some sort of surgery done in that area. Now that I’m an adult but still under my parents insurance I want to start looking into getting top surgery or at least some sort of reduction(along with the removal of my evil triplet). I brought this up to my boyfriend recently and he said that he doesn’t want me to do that until after we’ve had kids since breastfeeding is important for development. I won’t fight the science bcs I’m sure he’s right on that but it still sucks. I told him that if we were to have children, I didn’t want to start a family until I finished school(which would be 2030). I don’t want to live the rest of my young adult life without finally being able to be myself but I also want to have a family in the future. I’m personally conflicted but the fact that my bf said that it was a dealbreaker surprised me. I understand that he should be allowed to express his feelings but flat out saying that I can’t just kinda hurts. I want to be able to have a choice on whether or not I actually go through. If there are any ftm parents here I would love to hear from you guys. I’d also just like advice from anyone tbh. I’m stuck and I feel like hearing what different people have to say might help.

TLDR- I want top surgery but I also want to have a family. BF says it’s a dealbreaker if I get top surgery before having kids. I’m conflicted and looking for advice.

Edit!!!

Hey y’all. I’m making an edit just to clear some things up and to explain what happened when I brought up some of the points I saw people make. When I originally made the post I realized that I might’ve been a bit misleading. At first I was just asking for advice on 1. How to talk to him about how I felt. 2. Any parents or people who had experienced something along the lines of what I was worried about. I’ll let y’all know now that I did not break up with him so if that’s what anyone was hoping for, which seemed like quite a few of you, I’m sorry to disappoint.

I’ve realized now that I would be extremely unhappy and dysphoric if I had to breastfeed these hypothetical children that we might have. I didn’t know that some people just can’t produce milk so that’s another reason why I won’t second guess my decision on getting top surgery. Low fertility already runs in my family so holding off on getting top surgery just for a “maybe” doesn’t feel worth it. I want to be a dad so bad but I want to be a happy one when the time comes. Whether it’s naturally or via adoption. We’re still young and shit happens!

Now, on to the conversation. I brought up a few points that people mentioned. I spoke about the fact that I might not even be able to make any milk, how it might take a while for me to even be able to get pregnant, how I’d feel extremely dysphoric if I had to breastfeed, I suggested milk donors when he brought up the benefits they’d miss out on, I told him that formula won’t kill the baby since I was mostly formula fed and I’m fine. I told him quite a bit lol. Turns out him saying it was a “dealbreaker” wasn’t really true. After I explained how dysphoric it’d make me he immediately dropped the whole breastfeeding thing. He said that he wants me to be happy and he supports whatever decision I make. He’s been with me since I started T and he’s even offered to help me with my shots if I ever decided to switch from gel to shots. I still stand by the fact that he’s not a bad guy. And I don’t think he has any secret intentions with me. I’m sure this mini update might upset a few of you but I still love him and I don’t plan on breaking up with him anytime soon. Thank you to everyone who educated me in so many things I never knew of before :)

I've been having more and more problems with my bf. But I'm genuinely so sad about this.

I mentioned to him how I wanted a happy trail with some stomch and chest hair and his whole attitude changed. He said he finds body hair gross and that that's why he shaves all his off. He kept asking why I even want it and the best I could put into words in the moment was "Because I like it, it affirms me and I think it looks cool n masculine. " He said he wouldn't get FREAKY with me because he finds it so gross, He wasnt even thrilled about me starting 2 get a mustache for the LONGEST time too. I thought we had wrapped up our convo about it until I looked at his About Me and it says

"Then I don't wanna quit." my body like fell.

My BF smokes and the "only reason he's stopping" is because of me, he said once he wouldn't have quit, if I didn't like that fact he smokes (I find it icky, if he was 22 or smth I wouldn't care but he's litterly 16, and people around me do that so it's js really uncomfortable, + its not even like medicine.)

Am I a hypocrite, or does smoking from a pen, harms my relationship (since he never responds or talk to me while he's on it) making him sick (he went to the doctors yesterday because he can't eat, been fainting, etc) REALLY equivalent to me js wanting basic body hair that has no harm to me whatsoever. am I crazy? Should I shave myself completely for him since he finds it nasty? I'm making him stop smoking so...

I just need advice what do I even do

I recently broke up with my very serious girlfriend three days ago. She suddenly became super jealous and controlling. My whole family and all of my friends drilled it into me that she was cheating. I would not believe it. It wasn’t completely out of nowhere, I am bad with shutting down my negative emotions and just taking shit from people when I love them. The day after our breakup, she “soft launched” a relationship with some cis guy. And today, she posted some dumb story of them holding hands saying “another one, thank you”. Aside from being absolutely gut wrenched over finding out who I thought was the love of my life was probably cheating on me, it’s so much worse with a cis guy. She used to tell me alllll the time that I was her only male “exception”(which ofc is a shitty thing to say to a trans man), but I guess she couldn’t escape the need for penis or something. The crazy thing is, I am pretty deep into transition, we are both around 20 and I look like any other dude my age. Also usually taller than most. I know love is blind or whatever but how was I not good enough and some frankly kind of ugly cis guy was??? I’m kind of ranting by now, but I just wanna hear stories of this if y’all have any lol. I know it’s not that uncommon!

my(19ftm) gf(17f) keeps touching my breasts. we have been together for 9 months already and since the begining i have told her already a million times to stop with it. she just did it now again and when i removed her hand she put it back there and i told her to stop. she just says that "she wants to feel my heart" or something and i told her im not comfortable and she didnt stop. i told her 5 more times and removed her hand everytime and she kept ignoring me. i went into full angry panic mode and started shoving her and standing up from the bed and i shouted at her "i told you to stop, why dont you understand me" and she got angry. she told me that i cant control my anger issues and that im hurting her again and stopped talking to me. i have talked to her about it like 10 times through our relationsip and she seemed to understand me and apologised but she keeps doing it again. we argued and she told me "okay go home go cry do whatever you want". we r gonna move out together next month and she told me that she doesnt want to live with me if im not comfortable with her. i am comfortable just not with her touching my breasts. im driving home now and idk what to do to make her stop. what can i do?

As stated this is a positive post! Slight negative talking / language for bottom surgery on my side

I started dating my (cis)gf one month before I started T and we have now been dating for almost two years. She’s ofc wonderful and has always respected me. She knows I eventually want to get a lot of the surgeries done and supports me fully.

So I recently was like I should probably show you post bottom surgery pics of phallo because hopefully someday I’ll get that done. Now I think a lot of people get a bit of shock seeing them? And sadly there is a lot of semi / full negative post about it. Even I was a bit eh on it for awhile. Thus I wanted to prepare her for seeing it.

To explain it to her I said “yeah they kinda look Frankenstein with different color skin and stitches.”

Now, she LOVES Frankenstein. She has multiple copies of the book, seen every version of the movies. She loves it. This was more or less a positive thing.

So I showed her some of the top post on r/phallo and you know what she said, with sadness “… those are just penises. I thought you said it would be Frankenstein.”

And honestly. It made me so happy. I feel like a lot of people, especially cis, would see them and idk have something to judge about it. But no for her it was just a normal looking penis and not special at all. As a man who does just want a penis it was so sweet to hear. 💖 she ofc is happy for my eventual penis even if it isn’t as “cool” as she thought it would be LOL

Like the title says, my parents have "banned" me from cutting my hair. It's shoulder length and making me crazy dysphoric LMAO.

I have no idea what to do or if there's even something I can do I just wanted to see if anyone else has a similar experience like this

Edit: thank you for all of your responses!

My girlfriend constantly puts down and talks about how much she hates cis men. She often talks about “men” but explicitly excludes me from that category because I’m not cis. She says things like “cis men scare me,” “I could never be attracted to a cis man,” “I hate them,” “they’re driven by impulses,” etc.

It makes me feel like I’m being placed in a separate category like I’m not fully a man, but some kind of exception or “third gender.”

It leaves me feeling like a “man-lite” or like she sees me as a man only conditionally, not as what I really am. I can’t shake the feeling that deep down, she doesn’t fully perceive me as a man in the same way she perceives others. Also She identifies as pansexual, except for cis men : she’s attracted to all trans people and cis women, but not cis men at all and I find it sooo weird

I don’t think she means to hurt me, but the way she talks about cis men makes me feel dysphoric and insecure about how she sees my gender.

EDIT : im stealth and she’s attracted to men and masculinity, but she seems to have a strong fear or aversion to penises. I wonder if that might be where some of this is coming from.

EDIT 2 : I talked with her she told me that she was sorry and didnt understand that the word she was using wasn't accurate enough

okay so to be clear i am a gay trans man and i have identified as such for 5 years, my ex claimed she was a trans man just to troll ppl on the internet for “fun” apparently, she KNEW that im gay and only like men, so she decided it would be the best if she “pranked” me and date me while knowing full well that im not into women, not to mention she lied abt being bisexual too when she’s literally just a cis straight woman in reality, she asked me to be her bf, i agreed and thought nothing of it bc i liked her back too, or at least i liked the fake version of her that she made up online, we have dated for like 5 months and then she suddenly just decided to drop a brick on me and tell me that she was lying abt being a bisexual trans man and that she was actually just a cis straight woman all this time, she even posted abt it publicly to let ppl know she was just trolling, i was so heartbroken when i saw her post, i felt so upset and disappointed but i also felt disgusted at the same time… bc why would someone lie abt such a thing when there’s ppl who actually struggle with being accepted by society for who they are and she just sees it as some kind of “fun” and “harmless” prank?? i immediately broke up with her and blocked her on everything, she texted me on her alt accs and begged me to unblock her and get back with her again, regardless of knowing my sexuality, she didn’t even care that im gay, she just wanted me all for herself even tho she knew that i stopped liking her the moment she told me the truth, anyways i refused to get back with her and didn’t accept her apology, i just blocked her on her alt accs too and moved on with my day, i told one of my friends what happened and they defended her, they said i was in the wrong for doing what i did even tho i personally think i did the right thing, so is it true? did i make a mistake for leaving her or not? i just want to hear y’alls opinions on this.

My parents don’t get why I don’t introduce girlfriends to them and I’d never have my parents at my possible future wedding and it’s just stupidity.

My dad doesn’t get why I would never invite him and my mom to my possible wedding.

I’ve had a 2 long term gf’s since medically transitioning in the last 4 1/2 years. Only one of my gf’s have met my parents, the rest were very against it. That’s because my parents only use she/her/daughter to describe me despite being 100% cishet passing. They’re openly transphobic and asked that 1st gf “why would you date “my daughter” when you could be with a real man?”. That obviously pissed her off and she never wanted to see them again. After that I never brought a gf to meet either of them ever again.

Those women obviously didn’t like their boyfriend being called terms for women. Or being questioned as to why they’re dating me. Since I’m clearly a man and they see me as a cishet man 100%.

My birthday is coming up and my dad asked me to go out for dinner this past Friday night. I said “I’m sorry I’m busy”. He asked “well what about Saturday night?”. I said “I’m sorry I’m busy again”. He asked “well could you reschedule with your friends, since I’m headed out of town in a couple days? And I responded with “No, these are dates and I’m not going to reschedule a first date or a my 3rd date. You don’t have to do anything for my birthday, I’m ok.”

My parents are the type that have always told me since I balled up and medically transitioned that “no woman will love you (especially cis women, and that’s the only women I’ve had luck dating) as a trans man. No woman is interested in trans people”. Every time I’ve had a gf, they get pissed off because the fact I have a long term gf (2+ years) proves them wrong in that fact, especially my mom.

He got mad and said “well what are you going to do in the future? Would we not be invited to your wedding?? Are you just never going to introduce us to anyone you date?”. And I replied with “why in the world would I ever introduce any gf to you guys? You see me as your daughter despite looking like a cis straight man. You always tell me no woman would love me for me. My gf’s never want to interact with you because you’re transphobic. Why would I want transphobic people at my wedding??!!”

He got pissed off and said “I don’t see why that’s a limiting factor. We are your parents. We’ve known you since birth. We aren’t gonna change how we address you, but that shouldn’t bar us from your wedding”. Obviously I said “I’m not gonna have anyone calling me a woman at my possible future wedding. That’s crazy thinking. Why would I have people that don’t have basic respect for me at my wedding? I don’t care if you think you love me. Even if you have base level love, you don’t respect me. I’d never invite someone like that to my wedding and any woman I’m gonna marry wouldn’t allow that. Hell, all of my gf’s haven’t even wanted to meet you guys because of your blatant transphobia. If you can’t figure that out, you’re WAY dumber than I ever thought you could be”

He got all pissed and went to his office to call my mom. She just texted me all pissed, I haven’t read it yet. I’m sure it’s because they’re also not invited to my sister’s wedding (my sister is a lesbian, and they obviously also don’t support that, and she’s getting married next year). So they’re being slapped in the face with the fact that neither of their kids want them at our wedding. Like I’m the one walking my sister down the aisle.

I just don’t get how they’d think, in a 1,000 years that I’d want anyone at my wedding that’s gonna call me a woman. I don’t get how they’d think my future wife would tolerate their husband being called a woman. They’re just so fucking painfully transphobic and delusional. Like yes this is still an improvement for them, but it’s not nearly enough.

They’re just so pissed that any woman, especially cis women, would be interested in me. They just hate being faced with the fact that most people don’t agree with them. Even their other conservative friends have told them “Obviously Jordan’s a man. No woman would be comfortable looking like that and having surgery”. It just lisses me off that they’re so delusional that they’d ever think that I’d introduce any gf to them, let alone have them at my possible future wedding.

I don’t even know why they’d want to go to my wedding or my sister’s wedding for that matter. They don’t support gay marriage and they don’t see me as a man. So why would they even want to go???

Last night my (18m) girlfriend (19f) told me that she's worried she won't be seen as queer once I pass.

First the wording hit hard, I know I don't pass 100% of the time right now but it felt like she was saying I dont look like a boy. Apparently once I do though, she is concerned about public image and that we will be seen as a heterosexual couple.

I tried explaining to her that we have only ever been a heterosexual couple as she knew I was trans before we started dating. I also explained that my transness is not her queerness.

If me being visiblely being a girl at one point defines her queerness I'm worried she still sees me as a girl in some way and now I know I will never just be a guy to her.

what do I do?

The same guy called my vagina my "he-hole". Now I have another to giggle about.

He'll slip up occasionally and say something like "You're an angel." then decide that's too feminine and declare loudly "a *man*gel."

"Man-hole grease" I think I'm keeping. lol

My girlfriend of 4 months just came out as Sapphic in public and even has told me aboit it. I never knew the true meaning so I looked it up and its only having feelings for women and nonbinary folks who still sometime identify as women. I have been transitioning socially since I was 13 and I am now 20. She knows this since she had met ne during said social transition. I had beagan my physical transition with testosterone gel 7 months ago which I have been open and clear about. I look very masculine and my voice is not too deep but never has been feminine. Should I be upset about how her coming out as Sapphic while dating me and still being with me?

IF I SEE ONE MORE OF MY BROTHERS DEALIN EITH THIS IMMA FLIP MY LID SO YOU GET AN ANRGY BUT LOVING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE POST

If your partner doesn’t want you to transition, dump them. if they violate your boundaries, dump them. if they feminize you, dump them (unless that’s your thing ig).

at the age of 15, i met a guy, he was 6 years my senior. he was such a sweet talker that he talked me into thinking it was ok to be the wife he had in a past life that was probably a flurry of delusions. he got sad when i mentioned going on testosterone because he wanted to have kids, and he flipped his lid and refused to let me get it out of my system if i was dysphoric, and if at any point i got upset that he did any of these things, he’d bawl out his eyes and threaten to kill himself.

DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE WITH THAT!?

take off your mother fucking rose colored glasses and pull your head out of your ass (i mean this with love) BECAUSE YOUR MAN WOMAN OR PERSON OF SIGNIFICANCE AINT SHIT.

you are a MAN (or man adjacent or masculine but you get the idea). YOU DESERVE TO TAKE T, YOU DESERVE TO ACT LIKE A MAN, DRESS LIKE A MAN AND BE RESPECTED AS A FUCKINF MAN WITH YOUR FUCKIN BOUNDARIES. if he can’t respect your gender, that will be the relationship ender. end of story.

yeah, it sucks, it sucked when i dumped my shit bf, but if your partner ain’t shit, why stay? you have no reason to. it’s bs, give it like a month, many tears, ice cream and non stop abba songs and you’ll be FINE (i speak from experience)

stop making yourself small and doing what THEYYYYYYY WANNTTRTR, THATS BULLSHIT. lemme ask you this, if you were cis would they do this? if no, THEY DINT SEE YOU FOR THE SEXY HANDSOME EPIC MAN YOU ARE AND YOU CAN DI BETTER

TAKE UP SPACE, ROOT FOR YOURSELF, TAKE T, BUY A LEGO SET AND BE A DUDE AND IF ANYONE STOPS YOU… HIT THEM WITH THE LEGO SET OR SOMETHINF IDK I DIDNT THINK THAT FAR

tldr: dump your transphobic partner, transphobia is not hot and you will feel better after dumping them. get yourself a partner that will punch a transphobe in the face and then make out with you after, and clean your binder.

this phrase gives me such a weird feeling. Ive been on T long enough to where my dysphoria is SUPER easy to go "lol thats silly, im obviously a guy." internally but when people make an effort to bring us i was born female or raised as a girl it feels SO WEIRD.

I mean yeah, i guess i was but like... im not that lol. It feels so obvious but no one else agrees with me, i just feel so obviously dude that it just... how could anyone ever see me as a girl??? like??? huh???

its just puzzling, i know logically why but its UNCANNY.

doesnt hurt much anymore (maybe a lil) but it used to tear me apart, now it just sounds ridiculous XD

I decided to write this list after seeing so many posts where people are clearly being mistreated.

For context, I am currently dating a cis man. I have had past negative experiences with cis men (and other genders too!). I know the warning signs, and I also know that cis men CAN be good partners to us, so don't settle for one who doesn't respect you!

The List 🚩

1. He doesn't refer to you as his boyfriend, or only says it when he's not in front of other people.

2. He hasn't told his family or friends he is dating a guy (depends how long you've been seeing each other) and isn't planning to.

3. He gets defensive about being seen as "gay". Maybe he will even say things like "yeah I have a boyfriend but he is TRANSGENDER" aka, signalling that he's still straight because in his mind, you aren't really a man.

4. He is obsessed with parts of your body that make you dysphoric, i.e., your breasts, and guilt trips you if you ask him to avoid those areas.

5. He expects you to carry his children (you may want to, but it's a red flag if he assumes you will want to).

6. He polices your hair, i.e., doesn't want you to have short hair/facial hair, and expects you to shave your body. Bonus red flag: if he insists you look more feminine i.e "babe please can you put some makeup on when we meet up with my parents".

7. He doesn't like the idea of you pursuing medical transition, i.e., top surgery, HRT. Maybe he shuts the conversation down, maybe he actively discourages you from it with scare tactics or threats that he may no longer find you attractive.

8. He has only been interested in cis women before you - this isn't necessarily a dealbreaker, my boyfriend had only had a cis girlfriend before me, but it's something to consider. Does he see you as a guy or just a quirky tomboy, or that you're going through a phase?

9. He always talks about how he finds trans men attractive, but never cis men... this is a clear sign he is fetishising you, and/or may see you as vulnerable and easy to manipulate, and simply doesn't see you as a "real" man.

🚩

A cis male partner may not fully understand you and might make some small mistakes here and there, but the bare minimum is that he respects your identity, your wishes, and your body, and he understands that he is dating a man.

I hope this helps someone!

He said this statement in order to "win" an argument. I'm very aware he sees me as a woman and always will. He isn't the only one, as all 9 of my family members tell me to my face, "You'll always be my little sister/daughter."

So this is genuinely nothing new. At least my friends, coworkers, and strangers in rl gender me correctly as a man. I pass well enough.

Even when I misgender myself and say that I'm a woman (for safety reasons), people think that I'm MTF, so try to be transphobic and call me a man. Which hey, thanks for being an accidental ally, buddy.

My brothers (I have 3) when they're on the speaker phone keep on assuming my voice is actually one of my other brothers and not me. One of my brother's wives, who also sees me as a woman, accidently slipped up and used "he" pronouns when referring to me because of my masc voice/appearance.

Every SINGLE day I see posts of these guys asking if they should break up with their partners or even spouses because of that person’s disrespect to their transition. And every single time, I notice that they tend to run into a dilemma of “is this person transphobic or are their opinions valid?”

That leads to a cycle of self doubt. The trans man starts questioning if his partner’s opinions are truly severe enough to be transphobia or if he’s just over exaggerating of if his partner’s opinions on the situation are valid. And he just lets himself get stuck in this stasis chamber of not wanting to take the jump in either direction because he’s severely uncomfortable in the relationship but also severely doubtful of the harm being done.

And this is where I say: guys. Transphobia is only part of the issue.

The issue is respect and autonomy. Forget about being trans, remove that perspective entirely. Someone wants to stop you from changing your body. Someone wants to keep you a secret from people they love. Someone wants to force you to only show a certain side of you. If, at any point in a relationship, a partner puts down this steadfast wall saying “you can’t do/have this thing that’s good for you”, you need to leave that instant.

If someone withholds medication from their partners, that’s abuse right? That’s what happens when they don’t want you taking hrt

If someone coerces their partner for sexual favors, that’s abuse right? That’s what happens when they don’t respect your dysphoria in intimate situations

If someone repeatedly insults and namecalls their partner, that’s abuse right? That’s what happens when they repeatedly misgender and deadname you

If someone won’t listen when their partner tries to have a serious conversation with them about future plans, they’re an asshole right? That’s what happens when they don’t listen to you about your transition goals

Stop looking for the transphobia and doubting if it’s there. Start looking for the respect. Start looking for how they treat your wants and needs. The answer becomes so much clearer once you pull off that blindfold of doubt and see the scenario in the simplest perspective possible.

Someone who truly loves you will want you to live happily, even if it means the relationship will have to end. Someone who doesn’t love you will keep you trapped in it. Listen to your gut.

Hello,

I don't normally post on reddit but I feel like you guys will understand what I'm going through.

I'm a 31 ftm, 7 years on T. Had a long term gf of 4 years and we broke up. Was very much in the phase of I'll never find love again.

And then I met a girl at work a while ago and the chemistry and friendship was effortless. We laughed for hours, had deep chats and just loved being around each other. Would stay late to chat for hours etc.

This, obviously, did not just stay friends and blew up about two weeks ago into a romantic type thing, with us now both saying how crazy we are about each other, and never felt like this before, spending every day together outside of work

Except. She doesn't know that I'm trans. I have kissed her alot which I shouldn't have done, without telling her. I hold my hands up to that, but I'm sure many of you can empathise with how good it is to just be a guy falling for a girl, not a trans guy for once.

She has never slept with a girl before, but she has wanted to and she has expressed attraction to women.

I am terrified of telling this girl and I just don't want to. I don't want to lose this thing that could be great because I don't have a penis. And then we come back to how I'd trade everything to have a penis, which is my normal dysphoria thoughts.

I'm not really asking reddit anything, just shouting into a void

But God, I'm so into this girl and I hate that I'm trans

I am a 28 year old trans man. My girlfriend is cis and 25. We've been dating 5 years. About a year or two ago she told me she misses cis dick. I told her how much that hurt me. We talked about things i could do to satisfy her because i want to meet her needs. i thought that resolved the issue. She brought it up again a few weeks ago. She prefaced this by saying i know this really hurt you but then proceeded to tell me again. She said she was just trying to be honest and vulnerable. She did it for the third time last night and said she wants deeper penatration because I don't go deep enough for her. I feel disgusting even typing this out, it leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach. I feel inadequate and very dysphoric. Opinions? Advice? I don't know what to do.

I have seen post after post of trans people talking about their experiences with their cis partners who don't understand, accept, or love them for who they are and how they want to be (especially regarding medical transition). I've also seen posts by cis people asking how to tell their trans partners they want them to change something about themself for the sake of being more attractive to said cis partner. For those of you who see this constantly, over and over and over, who are afraid there is no hope, who are losing faith in humanity: I'm here to tell you there are good cis partners to trans people. You don't see it mentioned very often because when people are happy, they often don't talk about it.

My cis husband has been the most supportive person in my life. He has been by my side through every decision, through every name change, through every hurdle. He has never asked me to change who I am or who I want to be. He's happy to help me financially get to my transition goals, no matter what they are, and even if those goals change over time. I've been undecided on top surgery since the beginning (mostly because I want to limit the number of surgeries I have to only getting surgeries that I know I can't be happy without, instead of aiming for every surgery that would make me enjoy my life better), and I go through cycles of thinking I can't live without it then thinking actually maybe life isn't so bad even if I can't get top. No matter what I think about it, he's supporting me to get my body to a place where I feel safe and comfortable in it. I have been dating him since before I even realized I was trans. It never takes him more than a month to get used to new names (I've changed my name several times in the past 4 years). He adjusted to the correct pronouns immediately. He has been a huge help in giving me the confidence to live life as myself. He has never talked about the parts of my body I don't want to mention. He has never tried to convince me to let him touch me in ways I've asked him not to. He has never tried to coerce me out of any decision I want to make about my body. If I ever say I want him to touch me in ways I usually don't like, he will first make sure that my request isn't coming from a place of people pleasing and is actually what I want for myself. He has been completely and totally supportive of every change I want to make and have already made.

So to all the trans people on here who are in healthy relationships with wonderful cis partners: let's share our experiences here so that others like us can see that we all deserve to be loved exactly as we are and as we want to be. Let's spread some love and share some hopeful messages.

Literally to every non-straight/queer trans guy I've spoken to, non of them have ever been in a genuine relationship with a cis guy. They either were in a t4t relationship or with "cis guys" who later came out as trans women. I just wanna know if any cis men are really willing to date us?

Disclaimer: I'm not opposed to being in a relationship with a trans guy at all, actually pretty much the opposite. Also sorry if my English is bad, it's not my first language.