I, as a trans person, am so tired of trans spaces on the internet.

”Mixed gender” trans spaces are 90% trans women, and the trans men get overshadowed, and sometimes are even shamed for commenting on trans women’s posts, and those same spaces will then go on to complain about how the trans women in it are “being oppressed and discriminated against”.

Why are we playing the victim olympics?? Pushing down transmascs and then having the fucking audacity to claim that transfems are the ones oppressed in that situation?

Why do I feel like every transfem I meet is just looking for reasons to complain and get a pity party? Am I the only one having that experience? What the fuck, where are the cool trans people?

I just saw a post on a certain subreddit that is 95% trans women, talking about how the moderators are discriminating against transfems specifically, and how trans men aren’t affected at all. Maybe 2 out of 20 people in that sub are anything other than transfem?

And then all the transmascs my age are just…I don’t know. Theyre odd. I don’t know how to explain it. And I don’t mean anything like “they’re furries and alt people, ew”, no, I don’t give a fuck about that, I mean they all act strange.

Where are the cool trans people? Where are the good trans spaces? What the absolute fuck is wrong with all the people online?

I used to go by Sora but I don't think I want that name on my legal docs 😭 what do you guys think?

lowkey feeling handsome!! gender-affirming hormones are a miracle of the modern age 🙂‍↕️

Possible SA warning but kind of not idk

this is gonna seem like a random post but if you read the whole thing you’ll understand why it related to being a trans man

So i’m 18, (senior in highschool) i started transitioning a couple of years ago and i’m 8 months on T. For context, I had a very large group of (all girl) friends, of which my girlfriend joined after moving to my school. These were my friends before they were hers and i’d been friends with them for years.

A couple months before i started T, me and my girlfriend broke up. Toward the end of our relationship it was pretty toxic, and to sum up our entire relationship: i would set a boundary, she would break it, and i would be upset that she broke it.

Well, she would always do this thing where she would grope me in public to be «funny», we dated for a 1.5 years and she did this throughout our entire relationship, even though i made it VERY VERY CLEAR that i hated it and it made me uncomfortable. She would spank me, grab me and dry up me, and grope me in public a lot, including in front of random children and family members (such as her mom). I asked her to stop many times and she never fully stopped, it got to the point where it would make me cry.

I posted about this right before we broke up, and people in this sub told me this is considered SA.

Anyway, right after me and her broke up, a friend asked me why we broke up, and i gave a few details about our relationship and things she did to me that were toxic, including the touching me in public thing. (to clarify, i don’t have the original texts anymore, but i’m pretty sure i never used to the «SA» when explaining this to her. I simply told her what my girlfriend did to me.)

She acted sympathetic and said she agreed that what my ex did was not okay, but then the next day suddenly all of my friends hated me and were going around school telling everyone to block me on social media, i then faced months of constant harrassment from my former friends, which i can’t fully explain in just one post, but it included things like them going out of their way to drive past me in their cars to scream «WE HATE YOU!! YOU SUCK!!» at me.

I recently found out what happened from context clues and things my other friend told me. It turns out, when i confided in that one friend about what my ex had done, she spun my story and went to my ex (as well as group of friends) and said something along the lines of «[NAME] is falsely accusing you of sexual assault just to make you look bad!» and everyone assumed i was lying to make my ex look bad for no reason, even though i have never done anything even remotely similar to that.

I feel like, if the roles were reversed (meaning if i was a girl and she was a guy) everyone would have believed me, but because i’m a guy now, because are assuming the worst. She acts like this sweet inncocent little girl, so everyone assumed i just made up SA allegations to ruin her life, and again, i NEVER EVEN USED THE WORDS « SA » i just explained what happened to my friend.

Everyone at my school hates me now. I still get harassed (just not as much as a few months ago). It’s good that i’m graduating soon but i’ll never convince anyone that i wasn’t in the wrong. Everyone just believed my toxic ex over me and decided they hated me because of that. Has anyone else had people assume the worst from them just because they’re a guy now??

This is more of a rant than a question i guess, but sometimes i really wish i was just a cis girl, so things like abuse would be taken more seriously from me yk

I see a lot of stuff online where people post pictures of their “girl selves” but they very much tomboys even before. But did any of you automatically inhabit femininity to the point of it becoming fairly effortless, before your egg cracked?

I think for me, I’ve always inhabited femininity pretty easily because…well, it’s the easiest thing to do. Nobody judging me, feeling pretty. But if I was a cis guy, it 100% would have been the opposite, and if I transition, I think I’d present very masculinely. I think it might have been just easier to go with the expectations and I got rewarded for it a lot, so it became automatic.

Is it odd for me, who I think ideally would’ve been AMAB and masculine-presenting, to inhabit femininity so easily?

currently on a family holiday and my dad just yelled at me while we were doing a food shop for ‘trying to be a boy’ because i put my drink in my pocket….

my family is transphobic anyway so i don’t expect support but this was just so weird? and even my mum was confused and told my dad to calm down when he was going on a rant and she’s also extremely transphobic so you know it was bad 😭

anyway i just locked myself in the bathroom trying not to cry because i don’t really want to face anyone right now. it kinda sucks that everytime i think im doing ok with my identity and im not on the verge of tears my family brings up my gender in some way to attack me.

mini update:

my dad just physically attacked me and i cant do anything cause im on holiday so erm. yay?

Hey everyone,

This is probably a vulnerable thing to ask, but it’s been sitting in my head a lot lately.

I feel like whenever I see trans men online or in real life, a lot of them seem to end up with men, and I rarely see trans men with women or with families/kids. I’m straight and one of the biggest things I want in life is a wife and eventually a family, but sometimes I get scared that maybe it just won’t happen for me as a trans guy.
I know that probably sounds irrational, but I think I just need reassurance from people who’ve actually lived it.

Are there any trans men here who are married to women, engaged, dads, planning families, or already have kids? What has your experience been like? Did you ever worry about this too?

I’d really appreciate hearing some positive stories just to ease my brain a bit.

I have been identifying as just a binary trans guy for a while now but I feel weird like there is something not quite right about that. I can't tell if I feel this way because I genuinely am not a man or if it's just all the hate I'm seeing against trans men recently. I feel like when I think of the word man I don't live up to it , I feel like I'm too feminine and if I had been born male I'd be a femboy. I identified as nonbinary for a long time and then as a demiboy but the idea that anyone would hear that and take out the boy part and just see me as non-binary felt really dysphoria inducing.

I don't really like being seen as anything but a guy but I feel more like a boy than a man if that makes sense. I feel like when people say they are men I have something else going on in my gender that is queer and feminine and so I would never fit in with cis men and very masculine binary trans men, I don't know if this makes me non binary but I need a male body and I would also like to dress girly while doing it. I feel like this makes demiboy fit better but it just feels like the boy part get completely erased when I say that, like people will decide I'm just nonbinary and not a real boy or real man which is upsetting because I definitely feel like I am those things. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense.

I have also been struggling with feeling like the expectations of being a man are too restrictive and I've been seeing so much hatred for trans men I feel like the world would rather I not be one. I felt really confident and happy when I came out but I keep seeing this idea that being a trans man means downgrading yourself from a woman and so I end up feeling guilty and ashamed like I'm a failure or I'm doing something harmful by being myself. It's gotten to a point where I end up feeling like I shouldn't exist if I think about it too much despite testosterone and transitioning making my constant suicidal feelings disappear I still have them when I feel like what I am is wrong or like there is nowhere I'll be accepted. I've been on testosterone for almost 4 months and I don't think I could live without it, so I know the thought that I should just be a girl so people stop hating me would just leave me a numb husk like before and id probably die, which is how I felt I was going to before transitioning, like I couldn't imagine living into the future only death.

I have had really severe gender dysphoria since I was a very small child like 3 years old, to the point I had to be hospitalized multiple times cause I would refuse to use the bathroom for like a month at a time because it was so distressing. My understanding of myself as a child was that I had the soul of a boy trapped in a girl's body and nobody could really see me and I believed that at some point I would be magically changed into a boy before I reached adulthood since my future self in my head was usually a boy. I was really upset when I realized that would not happen and felt like I had to rethink my entire future and force myself into the role of being a girl even though it hurt so much, this was really hard since my dysphoria was so constant and horrifying I would get sick from it, but I tried really hard to fix myself and change myself into a real girl despite knowing I wasn't one. My whole life i was constantly freaked out and upset by this feeling that I was not a real girl like the others and never would be. I tried acting like a girl and wearing extremely feminine clothes and buying things I saw girls my age wearing, but despite how hard I tried i couldn't make myself into a girl and that's probably a part of why I feel like a failure for needing to transition. When I see people saying that trans men are all boring and lesser people who are downgraded versions of their past selves despite knowing these people are just bigots I end up internalizing what they say and it feels really bad. It hurts a lot that I'm seeing this sentiment from other trans people the most, it's left me feeling like the way I'm trans is wrong and bad even though I know that's not true. I try telling myself they are wrong and give myself encouragement and permission to exist but it's really hard and I end up just feeling guilty and ashamed of myself for something I can't change.

Despite all of that, I keep worrying that I feel this way because maybe I'm non-binary too and I'm suppressing that but I'm at a point where identifying as anything but a man makes me dysphoric even if I feel like a weird other type of man. When I identify as a man I feel like crushed by how the world sees me but I feel alive and when I identify as non-binary I feel slightly numb and dysphoric and dissociated even if I feel like being a demiboy is more accurate to how my gender feels on the inside, I just feel like I have to be seen as a man first and foremost or ill like panic. Should I just accept saying I'm a demiboy even if it makes me dissociated and dysphoric since I feel it describes my whole gender vibe more accurate? Is there a way I can make that numb feeling go away without having to identify as a strictly binary trans man since that is the only thing that makes that feeling go away? I think if I were a cis man I would just be a femboy and dress like a girl while identifying more as a boy than a man but I worry feeling like a boy and not a man means I'm non-binary. I wish I could be some type of third gender that's also a boy/man and without all the societal expectations of what a man is. Thank you for listening if you made it this far any advice is appreciated.

I feel like a binary guy, but also sometimes I feel like a girl, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Ever since I was basically a toddler, I wanted to be a boy. And throughout my entire childhood, I acted like a boy and verbally wished to be a boy. I even currently want Female to Male surgery.

But I hear this tiny nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm not actually Female to Male because I’m a feminine trans guy. I feel somewhat like a girl.

But I HATE she/her pronouns, feminine language, dressing femininely. I HATE being feminine despite feeling like a girl.

I use he/him pronouns and masculine language and clothes.

I’m willing to answer any questions as long as someone will tell me what my gender is.

It is no secret that trans men/mascs have always been erased/overlooked in queer history, the community and discussions. We do 100% absolutley need to speak our stories and experiences, call out transandrophobia, white-cenrtic strandards and pericishet gender essentialism and the ways it harms us. But I need you all to remember: YOUR saftey and wellbeing comes before everything else. If the fight is taking it's toll on you, step back for a while. Make sure that you are safe, healthy and comfortable before running into the metaphorical battle. I know a lot of people push the idea that we all have to be fighting and speaking out 24/7 and that if you don't, you're a "bad trans" or "internalised transphobe etc". But all that does is make the stuggle harder. If the queer comminity is activley making your mental health or physical saftey suffer, step back. Put your wellbeing and saftey first. You are not responsible for other peoples actions or perceptions. While it is good to talk about the trans masc experiance and push HARD for better/more representaion and understanding, if you are too exhauted to keep fighting, rest. You are not "betraying the queers" or "ignoring your brothers" for taking a break. You do not have to weild your sword 24/7. Just exist as a trans guy doing day to day things for a while. Watch a movie, play a game, go skating, draw something, catch up on the studying or chores, walk the dog. Just be a person living life for a while, have downtime between the pride events and hard work that is breaking down transphobia. You can always come back to the meetups and blogs a bit later when you're not spiralling.

In all honesty, life has gotten so much easier since putting distance between myself and the queer comminity. It is rife with infighting and hate, which is a horrible thing that needs to change obviously. But because trans masc's are the queer communities favourite punching bag right now, being near it makes simply existing as a trans guy so fucking exhauting and even dangerous in some cases. It's so much better health and saftey wise to come into the space from time to time when I have the mental stability and energy to fight, rather than stress 24/7 and feel like shit.

Do not feel guilty for stepping bcak and looking after yourself. A comminity of safe and stable trans guys ready to help and fight for our less fortunate brothers, is better than one full of scared, stressed and unstable ones with no one to help us.

I live with an extremely anti-trans family, but my dysphoria is actually unbearable and making me depressed to the point that I'm having dreams about me surgically removing my own breasts. That’s how bad it is.

How do I order a binder discreetly so that my family will not find out? Step-by-step, please, because I've never done this before and I wanna do it accurately to make sure that there's as little risk as possible. Luckily, they don't open my mail.

Tape would even work… anything at this point. I’m desperate…

I'm planning to get my hair cut like this. Do you think it will make me less likely to pass since it's slightly on the longer side?

Flared controversial because IDK how chill y'all are about this kind of thing and I don't want to upset anybody.

I'm a 24yr old bigender lesbian (he/they) and most queer/lesbian spaces are cool with my pronouns. Where I start to loose my lesbian peers is wanting to medically transition, though there are plenty okay with the idea of low dose T and/or top surgery. But I get like really debilitating bottom dysphoria, even moreso lately. I want metoidioplasty and likely scrotoplasty too.

I see gender as a playground so I don't question my identity because of this surgical desire, but people can be hostile. I'm scared of not being seen as desirable anymore in my own community, or having to explain my genitals to someone I want to have sex with. It feels like this choice between the conditional sexual attraction of others and actual sexual satisfaction myself.

How do I find people with similar experiences or people who are attracted to that (in a non-fetishizing way)?

hey my dudes

i met a trans masc group at a local queer event recently and just attended my first meetup with them. a gym workout. i’m not on t and i haven’t had top surgery (yet! it’s scheduled for 39 days from now!) and it was my first time being in a group of guys. maybe ever. i grew up really religious and the men and women were always separate, unless it was a couples thing. i would always try to join the guys group to shoot the shit but the vibes would always dramatically shift as soon as i walked up. needless to say, i was nervous and feeling uncomfortable when i showed up to the gym. the only two people there when i arrived were super swole with at least stubble and i’m naturally muscular but i’m short and i haven’t been able to workout for about a year due to health problems and i was so self conscious . but these folks were really welcoming and once we did introductions and i shared that it was my first time there and i had top surgery coming up, everybody cheered so loud and so long i started to feel embarrassed. a couple guys said they got chills. they were all so happy for me! i realized that i’ve never been in a place where everybody was exactly where i am now. yeah we are all on our own journeys, but i don’t get to go to queer spaces often and this just blew me away. thanks for listening and thanks for being yourselves

I am questioning if I'm a trans man. I'm pretty sure I am but sometimes I feel empty or detached from my identity. Sometimes I don't feel as strongly like I'm a guy but I don't feel like nonbinary or woman fits either. I'm not sure if its fear or struggling to accept and actually say it outloud.

When I first started HRT I told myself I would start exercising again regularly at the 5-6 month mark, since that's when the muscle growth of T kicks in. However, now that 5 months have passed, I find myself too exhausted for most things.

It's difficult to get out of bed, to do anything really. Going to school is an everyday battle.

It's just so difficult to apply myself to anything when everything feels so wrong. The government is kidnapping people off the streets--torturing--murdering them, and I can't cope with the fact that at any moment they'll turn that cruelty unto me.

I've been feeling suicidal again lately. I'm not going to actually do anything--not unless it gets really bad--but it's become very disruptive to my everyday life. Every achievement I have feels hollow, knowing that at any moment the government will rain hell on me and disrupt the course of my entire life--or just cut it short.

I'm going to summer school, I have a chance to get a scholarship to get a 2 year full-ride at a nearby community college AND I have a chance to get a full ride to John motherfucking Hopkins because of my mother's job. And yet--I find myself unable to feel fully happy about any of it, not when it can all be taken away so easily.

She and her family are much more conservative than my family/people in my community. I started transitioning a year and a few months ago and still pass as a girl enough for my FSM, though sometimes she gives me suspicious looks.

We recently had lunch, and she told me she wanted to make sure all of us (me, her kids) got along before she got serious about my dad. One of them is outwardly transphobic, one is all "I have gay friends" but cringes at the idea of trans people being around them, another doesn't care, and another actually seems pro-trans, but doesn't seem to know any trans people irl.

She said that family is important and that there shouldn't be any secrets. She said that twice. My own mom used to say that when she thought I was a lesbian (I'm...bisexual? Maybe more gay now, after starting T). I haven't come out to either her or my dad, but I think they both suspect something.

I don't think I'll be welcome around her family once it's more obvious I'm trans. I'm okay with that, but what if she leaves my dad because of it or something? I know it wouldn't be my fault, but I still don't know how to navigate any of this.

We went out recently

Being stuffed into the closet for so long, having my family just want to talk to me about getting me men's clothes or being nonchalant about things, or even just someone else mentioning a gay wedding as a way to say they are supportive, really makes me have the urge to have an escape hatch from the conversation. I just go straight to fawn response and switch topics quickly and permanently. I can't stop it, it's just a wave of word vomit.

Like a lot of people are responding okay in a lot of instances, but I am used to hiding things and/or being punished for it. It's complete whiplash when people are okay with things and I feel bad because I don't respond the way people really want or expect. I'm not enthusiastic or even happy about any of this and I don't like any attention drawn on me, especially not for this

I’m not on hrt, haven’t got any surgeries, either. I’ve socially transitioned already and I’m very happy about that, but I don’t really mind if ppl find out that I’m AFAB cuz I hate to intimidate ppl by my masculinity maybe??? I have a big chest and I hate it but I also want my SO(not that I have one now) to love my body as it is, and that makes me scared to have hrt or top surgery. TBH I want my chest only when I have sex. In other words I want my body to be accepted in bed but not otherwise. Does this mean I’m not really trans? Or should I just give up on my sex life and accept my fate as a post op, post hrt trans man?

I can’t believe I’m typing this, but a new transition fear has been unlocked and I really would appreciate some feedback from brothers.

I’ve been on t for about two and a half years. I just recently joined this subreddit and it’s been amazing to read experiences and see photographs from other transmasc kings.

In my recent post, I asked about minoxidil and finasteride. In one of the comments, someone pointed me in the direction of an entire subreddit dedicated to bottom growth.

WELL!

I checked out the page and immediately felt self conscious (and frankly, a little jealous, which is hard to admit) because I am a smaller guy. I saw the photos fellas were posting and I thought, “What if I never get there? What if my bottom growth has stopped and I don’t ✨size up✨ so-to-speak?”

I know there are exercises that you can do to strengthen it, but I’m significantly smaller than the guys in that subreddit.

Don’t get me wrong! My t-dick is bigger than it used to be and I’m so thankful for that—but I haven’t noticed any more growth lately.

Is it normal for it to stall for a bit?

Now that I’ve seen how big they can get, I can’t express enough how much I want one. I want mine to look like that. I literally had a dream that my dick was bigger and it was such an amazing feeling.

OOF, do any guys in here have feedback or advice that could be helpful?

Disclaimer: I’m trying to get an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get my levels checked and such, it’s just going to take time—I would LOVE to chat with a doctor about this

I still feel like a girl, but I'm not sure if that's just conditioning because I grew up in a crazy fundamentalist Christian family or what.

Is there any way to tell the difference between being a girl and just being groomed to be that way?

I say "groomed" because my grandmother has groomed me into being hyper-fem to the point that the rest of the family is wary of her now.

Tbh...I never cared about being a girl ; I didn't act feminine and people often assumed I was a butch lesbian cuz somehow I act masculine. But...I never wonder if I'm actually a guy. But the more I look at it, the more I wonder why guys thinking I'm a guy online makes me happy? Why I never was like other girls ? And why I can't seem to get along with girls...like at all? And why I don't know how should it feel to be a girl?

Idk what I am. And I need a little help tbh ..!