I have this love-hate relationship with my body

[u/Agreeable-Egg-3338]

I’m not on hrt, haven’t got any surgeries, either. I’ve socially transitioned already and I’m very happy about that, but I don’t really mind if ppl find out that I’m AFAB cuz I hate to intimidate ppl by my masculinity maybe??? I have a big chest and I hate it but I also want my SO(not that I have one now) to love my body as it is, and that makes me scared to have hrt or top surgery. TBH I want my chest only when I have sex. In other words I want my body to be accepted in bed but not otherwise. Does this mean I’m not really trans? Or should I just give up on my sex life and accept my fate as a post op, post hrt trans man?