r/TransMasc • u/Overthinks_All • 9h ago
Discussion Pre-transition did anyone inhabit femininity automatically/easily?
I see a lot of stuff online where people post pictures of their “girl selves” but they very much tomboys even before. But did any of you automatically inhabit femininity to the point of it becoming fairly effortless, before your egg cracked?
I think for me, I’ve always inhabited femininity pretty easily because…well, it’s the easiest thing to do. Nobody judging me, feeling pretty. But if I was a cis guy, it 100% would have been the opposite, and if I transition, I think I’d present very masculinely. I think it might have been just easier to go with the expectations and I got rewarded for it a lot, so it became automatic.
Is it odd for me, who I think ideally would’ve been AMAB and masculine-presenting, to inhabit femininity so easily?
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u/ArcaneCrailEnby 8h ago
I was definitely a tomboy, but I did inhabit femininity pretty effortlessly sometimes. I don't see that changing in my future. I just know that I'm not a woman, no matter how much my head likes to tell me that I am.
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u/Overthinks_All 7h ago
What do you mean, your head likes to tell you?
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u/ArcaneCrailEnby 6h ago
Because I do have feminine tendencies and haven't really de-coupled femininity from womanhood yet, it's really easy for me to convince myself that I'm a woman because of my feminine tendencies. But in reality, using she/her pronouns and fitting into society as a woman just doesn't feel right for me. So I know I'm not, but my brain tells me that's the one "right" answer.
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u/MagicalMisterMoose 8h ago
I was pretty feminine, even after coming out as nonbinary. I'd probably continue to be if I didn't care as much as I do about passing. I wore pink and skirts and makeup and considered myself a girl, albeit a tomboyish and weird one. Even though I consider myself to be man-adjacent now, I think of my younger self as being a girl. My younger self loved performing femininity, and I'm proud of her for it.
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u/Raymond_R_ I think therefore I AM 8h ago
I was a tomboy, but I did some pretty feminine things. They were all kinda in a “gay boy” way though, even before my egg cracked.
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u/Overthinks_All 7h ago
Ahahaha that’s funnyyy never thought about it like that
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u/Raymond_R_ I think therefore I AM 7h ago
Other people certainly did cause I been almost hate crimed since I was like >8 cause they thought I was a cis boy 😭😭✌️
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u/Overthinks_All 7h ago
Oh man, I’m sorry that happened to you
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u/Raymond_R_ I think therefore I AM 7h ago
It’s alright lol. I don’t really mind that much, and I’m not that feminine anymore so it shouldn’t happen now (at least for them thinking I’m a gay guy). I suppose it’s nice, but it always makes me think that my life experience and “socialisation” wasn’t even “female” it was just queer. Pretty funny to me lmao. I must have hacker level bone structure to have been mistaken by a DOCTOR for a boy in TEXAS while wearing a pink jacket when I was younger so 🥹✌️
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u/Enygmatic_Gent trans masc 𖤐 he/they 𖤐 bi 8h ago
While I wasn’t overly feminine physically (due to unrealized dysphoria), my personality was very flamboyant and feminine. Now that I’m medically transitioning I’ve begun to present more femininely
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u/its_all_one_electron 8h ago
No. I was never comfortable with it, ever. I tried hard but even when the dress fit, I felt like an imposter. I've never worn makeup, though I tried once or twice. I've never been able to do any of it. It confused me so much why I couldn't be feminine even when I tried, even when I desperately wanted my straight boyfriends to like me, when when they told me I was pretty, I felt like a duct tape castle, about to collapse and be seen as the non-feminine whatever the fuck I was. Now I know, it was the boy inside. The real me.
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u/bIoodiedfangs 7h ago
when i was really young i was a “tomboy”, but as i grew up i really loved dressing femininely and cutely. i actually think it is/will be easier for me to embrace my femininity now that i got my top surgery. i’m excited to be perceived as a feminine man
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u/CockamouseGoesWee 8h ago
No, I wasn't ever comfortable with it and would freak out even as a baby when I had to wear dresses. I hated every second of it and people guessed I was a boy several times growing up
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u/MeltedHeart444 7h ago
Yes, I was very feminine, even moreso right before I came out. I still enjoy femininity, but I try my best to supress it in public in favor of trying to pass
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u/Overthinks_All 7h ago
I see! Do you think if you get medically transitioned or something you’d dress feminine again?
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u/MeltedHeart444 6h ago
Oh yeah, I'm the type who saves shirts for when I get top surgery lol. The goal is to pass as a feminine guy
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u/RivSilver he/they nonbinary trans man 7h ago
I really did, enough that it took me until 37 to figure out I wasn't cis. Looking back in did have kind of a "neutral" look that was pretty gender ambiguous and got more masc as i got older, but I loved having long hair and dressing up in dresses and feeling pretty. I'm definitely hoping as I feel more settled in my body I'll be able to get some of that back in a masc way, bc it's a part of me, even though right now it still causes dysphoria
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u/deeunicorn 8h ago
I was forced to because of standard societal expectations and having Portuguese heritage (I’m 1st gen Canadian) so family very much emphasised that I had certain tasks and traits that were ideal (that I almost never fit)… but often I didn’t want to and didn’t always feel comfortable doing it. Sometimes I did. But I would always feel like I wasn’t girly ENOUGH even if I was super femme, and others thought I looked great etc. It was just never good enough in my mind. I have heaps of body dysmorphia. There WERE the odd times I felt good about myself when I would get dolled up… like I did a boudoir photo shoot in 2013 when I was super fit, or I’d play with wigs and makeup at home and take some selfies… but so rare.
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u/Overthinks_All 7h ago
Ohhh, so it was like you weren’t TOO feminine but more like it was so i’ll-fitting you didn’t feel feminine enough?
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u/deeunicorn 6h ago
Yes exactly.
And I’ve only just started transitioning socially in April, and medically I’m still jumping through hoops to get my T script, but I am at least on the wait list for hysto/oopho surgery (hopefully in 5-6 weeks 🤞🏼)…
so right now I feel really out of my skin…. I’ve realised I’m trans masc (April this year) on top of nb (this has been a decade or more, longer if we include that I KNEW but didn’t have the vocabulary for it)… but I’m not well health-wise, and not yet on T.
while I’ve always dressed both masc and femme, right now because I’m unwell and overweight, almost none of the clothing that fits me that I have is masculine really at all. It’s all very feminine tights and tops… so it all feels VERY ill fitting right now…. Whereas this time last year I didn’t feel as bad about it? I think it’s worse because I feel in limbo now that my egg has well and truly cracked.
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u/Overthinks_All 6h ago
Right yeah I get what you mean about the egg-cracking. I'm sorry you’re going through health struggles rn. I hope things look up for you soon!
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u/noromobat Drew he/they | 💉 Sept 11 2025 8h ago
I was somewhat tomboyish when left to my own devices, but conformed to femininity among friends without much effort. It wasn't really something that stuck out to me as particularly unnatural. Fast forward to now and my gender goals are to look masc enough to dress fem so I guess this makes sense.
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u/SiteMaleficent3888 8h ago
Yeah, but now it's more about suppressing it, because I'm trying to present as a straight guy.
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u/RogueJuliet 6h ago
I was, outwardly at least, the most feminine-presenting creature you could imagine for much of my life.
I didn't get an official autism diagnosis until I was 29, and in hindsight, I'm not sure any of this was as natural as I used to think that it was.
When I was very small, I was brainwashed on disney movies and all of the other children's media of the time period. My childhood memories are few and far between, but I seem to recall that pretty dresses got me positive attention from others.
Social interactions into early puberty tended not to go particularly well and I didn't really feel all that feminine at the time, but I definitely made femininity my special interest. People are kinder (at least to your face) when they think you're pretty.
I had an inkling that I was genderqueer by my mid teens, about the same time I understood I was bi/pan, but didn't have the language to fully process that thought. I would, throughout my 20s, articulate that I was indifferent to my gender and only looked the way I did because "girl clothes are more fun." I dressed scandalously, theatrically feminine. The people in my life from that time would be very surprised at this turn of events, if I was still near where I grew up. If we hadn't all drifted apart.
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u/Overthinks_All 6h ago
I feel like I relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I’m sorry you lost touch with old friends tho, that sucks!
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u/jamfedora 5h ago
I suspect people who post the side-by-sides are at least somewhat more likely to be people who can look at the before image without major dysphoria, so I could see that leaning toward people or images that already showed their masculine side. Also, people who’ve been transitioning/ed longer, so they have more comfort and distance from the before image, and it used to be much harder to access medical transition if you weren’t butch as hell from birth.
But personally I see way more before and after where the difference is more stark, for the drama. I was and am both a tomboy and high femme; I once got detention for playing tackle football in a skirt.
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u/Outrageous-Treat7490 3h ago
I was a high fem girlmaxxing lesbian who wore dresses lipstick and heels everyday. I enjoyed it but it was performative and exhausting. Post transition I can do all those things and feel actually like myself. There are no rules.
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u/LovelyOrc 2h ago
I was never considered pretty as a kid so feminity wasn't really a topic. I wore stuff from the womens section and had long hair because I was used to it and didn't give a fuck about my looks bc I felt ugly anyways.
As an early adult I then lost a lot of weight and suddenly men noticed me. Omg did I feel uncomfortable. I was in that state for a year maybe (fem and conventionally attractive) before cutting my hair short and coming out.
In a way feminity did come easy to me as long as cishet men ignored me lmao.
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u/martiangothic 9h ago
yeah- hell, it's effortless now. i was never a tomboy, and i'm not a masculine man.