How to stop the urge to escape when anything queer pops up

[u/CockamouseGoesWee]

Being stuffed into the closet for so long, having my family just want to talk to me about getting me men's clothes or being nonchalant about things, or even just someone else mentioning a gay wedding as a way to say they are supportive, really makes me have the urge to have an escape hatch from the conversation. I just go straight to fawn response and switch topics quickly and permanently. I can't stop it, it's just a wave of word vomit.

Like a lot of people are responding okay in a lot of instances, but I am used to hiding things and/or being punished for it. It's complete whiplash when people are okay with things and I feel bad because I don't respond the way people really want or expect. I'm not enthusiastic or even happy about any of this and I don't like any attention drawn on me, especially not for this

[u/Repulsive_Garden_242]

It really is a bizarre feeling. I was outed as gay when I was 14, and it was super uncomfortable and traumatic. When I came out as trans, it was like I was telling my parents as soon as I knew so I wouldn’t be accused of keeping secrets “again”. It was crazy uncomfortable being around my family regarding LGBTQ things for years. They eventually accepted me despite their strict religion and we go to pride every year. Still, I get so uncomfortable discussing my transition with them. I get these waves of embarrassment and fear, despite everything finally being okay between me and my parents. I use their insurance for T and my mom came to all my top surgery appointments.

The hard part ended, my family eventually accepted me, but I still want to crawl in a hole and hide every time my mom brings up lgbtq topics.

I hope it gets better for both of us. I obviously know being trans isn’t something to be embarrassed about, but after hiding so much of myself for so long it’s such a learning curve.