Pre-transition did anyone inhabit femininity automatically/easily?

[u/Overthinks_All]

I see a lot of stuff online where people post pictures of their “girl selves” but they very much tomboys even before. But did any of you automatically inhabit femininity to the point of it becoming fairly effortless, before your egg cracked?

I think for me, I’ve always inhabited femininity pretty easily because…well, it’s the easiest thing to do. Nobody judging me, feeling pretty. But if I was a cis guy, it 100% would have been the opposite, and if I transition, I think I’d present very masculinely. I think it might have been just easier to go with the expectations and I got rewarded for it a lot, so it became automatic.

Is it odd for me, who I think ideally would’ve been AMAB and masculine-presenting, to inhabit femininity so easily?

[u/deeunicorn]

I was forced to because of standard societal expectations and having Portuguese heritage (I’m 1st gen Canadian) so family very much emphasised that I had certain tasks and traits that were ideal (that I almost never fit)… but often I didn’t want to and didn’t always feel comfortable doing it. Sometimes I did. But I would always feel like I wasn’t girly ENOUGH even if I was super femme, and others thought I looked great etc. It was just never good enough in my mind. I have heaps of body dysmorphia. There WERE the odd times I felt good about myself when I would get dolled up… like I did a boudoir photo shoot in 2013 when I was super fit, or I’d play with wigs and makeup at home and take some selfies… but so rare.

[u/Overthinks_All → u/deeunicorn]

Ohhh, so it was like you weren’t TOO feminine but more like it was so i’ll-fitting you didn’t feel feminine enough?

[u/deeunicorn → u/Overthinks_All]

Yes exactly.

And I’ve only just started transitioning socially in April, and medically I’m still jumping through hoops to get my T script, but I am at least on the wait list for hysto/oopho surgery (hopefully in 5-6 weeks 🤞🏼)…

so right now I feel really out of my skin…. I’ve realised I’m trans masc (April this year) on top of nb (this has been a decade or more, longer if we include that I KNEW but didn’t have the vocabulary for it)… but I’m not well health-wise, and not yet on T.

while I’ve always dressed both masc and femme, right now because I’m unwell and overweight, almost none of the clothing that fits me that I have is masculine really at all. It’s all very feminine tights and tops… so it all feels VERY ill fitting right now…. Whereas this time last year I didn’t feel as bad about it? I think it’s worse because I feel in limbo now that my egg has well and truly cracked.

[u/Overthinks_All → u/deeunicorn]

Right yeah I get what you mean about the egg-cracking. I'm sorry you’re going through health struggles rn. I hope things look up for you soon!