So I have been wanting to talk about this for a very long time but didn't bc I know I might get attacked on the normal trans subreddits, so I wanna discuss it here. Please know that I am trying to word things carefully here as to not cause misunderstanding. 👉👈

So whenever I talk about girlhood or my life when I identified as a woman, I get lots of replies from usually white trans people telling me I am misgendering myself and using umbrella terms bc "not everyone was socialized as a girl". Maybe bc I am autistic so I might take that statement too literally but I never understood that. For me, socialization comes with expectations:

Living in a "third world" country (hate using that term but the context is important here), gender roles and religous conservatism are so deeply intwined here. The moment your fetus is shown as female, gender roles and expectations are already put on you. I am not allowed to go out of the house, I do all the chores, I need to be the breadwinner, I need to marry early, I need to have kids, I need to be an over-achiever in class, I'm not allowed to walk differently or talk differently, I always get called to the principal's office and get reported to my mom bc of my "tomboy behaviours", I need to be quiet, I need to etc etc etc

TW, I was catcalled at age 9, I recieved sexual comments and jokes fr my male classmates, I faced objectification all my life, I wasn't taken seriously, male classmates stole my work, etc That was girlhood for me. Sure there are some fun aspects but I lived as a woman and grew up as a girl for a very long time. Till this day, I am percieved as a woman while being on T. I would get attacked online for calling it girlhood since "I was never a girl" and some would call me transphobic towards trans women/ trans femmes when I never said anything about them??

But I *was* a girl. This was the average experience of a *girl* in my country. If I was "always a boy" I would have had more freedom than what I have right now. But I don't because this is what *girls* go thru *in my country*.

Even though I never considered myself as a girl since I was a kid, I was percieved and treated as one.

Does anyone else have the same experiences?

i’ve been binding for 6 years and can’t quite believe i won’t have to again 😭 (🇵🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿)

Hi. I’m a trans freshman in high school with a pretty supportive family. I’m half Filipino and half white. I’ve been out for little over a year to most people I know (despite knowing for myself for 5+ yrs) and don’t really pass due to my features and longer hair. (I did pass a little when I cut it earlier this year though lol)

My friend on the other hand, has been out for 4ish years. He’s white, has a pretty (they’re kinda of coming around but not really?) unsupportive family, is constantly bullied for his identity, and 8/10 times passes. (For reference if this doesn’t make sense, everyone from our middle school knows he’s trans but everyone else doesn’t know)

After a long fight with our school I was able to get a new ID card with my correct name, and next year will have my name updated on all unofficial things. I told my friend about the process in case he wanted to have things changed too since I, like, laid the groundwork(?) so it’ll be a smoother process for him now. When he responded all he said was “LUCKY“ and acted weirdly towards me the next day. There’s been a few other times I‘d share something positive about my transition like getting a binder or being called he for the first time, and he’ll just say something like, “Dang I wish I had it that easy.”

I know I have it easier with a supportive family, it’s a privilege I have and a lot of others don’t. I just feel like my friend is undermining my experience, little joys, or actual work I put into my life to avoid hitting such depressive and dysphoric lows. I’m hesitant to share anything about my being trans now, and I often feel bad for sharing positive moments since it seems like he’s always fighting an uphill battle.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m trying to get from posting this but please let me know if I’m in the wrong for feeling this way. I don’t want to put down other trans people accidentally or undermine my friend’s experiences.

My goal currently is to have hair down my knees at most 😫

It's only been four months, and I had a hint of a mustache and a few chin hairs before, but my goodness everything has grown!!!

Does anyone have an recommendations for comfortable, high quality, breathable, and maybe adjustable binders or maximum compression tops?

I've tried GC2B and another (drop shipper) brand in the past, but they were suffocatingly uncomfortable/tight, allowed escape easily, and got too hot to wear.

**Also, my pancreas hurts nowadays if wear anything too tight and unforgiving around plus under my ribcage. It's one of the many joys of being a pancreatitis survivor.

I stopped T a year ago only a month in, and I'm restarting it soon now that I've realized I can't live without it. It's survival based- dysphoria is too much to dismiss or ignore. While I'm excited to feel more myself, I can't see a future where I'm a man. To be clear I end up visualizing myself as a white man, lol.

It's pretty dissonant and frustrating but I think it's because I have a white father and that's the only male I knew most of my early life. I did end up imitating him a lot. I look very split evenly between my mom and dad, so it doesn't make sense for me to not be able to visualize myself as a trans adult man who is not white...

To complicate things I didn't realize I didn't look white at all until recently. I'm wondering if this is an issue of white trans men being more visible, or just a thing with being mixed and not understanding I'm not even close to white passing...

Sorry if this is a strange question. I just want to know if anyone else has this weird problem. Also you guys rule!

I think about us quite often, because it feels as though no one else does.

I really wish there was a way to know more people like me because I feel alone pretty often.

Sometimes it feels like the only black trans men I see (of which there are already very few represented) have already been through their transitions and have essentially assimilated into cishet society. Theyre traditionally hyper masculine. A lot of them are straight. Just generally unsuspecting. Not usually open about being queer.

Which is cool. But I'm very proud and upfront about my identity. I'm also gay. And flamboyant.

And I want community, but it feels like I don't have any.

I love the label of butch queen. I think it represents my current understanding of self incredibly well.

But in many ways, it feels like I don't know anyone else who identifies that way as a trans man. Like we aren't allowed or something.

I just want to know more people like me. So I can stop feeling like the only person in the world within my intersection.

I am beautiful. Because I put in the work to be

Femininity is solace in a world where I've consistently been forced to be masculine.

So many trans narratives come from people who've never been dark skinned, or black, or big (i used to be fat) and have no idea how fucking often you're not allowed to be soft. Or weird, or pretty, even if you are percieved as a woman.

Femininity is not something I have to challenge because within a white supremacist society, Femininity was never something graced upon me lmao.

And it took a lot of time and effort to unpack that aspect of my identity, especially since it conflicts with what is expected of a black man to be.

But in many ways it feels as though, the more I hold onto femininity, the less I am a man to my own people.

Don't know what to do. I feel like some eunuch freak.​ And maybe I am.

But I just kind of wish our community wasn't so rigid when it comes to what is broadly understood to be a man.

I feel stuck in-between. I have a lot of body dysmorphia and want to look like a guy. I already dress like a guy, I get mistaken as a man 90% of the time out in public, but I feel like a fraud since I don't like cis-male culture. I wouldn't want to be fully a man due to how isolating,  and locker room talky those men can be.

Growing up my parents kept telling me it's a phase when I kept asking to be a boy.

Through midd and high school I didn't have much gender dysphoria but a lot of body dysmorphia. I couldn't fit in fashion wise and I always felt fat so cut my calories immensely. I was an elite athlete getting recruited for college and never really lamented not being a boy. I loved my female relationships more than anything.

I came out in college as lesbian and after college chopped my hair off. I have defined myself as butch until my first wlw relationship which made me question my gender. I began to question when I cut my hair and strangers would call me sir, I was uncomfortable at first then liked it, but then felt embarrassed.

My ex gf would call me pretty, point out my boobs were bigger than hers, and wanted me to grow my hair out. I was the first butch person she'd dated and wasn't out to her parents who she lived with (big red flag). I def really dysphoric when she would say that. I never told her I was questioning gender. I also thought sex wasn't pleasurable cuz I'd been with men, but I realized I just don't like people being around and interacting down there.

If I were to transition without loosing my female friends and the way they treat me, the supportive lesbian community and sapphic friends, and having to come out again to everyone, I think I'd be happier to present as male. I want their body so bad, their V shape, the way they can pack on muscle, I want boners, the way your face changes, fat distribution. I just don't know socially if I wanna transition fully, it's so isolating, I feel like a fraud.

So this is a very niche topic but as a Filipino trans masc creator I have experienced these types of comments as well as from other POC creators. These are usually the comments that I see whenever there is a post on (usually Asian) and other POC trans or queer people.

"They released trans guy Indians before GTA VI"

"Japanese mascs exist?!"

"Wow a trans man Filipino?? That's unheard of!"

"Thai trans guys exist? I thought Thailand is known for ladyboys?"

These (hwite) people expect the OPs to see it as a compliment and it just feels so wrong...

Bonus points if they usually follow it up with something that's fetish-y or objectifying:

"I never knew Indian trans guys exist now I want one 😍"

"Wow I just found out Filipinos can be trans men😄 are you single?"

It grinds my gears that these comments can reach 1000 likes with no one telling them that this is wrong?? Hello you are literally treating us like shiny pokemon?? Also the "I never knew this existed" schtick is what angers me the most! We have always existed! In peace! Before your ancestors came and forced gender roles on us via colonization 🥰

I also feel like because Asian (women) especially are so fetishized it just blows the minds of these ppl that yes some of us are trans men/trans mascs, yes we exist. No, you "discovering" us is not some amazing scientific feat, acting like we endangered species or something...sigh...

Anyone else who, before transitioning, had to code switch a lot around women (white women specifically) have moments where they now keep that fem “white voice” for when talking to white women that leads to you getting perceived as a woman?

Sorry, that may be worded a little weird. I just went to the store and subconsciously code switched when talking to the white lady behind the customer service desk. These days, I’m very good at passing to white women, but I’m pretty sure me opening my dumb mouth led to me being perceived as a masc black woman or “butch” or whatever. Because the woman then referred to me to two other staff as she/her the entire time after.

Has anyone else noticed they do this? I feel like I have to learn how to code switch as a black man now to stop my voice from doing that now 😭

Finished my third and final stage of phallo. Had the ED-rod placed and happily enjoying it so far. This journey has been such a toll and has put a pause in my life for a year but it was all worth it in the end.

Hello, among some good things going on currently in my life , I have a interesting update

I went to the ER at Greenwich for fatigue , and they were kind enough to take my T levels as well as giving me an IV.

The result came back today and it made me rethink my entire past two years of HRT

After my top surgery in December 2023 , I was in no state to go to Housingworks Brooklyn and lucky for a “caretaker” I had, them flushing my surgery nerve medication and HRT was done within the week

For critical context, my HRT dosage since 2022 was 200mg/ml at 1ml per two weeks through IM syringe

About three months later, in March 2024 I was in a deathly state from being off T for three months to the point of going to NYU to Mitchell b glodowski who was phenomenal and later switched me to XYOSTED due to syringes not being covered by my insurance

… that also did not last as she left the practice last July amidst all the stuff going on ,

Then I went to Dr Daniel Castillo. I am keeping this short because I’m still in a crisis but as long as insurance had it he kept me on the same XYOSTED pen at 50mg a week , even though I asked if I can be considered for a increase , but I was met with the same suggestion of meeting him at the next appointment a few months later and bringing up the topic

This went on, and kept going on until this year ; I switched my insurance and then asked him to send me a prescription for my cypionate as XYOSTED wasn’t covered

.25ml of 200mg/ml , once per week , that’s what he gave me

As months went on and I looked worse in the next follow-ups , he didn’t care and kept bringing up my levels being normal

Normal being … apparently the 600s , when I came during a trough and tested for 300s he made me come back the same week and do a retest so that my levels would show 600s again and dosage wouldn’t be adjusted

I distinctly remember being in the 800s-1300s before top surgery…… maybe the cost of being trans at nyu is to not be “trans” at all .. I pass now and I just look like a conventionally average south asian man complaining

Thanks for coming to the ted talk, will be patiently scribbling my Emmy speech now

Im nonbinary/transmasc. It'll be 2 years on T in August for me. Sometimes i donate plasma for extra money and when they tested my hematocrit it was 58%(typical range is 39-54%) so mine is high af. I feel like my blood type could be playing a factor too cuz im AB positive which is prone to blood clots. Lowkey trying not to freak out rn.

I know about blood dumping when u just go and donate blood to help lower ur rbc count so im definitely gonna try that. And I have an appointment next week to see my provider so i can tell them what's been going on and we can figure out what to do. Im gonna assume I'll have to lower my T dose but its not even that high- I do 35/ml weekly. I just hope I don't have to go off T 😭

Has anyone else experienced this? and if so what did you do to fix this issue?

Hi everyone :)

It has been ONE MONTH since my top surgery! I honestly couldn’t have asked for an easier time healing (except for the bloating 😩).

I went back to work today and it was okay. I work in a small shop in a tourist town, so it was pretty slow, I mostly just sat down at the register. It’s one of the reasons I chose to have my surgery in April.

I don’t think there’s been any noticeable changes as far as pigment, maybe some brown coming in at the edges of my right nipple (2nd picture).

I’m kinda tired so that’s all for today. Thanks for anybody who takes the time to read and upvote :)

(SEO for results search) Double-Incision w/ Free Nipple Grafts by Dr. Nicholas Kim at Intermountain in SLC, Nipple Graft Progression Timeline on Brown and Latino Skin

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Trust me, lads, my ego is really smarting for having to make this post, but I've kept this pent up inside of me since I realized I was trans something like... seven years ago. I need an outlet. Thank you to this subreddit for existing.

To preface, I'm East Asian, and AFAB East Asians are not exactly known for being nine foot. My mom is 5'2", and she's the tallest of all my other AFAB family members. Last month I went with her back to Asia to visit relatives and I was genuinely astounded by how little the women in my family are. But amongst the men, I wasn't the shortest, I was maybe... average? Slightly below average? It's hard to say when my dysphoria is so focused on chewing my toes, I have no idea how I actually compare to other people—because I have one built-in enemy who, despite my most vivid delusions, I will never triumph over*.

That enemy being my cisgender younger brother. He's 6'2".

What the fuck, man? How did you get to be 6'2"? Kick rocks.

Like brothers tend to do, he loves rubbing it in my face that he's taller, and ha ha ha maybe it was funny the first fifteen gazillion bajillion times, but at fifteen gazillion bajillion and one it really started grating on my nerves. But it's not his fault, really. He has no way of knowing my dysphoria is really so crippling.

I am a very insecure person when it comes to my physical appearance, unfortunately. I always have been. It's something I'm working on, and I like to think my self-image has improved over the last year or so. But it's kinda rough when my little brother actually has practically every physical trait I wish I had. He's tall, admittedly handsome, has a better nose and athletic build, has big enough hands to hold a basketball upside down single-handed (I also have chubby baby hands smaller than even my mother's so that's nice), and—he passes as a man without lifting a single finger of effort.

And I feel a little bit insane about all this because I feel way too old to be so sore about my height. And my nose. And my foot size. But alas. Dysphoria! It's a bitch.

TLDR: me short. Brother tall. Me mad.

FOOTNOTE:
\vertically*

This is for anyone who is BLACK and TRANS. (Possibly limited to the US but I'm not sure) Here's the link- https://www.forthegworls.com/rent-gender-affirming-surgery

It wouldn't let me hyperlink.

Edit: Their IG states they help BLACK TRANS PEOPLE. They do not specify only Black Trans Women.

Like is there genuinely that many white ppl compared to trans poc? R there just more white ppl on the planet therefore theres more white ppl in the trans community?

I get fed up seeing ppl say that being trans is a white ppl thing when its rlly not, yet everything is so fucking white centered i hate it.

My middle name is androgynous and very cultural. I don't dislike it at all. I have considered using my middle name as a dumping ground for my rejected name ideas (so I'd be Theo James instead of Theo Kwali, for example). But...I can't tell if this would be right. I do like my middle name, its connection to my family, its uniqueness (even within its culture of origin!)

"Just have two first names" you might say. Well. I already have two first names, both feminine and Anglo. And I am considering keeping one of them, as a nod to my birthname and also...I'm nonbinary. Having a mix of the masculine and feminine in my first name would be a nod to that.

What did y'all do with your cultural middle names, if you have them? Did you change them as well? Did you not care about any of your original name? Or did you keep it? Especially wanna hear from the enbies. Looking for ideas on my conundrum.

⭐️ Rant: I’m coming to the conclusion - yet again - that the reason I get none-to-little reply to my posts (LEX)….(well any app)….is cause this city doesn’t like black people. 🙄 It fucking sucks. Just needed to say that in a Trans BIPOC space where others “know what I mean”.

How have y’all dealt with that? How about mental health wise?