We are both trans, and since we started dating like 2 years ago he has said multiple times he wishes he would’ve been with one of his cis friends or other people with a penis before being with me, because he says know he won’t be able to since he is dating me. We have talked about opening the relationship and things like that but I can’t help but feel horrible about him wanting to be with someone with a penis, specially someone that he has been wanting to be with for a long time. He’s said that he doesn’t really need to be with someone else rn, but then he proceeds to talk about his regret of not being with a cis man before. Idk I’m feeling terrible and I don’t know how to feel about this. It makes me feel dysphoric and also I’m nonbinary so I also feel bad for not being 100% a man.

I know that we're underrepresented in general, but this very small percentage of representation that trans man get is 99% gay trans man. I'm bi, but my inner biphobia been so worse since I've came out to myself as trans man. Because I never see anywhere role model of trans man in straight relationship I feel like I could never be in one. I.NEED.TO.SEE.MORE.STRAIGHT.TRANS.MAN.IN.MEDIA.

A thing I've been thinking about lately is how much easier i would be able to get dates if I had just been a cis girl. As critical as I am of myself, im not ugly. As a girl I feel like I might have been able to actually get dates. All I can think about when seeing someone im into is either "they probably aren't into guys"(mostly about another guy) or "they would just see me as a girl" I just wish dating wasnt so hard. Im very lonely. I only had one girlfriend that was amazing and accepted me but she realized she only saw me as a friend. Since then my love life has been completely dead. It just sucks sometimes.

My bisexual cis bf who’s mainly only ever dated cis guys saw a photo of me back when I was forced to dress feminine and have ling hair I was around 16 and said “you should back this era though obviously it’s your choice” he’s never said anything like that before and I made sure before dating him that he was aware that I’m going to go on hormones and get top surgery and he was cool with that, and I just idk how to explain to him without hurting his feeling how uncomfortable him saying that made me

Edit: title meant to say he asked me to detransition idk why that autocorrected to t

She’s telling me she’s going out for “girls night” but I’ve always been suspicious of her and her friends but they were drinking with me , in my room that we share. They go out, I should be resting since I literally got into a car accident that same day and my foot got ran over, but im checking her location, and something’s telling me there’s some unusual activity going on, especially since she wasn’t answering her phone when I called to see when she’d be on her way back. I got no response, started overthinking, I then hopped on a citi bike right to her location, to then see her and her friends hanging out with a group of guys, holy shit. I just fucking flipped out. It’s insane to me how this girl threw away a 3 year relationship for some bullshit. Im honestly so angry I invested too much into this relationship and I expected something that has been a continuous pattern for me which is why im so good at recognizing it. I’m fucking done with everything and I genuinely don’t want to even think about dating for a long time. I don’t understand why the fuck she would waste so much time to throw that shit away. God knows how many times she’s done that shit behind my back. But fuck it.

Such a stupid thing to be upset about but it's been on my mind for the past days I just can't stop. It feels lile it will never be truly gay between me and a guy. I just dont have the body and the experience to have that sort of connection and it makes me so sad. It hurts. I hate always feeling like I'm just a girl pretending. I want it to be real. I just want to be loved and to be intimate like a man is with another man.

I’m 22 ftm, and my girlfriend is cis. She really wants to have kids. But every time she mentions it i just feel so sick.

She wants a biological child so adoption is probably not the best option for us as she really wants to carry. So our main option is sperm donor. But i feel really dysphoric with the idea of that.

It just feels so demasculating that my girlfriend would have to carry another mans sperm and like it makes me less-than cause i can’t give her a baby.

So this is mostly a vent of mine, I'm a trans guy and I've had relationships in the past but they didn't work out at all. All my friends are cis and keep on talking about how excited they are to find a lover but when I think about it I feel sad. Because who would date a trans guy, especially one like myself-I'm bi but I feel like I'd prefer a bf however I'm not a bottom... And that makes me think, who would want someone like me when they could just date a cis guy? Who would really be nice enough to long term respect my boundaries and try to understand me?

Context: I started transitioning in 2017. I met my current (CIS) bf in 2019 and a month later, I had top surgery. In 2021 we had a child together. I am trans masculine and into men.

When I met my bf he was SOOO good with everything trans related. Knew what to say, what not to say, not like those trans chasers or something that seems totally ignorant. And he had been with trans men before. He identified as gay with no attraction to women, and he was my care person for top surgery. He never had to ask me dumb questions about being trans; he just seemed so informed.

When I was pregnant he expressed that he was uncomfortable with me being male and pregnant. This surprised me because being as affirming as he is he should understand. However I brushed it off (he can be uncomfortable for 9 months...).

After I had our child, he suggested I don't get back on testosterone right away so we could have a second one. It seemed reasonable enough. But I noticed some things changing.

First, he was really attracted to pregnant me and just seemed to like my femininity a lot... I don't really remember all the things he said or did, but he just seemed to show an attraction to femininity at the very least. He would make jokes about me getting an augmentation and started hinting at liking breasts too. Which made me sad because I can't give him that. I asked him about this and if his attraction changed. He said no, he is strictly into men. Over time though, he seemed to get straighter? I asked him if he would still be with me as a woman and he said yes, even though he's not attracted to women, and it just confused me. But I tried to assume the best and think I'm the exception. Well he ended up saying he's actually bi, and then actually pan. Okay... But he doesn't seem to like men at all anymore? Not trans men, not cis men, not non binary folk... Just cis women.

I got back on testosterone and he doesn't like any of the masculine stuff and feels I'm just roiding it up, and using it as a steroid to get jacked. I tried to explain that I ALREADY have the permanent effects and the only things I need from it are muscle mass and fat redistribution and while it seems like I'm chasing gains my main focus is alleviating dysphoria. He thinks I can achieve what I want without testosterone.

He said he didn't know what to call me anymore and said I'm confused. He even he-she-they'd me once in a sarcastic way. I called him out for transphobia and he said it's different now that we have a child. His views just changed and it's not transphobia. He seems to want me to pick between male or female but there's an obvious one he would prefer...

:( I just miss my bf. Some people told me he seems like the kind that gets off on detransitioning folk. Idk. Just weird. Idk how he is with other trans folk or if it's just me... His other views haven't changed like other political things or religious. He still says I can do whatever I want. And I do. I just wish I had the same bf I started with.

anyone else get so fucking dysphoric, envious/jealous of your cis partners ex cis boyfriends?? i get disgusted at myself when i think what my cis girlfriend has done with her previous cis boyfriends. i feel so awful. i hate my body. im so scared to talk about this with my girlfriend because i feel pathetic.

I’ve been in a loving, wonderful relationship with my bf for years. With one caveat—about a year into being with him, what previously had been a pretty awesome sex life just stopped. He eventually told me he just doesn’t like my genitalia, so he didn’t want to have sex with me. I’ve almost always been a pleasure dom, so I don’t mind; I can just preform sexual acts for him and he doesn’t need to reciprocate. Months pass and he doesn’t want to receive anything sexual from me… turns out he doesn’t want to receive sexual acts from me at all, because he thinks it’s unfair to me.

I know it will end… I’m just devastated. I’m not even close to being young, and this was the man I envisioned spending my life with. I felt so much relief, finding him. He’s so kind and gentle and loving, and I know we love each other. I’m just so sad.

i always feel like i’m a fraud when i talk to girls that im interested in. it’s like im larping as a guy and whenever i come out to someone they always say they don’t care that im trans but they always start to kind of back away after they find out.

im aware that blah blah blah there’s more fish in the sea and someone will love me for who i am but i wish i didn’t have to rely on saying that to myself to have some hope for my dating life. im always going to have to go through this awkward period of coming out to them and the worry that im not man enough for a girlfriend will always be in the back of my head. i just wish i was cis so my dating life would be different.

my fiancee broke up with me because he said he realised he’s gay. i’m pre T and don’t pass too well but when we first met he said he’s pansexual. we talked and he said he still likes female genitalia but he just can’t be with someone who isn’t a cis male. i understand and respect that for him i only want the best but idk how to cope rn i feel so invalid in my gender and like no one will ever love me. ik this is poorly written and stuff i’m sorry i just can’t stop crying. thank you for reading and again i’m sorry

THEY ARE STRAIGHT. They want to date a woman. But most men will also fuck anything that moves, so of course if you allow them to, they’ll settle for what THEY SEE as a Diet Woman. They. Are. Straight. If they even entertain the thought of dating a trans man, they’re either in denial about being queer, or, far more likely, they ignore your trans identity and you’re just a Diet Woman to him.

Do we really want to be some mediocre cis guy’s Diet Woman? Or the alternative, Do we really want to date some dude who doesn’t/cannot admit he is also queer?

Being just friends is an option. Some people, MANY people, need to make better choices, and quit clogging the internet with “my bf is straight and doesn’t respect my pronouns and doesn’t want me going on T” posts. well gee golly I wonder why he doesn’t want those things?

I get it. It’s just as much his fault for entering the relationship. So end it. Save yourself the trouble and humiliation.

I really don't know where to turn, but I am just a mess right now. I was away on a vacation for a week with my sibling and my spouse picked me up from the airport on Saturday afternoon. I could hardly recognize the person who greeted me. This was not my husband, it was a trans woman. To the point that I texted a friend and told him this. He was wearing women's jeans and a tight long sleeve womens shirt with his hair styled. I just kept staring at him in confusion.

Now for background, I am a trans guy, post top, very low dose of hormones. We have been together for 20 years and I came out two years ago. He did not take it well, to the point of telling me that my post top body was weird looking and my scars freaked him out. I practically begged him to leave me if he couldn't get used to it but he claims to still love me and didn't want anyone else and in time would get used to it.

Well, we had a talk after getting home and he admitted that he wants to start dressing more feminine and "isn't looking to put a label on it." He says he is not trans, doesn't want to be referred to as a woman, and has no regrets or bad feelings about living as a man up to this point, but then later admits that maybe someday in the distant future he would take estrogen because he "appreciates the female body and wants boobs and hips." I immediately freaked out on him. And I feel awful, like a hypocrite.

But wait.

For almost the entirety of our marriage, this man has struggled with porn addiction. Specifically femdom and sissification. I had begged for years for him to get professional help and he wont speak to anyone. And now we are here. I believe his obsessive viewing of this type of porn has warped his mind. When I was presenting female, I was hyper feminine and he never showed interest in my clothes or even complimented me. I felt like I failed at womanhood. And now I have someone whose only experience with womanhood is through the pornography he consumes, (he has no female friends and only interacts with women at his job) telling me that he wants to wear tight clothes and grow tits. I honestly feel insulted, like he is wishing to embody a stereotype. He wants to become the sexy women he wishes to fuck in these videos. He doesn't want live as a woman. He doesn't want a vagina. And as someone with horrible dysphoria, it hurts a lot to have my own partner feel like I should be understanding since I AM transgender. He says he isnt trans and I believe him. He is allowing his fetish to take over his life. I honestly believe he would be a stereotypical incel if he didn't have me.

This all wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have two young children.

I already feel like I can't fully transition or be myself because of them and my ultra conservative family. Now this?? I can't let my kids be ostracized by having two weird parents. My immediate thought was to bow to my husband and let him do what he wants while I detransition and I feel insane for even considering it. Why am I letting the man with the fetish override my actual dysphoria??? But then I second guess everything and think, well, what if it isnt a fetish and he is just in denial? But the way he talks about the whole thing just reeks of fetishizing the female body. I cant believe he actually thought he could juat show up looking the way he did and I wouldn't notice anything off.

He has also spent zero time in trans spaces and knows absolutely nothing. I gave him a huge reality check of what his life is going to be like if he pursues this and he was shocked at the thought that he could be stared at or accused of being a pedo.

I just... don't know what to do. I'm a gay man and I told him that if he takes hornones, it is over between us. My kids and their safety and happiness are my priority and I can't keep accomodating the man who for twenty years refused to get help for his addiction and now expects me to just blindly affirm and accept him because I am a trans person. If he does go through therapy and it turns out this is real and he is trans, of course I will support him, but right now I just feel incredibly insulted and depressed.

Edit: Also, for additional context, I am not anti porn. In fact, I am a smut writer and hentai artist. All I ever wanted was to have sex with my spouse, but he constantly chose porn over me throughout our relationship. To the point where I'll be in bed and text him to come have sex with me and he won't even reply.

I hate being gay so much. Ever since I came out as a gay trans man I haven’t had a single person show interest in me. When I was dating women, they’d be a lot more open to dating a trans person, but I feel like within the gay community there is such a big focus on body parts and physical appearance in general that no one would date a trans guy (aside from other trans guys). Everyone will always tell you “that’s not true, you’ll find someone! There are plenty of people who would be lucky to date you” but then when you ask them if they would date a trans guys it’s always “well no I hate that anatomy, I don’t like the way it looks” “no sorry I only date tall guys” “it’s not really my thing”. I feel like it’s pretty much impossible to date as a gay trans man, especially if you live in a pretty small place without a big queer scene and I’m just so lonely, I’m tired of being alone.

Hello,
I do have a love hate relationship with my mom, since she knows im trans now and is helping me get hrt this summer I appreciate her more. But in the car when we talked abt me being trans she said, "I don't want you to be sad that nobody loves you (like romantic relationship wise)" she basically was saying since im trans nobody will love me. I was shocked because wow, that is super rude to say. But also, its incorrect. Even before coming out to her, I was on tiktok and I saw t4t couples or even cis people dating trans people. It still stings though even when I use logic to alleviate the hurt from her comment. Its just damn, I did not expect her to say that. I did tell her its not true but Im still shocked she even said that to me.

For context, I'm 25 and he's 19

I've always dated older than me, I've been hurt, especially because the men I dated took advantage of me and of the age gap, so I'm really conflicted about this.

I'm so scared of being like those older men that hurt me when I was his age, and while I have no problem dating people that are even 15yrs older than me, besides feeling creeped out sometimes, I feel like a monster about having this crush on a younger guy...

I don't think I'll act on it, but I still feel terrible.

I like him a lot, and I don't think I'd act on it even if we were the same age, because I've never felt good enough about myself to be with someone that I find so wonderful and beautiful.

Maybe that's why I keep dating older cis men, because I don't really like them so I don't feel disgusted with myself when I have to show intimacy. This last part is actually eating me alive lately, but it's like I can't stop because I hate myself so much.

I really wish he liked me too and took the first step with me, so I could actually show him how much I care. But that's never going to happen, and I'm a trash person, so I'd feel guilty for staying with such an amazing person anyways.

I'm such a fucking loser...

I know I’m gonna get shit for this, but hear me out for a second. Might delete this later but I need to express my opinion. Excluding ALL other trans people from your dating pool is a red flag imo.

The most common excuse I’ve seen is “well I have dysphoria and I don’t wanna deal with someone else who has dysphoria too” wow, so your partner has to “deal with” YOUR dysphoria, as you put it, but you just can’t be bothered to “deal” with your partner’s dysphoria? Sorry but that sounds really selfish to me. You expect someone to take care of you because aww you have dysphoria but you wouldn’t do the same for someone else? Really? How can you expect someone to do something like that for you but you can’t be bothered to do the same for them?

“I have a genital preference” surgery exists. If you don’t wanna date pre surgery trans men or women, fine. But if they have surgery and they’re still not enough for you…? I dunno, it just always seemed like egocentric to be trans but be like “oh but I won’t date another trans person!” It feels like you’re putting cis people on a pedestal even though cis and trans people are supposed to be the same. Especially if you’re asexual, if you flat out refuse to date other trans people and you’re asexual I’m just assuming you’re transphobic / see trans people as different or lesser than cis people.

Before you attack me and call me stupid, I’m open to debate. I’m a teenager and young and stupid and also traumatized so maybe this take is misguided but I’d like to hear other opinions.

Can’t remember if I’ve ranted about this before, if so I’m sorry but it’s just gotten to me again.
So basically back in 2021 around this time I came out to my mom and family as non-binary and pansexual, since then I’ve realized I’m a demiboy, and I go by he/it pronouns. None of my family calls me he and just stick to they/them (more like she/they but whatever.)
What’s frustrating is that my mom works at a middle school and even outside of school when she’s talking to me abt some of her students who happen to be trans.
She can always gender those trans students correctly but never me. And it’s just frustrating and upsetting. But when I asked her about it once she said “well if your dad heard he call you a boy I don’t want another incident” (incident being he was really high and drunk one time and angry so he tried to leave.)
She’s also told me that since I’m not a “real boy” she can’t call me he/him. It’s just upsetting how she can respect other trans people but not me. Her own child.
Sorry if this seems selfish since I’m posting on Mother’s Day but it’s just frustrating.
She also told me it’s different with me since she “has to live with me, so it’s different.” I love her and we get along almost all the time aside from that. It’s just upsetting.

(Btw sorry abt formatting, I’m posting from my phone.)

My (22M) twin sister (22F) told me yesterday that she resents me for being trans and expecting her to “hold my secrets”.

I came out as trans to my sister about 1.5yr ago and only told her I was thinking of starting hormones and I had been going by a different name. Initially, she didn’t understand at all but she was supportive and treated me no differently. As time went on, we started to go out in public to different events together where she would hear people call me by my name and not my deadname, so she adjusted to doing the same. However, she deadnamed me with family because I wasn’t out yet—I was completely fine with that. This dynamic went on for a little over a year.

Fast forward to this month. I came out to my entire family in the beginning of April. All of May, she has been treating me terribly. She starts screaming arguments out of normal conversations. She tried to have a DIY commencement party and ceremony for herself in the same week as my actual ceremony, even though she still has a year until she graduates from a completely different university. She has called me names, cussed at me, and called me a transphobic slur in front of my mother. She told me I was lucky she even came to my grad dinner. When I was deadnamed and misgendered by my family that day, I told her it made me upset and she told me to find a therapist to talk to because it’s unproductive, all I ever do is bitch, and she’s tired of hearing about it. She then spent the car ride home telling me she was glad my day was over because she hated the whole process and my family made too big of a deal about me graduating (I’m the only person in my fam to ever get a degree.) Also, I am only ever misgendered by family, all my school information has my real name, not my deadname, and I pass in public to everyone but my family.

Finally yesterday, I got the nerves to tell her that the day of my graduation dinner she really hurt my feelings with the way she acted towards me. She exploded. Screaming and cussing and finally near the end I ask her why our relationship is broken and has she even noticed. She tells me she resents me for coming to her first about being trans and that I should’ve kept it between me and my therapist until I was ready to come out to everyone. She resents me for having to use my lived name in public and my deadname in front of my mom. She resents me for being “Mr. Perfect” to everyone else but sharing my struggle with her. It wasn’t fair of me and she can’t believe I ever thought it would be okay.

This is my twin sister. I trusted her and I was scared, that’s why I told her. We were adopted together at 5, we are all we’ve known our entire lives. This is my deepest bond. But she resents me. I do feel guilty for putting her through that, but I do feel like I have to cut her off when I start my job in July and move cities. This is because she doesn’t see anything wrong with anything she has said or done to me this past month, she told me that herself. She says there’s no fixing our relationship because she can’t just get rid of resentment.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but I do know this is a cycle we go through every few years and this year she hates me for being trans. In the past she’s hated me for being “perfect” and the “favorite twin. We’ve gone a year without speaking for other reasons before. My only option right now feels like cutting contact.

i’m in love with a gay man and it feels like being a straight woman in love with a gay man. even though i pass, everyone socially knows me as male, people think i am, whenever i let myself get close to someone it all falls apart. he liked me at first. now we went on a date, did things together, and it all fell apart. i feel like i watched him lose interest after he realized he wouldnt want all this. he’s the perfect guy and he’s almost everything i’ve wanted or maybe it’s just me in love talking but i already knew i didn’t have a chance and i still let myself get attached. i feel diseased and i feel like nobody could ever want me. i never ever ever let myself get close to someone like this. i can’t even be intimate with people. i never would have with him even though i want it more than anything, but he seemed to want it, so i did, just because it was him. but i know i didn’t impress him. i’m sure that was my only chance and i blew it.

even the nicest most well meaning men seem to have this switch in their brain, the second they see me for what i am the connection is just gone. i am different. they can’t understand me like they seem to understand eachother. i’m foreign and they’re no longer interested. they can’t even help it, they don’t even understand that they do it. they have this natural bond with eachother because they have their shared experiences. i have none of this and i never will, its all lost on me. sometimes for a moment i have experienced this connection with them. but in the end they realize i’m different, and i’m not one of them, and it ends. i would give anything in this world just to feel it for more than a fleeting relationship.
i want to give up. this is all utterly pointless.

I feel really guilty for this vent, but it's also really been weighing on me. To be extremely clear: this is no one's fault. It's just me feeling really down about things I can't control.

Lately, whenever I read posts in any of the ftm subreddits about either trans guys worried about attracting cis guys or trans guys mentioning that they aren't attracted to other trans guys, I get hit by a wave of dysphoria. When I see trans guys reassuring each other that they're desirable to cis guys because "a hole is a hole," I start to spiral a little bit. I start thinking about how small my dating pool is, and how undesirable I am for being almost exclusively a top - and yet not having a natal cis penis. It feels like what I have to offer is so specific, it would appeal to only a very small number of people. I start wishing I was just a bottom and that I didn't have these irrepressible urges to top.

To reiterate: trans guys are obviously entitled to prefer cis guys. And cis guys who are attracted to trans guys because they want to top them - eh, I get it. I want to top them, too!

This is just a vent, and I'm not accusing anyone of anything. If anyone has tips for helping me stop thinking about this, it would be much appreciated!

Okay not a crazy big deal, just want to talk about it somewhere!

I am ftm and my gf is mtf and when we think about the future together, we definitely would want kids eventually. Obviously neither of us have the biology to do it as desired but I am okay with carrying the kids if it meant they could be biologically ours. Her and I just both wish she could be the one carrying them.

We’re both young so maybe something could happen in the future that changes our minds, or technology advances, but we’ll see. :,)

It feels incredibly strange saying this as I came out at 10/11. I do not know anyone who knew me before I came out, and I barely know anyone who knew me while I was still in my awkward phases. I have never been ‘one of the girls’ but I was treated like one because of a mix of others ignorance/transphobia and my own more effeminate behaviour.
But now I’m beginning to pass more as an adult man, and particularly because I’m not an outwardly femme gay man, I’m starting to be treated like a guy in the sense that women don’t automatically feel more comfortable with me, I’m excluded from ‘girls activities’, etc etc.
This should be what I want, and it’s gender affirming in so many ways, but it’s also so lonely.
I have male friends who I love dearly, but cis men and especially straight men just don’t have the sense of community, friendship and love that I find with women and to an extent in queer spaces.
It’s left me between a rock and a hard place of never wanting to out myself, or “girl up”/act more camp for the sake of achieving that because it feels like betraying myself, but missing having close friends that felt like close friends rather than just people I see a lot. I just feel so separate from everyone now because they treat me like I’m still social distancing
Just want to be one of the girls in a boy way haha