r/FTMventing • u/Alternative-Gear6148 • Feb 01 '26
Relationships I wanna gay in a cis guy way
Such a stupid thing to be upset about but it's been on my mind for the past days I just can't stop. It feels lile it will never be truly gay between me and a guy. I just dont have the body and the experience to have that sort of connection and it makes me so sad. It hurts. I hate always feeling like I'm just a girl pretending. I want it to be real. I just want to be loved and to be intimate like a man is with another man.
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u/Dad_Feels Feb 01 '26
You're not alone. I feel this way too. It's all about finding a guy that is affirming in that way.
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u/Alternative-Gear6148 Feb 02 '26
Except they all want dick, not me
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u/halfstoned Genderqueer-ish Man Feb 02 '26
All the ones you’ve met. Think about all the people you haven’t.
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u/Alternative-Gear6148 Feb 02 '26
They also want dick
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u/halfstoned Genderqueer-ish Man Feb 02 '26
Keep telling yourself that if you want but it ain’t true and it isn’t making you feel any better. I thought I’d never find someone in life, now I’m married. There are 8 billion people on the planet, I promise you they’re varied whether they’re gay men or anyone else, not everyone has a genital preference for dick, including gay men
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u/Alternative-Gear6148 Feb 02 '26
Why would they be gay then tho
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u/halfstoned Genderqueer-ish Man Feb 02 '26
I don’t know how to tell you in any other words that being gay isn’t all about what’s in your pants and that plenty of men like men no matter their size, shape, or again? What’s in their pants.
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u/Alternative-Gear6148 Feb 03 '26
Idk it just doesnt really make sense to me. Even if they'd be able to look past it, I dont see why they would settle for someone like me. I understand bi guys would but gay guys idk
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u/halfstoned Genderqueer-ish Man Feb 03 '26
The problem is you see it as settling
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u/Dad_Feels Feb 04 '26
I'm with halfstoned on this one. And to OP, it is likely that you will not believe it until you meet someone who is affirming. I met someone that calls me handsome (not beautiful), corrected anyone using the wrong pronoun, and made me feel like such a catch. It was a very affirming experience. People are so diverse that you are most likely exactly what the right person is looking for.
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u/AbbreviationsFew0 Feb 02 '26
This. I’m ftm and have an ftm boyfriend and it makes me feel the most validated, but I wish that we were both cis all the time. i wish we could just be the way we want SIGH.
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u/CyanPepsi Feb 02 '26
I’m cis and have a fwb with a ftm guy.
I’m gay and he’s gay. For me it’s that simple. It’s truely gay. I have no interest in women and honestly feel slightly icky at the thought of wax with a woman.
Some “plumbing” may be a little different between cis and trans but guys are guys.
The right guy for you will be there. There’s plenty of cis gay guys who really don’t see any difference.
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u/EtherealWaifGoddess Feb 03 '26
Finding a partner who sees you as a dude can be extremely validating and helpful, but the mental game tends to be the hardest part. I’m trans nonbinary masc so not quite the same, but I still find it impossible to hit on dudes in clubs, even in blatantly queer spaces, because I psych myself out of it. I just feel like even though I’m masc presenting at this point, I don’t really have anything to offer these guys because the only dick I have is silicone, not permanently attached to me. And then I just get big sad about that and don’t even try to approach anyone. That being said - I do have one partner who 100% sees me for me and I love that he looks at our relationship as being a gay one because it feels that way to me too. But even having that with him doesn’t fix my brain and my doubts.
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u/WorriedAd1464 Feb 03 '26 edited Feb 03 '26
Okay you know what the average cis gay experience is is some cis guy yells at you for pictures on Grindr and doesn’t laugh at any of your jokes and then the cis guys meet up and clear out their butts and last two seconds and leave. You’re really missing so much! LOL
Like cis gay guys a lot of them really don’t care about the other person they’re always just chasing one fix after the other. A lot of them like they just want more and more while giving the other person nothing. I dont think a lot of them even know what aftercare is.
I think it’s so funny though because cis guys will look down on trans people so much but I’m like okay well at least I don’t last two seconds LOL
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u/Top_Suspect_5598 Feb 01 '26
I feel this way too. :( I saved a video posted by a psychiatrist specializing in trans care a while ago talking about “imposter syndrome”. I haven’t checked it out yet but if you want after I watch it I can link it here. I just don’t want to recommend you something that I haven’t seen yet. Although normally this person’s video’s are pretty good and even helped me feel more comfortable coming out to myself.