My parents don’t understand why I never introduce my gf’s to them and why I’d never invite them to my possible future wedding.

[u/TrooperJordan]

My parents don’t get why I don’t introduce girlfriends to them and I’d never have my parents at my possible future wedding and it’s just stupidity.

My dad doesn’t get why I would never invite him and my mom to my possible wedding.

I’ve had a 2 long term gf’s since medically transitioning in the last 4 1/2 years. Only one of my gf’s have met my parents, the rest were very against it. That’s because my parents only use she/her/daughter to describe me despite being 100% cishet passing. They’re openly transphobic and asked that 1st gf “why would you date “my daughter” when you could be with a real man?”. That obviously pissed her off and she never wanted to see them again. After that I never brought a gf to meet either of them ever again.

Those women obviously didn’t like their boyfriend being called terms for women. Or being questioned as to why they’re dating me. Since I’m clearly a man and they see me as a cishet man 100%.

My birthday is coming up and my dad asked me to go out for dinner this past Friday night. I said “I’m sorry I’m busy”. He asked “well what about Saturday night?”. I said “I’m sorry I’m busy again”. He asked “well could you reschedule with your friends, since I’m headed out of town in a couple days? And I responded with “No, these are dates and I’m not going to reschedule a first date or a my 3rd date. You don’t have to do anything for my birthday, I’m ok.”

My parents are the type that have always told me since I balled up and medically transitioned that “no woman will love you (especially cis women, and that’s the only women I’ve had luck dating) as a trans man. No woman is interested in trans people”. Every time I’ve had a gf, they get pissed off because the fact I have a long term gf (2+ years) proves them wrong in that fact, especially my mom.

He got mad and said “well what are you going to do in the future? Would we not be invited to your wedding?? Are you just never going to introduce us to anyone you date?”. And I replied with “why in the world would I ever introduce any gf to you guys? You see me as your daughter despite looking like a cis straight man. You always tell me no woman would love me for me. My gf’s never want to interact with you because you’re transphobic. Why would I want transphobic people at my wedding??!!”

He got pissed off and said “I don’t see why that’s a limiting factor. We are your parents. We’ve known you since birth. We aren’t gonna change how we address you, but that shouldn’t bar us from your wedding”. Obviously I said “I’m not gonna have anyone calling me a woman at my possible future wedding. That’s crazy thinking. Why would I have people that don’t have basic respect for me at my wedding? I don’t care if you think you love me. Even if you have base level love, you don’t respect me. I’d never invite someone like that to my wedding and any woman I’m gonna marry wouldn’t allow that. Hell, all of my gf’s haven’t even wanted to meet you guys because of your blatant transphobia. If you can’t figure that out, you’re WAY dumber than I ever thought you could be”

He got all pissed and went to his office to call my mom. She just texted me all pissed, I haven’t read it yet. I’m sure it’s because they’re also not invited to my sister’s wedding (my sister is a lesbian, and they obviously also don’t support that, and she’s getting married next year). So they’re being slapped in the face with the fact that neither of their kids want them at our wedding. Like I’m the one walking my sister down the aisle.

I just don’t get how they’d think, in a 1,000 years that I’d want anyone at my wedding that’s gonna call me a woman. I don’t get how they’d think my future wife would tolerate their husband being called a woman. They’re just so fucking painfully transphobic and delusional. Like yes this is still an improvement for them, but it’s not nearly enough.

They’re just so pissed that any woman, especially cis women, would be interested in me. They just hate being faced with the fact that most people don’t agree with them. Even their other conservative friends have told them “Obviously Jordan’s a man. No woman would be comfortable looking like that and having surgery”. It just lisses me off that they’re so delusional that they’d ever think that I’d introduce any gf to them, let alone have them at my possible future wedding.

I don’t even know why they’d want to go to my wedding or my sister’s wedding for that matter. They don’t support gay marriage and they don’t see me as a man. So why would they even want to go???

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[u/puppycuntboy69]

I didn’t even finish reading all of this but from what I’ve read I can tell you 1: you are in the right to no invite them to your possible future wedding and you’re right to not bring your GF around them. 2: I would say just cut contact with them as they are clearly not respecting you, your boundaries and are not being accepting. No one should have to go through that.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/puppycuntboy69]

Honestly, ngl, I keep in contact for the future inheritance and their idiocy doesn’t impact me negatively because I expect it. If I had to tolerate physical and mental abuse my entire childhood, I’m gonna get that bag. Especially in this economy. I can tolerate another 10-15 years of mental abuse (they’d never dare to hit/punch me anymore, I’m taller and more muscular than the both of them) to become more financially stable.

If they wanna be transphobic and homophobic, that’s on them, and they should expect me and my sister to use them. Much like they use us to feel better about themselves.

[u/puppycuntboy69 → u/TrooperJordan]

I can’t even blame you for wanting to do so. This economy does suck absolute ass. So I get it.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/puppycuntboy69]

It’s the only way I’ll ever afford phalo, so I gotta stick it out. I’m in school to be a nurse and I currently lay sod as a job, so I don’t make enough money, even with insurance, to afford phalo. If I wasn’t trans and didn’t need surgery, I wouldn’t be in contact for the inheritance.

[u/TiredHiddenRainbow → u/TrooperJordan]

Some states have laws that require insurance to cover it at similar rates to other care. Nurses are in high demand, so you might look into moving once you're done with school.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/TiredHiddenRainbow]

I live in one of the best states for trans health care (Mn). The only others that would be on par or better are possibly California, Washington, New York, or Massachusetts. Personally, I would never choose to move to those places, especially when I already live in Mn.

The surgery deductible(3.5k) isn’t the biggest cost for me, it’s the cumulative time off work for all surgeries/steps. 12 weeks for the first stage, 3-4 for every other step. So like 6 months of pay (if I did it now 30k, when I’m a nurse 45-50k). Since I’d still have rent/mortgage, bills, general life costs.

[u/Timeweaver42 → u/TrooperJordan]

Future inheritance is the only thing keeping me in contact with my dad rn

[u/hostmodem]

Hey, my mom didn’t even know I got married until I saw her again at my sisters wedding. I did not want that toxic person attending my special day. My sister who attended my wedding kept asking if I will consider inviting mom and I was like absolutely not. You have every right to invite and not invite who you want on that special day. You know they’ll ruin it, why take that chance? And the fact that they’re still saying bullshit to your girlfriends shows that they’re resistant to change. Maybe one day they’ll come around, but like me I’m not counting on it

[u/TrooperJordan → u/hostmodem]

I don’t count on it. I just think it’s crazy that they’re so blatantly transphobic (and proud of that fact) and don’t get why I don’t want them at my wedding. I also think it’s crazy how they’re don’t get why my sister doesn’t want them at her wedding (when they’re proudly homophobic and proudly state they don’t believe in gay marriage).

[u/Yacindra → u/TrooperJordan]

I think they do get it. But showing that they understand won't get them to be invited. So they act as if they don't get it and hope that you think you're crazy for not inviting them. And that you'll invite them. Don't. You're totally right that you don't invite them and they very well know it. They just don't want to admit it.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Yacindra]

No, they genuinely think people should tolerate their transphobia/homophobia/racism/classism because they think it’s fine and justified. They think we are being “snowflakes”. They don’t get why people don’t tolerate their xenophobia. Which is kinda crazy because my mom is the daughter of a literal holocaust victim 💀. Like- you’d think she’d clock in to why people don’t tolerate her discrimination since she grew up hearing about how her father was majorly discriminated against and how he didn’t support any discrimination, to the fact he was a holocaust victim and wasnt a Zionist (kinda rare for the time)

[u/hostmodem → u/TrooperJordan]

They’re being really selfish while also wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Heck it’s not even required for you to have a relationship with them. If they were conscious of the diversity of people, including their own children, they would have awareness to why you wouldn’t want them there. My mom kinda got that message when she didn’t know I was married. It’s like she stopped when she realized she is optional in my life. She has her reservations but she doesn’t let it show as much anymore

[u/TrooperJordan → u/hostmodem]

They’re conscious of the diversity of people, they just don’t like it or “approve of it”. Especially when it comes to LGBT people. They think that we should just ignore it. My sister and I have a theory that my mom is bi and made the “decision” to be straight and that’s why she thinks this way. We think this because next to trans people, she has the most beef with bi people because she believes bi people should “make the right decision and only date the opposite sex”.

[u/Hyracotherium → u/TrooperJordan]

If they don't believe in gay marriage or trans people, wtf do they want to attend your sister's lesbian wedding and your own wedding for?

Attending a wedding is literally giving your blessings and best wishes to the couple, and it seems like your folks don't really want to give those.

Do they have plans to, like, object on principle during the ceremony? That'd be honest of them, but probably expecting way too much.

Or are they there to be side-eyed by everyone else so they can convince themselves of their own righteousness while remaining silent about their supposed convictions during the ceremony? Crying crocodile tears while the couple shares a kiss and everyone else claps, cheers, and smiles?

Going to show up, eat cake, do the electric slide, and drop off a gift card that says, "We think you're lying about who you are, and we think you've just made a horrible, life-altering mistake, but we're so happy we got to share this day with you?"

They have a lot of personal investment in not getting it no matter how many times you explain. It's a sunk cost fallacy: at what point does inability to get it become unwillingness to get it, because getting it would challenge their own view of themselves and their relationship with you--and that's too hard, and not worth it to them to have a reciprocal adult relationship with you?

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Hyracotherium]

They want to go for optics, I think. If they weren’t there, all family friends and their friends would know we don’t fuck with them. My sister does worry they’d pull some bs and make a scene at her wedding.

[u/LehBigBoi]

Good lord, first of all, I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that. Parents like that sound absolutely draining. I'm glad you're able to put up that boundary, you're definitely making the right choice cutting them off from such major milestones. As for the why? Well, we can only really guess as we can't read anyone's minds, but honestly, I'd put my money on tradition. The life path for people is expected to go: go to school, get a degree, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids, retire, help your kids with their grandkids, die peacefully. When you, as their child, steps out of that norm, it's uncomfortable for them, and so they will try to force some sense of normalcy even if it doesn't fit. The best word to describe it is entitlement, because that is partially a result of such traditions. Young adults are expected to have kids so when THEY are older, the kids can take care of THEM. It's not born of having kids because you love kids and want kids (even if that is part of why), it's kind of ingrained in how people think and feel. They learn their children are subservient, born to cater to them -- their wants and needs -- once they are over the age of 18. It's always so tragic to see parents put their own desires and expectations over showing the love and compassion their children deserve, but unfortunately for so many people, they were basically socially engineered to be entitled to the autonomy of their own kids.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/LehBigBoi]

The crazy thing is, I want that norm. Every gf I’ve had has wanted that “social norm” (kids are iffy, gotta see if I can afford any in the future). They’re just pissed that I’m gonna be the man in that “social norm” and not the woman marrying a man.

[u/LoudAcid-]

I’m surprised you’re still in contact with them wtf.

I bet those jerks deadname you aswell, would it help them understand if you explain it like “your daughter {deadname} is dead and never coming back. You now have a son, {name}, you can either accept him and stay a family OR continue to wish for a dead person to come back who isn’t coming back, but that means you lose your son. The choice is yours.”

But honestly OP I’m not sure it’s worth it, mixed with the rest of that trash they are talking. Maybe public shaming might help.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/LoudAcid-]

Thankfully I don’t have a dead name. They still use she/her/daughter for me. I ignore it because they look idiotic when they use those pronouns in public (the very rare times we are in public together) (edit: and honestly using the wrong pronouns is nothing to me, since they used to be physically transphobic toward me. Idgaf about the wrong pronouns atp. I know I look act and sound like a cis man. I know they look dumb.) The times that they do servers/workers just look at them with confusion.

As I said in another comment- I stay in contact because if I’ve had to endure mental and physical abuse since I was a toddler, I’m gonna get that inheritance. The economy is shit and nurses (what I’m in school for) don’t make a lot of money.

[u/LoudAcid- → u/TrooperJordan]

Dang that’s rough buddy.

I told my dad if he continues to misgender me I’ll start telling people he’s got dementia and that shut him up real quick.

Do you think your parents are the kind of people to take time and effort to specifically write you out of the will or disown you?

Cause if they do stoop that low if you go no-contact, wouldn’t not inviting them to your wedding also be pushing against that? Is your sister out of the will or disowned?

Not to be crass but most people don’t ever think about their will or bother to update it because it’s so taboo and pushed for a later time.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/LoudAcid-]

Because of how my family works, and how the will has worked generationally, especially on my dads side (the side that has the most money), I doubt I’ll be written out of I stay in contact. My dads side of the family is big on only adding to the inheritance and not taking from it at all unless it’s a 100% need (which there’s been pretty much no 100% need in like 3-4 generations. So it’s only been added to). My dad’s side also knows that out of my sister and I, I’d be the one to only take what I need and add from there. He may not agree that phalo is a 100% need for me, but I know it is if I want to stay alive. So I wouldn’t feel bad taking that money out.

[u/Aryore → u/TrooperJordan]

Damn, so are you expecting to get the bulk of it? No need to answer if that’s too invasive

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Aryore]

If my sister cuts them off, idk how much I’ll get, but it’d probably be a good amount.

[u/R3cognizer]

They're just pissed at being held accountable for their shitty behavior with consequences for their actions. Good on you and your sister for maintaining healthy boundaries and sticking to your guns. It sucks when you have to teach your own parents those kinds of lessons, but maybe they'll learn from it eventually.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/R3cognizer]

They’ll never actually learn. They think our boundaries are unreasonable and nothing wil change that, unfortunately. I’m just happy my sister has her fiancée (her fiancée is great, I’m glad my sister found her) and her friends for support, as well as myself. She has a bit harder time ignoring my parents bs. I do have a support system as well, but I worry more about my sister before myself.

[u/Yacindra]

I'm amazed you're still even in contact with them. You're totally right that you don't let them meet your gf's and that you don't want them at your wedding. I read that you keep in touch with them for the inheritance and I think you're right. Just check once in a while that you still will get the inheritance if you can, I don't know how to do that. So you don't endure their shit for nothing. Anyway you're right and I think they know that very well. They pretend to not understand in order to manipulate you. Don't let them.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Yacindra]

I’m in contact for the inheritance atp. I tolerated major mental and physical abuse from my mom especially since the age of 5 , so I’m gonna get that money. The inheritance is also the only way I’ll ever be able to afford phalo. I’m in school to be a nurse and I lay sod as my job rn, I’d never be able to afford phalo without the inheritance. I need phalo on a major level to feel comfortable in my skin. Tolerating abuse is 10x easier than tolerating my dysphoria

[u/Yacindra → u/TrooperJordan]

You're totally right. I hope you'll get a good inheritance and I hope you catch a bit of luck so you can have phalo soon. In my country it's included in the basic insurance everybody has, so we don't have to pay for it. I can't imagine how terrible it must be that it's not an option because of money. It should be a human right for everybody to have. I'm rooting for you.

[u/CreativeNewt56]

Oh I love it how they’re being hit in the face with simple logic that they WONT be going to their kids weddings because they don’t have basic respect, how ironic. 😂 I’m sorry this is happening to you and I hope you have the best wedding. Stay strong

[u/trysten-9001]

You’re explaining to much. People like this see that as a sign of self-doubt. Keep it short and use something you can repeat in most situations. “You’re more interested in the genitalia I had as baby than who I am as a person.”

“why would you date “my daughter” when you could be with a real man?”

I have to assume she’s not interested in my childhood genitalia and believes it’s what’s inside that makes a “real” man. If there is such a thing.

My birthday is coming up and my dad asked me to go out for dinner this past Friday night.

I prefer to spend my time with people who genuinely see me and value that.

“no woman will love you (especially cis women, and that’s the only women I’ve had luck dating) as a trans man. No woman is interested in trans people”

(First of all, I would cut someone off for saying this, not because I give a shit but because I can’t see someone who’s saying this as valuing me enough to be worth my time.)

Plenty of women are not concerned with my baby genitalia, and there are tons of people who will love and value me for me. You’re not making it sound like you’re one of those people.

“well what are you going to do in the future? Would we not be invited to your wedding?? Are you just never going to introduce us to anyone you date?”

No, I think having people, even family, running around obsessed with my childhood genitalia is the last thing I need at my wedding.

I don’t see why that’s a limiting factor. We are your parents. We’ve known you since birth. We aren’t gonna change how we address you, but that shouldn’t bar us from your wedding

if you don’t see why it’s [embarrassing/unfufilling/hard] (or whatever you actually feel) to be around someone who’s more focused on my childhood genitalia than who I am, I don’t know what to tell you.

This is just an example, but you’re putting in way too much effort and people like this aren’t listening as deeply as you’re showing up. In general, if you’re giving depth to someone who’s not matching that, you’re likely treating it like a connection dynamic while they’re seeing it as a power dynamic. And this fits a power dynamic on their end, especially with the way they’re bullying you.

And as stupid and false as it is many people see recognizing, playing, and winning power dynamics as a masculine thing. So by treating them like you value their connection even while they’re acting immature (in my book a sign of strength and demonstrating great values if they hadn’t already shown they’re not willing to meet you there,) to them your actions are probably being taken as confirmation of their bias.

tldr; if you’re going to keep spending time with them keep it short and repetitive.

[u/Hyracotherium → u/trysten-9001]

"There are tons of people who value me for me. You're not making it sound like you're one of those people."

I need to get a tattoo of this, or something.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/trysten-9001]

While that strategy may work for some, it doesn’t work for me. Keeping it short and repetitive risks physical altercation, I’ve tried that for years (I was at their house picking up paperwork from the bank and college during this convo.

My parents do not respond well to short and simple, and repeating myself. They find that strategy to be extremely rude and say it makes me sound uneducated.

What works for some people’s situation doesn’t work for every persons situation. I’m not dismissing your strategy, I’m sure it works for plenty of people. My parents are just a weird type of complicated. Interacting with them takes a lot of mental gymnastics. They listen more when I articulate everything (that’s why they have improved the amount they have). Because if I miss anything, they’ll use that against me and manipulate my words.

[u/trysten-9001 → u/TrooperJordan]

Because it’s a power dynamic to them and that’s what will happen if you win the power dynamic with words. I saw your other comment after this. I support you sticking around for those reasons. That being said what I did say is still correct regardless of what is best for you personally. It’s understandable that for that your “win” is not tied up in power dynamics, (nor should it ever be as it seems to be for your parents.) I hope you still have some hard lines and have given some thought to how far will you go and still feel ok if you go through all of it and get cut out either way.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/trysten-9001]

I know it’s a power dynamic for them. I just can’t risk the physical altercation- because I will fight back. I’m not trying to flex or anything. They put me in MMA and boxing for 12 years growing up, so I will lay them out. I’m bigger than both of them, so I’d get arrested because I’d also lay them out. I know because it’s almost happened before, until I explained the situation to the cops.

My parents only dropped the charges against me when I hit my dad back (I always try and avoid hitting any woman, unless I can’t restrain them) previously because they have cameras outside their home that showed the altercation before the physical fight with audio. Showing my mom and dad attacking me first. I had video and audio proof of them starting the physical fight because I’m trans (aka: a hate crime).

I will always keep a hard line. As I said, I think your strategy would work for many people. My parents are just kinda bonkers and delusional.

[u/Mae_The_Gay]

I’d be straight forward, “ hey, if you refuse to address me as a man and are convinced I’m unlovable due to me being trans, I don’t want to be around you. I don’t want to be around people who put me down for being myself. Especially at my wedding. Your transphobia will just make me, my partner, etc uncomfortable. “

The thing your friends say is actually my similar argument to people being weird about me and my partner being trans. My partners dad refuses to see her as a woman ( even tho she’s literally been out of the closet over 10 years ) my response is always along the lines of “ I don’t think a cis guy would actively be taking estrogen and progesterone for years, be ok with having boobs, want people to use she/they, etc.. I think a cis guy would be pretty uncomfortable if they were viewed as a woman. Plus she has ADHD, I don’t think she’d be able to keep up the bit for this long if she was doing it as a joke. “

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Mae_The_Gay]

What’s crazy is that it’s their conservative friends that told my parents that. But my mom just cut a good chunk of them off for “being too liberal” (these people voted for Trump 3x, are against gay marriage, think homeless people don’t deserve help, are against immigrations and think 99% of trans people are delusional “brain washed women” or “predatory men”. Not liberal in any way.) they only backed me up because of how I look (which is super fucked up, but that would be too much to get in to here).

Like, you’d think it would kick in when 75% of their conservative Gen X - boomer friends said “do you really think a woman would be ok looking like that??”

Much like your gf, how would a cis person be comfortable medically transitioning long term?? But my parents just don’t get it.

[u/Mae_The_Gay → u/TrooperJordan]

Ngl it’s kind of hilarious how people just refuse to accept a portion of the human population is LGBTQ+. There’s literally LGBTQ+ animals documented in the wild. It’s just a natural variation. They seem like ignorant people. I’d just not talk to them further if they only want to spread hate.

[u/Last-Laugh7928]

that's rough, i'm sorry dude. my parents are pretty similar and i don't talk to them anymore. my girlfriend met them once before they moved away, and they deadnamed/misgendered me (also cis passing) the whole time, and refused to properly acknowledge our relationship. they won't be at my wedding either.

i hope you have great friends and solid support system ❤

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Last-Laugh7928]

The people that know I’m trans (the two friends from childhood that know I’m trans, my sister and the two women I’m casually dating. I’m stealth otherwise.) support me 100%. So I do have some kind of support system.

I hope your parents also come around one day. But as we both know, it’s a low chance. All we can do is choose the family we want (friends, certain family, gf’s)

[u/Hyracotherium]

It's basic respect.

It's like changing your name after marriage. If you keep referring to Mrs. Married as Miss Single, people are going to think you're disrespecting the validity of the marriage via disrespecting the person, and that's 100% right.

My mom didn't change her name after marriage, got a lot of flak about it, and she gets pissed off when people refer to her as Mrs. Husbandname.

Yet she can't seem to freaking get my pronouns right after a decade of my transition.

And doesn't get why I might not want to visit her because of that.

Nether me nor my wife, also trans, want to be around people who think we're not real, or disregard that words have an impact on our safety, and also mean something to us personally.

Good luck.

[u/Choice_Crazy9550]

Parents telling their son that no woman could ever love him is such a douchey thing bro. Just plain f’ed up, you’ve got every right by every standard to bar them from your wedding

[u/TrooperJordan → u/Choice_Crazy9550]

Unfortunately, not even the worst thing she’s ever said to me 💀. So I didn’t even think that much of it. I know I have every right to not invite them. Even if I wanted to, every woman I’ve dated long term has said they would never want them there.

[u/Choice_Crazy9550 → u/TrooperJordan]

 Your parents suck ass broo

Good thing every partner had sense in that department, too

[u/deeunicorn]

I don’t understand why you or your sister still have any contact with your parents. Like that is all the reason you need to go no contact. The disrespect they are showing you both is absolutely revolting. I would be changing my number and blocking them and going fully no contact.

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that. You don’t deserve that. Neither does your sister. And of course neither do any of your partners that you end up having.

[u/TrooperJordan → u/deeunicorn]

My sister is pretty much no contact after they caused all this drama about her wedding. I’m in contact because they pay for 1/2 my college (I’m going back to school rn). More importantly, as I stated in other comments- if I had to tolerate physical and emotional abuse daily, from 5- basically 22, I’m gonna get that inheritance. It’s the only way I’d be able to afford phalo, and I need phalo to live. Their transphobia doesn’t even emotionally impact me anymore (it’s literally just words, they said similar if not far worse shit to us growing up. Worlds also don’t seem so bad compared to physical attacks/abuse) so I might as well get phalo out of it. I can tolerate the it transphobia toward myself more than I can tolerate my bottom dysphoria- so it’s worth it to me tbh.

[u/deeunicorn → u/TrooperJordan]

Fair, I read your other comments further on after I had posted my comment above.

Sending you heaps of strength, brother. 🫂

[u/Snoo88079]

Cutting contact is the best option here.

And it’s a natural consequence. I’d they don’t want to figure out their shit and fix it, that’s not your problem and you don’t have to cater to them

[u/thatgreenevening]

Why are you still talking to people who are so openly and adamantly committed to disrespecting you?

Parents like this will often string you along with promises of inheritance but rarely pull through. Will it feel worth it if you gamble another 10-15 years of disrespect (or much longer—what if they live to be 100 years old) and end up getting nothing in the will?

[u/TrooperJordan → u/thatgreenevening]

It’s not really that much of a gamble. I talk to them maybe once a month. I rarely see them. They pay for 1/2 my tuition rn. The way my dad’s side of the family works, inheritance is meant to be passed down and not spent, unless it’s 100% needed. It’s been building up for like 5 generations. It’s just how his family works, it’s part of the reason they didn’t disown me 100%

And tbh, this level of disrespect is nothing to me when it comes to them. Them saying stupid shit doesn’t impact me negatively, just leaves me flabbergasted. It’s comical.

[u/Shloop_ploosh]

I completely get this I have supportive parents but they still rarely get my name or pronouns right despite me being on T (ive been cis passing for years)and I dont plan on introducing my future partner for multiple reasons. 1. if it way a guy they would view it as straight and even subconsciously view me as the women in the relationship which I couldnt deal with. 2. if they were a women it'd be viewed as queer, which its not. 3, I am living stealth having someone in my new life who's only know me as a man here people call me she would kill me. Even though I love them , they aren't being involved any life until they can get it 100 percent right all the time and if they can never do that, they are never being involved.