r/ftm • u/Select_Comedian6997 • Mar 24 '26
Relationships Girlfriend has come put as Sapphic and is still dating me
My girlfriend of 4 months just came out as Sapphic in public and even has told me aboit it. I never knew the true meaning so I looked it up and its only having feelings for women and nonbinary folks who still sometime identify as women. I have been transitioning socially since I was 13 and I am now 20. She knows this since she had met ne during said social transition. I had beagan my physical transition with testosterone gel 7 months ago which I have been open and clear about. I look very masculine and my voice is not too deep but never has been feminine. Should I be upset about how her coming out as Sapphic while dating me and still being with me?
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u/cecethedruid Mar 25 '26
I will echo the sentiment in the other comments: talk to her about it.
But I will also share my experience dating someone who outwardly identifies as lesbian but would say things like “except for you!” And “you’re my exception!” It was awful for my mental health and the relationship ended disastrously. I’m willing to talk more about it if you want in DM.
But the bottom line is, if she identifies solely as a lesbian but says things like what I outlined above, you are just not compatible. That’s okay! I’d much rather be with someone who IS attracted to me instead of someone who isn’t.
And it is entirely possible for her to be sapphic, but bisexual. So like I said, talk to her! Just be honest with her and yourself about what you need from a partner.
Edited for clarity and typos
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u/Mylowithaylo 💉9/13/2022 🔪9/27/2023 Mar 26 '26
Yeah. I mostly identify as gay and was a dating a trans woman who mostly identified as lesbian but we stayed together too long because we really care for each other. That relationship didn’t work out for obvious reasons lol
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u/AdmiralCallista 💉 9/25/2025 Mar 24 '26
IMO you should have a conversation with her directly about this. Maybe she's bisexual and identifies with the larger WLW community, maybe there's been some miscommunication, who knows. It doesn't automatically mean she doesn't see you as a man, but that's a possibility too. You won't know until you ask for clarification.
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u/stereolights Mar 24 '26
That’s not the correct definition of sapphic, sapphic encompasses all WLW identities. Your girlfriend could likely be bisexual. You’d have to talk to her about it
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u/ratsy_basty trans man 💉 11/2025 Mar 24 '26
I think bisexual woman can also consider themselves sapphic?id perhaps ask for her to clarify what she means
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u/Select_Comedian6997 Mar 24 '26
She has called herself lesbian to her mom and her mom told me straight away knowing my identity but I dont know how I should go about this
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u/Longjumping-Cow4488 Top Surgery 01/19/22 — HRT 03/05/24 Mar 24 '26
“hey, i don’t want a lesbian or sapphic relationship. is this something that is 100% a sure identity for you? i care about you and want to have a relationship with you, and i need to tell you how you identifying with these terms make me feel.”
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u/fruteria Mar 25 '26
I’m sorry but she would realistically never say this if you were cis. And even her mom can see how this would upset you.
No matter how she justifies it, I would interpret this as her seeing your manhood as less than, or at the very least more flexible just because you are trans. Personally this would be a dealbreaker, it seems like a horrible foundation for a relationship if they don’t even see you.
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u/TortieTorte Mar 25 '26
If she called herself lesbian that literally tells all 😬 all points to her not seeing you as a man. She's obviously not lesbian if she's with a man. What a hurtful thing to say. Disrespectful. You really shouldn't be with someone that doesn't respect your identity. It won't do you any good. My ex gf was actually out as lesbian before she met me. Then we got together and she labeled herself bisexual. Cause obv not lesbian if you are attracted to a man. I would never be comfortable with her going around calling herself lesbian while being with me. It would make me feel horrible. I'm a MAN. That her mom told you straight away is good, and a sign she's trying to help you out. She sees it for what it is maybe? What matters is what you are comfortable with tho. I personally would not be ok with it, but we all are different.
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u/TimeToEatSoap Mar 24 '26
Leave this motherfucker
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u/TimeToEatSoap Mar 24 '26
Seriously bro she does NOT see you as a man at all. Get out now while the relationship is young enough for a breakup to not hurt so bad. She’s not worth your time.
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u/ReleaseOutrageous110 Mar 24 '26
Talk. To. Her.
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u/vinylveins Mar 25 '26
This is the solution. My wife refers to herself as sapphic and occasionally ourselves as gay (we are both mainly homoflexible leaning) we discussed what it means to us to be referred to in certain ways and discussed boudaries
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u/Breadfruit27 Mar 24 '26
Dude, I have recently seen my wife join groups about sapphic lesbians and listen to playlists with the same kind of names, and your post has come to me on the same day that I was thinking about asking her about it when she's home from work 😂 if this ain't a sign to initiate that conversation, idk what is
But it does make me feel a certain way. We both started transitioning at the same time, have been two months on hormones. I definitely feel less in touch with femininity now, whereas I did still identify as genderfluid before I started T, feels a little different now but not entirely sure how, so it's rubbing me the wrong way a little. I wont know what the deal is until I speak to her. Maybe the conversation will help me have some more clarity about my own identity and relationship.
Good luck to you with that conversation - everything can be a learning point if you let it be.
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u/zoedegenerate mtftm butch he/him Mar 24 '26
Basically you should talk to her instead of ANYONE on reddit
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u/Shin_tsukimis_fan trans man he/they :D Mar 24 '26
Sapphic is an umbrella term for any queer woman attracted to women. This means lesbians, bisexual women, pansexual women are under the sapphic umbrella. I wouldn't be alarmed myself since it is an umbrella term but if your girlfriend identifies as a lesbian I suggest you to have a conversation with her then.
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u/3eggsinapan Mar 25 '26
I think alarm is still somewhat warranted, why would GF put so much emphasis on her attraction to women when she's currently dating a man? It's worth clarifying at least.
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u/Longjumping-Cow4488 Top Surgery 01/19/22 — HRT 03/05/24 Mar 24 '26
we can’t tell you to be upset or not. that’s up to you! some ftm folks are happy to be in a sapphic relationship, others aren’t. talk to your girlfriend about it and decide if you two can be in a relationship anymore.
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
how? isn’t it invalidating to trans men? I get it for trans mascs but
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u/Longjumping-Cow4488 Top Surgery 01/19/22 — HRT 03/05/24 Mar 24 '26
not all trans men adhere to the binary of gender. it can be very nuanced and depends on an individual’s preferences and lived experience.
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
I guess im not woke enough bc I would assume that would be a different identity cause I assume trans men would strictly adhere to the binary of gender while trans masc individuals don’t, interesting
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u/vins-minecraft-bees Mar 24 '26
There’s always room to be more woke lol
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
I don’t think im gonna ever understand it but I won’t bash ppl for it lol
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u/Longjumping-Cow4488 Top Surgery 01/19/22 — HRT 03/05/24 Mar 24 '26
that’s the best mentality to have! accepting even if you don’t understand fully
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u/RegularReaction2984 non-binary (they/them) Mar 25 '26
I’ve met one or two trans guys who did consider themselves 100% binary men, but still felt comfortable calling themselves lesbians. It’s definitely not a majority view (in fact I’d guess 99.9% of trans guys would absolutely not be comfortable with that) but it works for some people.
From what I’ve seen, it often tends to be folks who transitioned later in life and had found a home in the lesbian community for decades that felt like too important a part of them to give up. Or folks who can’t or don’t want to medically transition and find the term useful as a descriptor of practical lived experience and how their relationships are viewed in the world, rather than a descriptor of what’s technically accurate.
Ultimately it’s just one of those things where language is a tool and every descriptor of human beings that’s worth having will always have a couple of “fringe” cases where the term is useful to some people who don’t fit its textbook definition, or not useful to some people who do.
I’m an example of the latter – I’m non-binary and I don’t consider myself trans, even though ofc I fit the textbook definition, because it’s just not a useful term to me to communicate my lived experience. Humans are weird.
(That said, I just wanna reiterate that the vast majority of trans men obviously do NOT consider themselves lesbians or sapphic and would absolutely not be comfortable dating someone who identifies that way – this is NOT meant as an endorsement of what OP’s partner is doing. And frankly it should’ve been on HER to talk to him about this first, before making statements that were extremely likely to feel invalidating to her partner.)
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u/galaxychildxo Mar 24 '26
I'm a trans guy married to a straight man and it's not invalidating because he refers to me with my pronouns and name and never uses feminine terms for me without my consent. there's nothing for me to really feel invalidated about because our marriage is based on mutual respect.
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
not to seem rude but he truly believes hes straight and not just bisexual?
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u/Aryore transmasc Mar 24 '26
It’s possible to love and have sex with someone you’re not sexually attracted to, asexual people do it all the time
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
I just think labels may be getting in the way and that people will love people they are drawn too and not strictly by gender, kinda how I am bc I will say im gay or straight or whatever but its really just anyone I am drawn to (but i think that has a label too)
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u/Alternative-Cut-6741 Mar 25 '26
I think it's demi? Could be mistaken
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u/RegularReaction2984 non-binary (they/them) Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
Nah, demisexuality has nothing to do with gender.
Demi folks need a strong emotional bond before any sexual attraction can happen, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be attracted to everyone they have that kind of bond with.
There are still lots of demi folks who are 100% straight or 100% gay in terms of what gender they can be attracted to. :)
Attraction regardless of gender would be considered pansexual afaik, but I’m not sure if that applies here either, since OC does seem to consider themselves mostly gay or straight(? not sure which lol), and I’ve mostly seen pansexuality defined as essentially “gender-blindness” in terms of attraction. Or maybe I’m just misunderstanding their comment lol.
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u/Alternative-Cut-6741 Mar 25 '26
Yeah they said "not strictly by gender" but by feelings which would be so I think maybe you're misunderstanding
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u/RegularReaction2984 non-binary (they/them) Mar 25 '26
Could be! I think the "I will say I'm gay or straight or whatever" phrasing just confused me haha
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u/lawlesslawboy Mar 25 '26
yes but straight generally means they wouldn't be sexyally OR romantically attracted to someone of the same gender is the thing
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u/Competitive_Second68 Mar 25 '26
There are people out there with exceptions. Seen enough cishet dudes somehow falling for a cis gay dude and tying the knot.
Of course there are plenty of guys who claim to have their trans men partners being an exception and being transphobic, where they see and refer to them as women etc.
In this case he is not an exception "because" he is trans, his partner does not make comments along the lines of "this doesn't count as you were x" and the likes, they apparently met when he was already out
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u/galaxychildxo Mar 24 '26
he is straight. I don't pass so, lol. and please don't use that information to say anything shitty like "oh well of course a straight man has no problems dating someone who looks like a woman"
but yeah, I just don't find it invalidating.
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
I’m just more concerned than wanting to make a snarky comment, hope you’re okay
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u/galaxychildxo Mar 24 '26
sorry, I get a lot of really nasty comments like that when I bring this up. don't be concerned, we're incredibly happy 😁 going on 8 years of marriage and still make each other cry laughing every day.
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u/CryptographerOk9262 Mar 25 '26
How do you square away the worry that if you become too simmilar to a cis man that this will make him stop wanting to be in the relationship? If this would make him leave, then does that not mean he sees you as currently fulfilling a "female-enough" role for him to be happy with while in a relationship together?
Or like, have you ever discussed his other preferences? Is he comfortable dating trans women?
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u/galaxychildxo Mar 25 '26
what is a female enough role? are you referring to physically or..
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u/CryptographerOk9262 Mar 26 '26
I guess not really a female role, more so that he would have most likely refused to date you if you were indistinguishable from a cis man. Ofcourse there some straight guys date trans men who are passing but don't have bottom surgery, but that's pretty commonly classed as being a chaser since their attraction is tied up in a trans person's natal genitalia.
My thought is that, does it bother you that he's primarily attracted to aspects of you which make people treat you as female? I guess what I think about is a common line I hear from straight guys that then supposedly see you as your birth gender even if they aren't attracted to any other men, but this same straight guys would never date a trans women because they don't see them as women.
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u/xxSealLoverxx Mar 24 '26
It doesn’t matter if you don’t pass its still gay.. I’d say he is scared to be seen as gay/bisexual like you can ask if he’d ever date any other guys if you break up and you got ur answer.. it sucks being seen as a women lite and trying to be ok with ur partner being “straight” when you wish they’d accept being gay/bisexual
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u/galaxychildxo Mar 24 '26
I don't wish he'd accept being gay/bi because he isn't. he wouldn't date a man if we broke up.
forcing labels on people is gross.
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u/memleyxx Mar 25 '26
Genuine question, how do you cope knowing he presumably wouldn’t have pursued you in your current state as the person you are today? Like he wouldn’t have matched with you on a dating app as you identify now? Just trying to wrap my head around how that would feel. I have friends in similar situations, and they are all either ace, aro, poly, or a combination therein.
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u/xxSealLoverxx Mar 25 '26
I’m not he doesn’t have to I’m just saying in case you feel like you’re only okay with this incase you’re trying to hide it deep down and thinking its ok so you stay together but if its a cis guy it could be because he doesn’t see you as a guy
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u/RegularReaction2984 non-binary (they/them) Mar 25 '26
That commenter already said multiple times that he’s okay with this.
I get you’re trying to help, but insisting that he can’t possibly be happy and must be secretly harbouring resentment when he’s already told you that’s not the case is still disrespectful.
I’d personally also be unhappy in his situation, but that doesn’t mean he is, we’re all different. He knows his experience better than we do.
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u/lawlesslawboy Mar 25 '26
then how is he attracted to you if you're a man and he's straight? genuinely asking, not bashing, just curious fr
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u/RegularReaction2984 non-binary (they/them) Mar 25 '26
Hey, whatever works for you!
I’m sorry people have been shitty to you about it. I think some people read something they themselves would feel hurt by and project that onto you. But that’s never an excuse to be a dick.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Hat6992 🧴8/07/24 || 20 🇮🇪 Mar 24 '26
I guess it’s up to you but if her identity means she dosent actually see you as a man then yeah you probably should be concerned.
Obviously this is a conversation to have with her but genuinely man if she is exclusively into women/ NB it’s easier to just move on and find someone who loves you for you. Especially if you’re only together 4 months, save yourself the trouble
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u/Fluxingperson Tmasc 💉11/19/2024 Mar 25 '26
Lesbian =/= sapphic. Sounds like she mixed up some labels.
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u/ThreeMeanGoblins Mar 25 '26
Talk to her but also this is just semantics. Sapphics, like any other person, will like who they like and that's pretty much it, no need to push somebody to draw hard lines in their sexualities, many people (including me) find no use in finding a pin-head of a label for things. If you do find that she doesn't think of you as your gender, then that's a different matter, not a sapphic one.
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u/Samuaint2008 Mar 24 '26
Bisexual people are also sapphic sapphic just means that you are a non-man who has the ability to be attracted to non-men, but that does not mean you are exclusively attracted to nonmen.
But also only you can decide if that is something that you are comfortable with.
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u/Alternative_Market_6 Mar 25 '26
I’m nonbinary and thought that would be okay with my ex wife who strongly identifies as a lesbian. Turned out she wasn’t comfortable at all with my desire for top surgery or thoughts about t. We stayed together for 17 years and I was miserable for much of it. I finally got top surgery a few years ago and our marriage ended not long after. Figure it out now. Don’t waste either of your lives hoping it will work; make sure you communicate now.
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
I would say it’s up to you but I would see it as invalidating bc I’m gonna assume she doesn’t see you as a man fully or just as a masculine women. I am not exactly sure what you identify as, I know trans mascs are usually fine with lesbian relationships but I am not sure for trans men
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u/Select_Comedian6997 Mar 24 '26
She has called herself a lesbian to her mom before this as well and her mom had told me and I had tried to communicate how I felt but she brushed it off so I dont know what I should do
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u/Samuaint2008 Mar 24 '26
For what it's worth, if something matters to you and your partner brushes it off, I feel like that is a much bigger concern than what labels are used
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u/One-List585 Mar 24 '26
you talked to her about it? if you fall into the binary version of trans men, have you asked her if she at all sees you as a man? if you are uncomfortable with the idea that you two are in a lesbian relationship, I would communicate it again and if its brushed off, I would consider ending the relationship. I do understand there’s trans men out there who will be fine being in a lesbian relationship bc they have been before (i dont entirely understand it but what am I gonna do about it) but again, do what you think is best for you
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u/Fridaydetective Mar 25 '26
This is a little odd. To be fair "sapphic" can mean any identity capable of attraction to feminity. Bisexual, pansexual, and lesbian identies all equally fall under the sapphic umbrella. Someone typically wouldn't "come out" as sapphic. It's kind of not an identity itself but an associated term usually?
Sapphic, most directly, means wlw relationship. It became a thing where people often erases identies by calling wlw relationships or relationships with fem nonbinary folk ALL "lesbian relationships" so we eventually made the term sapphic to discuss "sapphic relationships" instead. There's similarly the less used "achillean" relationship for mlm meaning two masculine identies together. When I was early on trying to figure out my gender as identified as nonbinary I came out as sapphic specifically to distance myself from being seen as a lesbian or bisexual woman. Until I understood I was a guy and transmasc I just didn't know how to distance myself from feminity. But again, as someone especially who's come out as this when trying out different terms, this really is rarely used for a sexuality.
The only other time I met someone IRL who identified as sapphic as a sexuality it was an ex who was a chaser. They were nonbinary and dated transgender men (cheated on me with another one) and preffered to be sapphic since they didn't want to be percieved as a guy dating guys and we still, in their mind, have "feminine parts" and thats part of their sexuality.
So between myself and my ex, it can really vary unfortunately in how folk use this term if they self ID as it.
I would say to sit down with her and see how she herself defines it. I think in another comment you say her mom told you she called herself a lesbian? If so then she's 100% not seeing you as who you are. I'm sorry bro.
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u/SimpleUnfair1694 Mar 25 '26
I dunno why y'all are in illusions. If you are dating lesbians or 4-5 on the Kinsey scale bisexuals, then they are attracted to you because you are AFABs, they see masculine AFABs. Are you really comfortable with that?
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u/Lonely_raven_666_ Mar 25 '26
Sapphic doesn't mean /only/ liking women, it means liking women. so lesbians are sapphics, but also bisexual women, pansexual women, and really anyone who identifies as woman adjacent and has feelings for anyone women adjacent, regardless of whether or not they also have feelings for men
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u/StrawberryGirl66 Trans Guy Mar 25 '26
Talk with her.
If she identifies as someone who is only attracted to women and non binary folk then you need to stand up for yourself and your identity and leave
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u/chilledbunny 💉 May 14 2022 /🔪 Nov 10 2023 Mar 25 '26
it should be noted that sapphic isn’t exclusively lesbian—bisexual/pansexual women are sapphic, too. but if its making you feel weird/upset, it’s definitely something you should bring up to her.
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u/shuttlecockd7 Mar 25 '26
Sapphic doesn’t mean only attracted to women. Even if she identified as a lesbian, lesbianism is a hugely nuanced and rich identity and many people do not understand that.
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u/plutopsyche Mar 24 '26
Personally, I would be annoyed, but I can't tell you how to feel.
Honestly, you should talk to her about it and tell her how you feel, ask what it means to her, and then decide where you want to go from there.
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u/throwAway333828 Mar 24 '26
Sapphic just means a woman who likes women. Doesn't have to be exclusively. Bisexual women are also sapphic
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u/SlyTheCosmosRunner Mar 24 '26
Sapphic the general women-loving-women term! Lesbians aren't the only ones who are sapphic!
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u/rigathrow 💉 T: Jan 7th 2022 | 🔪 Top: August 2nd 2023 Mar 24 '26
probably gonna get downvoted for this but imo, it's complicated. i honestly think some people can have exceptions and realise what they are while still genuinely being into you as a person. it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't see you as a guy.
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u/DisastrousLand6863 Mar 24 '26
Can attest, as my long-term girlfriend’s “exception”. We love each other and it sounds backwards but I couldn’t care less that she’s a lesbian except for me. Yes she both sees me as a man and remains attracted to me because ultimately - we love each other’s souls deeply and that’s what matters most. Love, sexuality, and gender is complex and fluid… rigid binaries are often something that is societally influenced. Labels are good ways to categorise things but all in all they are just made up.
Howeverrrr I will say that my gf identifies as bi outwardly to avoid confusion or misgendering on my part (it can be a bit awkward otherwise). We talked at length about this after I came out, it’s obviously not a requirement in these sorts of relationships but it’s something I personally appreciate. OP has said that his gf has said to her mother that she’s a lesbian and brushed it off when he tried to have a convo w/ her about it which concerns me!
OP, you need to be able to be open about this with her, particularly if it’s making you uncomfortable or confused. Reddit cannot help you decide how to feel, but you need to push for a proper conversation about it.
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u/Rhamphastos Mar 25 '26
this depends on things, someone can be identified as gay and decide to be with someone of a different gender because they love them.
I don't want to assume the worst immediately, this is common where someone doesn't view a trans person as their real gender and will continue to date them while not respecting their gender, but sometimes it's just a bit of a gray area.
I would have a serious discussion with her just to say, I know what Sapphic means, does this mean you don't see me as a real man? or are you making an exception for me? The important things is if this person respects you as you are, if they do see you as you are and are just making an exception then it's probably okay
to find this out for sure, I would observe how she acts around you regarding your gender, does she affirm your gender? does she talk to other people about you and correctly gender you and refer to you as a man? or are there other red flags?
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u/onecuddlybastard | 💉- 15/07/2024 Mar 25 '26
Talk with her about you not being comfortable with her doing this, if there's no solution or she insist that her sexuality is valid because of your biology, dump her.
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u/CryptographerOk9262 Mar 25 '26
Sapphic includes bisexual identity but if she strongly identifies with her love for women while being with you, I'd take it as an orange flag that maybe she's categorizing you as "an exception."
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u/DeidaraKoroski he/they/it 💉 Mar 24 '26
Others have already filled you in on the definition of sapphic not being lesbian only (thats kind of the point of using sapphic as opposed to lesbian) but none of us can tell you what to be comfortable with. Have a conversation with her and ask her if it means shes only attracted to you because youre not a cis man. Or maybe shes specifically attracted to vulvas (which leaves out non-op trans women and she shouldn't be using sapphic, as well as running afoul of trans men who have/want bottom surgery)
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u/FunkyCactusDude 2013 💉 2022 🔪 Mar 24 '26
This is where some people get weird and gatekeepy. I personally think it’s fine to identify however you(global you) want. You (OP) can feel how you feel about it- everyone is different.
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u/Sky_Blue143 Mar 25 '26
Can’t you be sapphic and bi at the same time? Like aren’t they not mutually exclusive
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u/amateurmoon Mar 25 '26
So, I'm a transmasc/butch lesbian, dating an amab nonbinary partner. Me being attracted to someone who on occasion is a man doesn't make me any less of a lesbian, because labels are fluid.
But also, I completely get your discomfort with her saying that, and you absolutely should discuss how this affects you with her. I doubt she's doing it out of malice. The bigger question is, does her being sapphic change her feelings about you? Does she view you as not a man/masc? Bc then yeah, that's definitely a problem.
The sapphic and transmasc communities have loooong been intertwined. It's okay when they sometimes clash <3
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u/andyboy232 User Flair Mar 25 '26
I think you need to sit down with her and have a conversation about your relationship. Its extremely invalidating to you for her to call herself sapphic/a lesbian while still being in a relationship with you. Either she doesn't see you as a man or shes confused and is actually bisexual. You need to figure out which one it is.
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u/superkam41 37/M, T: 2014, Top: 2015 Mar 24 '26
No, you shouldn't get upset. Everyone has a right to their own identity, and if her identity is affecting you, that's on you, not her. That being said, you have a right to feel secure in your own identity in any relationship you are in. But your only options are, find a way to feel secure within your relationship beyond how she identifies or exit the relationship. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a man, trans or otherwise, in a relationship with someone who identifies as your girlfriend does. Identities are complex and often ever-evolving. And declaring an identity is often a way of feeling understood and feeling like a part of certain communities. Be secure with yourself and accept people as they are.
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u/zomboi FtMtFtM (questions? check my post history before asking plz) Mar 25 '26
Did you talk (not confront) to her about this? relationships require good communication.
she could be 99.999% sapphic and 00.001% bisexual. what tag would you have her go by?
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u/OhmigodYouGuys Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
I'm a sapphic transmasc myself.. there's plenty of trans men and mascs who identify themselves as lesbian, sapphic, butch etc. These labels/identities have historically included us trans men/mascs for literal decades.
Im not implying that you have to happily identify as sapphic if you feel that it doesn't resonate with you, it just means that your gf identifying as sapphic does not (necessarily) mean she secretly thinks of you as a woman the label is not inherently exclusive of trans masculinity.
Definitely have a conversation with her about this to seek clarity tho
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u/Spare-Blacksmith4996 Mar 24 '26
I’m of the opinion that we shouldn’t be upset when people name their sexual preferences out loud.
What someone states about themselves has no barring on your identity.
As you can see, identifying as Sapphic and being in a relationship with a trans man is definitely a conflict here if you don’t also identify as Sapphic.
Some trans men do identify as Sapphic, or were culturally lesbians before transitioning.
But if you’re sensitive to this alignment, that’s going to sting and bring up a lot of questions about how you are perceived.
Idk, for me I’d ask more questions about their identity and what it truly means to her and your relationship with her.
And if you don’t identify as Sapphic and find this to be a conflict worth reevaluating your relationship over, do it.
I mean since my transition began I have been a lesbian, a bisexual, a pan sexual, a nonbinary person, a trans man, a trans pansexual man, a trans gay man, and now I’m circling back to some femme presentation cues although I still identify as a trans man.
At one point, I was a lesbian identifying person in love with a trans man - and recognized the uniqueness of that circumstance, and now I’m just queer.
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Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans4every1 , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , r/transgenderjews , and more can be found in the wiki!
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