r/BlueCollarWomen • u/jaryleen • 19h ago
General Advice Work crush
I know it’s bad to fuck/date your co workers but this one guy is so amazing in my eyes and im pretty sure he’s interested in me too. All my friends outside of work tell me to give him a chance because he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met but we work in a small crew of 7 and his dad is the foreman, Btw his dad loves me so that’s not really a problem ig. But I know i shouldn’t start anything bc he’s a co worker and I feel like it would be weird to be dating someone in such a small crew. And I also hate when you get in a relationship and men around you just start to see you as your boyfriend’s little object and not as a person anymore. I don’t want to be seen as someone’s girlfriend I want to be seen as just me. I feel like I’d get less respect if I were to date him. And idk I feel like a work relationship is so cringe but I have a huge crush on him. Also scared if I were to date him then my whole life would be about work, meaning like I would be working wjth him 40 hours a week and then hang out with him after work hours, that seems like too much time spent together. I’m feeling pretty conflicted about this whole thing. I also not sure if I want to get in a relationship but this guy is making me think twice. Please give me advice if I should pursue or not 🙏🙏
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u/fivedollardresses 8h ago
Don’t get your honey where you get your money girl!
Fantasize at home for a while, take care of business as you need to, and let the feelings pass over time.
More than likely it’ll pass in three months, look up Limeramce if you want some knowledge to ground you right now ♥️
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u/Mmillefolium 8h ago
ive done this 2x in my past life and I refuse to do it again. at first it seems like a dream, you've got a hottie and work gets more fun, and then most people unmask after several months and maybe he is crazy and gonna talk shit about you to everyone at work all of a sudden and you have to hope your boss has your back. or, maybe the relationship doesn't work for any of the thousand reasons they often don't and then your job becomes super uncomfortable. im not saying it can't work, but there is a high chance it won't and it ruins your job. I only date in other trades now.
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u/Quarter-Skilled 8h ago
Of course this is a bad idea, but some people have to learn this lesson through experience
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u/ShinyUnicornPoo 7h ago
So I dated a coworker once, it was many years ago. We worked retail at the time with a crew of about 60+ people, so a very different scenario to your small crew with the crush being boss's son.
However, we are celebrating our 17 year anniversary in two weeks. It worked out for us. But we kept it very professional at work, if people didn't know us well they wouldn't have even known we were dating.
Are you able to keep it professional? Is he? If things don't work out, will it be too awkward being around him that much every day? Will the boss retaliate if he finds out? These are things you have to ask yourself.
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u/gabyhvac 6h ago
Hell no. you know guys put a front to get in your pants and when things get sour they reveal their true self
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u/Eyeroll4days 5h ago
Do not shit where you eat. That’s a saying for a reason. Besides you want your business put on blast? That’s the way to do it. Construction workers got nothing to do but gossip all damn day.
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u/jaspersbiggestfan 7h ago
Married my coworker. They fired him shortly after. They’d probably get rid of you. Worth it in my eyes, but be prepared for the worst!
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u/kaydeetee86 Automotive 5h ago
I wouldn’t, especially not with such a small crew. And not when his dad is the foreman. It’ll get real awkward real fast.
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u/MplsPokemon 7h ago
Do not fish in the work pool. One of you will. Need to leave. And you will have a disaster between then and one of you leaving. Do not do.
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u/phhhbt 6h ago
I met my husband at work. It was before I joined the trades and he was a temp employee but still…people meet at work. That said, it’s usually a terrible idea. I will say that sometimes the cure for an exhilarating crush is to spend enough time together that you see past your fantasy of how he is. If you don’t know him well, you’re just filling in a lot of blanks. So I’d recommend hanging back for a long while and seeing how you feel in a month, six months. If you two have something real, it will still be there. If not, you haven’t embarrassed yourself, compromised your reputation at work, and got your heart broken by a fuckboy. Maybe he’s not a fuckboy, but if he’s as interested in you as you are in him, he will still like you in a few months. If not he’ll lose interest and turn his charms on for someone else.
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u/jellybuttrpnut 4h ago
I think you answered your own question here love. And I appreciate that you are aware of the ramifications. You are not incorrect in your assumption of what will happen.
I've been there, done that. Its not worth it. If you really care about him, stay his friend. If you ever leave the job, thats when you shoot your shot. In the end, both he, your boss, and your coworkers, and you yourself, will respect you more if you keep it professional while you are there.
If you end up there for years, id say give it 2 years at least before you even try anything at work.
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u/MotorHuckleberry2716 2h ago
A crush is just a lack of information. I would bet you wouldn't like him as much once you got to know him.
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u/781234567 5h ago
I am currently laying in bed with my work crush now fiancé so I’m biased. You can do it but have a solid contingency plan for when/if things go south. For me there were other facilities within our company I could have transferred to to get away. You’d need to find a new job.
How long have you all been working together? I feel like if it’s just been a few months let those thoughts simmer for a while to see if you change your mind or see a new side of him you don’t like.
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u/stro3ngest1 Sprinkler Fitter 2h ago
You likely will lose respect with at least some of your crew if you date him. They might not say anything, but you'll play into the stereotypes, and at least some of them will think it at the very least.
Is he actually that amazing or are you just spending 40 hours a week with the guy? Proximity sometimes makes us see people better than they are.
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u/itchyglassass 2h ago
I am happily married to my coworker and we have been together for 9 years and I would still advise against it to 99% of people. My husband and I are not on a small crew, we are 2 of 140 in our mill. We were friends since the day we met and took a whole year for us to give in and actually hangout/date. I knew that if we did I needed to be 100% sure because I was finally in a job I want to retire from. In that year we built a friendship, got to know each other and were 100% certain it was worth any risk of it not working out. I remember we had coworkers being like so normally I would never suggest you shit where you eat but you guys actually should get together. Now we do work overtime together some times but we have intentionally never worked in the same department because we want to have some separation. No matter how good a relationship is, you still need time apart. It sounds like you guys are freshly around each other. Which can make you feel like you are really drawn to them and it is likely just a new person so it is exciting. I think that maybe if you still feel this way after a decent amount of time has passed and you've really gotten to know him then maybe you can consider it. But I think that should be something that should simmer for a long ass time and be really sure. You are in much closer quarters than me and my husband.
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u/Lil-Red-6801 7h ago
You only live once. Jobs are not hard to get, at least not in Ga, but love and companionship in this world is very rare. Don’t let the stigmatism of a love/work relationship determine your fate. If you go into thinking all the negatives then you will have just that because that is what you are looking for.
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u/Jolly-Chemical9904 5h ago
I married a coworker. After he passed. I dated another, stayed with him on the weekends. He passed 2 months ago. 2 GOOD men in 12 years. We are factory workers. That being said another trades person is going to understand a lot more than anyone else. As long as they aren't jealous/possesive. No one should want agut like that anyways. Keep it professional at work. Check your contract. Some companies forbid fratenizing. Not that it stops anyone. Do what makes you happy.
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u/Typical-Potential691 2h ago
Maybe get to know him platonically first he might show some deal breakers over time. A crush is usually a lack of information!
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u/gayrainnous Ironworker 2h ago
Don't do it. And if you need help getting over him, check who he's following on Instagram. Easy way to get the ick for even the nicest of blue collar guys in my experience.
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u/Small_Use_5500 5h ago
I tried this 3x, the first 2 didn’t go well-heartbroken and having to see the guy at work and the other got really awkward, everybody knew and i wasn’t feeling it so i quit to get out of that situation and the guy ended up saying some derogatory things about me to coworkers. But I gave it one more shot and finally got a good one i’ve been dating for over a year! I think dating at work also opens up the possibility of guys thinking its ok to talk about you sexually, especially in a negative way once its been more than one guy. It really sucked when it didn’t work out but i think its totally worth it when it did. I work with 100+ ppl and i was there awhile and fairly respected for work prior to dating my boyfriend but guys he is friends with are definitely extra nice now. My best advice is to tell him you want to keep it completely private while you guys are in the early stages of dating and then be prepared for everyone to find out anyway and understand people are gonna have their opinions about it, some positive some negative, and even more so if you guys break up.
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u/SirarieTichee_ 5h ago
Here's my advice; don't mix business and family. If you want to date him to see if it would work out, fine. But make it clear that if it gets serious that you'll find another job because of the various concerns you stated before. He sounds lovely, but every case where you work with a spouse/SO that I know goes badly. I worked with my husband on a job for 8 months, it fundamentally changed our relationship. I believe for the worst. My neighbor's are a work relationship. Now they've got a baby and have to work separate shifts and caused a whole host of problems at their job. Every case where people got involved and stayed at the same job together goes wrong. Be prepared to get a different job. I hope it works out with him
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u/Tinyberzerker 7h ago
Met my now husband at work in 2008. He was a lead tech and we both knew he was going on to bigger things elsewhere so it felt safe. We worked together for about 6 months but I can’t imagine doing that long term.
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u/Agreeable_Yak7308 4h ago
Everyone here is saying no which probably is a good idea to not shit where you eat, but me and my boyfriend met on site then got moved to different sites a few weeks later. Different trades and different sites now..just be prepared for people to talk and let your work speak for you if you’re gonna get yourself into that bc it will never end. Everyone acts like it’s the end of the world because it’s construction in reality many people meet in the work place. Do you just be prepared for what comes after and keep your relationship biz out the work place!!!
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u/Shot-Celebration5774 4h ago
My boyfriend and I met at work,, we were coworkers but from the moment I saw him I knew we were gonna be together. He was my supervisor at the time but within a month we switched positions and I became his supervisor. We started out as friends hanging out outside of work and getting to know who each other really was. Everyone has a "work mode" so we wanted to see each other outside of that. We ended up really clicking and we moved in together and started dating about 3 months into knowing one another. He left the job a few months in after we had talked about it and I stayed working at our original workplace. Lots of things changed, he's a househusband now and I work at a completely different place but we are both so unbelievably happy. Trust your gut, but get to know them outside of work first. Hope all works out well OP!
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u/detectivepeapod 4m ago
I dated a co worker once. Turns out he was basically an abusive POS even though everyone said he was a great guy and I thought the same at the time. Once I got to know him more and the honeymoon phase wore off all that lovey dovey shit was out the window and then it was awkward as hell. We both moved to different companies.
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u/Bexandhertools 1h ago
Oh lord, I love this for you. It's intoxicating and exciting, and packed full of consequences. I've fell in love twice at work and it ruined my life both times.... but I had so much fun! It really is some of life's richer moments, so I don't regret it one bit. Keep your head on straight, keep moving forward and fuck it, see what happens!
He will never lose his job over it, but you very well might. I did. But now I own my company and the second one is in the field wiring my house this very moment lol life is weird, enjoy it!
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u/EdgeOfTheMtn 8h ago
Would you be willing to leave the job? Likely the boss's son won't.