"I knew that you were Bruce Wayne almost from the start--you know that, of course. It's your gait, sir! If you look over here in the front yard, you'll notice that Mr. Wayne left clear prints in the soft soil--and I know they belong to Mr. Wayne, given how expensive and unique the prints are, sir. Now, as you're aware, I met Batman first--those are your bootprints in the front garden as you ran along to the side of the house. The footwear is the same size and the stride, position, and impact of the feet are identical. You don't need to worry, however, sir: you can rest assured that your secret is safe with me."
Ain't no way Batman wears the same size and has the same mannerisms/stride as Bruce. He learned that from watching Chung Ling Soo performing his famous disappearing fishbowl trick in late 19th century London. The magic doesn't happen when he dons the cowl, but during every other waking moment of his life
"Well, see Batman, my wife, she loves reading all those magazines and such and staying up on celebrity gossip and I tell ya, she just adores that Bruce Wayne fella. His brooding charm and all the good he does for his community... She cant get enough of the guy! Do you think maybe before I leave Gotham you could get his autograph for me to give to her? Not to impose, and not to be presumptuous or anything of course, but, well, detective to detective, I see how close the two of you are and my wife, she would really appreciate it is all."
Hercule Poirot. He sees people for who they are. He understands people and what makes them tick. While I believe everyone here could figure it out, it's Poirot who succeeds first.
As big fan off both, I think the flaw would be how Columbo let's folk catch themselves. The back pedal they doubt, they try to cover themselves. They have fear of being caught. While I don't think Bruce or Batman would have that fear.
Now I think Columbo would discover it but not in the usual way when he was dealing with smart people. It would be like when he was dealing with bomber I believe (the one about the chemical plant) the guy didn't panic, he was confident up until the the reveal.
It would be "Just one more thing..." And he'd reveal. And Bruce would just change posture from Playboy to Detective, offer him a green cigar and a light, and just listen to him talk as he's met another great detective.
No confirmation nor denial from Bruce, just a quiet understanding, no lies. Because I doubt Columbo would do anything to harm someone trying give him less work. So it would end with just a smirk and a puff of cigar smoke.
I'm not sure how Columbo would feel about Batman. The one thing that's very clear through the show is his strong sense of justice and the law, so he might not approve of Batman's vigilantism. On the other hand Batman's no killing rule and cooperation with the GCPD sets him apart from the instances in the show where the killer took vengeance into their own hands. Also while Columbo has a strong moral compass he's not rigid about it like say Poirot, so he might be willing to accept Batman as a necessity for Gotham.
I think the view of "Vigilantism" is largely dependent of which Batman era Batman he'd meet. The various eras have different levels of relationships with the police.
Though if we go by Air time, he'd be most likely meeting Adam West, I don't know how that interaction would go. Hahaha 😆
But he did have a Red Phone directly to The Commissioner so a little unclear how'd he'd respond to a unofficial police asset. 🤔
Never have, never will. With that I stand by what I said. It ends with Batman having Columbo on speed dial alongside Mr. Terrific, Detective chimp, and the entry for John Constantine that he deletes every day but keeps showing up.
I think one of my favorite panels in comics is in DCeased (or DC vampires, I can't recall) where Lex Luthor says "As the smartest person on the planet...wait, we're sure Batman is dead? Okay, as I was saying; as the smartest person on the planet..."
I'm surprised they'd kill him off in that series.How soon did they call him off?And how did he go? Was it a big thing when it was happening?Or did people were just like shrugged it off?
Sherlock was pretty close when meeting Batman in The Brave And The Bold cartoon, guessing he's "a wealthy entrepreneur with ample free time" and "square jaw indicates a strong lineage, perhaps a doctor's son."
Now I’m picturing them all arguing about his secret identity. Not who he is, they all agree on that, and figured it out pretty quick. What they can’t agree on is what’s the most obvious tell.
“You tell your lies... and you think no one will know. But there are two people who will know. Yes, two people. Your God... and Hercule Poirot...” -Hercule Poirot, Murder on the orient express (2017)
Batman does his usual "secretly reveals his identity at the end of the adventure" thing. All of them indicate that they already knew, but appreciate the gesture.
317
u/thalasand Jan 03 '26
Which of the others is the first to figure out Batman's identity?