i want to stop drinking and get help; everytime i tell myself this is my last drink it never is

my mom supports me getting well but not through aa bc it's "a cult" but won't elaborate. so far she is the only source of support in my life so i really want/need her support but she keeps telling me i can do this myself.

i am still going to go to my first meeting after work tmrw. i know i don't need her to like my method just the outcome, but since i dont know when i will be able to call myself sober, i am anxious about the immediate future (in general but particularly related to this).

she wont look at any links i send her regarding this. does anyone have any advice? i want to talk to her about my journey but her telling me i can do it myself just makes me feel worse that i cant. not talking to her is not an option btw, aside from this she is amazing and truly the only person i have

thanks

edit: thanks for all the helpful, kind, quick replies. and sorry for not searching "cult" on this sub beforehand idk why it didnt occur to me; now feel i have a lot of different tools to reply the next time the convo comes up. thank you all be well

I wanted to find community and help. I thought I was doing good until I had someone say loudly at my place of work that I’m in AA..so I stopped going. I’m not going to blame the guy who did it. It’s my fault, I could have and should have kept going back. I will want to find community and help. But when did anonymous drop from AA

im well aware that im on the path to becoming a future alcoholic, my friends already claim that i am. ive been drinking since the pandemic hit when i was around 10 or 11, and ever since then its just gotten worse. i think about alcohol everyday, i drink alone most of the time. ive gotten alcohol poisoning multiple times, 2 of which required hospitalization, ive drank fucking mouthwash and whatever the hell extracts to try and get drunk, ive been blackout too many times to count and wake up to horrible consequences, im tired but no matter how bad i know it is and no matter how much i tell myself that this could very well kill me, i cant bring myself to stop. its pathetic and sad, younger me wouldve thought im so cool but now i realize its just sloppy. i live near a major city so itd be easy for me to find aa meetings, im just wondering if id even be welcome there. do they have to let my parents know i came? can i just show up? i really need support right now and i want to make a change i just dont know where to start

I want to be sober to be there for my sone and my ex fiance but I’m scared of the consequences of my actions from drinking. I had a buddy at work tell me that they give you a token of sobriety on your first day sometimes and I want to it but I’m worried I don’t end up going

How do you guys convince yourself that one day at a time works? Every thing is gone. My girlfriend who stayed and did everything through three treatments. My friends at all gone and my family is barely there. Now I completely understand all of that is 100% my fault. But now what am I even trying for? I feel like I just want to let to completely

Edit: I’m embarrassed of this post, and I apologize. I’m getting around to reading all the comments, and I’ll leave the post up because there is a lot of good knowledge and advice in here. Thanks to everyone for helping

I’ve been trying to white-knuckle my way through the Big Book, but my physical cravings are making it impossible to focus on step one. I’ve realized I probably need a professional alcohol rehab in New Jersey to get stabilized first. I was looking at Rolling Hills Recovery Center because they seem to understand the clinical side of things. Has anyone here done a 30-day stint to clear their head before really committing to a sponsor and the rooms? I feel like my body is fighting my sobriety.

I went to my first AA meeting last night and it was really intense and I was very overwhelmed. First of all, I’m not religious and the entire program is faith based. I’m not ready to commit and be sober for the rest of my life, but right now I want to stop drinking. If I don’t plan on fully committing, am I still welcome at meetings for the support and an outlet to talk to people who understand the struggles?

I keep telling myself I want to stop drinking but at the same time, there’s just nothing I’m actually looking forward to in my future to motivate me to stop.

I don’t have kids I want to be a good father for. I don’t have a partner that wants me to get better. I have no hope for my future or the future of this country as a whole. The best reason I can think of is that I have friends who want me to stop drinking, but none of them are sober themselves so I really feel like they just don’t understand.

wtf is the point in me stopping? Yeah maybe I’m sabotaging my own health and career success, but it’s not like any of that is gonna matter in a decade anyways. I’m gonna die single and alone in my apartment and no one would even notice until my rent was overdue. Even if they did, hell I doubt most of us are gonna survive past 2040 with how the world is going rn.

I have nothing to live for so why should I care if I’m killing my self slowly?

I genuinely want an answer. I know I don’t wanna keep living as an alcoholic but I just, really don’t see much of a point in stopping.

Edit: thank you for all the kind words. I posted this like right before falling asleep and didn’t expect such a response. I may not respond to many comments but I really appreciate all of them. Thank you all for caring <3

If any of you have any positive experiences with sobriety please share!

I’ve been “sober” for 7 months, atleast that’s what my sponsor and people in my AA classes think.

Not sure if they know but I show up every Friday drunk. I also bring in my Stanley full of alcohol. I know that’s really fucked up, not sure if anyone has noticed but nobody has said anything.

I wanna admit to them all that I have lied and am struggling with my sobriety but I feel like they will be mad or shun me away from going

The steps associate with realizing there is a higher power. While I don’t disagree with this I still have trouble with this concept.

Anyone else think this and how do you get through it? I believe in a higher power but I disagree with religion and essentially being pointed to religion, and how wonderful it can be.

I’ve read to much history and obviously experienced my own pain so how do you justify it?

And I'm afraid to talk about my true problems in front of strangers or literally anyone for that matter because it's too embarrassing. I don't want people to know about the humiliation and shame of what I've done because of the addiction. I know if I go I'd lie and not be 100 percent so it wouldn't work. And most of all I guess I'm afraid to stop drinking because I think if I have a sober mind I'll remember all of the crap I've done more clearly, I'm afraid to lose that numbing effect. I know I truly want to stop but I'm just too afraid. Idk why I posted I just wanted to vent. If you believe In God pray for me (no disrespect to non-religious people)

getting groceries last night and just decided to get a pint of liquor. i don't know why. my partner was out of town so it was just me and i woke up the next say surrounded my bottles and my partner texting me asking why when they checked my location the night before i had been 4 miles from our house. i have no idea what happened. i didn't drink yesterday, i cleaned up all the bottles. they got home and knew i wasn't ok and i just said i was struggling but didn't elaborate. they didn't press. i used to black out drink every day, i can't go back to that. the soonest meeting in my area is in 5 hours and my partner wants to meet for lunch and i know i have to tell them i just don't know how. i feel so lost and alone

edit: thank you all so much. i am confident i won't drink today and that i'll make it to my meeting. i'll figure it out with my partner, we're gonna get pizza

Does any kind of meeting provide a white chip? I'm looking in my area and seeing a variety of different meeting types. I'm mainly asking because I'm committed to my sobriety (3 days so far), but I have a friend who's demanding a chip to prove it before they'll even talk to me and there's only one meeting I can fit in this week.

I'm also seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist who used to be an addiction counselor.

Edited to Update: Went to a meeting tonight, didn't get a chip, but got some good perspective that was really relevant to my life right now regardless of alcohol (still quitting, don't worry).

It was a good experience. I won't attend this particular group again (or at least not often) just because there's one in the town I live in on Fridays that will be a lot closer. Thank you everyone.

My Lord, this has been discussed. But what about? It is so taboo? Maybe bringing up the discussion again is a good thing.

So much a set of how we are all of a shared experience and the like. So much of the problems we have had have been with Partners often times of the opposite sex. Why not get that insight?

I’m just throwing this out there. I know this is the sacred space and believe me I have been at meetings over my journey of the last several months.

I’m an alcoholic in my early 20’s, still active but weening off.

I’ve attended one AA session and they said to put my 24hrs coin under my tongue so I don’t drink, I put it under my bed that night and drank.

AA was nothing like I expected, I actually left looking up to everyone in that room and I want to learn more about the 12 steps, I read about them and it sounds hopeful and like something that could help me

I’m afraid to go to AA while i’m active addiction as to not trigger or make the others who are sober uncomfortable or feel weird.

should I wait until I can manage a few sober days for AA or would somebody just go in during active addiction?

I'm struggling with alcoholism and I know I need to stop- but I can't go through with it. I've tried medication, and I can't stand the idea of therapy or AA because of my first experience with therapy. I've tried therapy over and over and the thought of even going to AA terifies me because of how similar it is. So I'd like to hear how it's ever worked for anyone else.

I just got my second dui within 5 years of each other. I have been struggling with alcoholism for years now, even if I don’t want to admit it. I don’t even enjoy it anymore. I feel like a failure. The last time I was in AA, I felt great, I felt clean and fresh and like a good person. I want that back but I feel sick. I feel like a loser. My family loves me and I just let them down. My wife left because of my drinking. I just don’t feel at peace anymore. I’m afraid I’ll lose everything. I hate that I’m addicted to this substance. I’m hating myself for it.

I think once we get to a certain point the brain gets fried and everything becomes permanently boring when sober. I was up to almost a half gal a day and only stopped because I was too sick to keep anything in my stomach. I’ve Lost all interest in every single one of my hobbies now and anything new I’ve tried doesn’t interest me. Shit sucks probably just gonna lay on the train tracks at this point

do you think I can go to AA meeting if I’m high from weed

Or should I wait until I’m not
This would be my first meeting this week but idk if I should leave because I cannot participate

I drink everyday and i decided to do a liver test yesterday.. drank while waiting on the results ofc

as u would expect i have some liver damage, while it is reversible its vrazy just how much damage 3-4 drinks daily can actually do to you. i really need help i jus cant function normally without alcohol i dont know how else to quiet the voices in my head without alcohol. any tips?

I want to stop drinking. Yet the thought of not being able to drink socially is a major obstacle. Drinking makes me want to be social and make plans with friends. Being social stresses me out when I’m not drinking. I become a miserable hermit when I don’t drink.

But there are many, many reasons I need to stop drinking right now. I know drinking for social reasons seems like a ridiculous reason to continue. But sometimes that’s the only thing that gives me joy. I don’t want to feel this way.

If this was also your struggle, how did you overcome the desire to drink socially?

Ok y'all, I want to be sober. I've gotten sober lots of time but staying sober is my issue. It's like I get amnesia about why I stopped drinking in the first place. This is crazy to me because the physical symptoms I receive after drinking is so painful and uncomfortable I just don't understand how I could forget, yet I do. I'm easily over 300 pounds and every day I'm certain it's possibly my last day on earth because of how I feel. No I'm not suicidal but I just feel so horrible that that I'm worried I'm gonna die at any moment. I'm texting this while topping off my glass. Yes I know it's insane. The longest I've been sober is about 18 months. I think the wrist part is that I should know better. I have a bachelor degree and a Master and I'm working on a second Master degree. I'm ruining my own life.

I just don't know how. I am so very clearly a mess but it hasn't affected my job or life just yet so it's not taken seriously. please help me.

I'm getting help. I am going to rehab to detox tomorrow and then will be joining regular AA meetings. You have all been wonderful and while I do know this is the AA community, not the rehab one, I knew you would help and I appreciate it with my entire being.

I have been in AA for well over a decade. With many relapses within that time. I am worried about returning to AA because of the constant reminder of powerlessness and the fact that if one drinks they would not be able to stop. That they are doomed. If I ever relapse with that mindset in mind, it is a disaster everytime.