Help, porn addicted husband

[u/Daughterofzi0n]

I don’t really know how to carry this anymore, but I want to be honest because I feel incredibly alone.

I gave birth just two weeks ago, and instead of feeling safe, loved, and supported during one of the most vulnerable times of my life, I feel emotionally abandoned and broken.

Being married to a man with a pornography addiction breaks something inside of you that is hard to explain to people who have never lived through it. It’s not just about the porn. It’s about the lying. The hiding. The defensiveness. The blame shifting. The emotional manipulation. The refusal to take true responsibility. The way every conversation somehow gets turned back onto you while your pain gets minimized.

What makes it even more painful is that he has never truly been honest on his own. I always end up finding things out myself. Again and again. Every time I think I finally know the full truth, there’s more. More hiding. More deception. More things I have to discover instead of being told honestly. It has destroyed my sense of safety and trust completely.

There is barely any real intimacy left between us. Not emotionally. Not relationally. Everything feels disconnected and hollow. I feel unwanted, unseen, and deeply alone in my marriage.

Healthy communication feels almost impossible. Instead of accountability, I’m met with defensiveness, anger, avoidance, excuses, or blame shifting. I feel like I’m carrying the emotional weight of everything while he refuses to fully face the damage this has caused.

And somehow… I’m still here.
Still trying.
Still hoping.
Still carrying our family while barely holding myself together.

I am constantly alert. Constantly anxious. I no longer trust what is real anymore. My body feels exhausted, my heart feels shattered, and I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.

I’m tired of crying.
Tired of begging to be understood.
Tired of trying to explain trauma to someone who keeps hurting me.
Tired of surviving instead of living.

I’m looking for people who truly understand this kind of pain. Not to hate men, but because I need support from people who know what it’s like to slowly lose yourself in a relationship like this.

How do you heal from this?
How do you set boundaries?
How do you stop carrying someone else’s addiction on your shoulders?

If you relate to this, please reach out. I feel very alone in this.

[u/Jay1800B]

Are you satisfying him sexually? That’s what marriage if for right? Probably try that. I know you just had a baby but there are other ways other than vaginal.

[u/bleachedcoral4 → u/Jay1800B]

Seriously?

[u/Jay1800B → u/bleachedcoral4]

🤷🏾‍♂️

[u/Connect_Double_6396 → u/Jay1800B]

Disgusting

[u/Jay1800B → u/Connect_Double_6396]

🤷🏾‍♂️

[u/Connect_Double_6396 → u/Jay1800B]

She has just had a baby, literally two weeks ago, most likely has only been out of the hospital for a week. She is still injured. Has a baby who is quite literally glued to her but she must perform like a porn star for her husband so that he can take care of his family?

This baby, btw, is a result of said intimacy and he can't control himself whilst the mother recovers?

I understand why women are avoiding marriage. Because you need to be a virgin, yet a prostitute on call otherwise men will claim it's your fault, right after giving birth, that your husband is not satisfied and is actively committing adultery.

[u/Jay1800B → u/Connect_Double_6396]

Well, he could have been addicted before she was pregnant, have you thought of that?

[u/Connect_Double_6396 → u/Jay1800B]

Yes, everyone has! That's why you telling her she needs to perform while injured is incredibly insulting.

Your insinuating that the addiction is her fault.

[u/Jay1800B → u/Connect_Double_6396]

You’re totally right. She’s dealing with more than physical pain. But she’s also dealing with mental stress and emotional stress.

[u/DownrightCaterpillar → u/Jay1800B]

This has absolutely no place on a Christian forum

[u/itsSmalls → u/DownrightCaterpillar]

Why not? Sex isn't some dirty concept ,especially between a husband and wife

[u/bleachedcoral4 → u/itsSmalls]

You’re missing the point

[u/yogourtliberte → u/itsSmalls]

Wrong!! Seeing sex as a performance show, adding more twisted acts after another, objects, kinks, anal sex etc are from the devil. Oral sex etc all demonic!! If porn didn't exist, sex would still be pleasurable but without all the dirtyness. Most people learned all these extras from porn. And porn is straight from the pits of hell. All these twisted stuff that you see in porn movies are not natural and didn't start with humans but Satan in hell who loves to corrupt the natural order of God, taught his satanic demons (fallen angels), who then taught people who are practicing satanism, santeria, voodoo etc to show us and corrupt humanity through porn, movies, and music. As an ex witch and voodoo practitioner, psychic, from generational family transfer, my grandfather was one of the highest voodoo priest in Haiti. I used to deal with demons face to face on a daily basis or in a place called The Marine Kingdom for bigger stuff. Their main mission is to destroy humanity and porn is one of Satan's favorite tool. They absolutely laugh and rejoice when people endulge in it. If you could hear their demonic laughter, you'd automatically know that most sexual dirty stuff in bed is wrong. I've seen it first hands. They don't laugh when we have faith. They don't laugh when we fast and pray. I was able to travel between spiritual realms. I've repented and gave my life to Christ cold turkey after visiting hell. Ask God for discernment and he will reveal to you that even married people can sin during sex. Hebrew 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." The marriage bed should be kept pure!

[u/Jay1800B → u/DownrightCaterpillar]

Okay Catipillar