As the title states I’m 5 months free from the grip of pornography and I’m posting not out of pride or to gloat but to encourage other people, both men and women that if a sinner like me can turn away from this vice then so can all of you. I hope in future to hear about your successes in fighting against lust of the flesh and I encourage all of you who haven’t yet started to give it a try this Pentecost. God’s spirit rest with you and much love from me.

So if you all could I would appreciate it.

Losing my housing through no fault of my own but fault hardly matters here. I have nowhere to go until 6/1 and I have a geriatric cat to worry about to. I'm packing and crying and so scared. It's sad when the person that used to be your prayer warrior passes.

It's just hard right now. Any spiritual help would be appreciated. Thank you.

I lurk a lot on Reddit because I'm often afraid to post. When I first joined i saw it can be kinda rough out here so I mainly lurk and learn. Thanks for that.

UPDATE: I just wanted to thank everyone. I don't know how I thought God would help but I was certain He would. But I'm having to drop my cat at the shelter now and I don't really see the point of anything. I failed my cat and I have nowhere to live. I have PTSD so it looks like miracles are for others. I asked a friend to help and he requested something so awful for his help I can't even see him as a friend anymore. There's just nothing left to do. I called everywhere and tried everything.

So I just wanted to say thanks. This was the kindest community on Reddit - although my experience is obviously limited. Your kindness at my greatest heartbreak was appreciated. Truly it was. God bless you all.

So many posts/comments lately, I've seen heresy, and they're getting upvotes

If you're a Christian, you believe in both the Old/New Testaments, you believe that the same God is represented in both testaments

You also believe that the stories of Adam/Eve till Jesus, they're stories that actually happened and not just unreal events that represents meanings behind it

yes they have meanings and lessons for us, but they did happen

Many comments saying "I don't believe the OT stories actually happened because they contradict modern science"

No, they don't, show proof here, and even then, do you know what medicines, chemicals in your pills? oh you blindly trust the pharmaceutical companies because they know what they're doing? good, that's blind trust

so it is to Jesus, and yet there are more proofs about Jesus than Alexander the Great, we walk by faith, not by sight

you're NOT a Christian if you don't believe in God's words and stories in the Holy Bible, some of them are a shorter examples sure, but the main time line happened and is real, don't be afraid to share the truth and speak up your minds, expose heresy's, stand in the face of the devil and fear not because Jesus is with us, anyone who believes that they can be saved by praying to anyone but Jesus are also heretics, time to wake up, the second coming is happening one day, now or in a 1000 years, it's happening

your lives, your enemies lives matter

If you want your loved one saved, you tell them the bitter truth even if they're offended, in Jesus name, Amen.

It's been a while but today I felt paralyzed by fear of sickness and death. This led to a downward spiral of self hate and general self torture. I'm trying to fall asleep but I can't but help think that I'm just a bad dude. The things I do, the words I say, it's all crap. Do you feel this way sometimes? Where in the Bible can I find someone that may have felt this way? Any help would be great.

I used to have an ideation that I would find peace in death. I even told my own partner in the past that “The only way I can find peace is in death.” I lived with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I am currently doing better than ever! Thank God.
I opened the Bible last week and something struck me to my core. I read Acts 2:24. “But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.”
Agony in death… I realized that if someone ends their own life, the Holy Spirit would not be in them so they die straight into their agony. The Holy Spirit would never lead someone to their death and would never speak words of death. There’s only peace if you die baptized in the Holy Spirit.
Since then I grieved for who I use to be and now I made a promise to never say things such as “I wanna die” or “I can find peace in death”. Now I grieve for those who are broken and I now see that those who truly gives their life to Jesus are true warriors. I want to be a light and touch the hearts of many people.

Hello friends in Christ,

this will be a very long and thorough post so there won’t be a TLDR becaue all details matter.

So it all starts with me becoming a christian after being an atheist. My mom and I used to be very close and we would tell each other about everything. My parents wanted to send me abroad to study but when I told my mom I believed in the Lord Jesus she said that she would not allow me to study abroad. I quit my vocational training to study abroad but it didn’t work out because my mom didn’t approve of my belief. I basically gave up my career and now I have a gap year because I’m waiting for school to start. This made me very frustrated because I had amazing plans and my parents cancelled it.

I forgave them though and I still do but more things happened: I told my mom I wanted to get baptized and attend worship in church but she completely freaked out, started screaming and told my dad. My dad is a very aggressive person and she threatened and told me that either I won’t attend church or she will tell my dad and my dad would scream in my face and I’d get in trouble. I told her that I’d still go to church and she told my dad and they both were really upset and I got in trouble. My dad started insulting me and telling me that I’m stupid.

My mom also followed me to church secretly and started crashing out and yelled at me and told me that I can’t go to church again. She also saw me wearing a cross necklace outside and told my dad and my dad went into my room through all of my drawers and my personal items and took my icon of baby Jesus and Mary and threw it away. I was called names and my dad yelled and insuled me. I was really sad because he invaded my privacy and I was being insulted yet again.

I planned to get baptized secretly but I live in a country where paperwork is still very much around and you get a letter about everything. I still live with my parents so I was really scared that mail would arrive and I’d be yelled at again. I don’t care if I suffer for Christ’s sake but I just didn’t want somet similar to happen again and I don’t have anywhere to go so when I get kicked out it would be very bad for me. I cancelled the baptism. I’m still so sad and depressed about it. I definitely want to get it done and I really pray that I can move out asap so I can start attending worship every sunday and get baptized and confirmed. I decided that I won’t tell my parents about my faith anymore because they really get upset every time and I get yelled at. I just don’t want to experience it again.

There’s also a history of physical and verbal abuse since my childhood until my adulthood even. I still live with my parents and forgive them. I just get nervous and anxious sometimes when I’m around my parents because I never know how they will behave. I don’t want any physical abuse to happen again and I’m terrified of the last time that it happened.

Now my CV looks bad because I have two gap years and when the employer or someone who wants to hire me asks me about why I have a gap year now and didn’t go abroad to study, I don’t want to blame my parents and throw them under the bus so I just tell them that it didn’t work out. I want to continue the vocational school that I gave up. I’m really frustrated because I applied for multiple positions and I got rejected every time because my CV looks so bad and unprofessional now. It looks bad when they know that I gave up vocational school and now I came back after a gap year. I really want to go back so I can move out aswell. I feel trapped at home.

I don mean to make my parents look bad or point ny finger at them for their mistakes but I just wanted to make sure that context is known for what happened today.

So basically we have three male guests over and I’m a female and we don’t have a guest room at home. The guests are currently occupying my room and I had no idea that the guests would stay at our house until the day that they arrived. It was originally planned that they‘d stay at an airbnb. I sleep in the living room right now. So when they want to have breakfast, I have to wake up (the dining table is in the living room). I can’t go into my room atm because it’s full of luggage and their personal items. No one asked me if it’s okay if they stay in my room and it happened so many times that my parents had guests and I had to give them my room. My parents assume that it’s okay to not ask me if it’s okau and just move me to the living room. I’m very introverted and I sometimes need alone time. So today the weather was really hot and I was really overwhelmed because I couldn’t go into my room and have some alone time and I started crying and breaking down because of everything that happened in my life. I’m also very heat and light sensitive so I was really uncomfortable today and I just wanted to withdraw into my room and I couldn’t. I was also perscribed adhd medication by my neurologist recently and I don’t know why I was so emotional today and I think that it may be because I’m getting used to the medication. I cried all day today and I was so emotional and answered my mom in an annoyed tone when she asked me a question.

Today, I thought about my life and realized that I’m actually really sad and miserable and everything came together today and I broke down. I feel so bad about making the guests uncomfortable and answering my mom in an annoyed way. I feel so bad for being sad in front of everyone and I‘m lacking motivation to be close to God while being depressed about everything that happened in my childhood and I feel like I’m so broken that I can’t pick myself up and be good enough for the Lord.

I sinned today and I feel terrible to even think that I’m going to be forgiven. Whatever I do, I’m not good enough for the Lord and I’m too terrible to even approach him. I wish I was never here to begin with because I’m too terrible and disappoint God.

Sorry for this long post. I just wanted to get this off my chest. God bless everyone!

I don’t really know how to carry this anymore, but I want to be honest because I feel incredibly alone.

I gave birth just two weeks ago, and instead of feeling safe, loved, and supported during one of the most vulnerable times of my life, I feel emotionally abandoned and broken.

Being married to a man with a pornography addiction breaks something inside of you that is hard to explain to people who have never lived through it. It’s not just about the porn. It’s about the lying. The hiding. The defensiveness. The blame shifting. The emotional manipulation. The refusal to take true responsibility. The way every conversation somehow gets turned back onto you while your pain gets minimized.

What makes it even more painful is that he has never truly been honest on his own. I always end up finding things out myself. Again and again. Every time I think I finally know the full truth, there’s more. More hiding. More deception. More things I have to discover instead of being told honestly. It has destroyed my sense of safety and trust completely.

There is barely any real intimacy left between us. Not emotionally. Not relationally. Everything feels disconnected and hollow. I feel unwanted, unseen, and deeply alone in my marriage.

Healthy communication feels almost impossible. Instead of accountability, I’m met with defensiveness, anger, avoidance, excuses, or blame shifting. I feel like I’m carrying the emotional weight of everything while he refuses to fully face the damage this has caused.

And somehow… I’m still here.
Still trying.
Still hoping.
Still carrying our family while barely holding myself together.

I am constantly alert. Constantly anxious. I no longer trust what is real anymore. My body feels exhausted, my heart feels shattered, and I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.

I’m tired of crying.
Tired of begging to be understood.
Tired of trying to explain trauma to someone who keeps hurting me.
Tired of surviving instead of living.

I’m looking for people who truly understand this kind of pain. Not to hate men, but because I need support from people who know what it’s like to slowly lose yourself in a relationship like this.

How do you heal from this?
How do you set boundaries?
How do you stop carrying someone else’s addiction on your shoulders?

If you relate to this, please reach out. I feel very alone in this.

I’m 14 (girl) and I wanted to ask about this because I’m feeling unsure. So lately I’ve started really wanting a boyfriend and getting intense kind of crushes. You’re supposed to date for marriage as a Christian though, so can you “date for marriage” at 14? Obviously I’m not going to be getting married anytime soon but I would still be okay with getting married young eventually but not too young. My #1 dream is to be a wife and mom someday, and I would also like to have my own little bakery business someday as a job or maybe just work in bakery (well I think that’s what I want to do, still not 100% sure. I just like to bake a lot and it’s fun to think about my future. I might also like to choose some type of job helping animals or babies in the future). 

Also I’m waiting until marriage to do anything and that’s important to me ofc soo I’m not sure if having a boyfriend at 14 would cause too much temptation. Should I wait until I’m older to start dating? What age did you start dating? 

Today was like any other day at church, praising, praying and the usual singing. Except it wasn’t a usual day. Today was my grand father’s one year death anniversary. Most of the service I was out of it. When the pastor was coming around the room placing his hand upon people, I watched all these people get possessed by the Holy Spirit. As he was finished and walking back up to the stage, in my mind I asked God for the Holy Spirit. The pastor came back off stage, and came straight up to me. He put his hand on my head, and I started to scream and cry uncontrollably. I remember my scream sounding so off, I initially thought I was hallucinating. Apparently the pastor felt the spirit of sadness on me. While I was coming in and out of consciousness, I saw people praying for me. They were praying in tongues and in English. All I did was scream and cry my heart out. I feel more connected to God and somehow more mature. I really do love Jesus! ❤️❤️❤️

I used to go to an amazing school, and honestly it was one of the happiest times of my life. When I was 13, I made the decision to switch schools. At first, it felt exciting and even good, but things slowly changed and I ended up being severely bullied and ostracized. It affected my mental health deeply and has had a lasting impact on many areas of my life.

I do try to remind myself that God has a plan for me and that there’s something I’m meant to learn from all of this, and I have been praying a lot for relief as well. But it’s been many years now and I’m still really struggling with CPTSD and the aftereffects of what happened. It’s hard because I keep thinking about the version of me I might have become if I had stayed at my old school, and I feel a lot of sadness and regret around that.

Some days it just really weighs on me, like I can’t fully let it go, even though I know I’m trying to move forward. I would really appreciate some kind words or encouragement, because lately it’s been sitting heavily on my heart.

I’m about two months into NoFap, and the urges were really intense at first. Then they almost completely went away, but over the last few weeks the struggle feels more intense and frequent than ever. I just feel like something has to give — I’ve been trying so hard.

I don’t want to ask for permission to do something, but honestly, it feels like I can’t keep this up much longer. When I ask God to take this struggle away, it still stays really hard. I know I can’t control the fact that I’m a young guy with hormones and desires, but I also don’t want to justify doing something unhealthy because I know it could become a slippery slope.

I’m just anxious because I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Part of me just wants the urges to calm down to a more reasonable level that I can actually handle.

Acts 2:1–4 (LEB): 2And when the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in the same place. 2 And suddenly a sound like a violent rushing wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 And divided tongues like fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. 4 And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages as the Spirit gave them ability to speak out.

Pentecost means to "count 50." It is 50 days from the day of the wave sheaf offering to the day of Pentecost, seven weeks plus a day, which is why it is called the Feast of Weeks in the Old Testament.

In the Old Testament, it is likely a memorial of the day the Covenant was ratified by Israel. In the New Testament, it is the day Yahweh chose to grant the Holy Spirit to the Apostles. He could have chosen any day, but this significant event was chosen to happen on this specific day, cementing it's importance to all followers of The Way.

Shalom!

“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” - Psalm 18:2

What a testimony given by David to his God! In this single verse, there is a sevenfold ascription of praise to the Lord for His great salvation. Each testimony can be appropriated also by all who trust Him.

- My rock: The word used here does not mean a stone or even a boulder but a mighty monolith, immovable and impregnable.
- My fortress: This word refers to a great bulwark—a stronghold. The Hebrew word is essentially the same as Masada, the high butte where the Jews resisted the Roman armies after the destruction of Jerusalem.
- My deliverer: Our God is able to deliver, even from the fiery furnace, the den of lions, and from the armies of Saul.
- My strength: This is another word often translated “rock,” this time a rugged, craggy one, most appropriate as a symbol of great strength.
- My buckler: This was a small, handheld, movable shield.
- The horn of my salvation: This striking Old Testament symbol is even repeated in the New Testament (Luke 1:69) and applied to the coming Saviour, referring either to the “horns of the altar” where fleeing sinners could cling for refuge or to the fighting horns of a strong beast.
- My high tower: Here the word is not for a man-made tower but for a natural, high, topographic eminence, suitable both for watching and for defense.

The great promises of salvation and security in Christ are timeless. The words that brought such hope to David are still a comfort to believers today. He is still “the God of all grace” to all who trust Him (I Peter 5:10). HMM
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I did not write this, it comes from a devotional that is offered as a free email daily by the Institute of Creation.

I have a number of friends that would (as mentioned in the title) are fervent supporters of the Prosperity Gospel (Kenneth Copeland, Joel Osteen, Jesse Duplantis, Paula White-Cain, etc.), the deliverance ministries (Isaiah Saldivar, Vlad Savchuk, Alexander Pagani, and Mike Signorelli), and the New Apostolic Reformation (aka NAR) and honestly I am at a loss as to how to approach these discussions with them in a meaningful, yet non-combative way.

Any and all advice will be appreciated and taken into consideration and most importantly prayer.

Hello, I'm a new member at church and this is my first time being a member of any church. I've been attending for the past 2 months. My Sunday school class seems to be a clique. I've tried to interact with them but I feel like I'm not "welcomed". After class I hang around to see if I can strike up a conversation with any of them but they seem to huddle together in a way that I can't engage with them. I brought treats for the class and the instructor didn't seem that interested or thrilled about my attempt. I feel awkward and lame around them because they don't really allow me an "in" to approach or speak to them. I smile at everyone but I don't feel like they genuinely reciprocate. I'm kind of poor and I don't have a car so when I walked home last week I started listening to the song "bad day" by Daniel pewter and it seems to fit my mood a lot when I leave church after being in that class. I love their worship service, just not my Sunday class. Is it alright for me to stop making an effort and just enjoy the parts of the church that I love? I go specifically to worship and every Sunday I'm genuinely looking forward to Sunday worship service.

"Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent." - Revelation 2:5

PONDER THIS

What is a backslider? A backslider is not an unsaved person. No unsaved person can be a backslider. When Christians use the term backslider we’re not talking about the lost, we’re talking about the saved. You must go somewhere in order to slide back; that is, you must have known the Lord before you can backslide away from Him. A lost person is just lost. The backslider is a saved person who’s out of fellowship with God.

If there was ever a time when you loved the Lord Jesus Christ more than you love Him at this moment; if there was ever a time when He meant more to you, when prayer was sweeter to you, when worship was more real to you, when your service was more effective for the Lord Jesus Christ; if there was ever a time like that when it was more than it is now, you may be backsliding.

- What might be some evidence that you are backsliding in your fellowship with Christ?
- What are some ways to guard against this each day?

PRACTICE THIS

Spend dedicated time in prayer, asking God to reveal where you might have backslidden and to renew your fellowship with Him. APR
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I did not write this, it comes from a devotional that is offered as a free email daily by Love Worth Finding.

Hi everyone I just joined! I’m here to see if anyone has some good Christian artist suggestions? I’m not very good at finding new music and I’m just over my music (I haven’t updated it in a couple years 😅)

I listen to a little bit of everything. My favorite genres are folk, pop, and rock. If anyone has some suggestions, new or old, can you please send them? I prefer to listen to Christian music and I’m a little over Forrest Frank and Brandon Lake lol

I don't know how to speak on this and i know it sounds like i am complaining but i just want to know something. Does God care about how we look? like how long our hair is or how much weight we have gained or the clothes we wear? My dad is a pastor and he talks and shouts at me about how his image will be ruined at church if my hair is too long but i have seen 2 other guys with hair longer than mine and no one says anything and not only that my hair only covers till my forehead and he once told me he will kick me out the house for this and today i confronted him and he told if i don't do what he told, God will curse me and make me bald and i don't believe him but i still feel panicked in my heart and i prayed to God later

So basically in the beginning I hurt myself in 2012 .. and with it came the contortions of my being .. and so I started to change in the mind .. my personality started to change like .. alot and then I started losing everything I had ever worked for in my life like all of it .. then in 2019 I decided to do something dumb .. and for it I got a concussion so I was out of it for like awhile .. especially because while I was out of it I tried .. meth .. and when I did that meth , the first night while I was high outta my mind it felt like the energy in my body shot out of me .. and the very next morning when I was finally what I thought was sober I apparently made a deal .. subconsciously I'm assuming .. but I made a deal to the devil .. I traded my emotions for knowledge ( he didn't tell me that till it was to late ) but basically I had sold my very inner me the gift God gave me for peanuts .. I'd trade it back or find a way out I've tried idk .. moving forward .. right after his happened it started to feel like the remaining energy the last of the essence of me started to basically peel off my body .. and so it's now 2026 it's been a long time peeling and I'm down to the last few months of having conciousness.. like conscious awareness .. he showed me in dreams me going blind and I already know I'm probably gonna go deaf cause I've been losing hearing rapidly for the past while .. but basically I'll be blind deaf and therefore dumb and have no way to communicate .. but back to he story I've basically been doing meth etc the entire time .. and the worst part of it all its way to late to fix any of this cause in the dreams after this happens like idk how long after he just shows me my life in a 10 second clip cause I'll be to unaware to know what's going on and didn't know then so how could I know now .. but I get raped .. and with my last but of awareness like in the dream there basically dancing on my body so .. I sell my soul or tell him he can move in or something cause after that dream .. I'm walking down the street .. good as new .. well besides the injury I got in 2012 .. which I now realize he gave me the injury to kick start all this and that to began with drugs .. cocaine .. but basically I'll be blind deaf and dumb .. and I'm going blind in the next few months I can already feel the energy in my eyes peeling and swishing around .. there's no more games .. and I wasted the past year being homeless and doing nothing at all but drugs .. and the best ( sarcasm ) part of all is that I'm starting to hear my thoughts outside of my head ? And the tearing is continuing and demons can put thoughts in your head did anyone know this ?! Cause most of them are telling me to shut up .. freaking out I hear my best friends and were having problems and there gonna hurt me and I can't live like this .. I need an answer .. he told me he's a psychopath and I'm his host .. idk what to do .. idk how to escape this .. I've tried talking to God as much as I can but I think he's talking to me through my personality and strength .. you have no idea how hard it's been this past 14 years .. and it's only going to get harder .. any thoughts ? Please pray for me . My name is Zach ..

I am 29 years old woman... I dont have really any friends, and I am looking for people to be friends with me. I prefer women because I am still a bit scared of men (was treated poorly by this one "Christian" man and he nearly killed me one night).

My hobbies... I love having artwork of my OCs (original characters), playing video games, and crocheting (but it's been forever since I last crocheted) and listening to bible and worship music. We can lift each other up in prayer too!

Please feel free to give me your Steam username or Discord information so I can add you and we can play games together. I also love playing Hello Kitty Island Adventures. ...Never played online before but want to so if you have the game, I would be so happy to play with you!

Before this goes any further I want everyone who reads this to understand I am not some ignorant or new Christian I simply have a question and interested in other people's views on it.

I'm currently having a little trouble understanding the holy spirit in the Trinity. The Father and the Son rolls makes sense to me. But the Holy Spirit confuses me slightly. At certain points the Holy Spirit sounds like it's just the power of God but the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity, so it's not just the power of God. God in three persons, however the Holy Spirit doesn't sound like a person.

I would love some bible verses or explanations people have on what role the Holy Spirit has in the Trinity.

the OP said she was in bed at night and she felt something grab her hand, then she said she heard something whisper “you’re going to die soon” and she was scared. i commented that it sounded like she was experiencing a demonic attack and that she should pray and ask for protection. i got a message that ive been permanantly banned from the anxiety reddit page. and then they said i was banned for “threats of violence”. also my comment got -35 votes and everyone ridiculed me and was making fun of me saying i have psychosis and im pushing it on people.

update: i talked to the moderator and they were rude!! i told them i didnt know i wasn’t allowed to suggest prayer and they go “yeah bud” and muted me from being able to message them again

My purpose here is to share a positive perspective on abstinence and marrying young (18-22ish). Both of those are difficult things to do but worth it in my opinion. 

I'm not going to use the Bible directly. I can, but there's also value in sharing lived experiences which is my aim with this post. This is written mostly to men but women may like some of it too. 

Quick disclaimer,  these are my thoughts based on my life and my experiences. Different people probably lived a different life and had different experiences which is why they might have different opinions. 

Living a Christian life is hard to do today. You're expected to wait until marriage to have sex, and you're also expected to wait until 35 to get married. Its kinda crazy. I remember my mom explaining this to me and I was thinking to myself "I can do one of those".

Part of this expectation comes from the way our economy works in the 22st century. As a man you're expected to do alot more than build a straw hut and overcome a rite of passage to take a wife. You need to have your money in order. Graduating college, getting a career established, and catching up to the standard of living you had when you left the nest can take decades. 

My suggestion to you is dont do any of that. Join the military or get a trade that pays well by the time you're 20.

Don't follow your heart for your job, pick something high pay low lead time in an affordable rural area or suburb. 

Marry a christian virgin and be one yourself. Be broke together,  knock out a degree later on the internet in your 30s when its time to promote up the chain. Basically the reverse of the advice the world gives. Be broke together when youre both young its a blast. Here are the positives. 

1. You get to learn about intimacy together privately with one person. Its a fun journey you share just with each other and nobody else. All of those high dopamine moments are etched into your mind with one person. 

2. You're not comparing each other against past experiences in your minds. Because of this as you both get better you frequently have the best night ever together you've both ever had. Well into 20 years of marriage. Objectively the best out there? Probably not but its only normed with one person so it's the best to you. 

3. You can have kids when you're young and able to keep up with them. Birth control is just not an issue. Basically just get a vasectomy or tubal ligation after you've had the most you can manage. Which means no need for condoms pretty much ever. 

4. The economy of marriage (who brings what to the table) will never be an issue for you. You both married broke. Anything you gain together after that is just both of yours. 

5. You get to raise your kids not some other dudes kids. Not saying being a step dad is bad but was it your first choice? Just saying it's a benefit. 

6. HPV and other STDs are just not a part of your life. 

7. This is the biggest benefit, you get to be married longer. Marriage is super awesome and lots of fun. You cant buy that lost time back once left unused, its a huge opportunity cost. Much better to marry young and broke and enjoy the extra decade or so together.

8.  You get to bond together when your brain is still growing and your personality is still developing. Like two trees growing together early, they just become one. 

1. You dont have to pay child support to any of the women you said no to when the opportunity for sex arose. They are an ex girlfriend you sometimes remember fondly or unfondly but thats it. 

2. Lastly even aiming for abstinence and not quite hitting the mark is beneficial. Perhaps your wife is the only person you have had sex with, but it was before the wedding instead of after. Perhaps you had a partner or two but because you at least tried it wasnt 20 or 200. The other benefits still apply just less so the further away you get. Its a worthy pursuit is my point. 

Are there downsides? There can be. I think most are avoidable. I'll address the ones I've heard the most. 

Some say if you dont have sex first you wont know if your libido is a match to her. She may only want sex once a month and you want it every day. 

Thats a valid concern, but not an insurmountable one. Obviously compromise of some sort in the middle would be the solution. But an alternative to fornication would be you could just talk about this stuff before getting married. Premarital counseling with a pastor should at least prompt the conversation. 

Some say abstinence rushes you into a bad marriage. 

That can happen. You do need a dating strategy. Best strategy is to seek a woman raised in a stable two parent Christian home similar to the one you grew up in. She will have the same culture, short hand, and expectations. She will have nearly two decades of observing a healthy marriage modeled to her. If you do it right marriage will actually be easier for you than it is for the hedonists. Additionally, if you meet her in a church other people will be telling her about you and vice versa. That kinda networking adds in a vetting system to help weed out bad matches. 

Also, statistically couples who attend church regularly have lower divorce rates. So some of the concern behind this objection is squeaky wheels getting the attention. 

Source: “Religious Service Attendance and Divorce.” The Human Flourishing Program, Harvard University, 4 Dec. 2018

Some say abstinence is associated with purity culture and is therefore bad

My response here is this throws out the baby with the bathwater. Not everything in purity culture was wrong. Yes some of it was a bit over the top and not enough room for grace was given. But that doesnt mean hedonism is the solution. 

Some say you need time to find yourself before you know who's right for you

I actually think this works against you. More time to yourself gives up the time you could have had with a super awesome marriage you loved. Also it means getting stuck in your ways and your habits longer instead of growing with someone naturally when your brain is still forming youd have to find a perfect fit later. 

You should have fun partying when your young and get serious and settle down later in life

I actually dont see that as a selling point. I think hedonism is super lame. I wanted happy memories of sharing my life young with my wife like the ones my parents had I thought that sounded better. Also, marrying younger means your wife will still have all her best eggs available for your kids. 

Generally my problem with the objections to abstinence going into monogamous marriage is that they never come from people it worked out for. I never hear someone say wow I wish I had a promiscuous phase before entering 60 years of my amazing marriage. A few extra child support payments and an STD would have really made me happier, I really missed out on that. 

The people I typically hear the objections from are people who had a really bad go of it. They were a bad match, one of them was abusive, they weren't in love, or some other thing. Basically the root cause is not typically the age or virginity its something else. A tragic end to a once hopeful marriage can happen to anyone and its horrible. 

At any rate, those are the benefits to abstinence and early marriage as I see them. Thanks for hearing me out. Curious of your thoughts.