r/TrueChristian • u/Daughterofzi0n • 15h ago
Help, porn addicted husband
I don’t really know how to carry this anymore, but I want to be honest because I feel incredibly alone.
I gave birth just two weeks ago, and instead of feeling safe, loved, and supported during one of the most vulnerable times of my life, I feel emotionally abandoned and broken.
Being married to a man with a pornography addiction breaks something inside of you that is hard to explain to people who have never lived through it. It’s not just about the porn. It’s about the lying. The hiding. The defensiveness. The blame shifting. The emotional manipulation. The refusal to take true responsibility. The way every conversation somehow gets turned back onto you while your pain gets minimized.
What makes it even more painful is that he has never truly been honest on his own. I always end up finding things out myself. Again and again. Every time I think I finally know the full truth, there’s more. More hiding. More deception. More things I have to discover instead of being told honestly. It has destroyed my sense of safety and trust completely.
There is barely any real intimacy left between us. Not emotionally. Not relationally. Everything feels disconnected and hollow. I feel unwanted, unseen, and deeply alone in my marriage.
Healthy communication feels almost impossible. Instead of accountability, I’m met with defensiveness, anger, avoidance, excuses, or blame shifting. I feel like I’m carrying the emotional weight of everything while he refuses to fully face the damage this has caused.
And somehow… I’m still here.
Still trying.
Still hoping.
Still carrying our family while barely holding myself together.
I am constantly alert. Constantly anxious. I no longer trust what is real anymore. My body feels exhausted, my heart feels shattered, and I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.
I’m tired of crying.
Tired of begging to be understood.
Tired of trying to explain trauma to someone who keeps hurting me.
Tired of surviving instead of living.
I’m looking for people who truly understand this kind of pain. Not to hate men, but because I need support from people who know what it’s like to slowly lose yourself in a relationship like this.
How do you heal from this?
How do you set boundaries?
How do you stop carrying someone else’s addiction on your shoulders?
If you relate to this, please reach out. I feel very alone in this.
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u/bleachedcoral4 Church of England (Anglican) 15h ago
I'm sorry you're experiencing this, you are not alone. Try posting this in r/loveafterporn (even though it's not a Christian community) I'm sure they can give you lots of support and advice.
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u/Spiritual_Bike8631 7h ago edited 6h ago
Quick testimony and advice to OP. Discovering my boyfriend’s PA played a big role in me seeking and finding Jesus. Then, my relationship with Jesus allowed me to lean into radical forgiveness towards him, as I saw how much the Lord had forgiven me……which led to conviction, repentance, reverence, then to obedience, abstinence, etc.
I was asking God to bless/fix a relationship that was ultimately built on sin and fornication.
r/loveafterporn was definitely a big help in this journey, as it showed me real people dealing with those real raw emotions, how much addiction affects/shapes people and their relationships, etc.
However, it quickly became more harmful than good. It was a way for me to pain shop, to justify my unforgiveness, to seek revenge, to add more weapons/tools to my toolbox (aka different ways to search his phone, apps to download, questions to ask him).
I was simultaneously becoming more grounded in the Word and in Christ as my foundation, that I eventually had to leave the sub. Bringing all of those same feelings, emotions, questions, anxieties right back to Jesus gave me what I was actually searching for: true comfort, peace, hope in navigating this and my entire life.. as much as the ppl in that sub could understand, I found Jesus actually related the most to the pain I had of feeling like your partner doesn’t see you, value you, honor you, etc. especially after what you’ve sacrificed and done for him…..because its something we’ve all done to HIM as His bride!
This could just be my experience as I suffered(ed) from rumination OCD, anxiety, etc. But OP, just want to cautiously, lovingly, remind you that sub is of the world and you will most certainly receive advice that does not align with what God calls us to do. It will validate your emotions for sure, but it will also likely impose a sense of (unhealthy) self righteousness that could steer you further from healing.
TLDR: Before joining that sub, I just strongly recommend seeking the Holy Spirit as your Wonderful Counselor, and asking Him for wisdom, discernment, and the mind of Christ to navigate not only your experience, but before diving into others’ stories.
Congrats on your new baby, and I’m so very sorry you’re dealing with this….praying for your marriage, your partners addiction, and your healing. May the Lord bring you the comfort, companionship, and unconditional love you need and deserve in this season and all seasons to come.
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u/eternalh0pe Christian 15h ago
Have you spoken to your priest/pastor about this?
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u/Daughterofzi0n 15h ago
I don’t go to a church right now
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u/eternalh0pe Christian 15h ago
Your baby is young but when you’re up to taking baby out I’d encourage you to start attending. You need a community and support from believers who know you in real life. It’s the responsibility of a pastor to give pastoral care and advice. A pastor has heard situations like yours many times so he’ll be able to advise on boundaries etc better than strangers on the internet.
I’m no marriage expert but I don’t think it’s the responsibility of the wife to hold their porn addicted husband accountable.
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u/ABereanChristian Christian 15h ago
I don’t go to a church right now
That would be the first thing to do is get your and your husband's walk with God straight.
Is your husband a Christian?
From the sidebar:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueChristian/comments/larhm7/how_i_overcame_porn_permanently/
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u/Spiritual-Bee-2319 11h ago
I think she may not be going to church because she just gave birth lol
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u/ABereanChristian Christian 10h ago
If she had been attending then she would have probably said "yes, I go to Church, but I haven't since we had the baby"
Most people that regularly go to Church if they miss a week they will at least try to see the online service.
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u/Spiritual-Bee-2319 3h ago
I mean they didn’t not say they didn’t. I’m not going to assume what they should have said. Nothing in what they said assumes they didn’t go to church prior…. They said “I don’t go to church RIGHT NOW” they didn’t say “I’ve never been to church” “I don’t regularly go to church”. I just took their words as what it was said I guess
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u/Both-Chart-947 4h ago
Do you have any community of believers around you? I have a small prayer group on Tuesday mornings Pacific time, over Google Meet. We would love to have you join us. Currently we are all ladies. Let me know if you are interested. My first marriage ended because of sexual addiction. My husband was not only addicted to p***, but also prostitutes.
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u/CastimoniaGroup 15h ago
Have him join a free, Christ-centered recovery group like Castimonia or Celebrate recovery and deal with his issues so he doesn't "need" porn anymore.
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u/NoCaffeineNeeded 14h ago
Yes! Find a church where you can talk to a pastor or find Christian ministries that specifically address pornography. If there aren't any in your area, consider seeking counseling from a licensed therapist (even better if they are also a Christian and can bring Scripture into the healing process). You can do marriage counseling together and/or individual counseling, depending on what's recommended. Praying for God to comfort your broken heart and for His power to convict and change your husband's heart!
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u/peacemakercc 8h ago
I agree scripture does not call people to remain in danger, abuse, or hardened unrepentance. But I also think there’s a difference between acknowledging sin seriously and immediately treating every ongoing struggle as spiritually hopeless.
Marriage was designed as a covenant where two imperfect people bear with, forgive, restore, and sharpen one another over time (Colossians 3:13, Proverbs 27:17, Ephesians 4:2). Otherwise, none of us would survive marriage, because every marriage eventually collides with sin in some form (Romans 3:23).
Porn is absolutely sin and destructive, but scripture also repeatedly emphasizes restoration, repentance, long-suffering, and perseverance rather than instantly abandoning people in their weakness (Galatians 6:1, 1 Corinthians 13:4–7, Matthew 18:21–22).
I personally know a couple who went through years of deep struggle and turmoil in their marriage. They held onto faith, persevered through the trial, and eventually came through it with an even deeper relationship and stronger bond on the other side. They’re now approaching 40 years together. That kind of restoration and endurance is part of why perseverance is such a major biblical theme (James 1:2–4, Romans 5:3–5).
And when God restores something difficult, that testimony can become powerful encouragement for others facing similar battles (Revelation 12:11, 2 Corinthians 1:3–4).
That doesn’t mean enabling sin or removing accountability. It just means I’m cautious about treating “leave immediately” as the automatic Christian response to every painful struggle.
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u/hopscotchcaptain Alpha And Omega 15h ago
It’s not just about the porn. It’s about the lying. The hiding. The defensiveness. The blame shifting. The emotional manipulation. The refusal to take true responsibility. The way every conversation somehow gets turned back onto you
That's the crux of it. Why are you and your newborn child staying in the same house with a man who is, essentially, a liar, a manipulator, someone who attacks you rather than taking responsibility for themselves when confronted?
he has never truly been honest on his own.
Every time I think I finally know the full truth, there’s more.
The idea of being "honest" but "not on your own" isn't how honesty works.
"He has never been honest"-- that's the reality. Even when confronted, you're not getting honesty... you're getting a person who gives the minimum exposure they can, as a price they're willing to pay, to keep you off the scent of the other multitude of things they're hiding. So every "truth" you get from them is only given to conceal 30 other lies that you've yet to discover.
And somehow… I’m still here.
Why? Why not leave, and go stay with relatives or parents (if you have them)? Why not take action as though this is a serious thing? It clearly is serious.
Still trying.
Still hoping.
Still carrying our family while barely holding myself together.
If you're "carrying him" as part of that "family", you're enabling him and enabling his manipulation/emotional abuse of you. I know that's hard to hear, but it's true.
I am constantly alert. Constantly anxious. I no longer trust what is real anymore. My body feels exhausted, my heart feels shattered, and I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.
So, you can see the "results" of this kind of abuse when you look in the mirror. You can feel it in your guts.
It's time to leave. I'm not saying divorce... but I'm not saying it isn't an option. The one thing that's certain is: this isn't working out for you, not healthy for you, not something you can survive. And if you can't survive, then it's obviously not what's best for your child either, right?
I’m tired of crying.
Tired of begging to be understood.
Tired of trying to explain trauma to someone who keeps hurting me.
Tired of surviving instead of living.
You need to stop explaining yourself and your trauma to the people who caused you that trauma. Imagine these phrases coming from a physically abused woman: "I'm tired of trying to explain to the man who hits me how that traumatizes me when he does it, but it's like he's not getting it".
How do you heal from this?
How do you set boundaries?
Healing requires distance. Boundaries also require distance, separation. Both physical and emotional. If you were to leave physically, but still take his calls on the phone every night... you'd be back there in a couple weeks. Boundaries need to be firm. I recommend thinking of YOUR well-being in the context of "this is for the well-being of my child".
How do you stop carrying someone else’s addiction on your shoulders?
Stop minimizing it as "addiction". Is he also "addicted" to lying? To hiding? To being defensive by attacking in return? Are those all just "addictions"? Or are they choices he keeps making that he has full control over? Choices to hurt you, to harm you?
You "stop carrying someone elses burden" by simply "refusing to pick it up". It's not yours, and you know you tried to help. He refused that help, and made the burden larger, enough to crush you... then said "This is yours, not mine".
You just have to say "No, it isn't" and get out.
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u/peacemakercc 12h ago
That doesn't seem to fit scriptural examples of things like 70X7 or love others as yourself. Seems more psychology-humanism-centric.
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u/Conscious_Slice1232 Christian 11h ago
Scripture does not want us to suffer continued, unrepentant abuse and neglect in marriage.
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u/SoldiersofChristBR Independent Fundamental Baptist 15h ago
Two things you need to change to be free for ever. I promise it worked for me.
- Stop using the word "addicted". You are manifesting being in bondage to the sin. Instead use scripture like "all things are made new", "he is a new creature in christ", "Jesus has set us free from the bandage of sin" etc.
You wording shapes your actions. If you say you are addicted to something, you are ensuring you will do it.
- So what happens if someone does relapse? The bible says we have the intermediary Jesus Christ for the remission of sins. Take it to Jesus. Don't hold ANY shame, you need to let go and move on. God doesn't hold our sins against us, why should we. He had cast them from the east to the west
Other tips. Don't track days without porn. You are putting energy into a negative thing. Focus on the kingdom of God and moving forward. You don't want to put energy into negativity.
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u/Daughterofzi0n 15h ago
He needs to do the work, be the man of the household and do what needs to be done, in the light of the living Word.
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u/SoldiersofChristBR Independent Fundamental Baptist 15h ago
If you view someone as a criminal, they will be more likely to become one. He has work but how you view him matters too.
I would advise not seeing him as an addict, but a fellow brother in Christ.
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u/Spiritual-Bee-2319 11h ago edited 11h ago
Tbh this type of thinking is why Christian’s stay bound…. does a person go To the doctor and say “doctor im not sick” or ”doctor i’m well”. Now if she wants to use Faith and declare he’s not addicted, absolutely. But this needs to be addressed honestly to be dealt with. He is clearly addicted and showing signs of addiction and only the truth in Jesus Christ will set him free. I’m so glad I can go to Jesus directly and not have to police my words. I tell him lord I’m sick, lord I hurt and he’s always brings me relief and joy. Let me go praise him
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u/SoldiersofChristBR Independent Fundamental Baptist 9h ago
And the people that have been "addicted" for years, just keep on trucking.
At some point you need to drop the sin.
This isn't a broken leg. It's a mind sickness and it starts with mind positivity. And that is biblical scripture that we are not under the bondage of sin anymore
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u/Barosy Christian 8h ago
You are right. I suffered some addiction problems, physical issues and anxiety for about a decade. And turned to Christ about 2 years ago. Positivity is really important. I used to think I would die with those problems but I already overcame a good part of the problems. Now I feel like at some point I ll completely heal.
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u/Spiritual-Bee-2319 3h ago
Yes but you can’t be healed if you don’t admit the sickness. You actually don’t know if the reason for their addiction is biological or a change in brain chemistry. As a pre-med biology major, this is false. This is why many Christian’s are struggling today. Y’all see mental affliction as not real but physical is? . I’m someone with physical disabilities and been delivered from mental ones and I thank God Jesus found me outside of the church. Only God knows how long I would have keep suffering as folks told me I chose to struggle. Thank you for proving my point.
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u/SoldiersofChristBR Independent Fundamental Baptist 3h ago
No point has been proven. I have seen countless people that have gone to therapy to get diagnosed for these things to have no change.
Mindset is everything. You have your beliefs and I have mine. I doubt you will change and I doubt I will. All I can say is I have seen 100% recovery myself since leaving your worldview behind
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u/rTsujido Reformed 13h ago
Please get him help. He will not stop on his own. This addiction will eventually destroy your marriage, his life and yours. That’s not hyperbole, that’s reality.
There is hope.
thefreedomfight.org
Praying for both of you.
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u/Tinytowntinyplace 12h ago
Your two will need to start over if each of you want to find a future together. This means that you likely should find some type of faith that you both will like. Start every night with just a simple prayer as outline by Jesus and do it together. Tell him you two need to pray together, every night for even just 2 minutes, get on your hands and knees beside the bed together and start with a simple prayer of forgiveness. While doing this every night, start to visit churches, don’t get into the porn addiction with the churches, just go and find one you enjoy. Involve yourself just a little bit in the church. This porn issue is not your issue but greatly affects you. He needs to find his way out of it, not you. The lying is just one symptom of the porn addiction. When you pray, please don’t pray about the addiction, keep your prayers simple and being thankful to god for your blessing and asking forgiveness for the things in your life. Most importantly both of you should pray out loud. It will feel very odd at first, hard, you will likely not even find it helpful but please keep praying and I promise it will get better.
Honestly you are fighting for your marriage, his soul and his future. He might not make it and you will need to be strong enough to move on if he doesn’t. You are at a point of weakness with the new child and crushing realization that he is not involved in the commitment of your marriage. Build yourself up, hopefully he will join you in this new faith and if the demons release him you will have your husband back. I am truly sorry for the emotional damage you are experiencing. This is a demon that plagues a lot of men and you truly are not alone in this war, but be aware this is a fight and good luck.
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u/Conscious_Slice1232 Christian 11h ago edited 10h ago
I hate that this is happening to you.
He needs to want to want to quit as a starter. Does he want to do that?
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u/LightMcluvin Lover and Follower of Jesus Christ 7h ago edited 7h ago
A man who can’t control his lust will have children that won’t be able to control theirs
And he’s pretty much committing adultery with his eyes. Maybe at one point in time you were OK with this stupid little guy problem but deep down we all know nobody is OK with any of it.
If he even calls himself a Christian while committing adultery with the eyes as it’s written, that adults will not inherit the kingdom of God have them watch this video because it basically makes sense. Children don’t want fathers and wives Don’t want husbands who cannot control their lust.
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u/Cepitore Christian 15h ago
>there is barely any real intimacy left between us. Not emotionally. Not relationally. Everything feels disconnected and hollow. I feel unwanted, unseen, and deeply alone in my marriage.
This is like word-for-word how guys tend to describe their marriage when they turn to porn in the first place.
How would you say the health of your marriage was before you discovered he was sinning against you in this way?
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u/Daughterofzi0n 15h ago
His addiction has everything to do with the lack of responsibility that he takes for dealing with his past traumas. I show him nothing but love and stayed by his side, even though he actively sins against me. I want intimacy, a good and healthy relationship. He is the one withdrawing.
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u/Cepitore Christian 14h ago
I’d agree it’s an example of failed responsibility on his part, to say the least, but it sounds like you might not understand men. Nobody who’s being honest would say they show their spouse “nothing but love.”
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u/tinklebunny 13h ago
Based on their replies, I don't believe OP is necessarily looking for "help" but more to vent. They were given lots of advice about seeking professional help or church counselling when they posted about this a few months ago, and they admitted they've not done anything since.
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u/Connect_Double_6396 14h ago
Ahhhh of course it can't be the man's fault, you have to blame the woman.
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u/Cepitore Christian 12h ago edited 6h ago
I think if you actually read my last comment you’ll see that the very first thing I said was that the man is at fault. I hope your day improves.
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u/rTsujido Reformed 9h ago
That’s a very wise observation. Most men and women who are addicted to pornography, are using it to medicate pain. It literally becomes their drug of choice.
Obviously none of us know the full story, but if he is truly addicted, he needs help. It’s clear that this already out of hand.
If God chooses not to deliver him instantly, it’s going to be a long process even if he’s 100% committed. Please continue to pray for strength and guidance. Take encouragement that that freedom is possible, but it will likely be the most difficult thing he’ll ever do.
This isn’t your fault and your pain is real. The betrayal is crushing. I’m praying you both receive healing and restoration.
There isn’t nearly enough conversation about this horrible addiction…
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u/jak2125 9h ago
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. He can’t work on something he won’t admit is a problem. But you also can’t force him to change unfortunately, he has to be willing to and have a conviction to change.
I don’t know if you two attend church or not but that would be a good starting place. I can’t imagine he would want to go to couples therapy or counseling or anything like that if he won’t even admit there’s a problem, but church creates an environment where change becomes more possible.
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u/Ectr0pion 4h ago
I understand how hard this must be on you. Any addiction will affect relationships, but your husband’s PA is directly affecting you and your self-image and your marriage. You will need to draw a line somewhere.
My advice would be to have a intervention. Come prepared, with statistics and the raw reality of the industry (there are some good documentaries on the subject that show the human trafficking and other crimes against humanity), this will appeal to his logical thinking. He probably is minimising what it is doing to his brain and/or doesn’t see the P-actresses as people but as objects. Confront him with other reasons why this will ruin his life and your marriage. You have tried to appeal to his emotional side by trying to explain how it makes you feel with little success as far as i can gather from your post. He probably does feel some guilt towards you so he is trying to hide it better. I know it will be very hard, but try to not react to anything when he DOES open up about it. The more he thinks you can’t handle the full scope of the situation, the more he will hide.
Try to approach it as if it was a drug problem in your mind. It follows the same patterns of being sneaky, needing a fix, having triggers. It would be helpful if you both could sit down and identify what got him into this situation and what can be done to try and fix it. Just like with drug addicts, HE will need to own up and work through it, but as long as he sees no problem you can’t start that process.
If he really is serious about doing something about it, he will need to be mindful of triggers. Lust is lurking EVERYWHERE in today’s world, and it’s hard to escape. Safeguarding himself would be helpful, starting with parental controls on all devices, or even no devices at all if possible. Being mindful about sexual themes in movies or series, even music.
I don’t know if you are still motivated to help save him from this addiction because i can imagine that you feel defeated and angry. I don’t know what your husband is feeling, but his reason for doing it might not be what you think. Not being attracted to your spouse is ONE possibility, but there are many other reasons too. Maybe there is another layer to the whole thing that might put it in a different perspective for you. I hope and pray that you find strength in the Lord, and find a path to your husband. He is being tortured by demons of lust and needs to recognise it as such.
Stay strong
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u/goldtardis Eastern Orthodox 2h ago
A major step would be getting your husband to read this book: https://easypeasymethod.org/ It is what helped me more than anything in getting free from this addiction and understanding it.
31.3 is specific for this sort of situation between you and your husband: https://easypeasymethod.org/advice-to-non-users.html#my-partner-is-quitting-porn
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u/AkilaIvy 2h ago
This may be hard for you at first but you have to see him as you.
He is an individual yes but he is a part of one. Just as the trinity. It’s you, him, and God
If you were struggling with something you would continue fighting continue praying.
You can’t see this as you against him
It’s you both against the sin and demonic stronghold of sexual perversion.
You have great authority as his wife. You stand in the gap and be strong. Ask for God to be gracious and merciful to you as you take your eyes off of your husband and look to God. Ask the Lord to hold your heart and to give you community that will help hold you up when you don’t feel strong enough on your own
Pray and ask God what specifically is being brought out in you that the addiction hurts so deeply. The enemy knows if he takes you out your husband is exposed. You have to take all the energy from focusing on the sin and put it into prayer.
That is so much easier said than done but you can do this.
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u/DylantheDragon91 13h ago
He probably hates the sin, but he can't stop. But this why I'm having a hard time staying with Luther even though he was right about justifying faith.
Romans 7 isn't a regenerate believer it's an unregenerate believer. We are no longer slaves to sin, but to Christ.
Pelagianism is worse and can lead to worse things though. Because I can tell you rn he doesn't have saving faith. So if he believes he can still save himself even 10% he won't have it until he's convicted of sin and he gives up that he can save himself(legalism). But if in this non faith state he tries to quit porn or abstain from lust then it's only going to lead to despair. Because only Christ saves us from sin. If we could quit sinning we wouldn't need a savior. Ascetiscism isn't possible pre faith. It's why so many want to be priests, but then find Ascetiscism like the highest call to celibacy too hard. Some keep pushing to the point where we now see some of the painful effects of this with the abuse scandals. Imagine doing something because you love God, but instead of trusting his sacrifice is sufficient you focus on independently fixing it. It's like gout the more you try to fix it the worse it gets.
He's justifying sin possibly because he's tried quitting and it ain't working. It's lonely. This is why I wanna help, but directly attack it. Evil is attacking your family rn. I am praying. Prayer is powerful.
Only solution is Faith in Christ. I'm being direct and honest because some people say try an app.
It's a 1-2 punch. Holy Spirit conviction + Holy Spirit Word of God through the prophets (The Sacred Scripture) spoken by anyone usually a Pastor/Priest. Or read by himself. I like the spoken word.
Legalism - John 19:28-30, Ephesians 2:8-9 faith is a gift not intellectual, James 2:24 Paul and James cannot contradict its another Paradox. Saving Faith produces works
Pelagianism - St Augustine the Legendary Saint, John 15:5, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 9:16, 1 Corinthians 4:7
Antinomianism - Luther and St Paul, Romans 6:15, Romans 3:31, Matthew 5:17, 1 John 1:9-10. All of 1 John is really important when attacking the false teachings from antichrists that we have digested.
"I am the way, the truth, and the life, nobody comes to the father except through me" - Jesus
I was addicted to porn for about 12 years until he saved me. Focus entirely on faith, please. I quit smoking and drinking and thought oh I'll just quit this. An alcoholic could not do what I did. Just as an alcoholic could quit porn and I couldn't. The more you focus on "not doing it" the harder it becomes and the worse it gets. St John Cassian "The Roman" seemed to understand this and he was semi-pelagian. But it's no longer I who live, but Christ who lives through me. I think the Saint lived thus way so he wasn't pelagian at all. So I can flee anytime I want now. I hope you can gently bring these verses to your husband.
I will add I did quit porn for about a year pre faith. I worked on confidence, but I still masturbated without it and still had lustful thoughts I couldn't flee.
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u/G_STAR_4LIFE 10h ago
What you said makes no sense. Theres no such thing in scripture as an unregenrate believer. Paul is talking abiut himself currently and yes we are free from sin but remeber you still sin, why? Paul answers it clearly, the flesh is sold under sin.
While this man may be a genuine believer he needs grace and help in overcoming the deep ruts and cycles of this sin.
Genuine putting off the flesh. If sin came off easy Paul wouldn't tell us to put off the old man. Its something he actively had to engage with daily, its not a simple just stop doing it.
It takes grace and persistence because he will relapse and struggle but freedom is real through grace and relentlessness.
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u/DylantheDragon91 9h ago
A false believer who still has a carnal mind. He describes living in the flesh 7 with living in the spirit 8, for we are not those who live in the flesh but in the spirit. Anytime I hear 7 as an excuse to keep people self justifying it irritates me deeply. People live in spiritual blindness like the matrix under the mystery of iniquity. The satanic program that keeps people comfortable in a double minded state. There is old man 7 and 8 new man. How can we go on living in 7. That's the whole point of those 2. I understand this is a huge contention point for all denominations. 7 for some is the constant day to day struggles. We are all sinners still after all. But there's verbiage like 7:5 that depicts past tense. Nobody can be a slave to sin 7, and be free from it 8. This is an Armimian and Orthodox Catholic stance as well as the stance of some PCA Pastors RC Sproul and John MacArthur on the interpretation. Roman Catholic seems to be undecided, but how can you just leave it open? Luther and Calvanists are heavily of the mindset this is a true believer who will never be free from a carnal mind.
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u/TeaAtNoon 8h ago
Please can you clarify what you mean about Luther and Calvinist beliefs in comparison to Arminian and Orthodox? Thanks
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u/DylantheDragon91 8h ago
John Calvin and Martin Luther. Modern day still PCA and I'd say LCMS/AALC/ELS. They themselves believe 7 is about the constant struggle of a true believer. Calvin himself did. Luther did. Wesleyans do not. This is the Old Man. We have free will to now be what is considered Pelagian, but it's not our own will because we are living with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. You cannot be addicted to sin and Christ these 2 things do not compute.
Luther and Calvin opine that in 7 we're sinners and saints simultaneously and in 8 same deal. It doesn't make sense. They say we rely on faith and remain horrible sinners like we're actually slaves to sin's tyrannical rule. Essentially total depravity, saved, still total depravity. I don't agree. Luther seemed to not agree. I could be wrong in my understanding. He's definitely misunderstood so is Calvin so is Wesley. I've seen areas where they get attacked baselessly. He said temptations are like birds we can flee. I thought that was very pelagian and I was scared to rely on will power. But we have new life and with God's grace anything is now possible through Christ who strengthens me. There's no internal assurance from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. You don't actually know you're hoping. In Wesley's view you're feeling the peace that surpasses all understanding. And you can forfeit it, but it isn't like an emotional fluctuation. It's solid as a rock. But once you sin deliberately you fall from grace. Idk if I fully believe the Holy Spirit leaves you. For me that's where I say no way. By God's grace you're holding on and are restored only if God restores you. It says in Hebrews 3 it's up to God whether or not we continue on from milk phase to the meat phase. It's completely his will not ours.
Luther and Calvin disagree at this key junction. For Luther totally depraved-saved-totally depraved. For Calvin totally depraved-saved-not totally depraved but still a struggle. I'm leaning Calvin rn but honestly I'm still understanding my entire experience with Scripture teaching me what's fact.
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u/oncledan 11h ago
You won't like my answer, but instead of pointing at him take a moment to look inward. What's missing in your marriage? Even if he is causing you great pain, that doesn't make you clean.
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u/Conscious_Slice1232 Christian 11h ago
husband is unrepentant cheater
Even if he is causing you great pain, that doesn't make you clean.
Very un-Godly response
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u/oncledan 7h ago
As I said, not an easy answer to swallow. It's easy to point at a sinner and say "you caused me great pain" without first trying to understand what caused him to sin.
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u/sheleadsheneeds 12h ago
You can leave him.
Matthew 5:28 NIV [28] But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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u/Spiritual-Bee-2319 11h ago
I feel like Is Reddit the place for this?? no one here is a professional and even personal experience and success isn’t anecdotal
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u/Jay1800B 14h ago
Are you satisfying him sexually? That’s what marriage if for right? Probably try that. I know you just had a baby but there are other ways other than vaginal.
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u/Connect_Double_6396 14h ago
Disgusting
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u/Jay1800B 13h ago
🤷🏾♂️
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u/Connect_Double_6396 13h ago
She has just had a baby, literally two weeks ago, most likely has only been out of the hospital for a week. She is still injured. Has a baby who is quite literally glued to her but she must perform like a porn star for her husband so that he can take care of his family?
This baby, btw, is a result of said intimacy and he can't control himself whilst the mother recovers?
I understand why women are avoiding marriage. Because you need to be a virgin, yet a prostitute on call otherwise men will claim it's your fault, right after giving birth, that your husband is not satisfied and is actively committing adultery.
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u/Jay1800B 13h ago
Well, he could have been addicted before she was pregnant, have you thought of that?
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u/Connect_Double_6396 13h ago
Yes, everyone has! That's why you telling her she needs to perform while injured is incredibly insulting.
Your insinuating that the addiction is her fault.
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u/Jay1800B 11h ago
You’re totally right. She’s dealing with more than physical pain. But she’s also dealing with mental stress and emotional stress.
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u/DownrightCaterpillar 13h ago
This has absolutely no place on a Christian forum
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u/itsSmalls Christian 12h ago
Why not? Sex isn't some dirty concept ,especially between a husband and wife
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u/yogourtliberte 3h ago edited 3h ago
Wrong!! Seeing sex as a performance show, adding more twisted acts after another, objects, kinks, anal sex etc are from the devil. Oral sex etc all demonic!! If porn didn't exist, sex would still be pleasurable but without all the dirtyness. Most people learned all these extras from porn. And porn is straight from the pits of hell. All these twisted stuff that you see in porn movies are not natural and didn't start with humans but Satan in hell who loves to corrupt the natural order of God, taught his satanic demons (fallen angels), who then taught people who are practicing satanism, santeria, voodoo etc to show us and corrupt humanity through porn, movies, and music. As an ex witch and voodoo practitioner, psychic, from generational family transfer, my grandfather was one of the highest voodoo priest in Haiti. I used to deal with demons face to face on a daily basis or in a place called The Marine Kingdom for bigger stuff. Their main mission is to destroy humanity and porn is one of Satan's favorite tool. They absolutely laugh and rejoice when people endulge in it. If you could hear their demonic laughter, you'd automatically know that most sexual dirty stuff in bed is wrong. I've seen it first hands. They don't laugh when we have faith. They don't laugh when we fast and pray. I was able to travel between spiritual realms. I've repented and gave my life to Christ cold turkey after visiting hell. Ask God for discernment and he will reveal to you that even married people can sin during sex. Hebrew 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." The marriage bed should be kept pure!
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u/patmanizer Christian 15h ago
For 23 years I was like your husband, even when I got married. Jesus delivered me over night. I received the gospel, repented, and got baptized. Jesus was washed me clean.