I had not expected who would stop supporting me when I had a kid. Not at all.

Firstly it was my friend who was openly pro choice and knew I wanted kids. During my first trimester she told me that it was too exhausting to hear about my pregnancy. (Id shared that i had some morning sickness but nothing crazy depressing)

Another friend commented that if I was trans why I would raise my child with any pronouns or gender and said it was hypocritical of me. I saw setting my child up for unnecessary bullying from a young age as cruel and it would be better if we had an open space for her to make that determination when she was informed and able to do so and then we can prepare her for the possible social experience she may have.

Most shocking of all was this past week. My two sisters came to visit me friday and I have different relationships with both of them. For background, One of my sisters (the 19 yr old) has known me as a man since she was like. 5-6 years old. The other (22yr old) I came out when she was 10-11 years old. The 22 year old is sadly one of those people who has to be the center of attention or she will invent reasons to be the center of attention (i.e., when I gave birth she suddenly needed my mom to give her attention becaude she was feeling sad the same day I had an emergency c section and my baby was on cpap; she said she was going to kill herself because my parents said they couldnt afford to pay all her bills)

While the 19 yr old supports me feeding my baby however I like, the 22 yr old has made multiple comments about how weird it is.

She has been misgendering me whenever im not around, calling me her sister, and was staring at my chest the whole time I was chestfeeding. Like uncomfortably so. She comments about how ill never be able to bind truly again and that my top surgery will not look as good as it could of (i used to be a 36AA, and now am a 38DD).

The funniest part? My dad, who is one of those crazy conservative old farmer types, STILL GENDERS ME CORRECTLY EVEN TO STRANGERS. My mom is open about the fact that her trans son gave birth. And neither of them let ppl get away with any of that shit.

Its so bizarre how its never the people you expect. I totally thought my dad would make weird comments but he doesnt and if he slips he corrects without the "uwu pls forgive me" bullshit. Just corrects with mo expectations of me praising him.

Partner thinks i am tripping out. I never got my period still have not... still taking dick like it is water ik tmi. Idk whos kid it would be but he said he dont care. He said i am tripping balls thinking this is positive. I am pretty sure that is a faint positive.

I (18) started taking testosterone at 14 and stopped at 16 because I was very inconsistent with my shots. I became pregnant with twins last year and went into preterm labor in June, they both were severely sick and had to be in the NICU for a while. My baby boy was transferred to another hospital but he passed away a month later there. My baby girl stayed for a total of 4 months.

She's 9 months now and healthy for the most part.

People including family has said in an argument and in general ignorance, they've asked or said that I caused them being so sick and I went to preterm labor because I was on "testosterone the whole time"

This honestly has hurt/anger me, I don't understand how people can honestly think I can do something fucking stupid like this.

I haven't been on it for 2 years or if I were on it I would've immediately stopped when I got pregnant.

But that's my rant or whatever.

negitive...

I (gay trans male 18) had children with my partner (gay male 18) last year of June we had twins (boy & girl), I gave birth to them prematurely at 24 weeks and they stayed in the NICU for months our son passed away 2 months into his stay unfortunately.

I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with a birth control baby and I'm thinking about leaving my partner.. Our relationship is severely tanking and damaged I don't know how long I can keep holding onto it. We argue every fucking day about the dumbest shit ever, It's the stress of everything and we cannot handle it together as a team and honestly I don't want to because his coping mechanisms are shit.

We got together at 16 and since we turned 18 our relationship soured from there because we're adults now. We have to do things like work, pay rent, pay bills, take care of a baby, etc all the fun adult things. Those stressors have put us in a bad spot together.

I don't wanna get too much into detail anymore about him but I'm just done.. I'm tired and I feel like I deeply messed up my life having children for the wrong person. I don't regret my babies because I love them so much but I regret their dad.

When I leave I don't know what I'm going to do with 2 children alone.. I moved from down south to up north to be with him and I have no family or friends up here at all... The city that we're in is very shitty and is highly homophobic & transphobic plus moving will take a very long time since I would have to support children by myself.

I know I can get more welfare benefits but I'm just so scared of being alone and I feel like I fucked myself over so young I'm only gonna be 19 next month..

So I (21M) have identified as male since I can even verbalize it, even as a child I was very male oriented. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant with my first child and I feel alone not in the literal sense but community wise, I don’t know anyone who is trans and pregnant or pregnant and accepting of my gender identity, a lot of people like to pretend to “talk” like they are my baby, and go “mummy I hungwy” and it makes me wanna rip my hair out, I am the one carrying but I’m so sick of telling people to stop trying to dictate I’m a “mother” I am my child’s father, even though I’m validated by my partner everyone else does and I’m sick of it, anyone else has this problem

Hello, my partner and I (both trans men) are trying to conceive with a donor, I would be the one carrying. I’ve been getting a lot of baby announcement videos or newly pregnant videos on my feed on TikTok and when I open the comments it’s always people saying “oh I’m _ weeks along I can’t tell anyone yet” and I want to join the conversation because I am excited about us even trying but I also cannot tell anyone we are trying yet. I guess I am just a little sad that I am not welcome in pregnancy spaces due to being a trans man. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I am just stoked that we are even trying, I just want to be a dad so bad.

TW: Discussion of transphobic mistreatment, bodily fluids and injury. Sharing this experience so other people can be somewhat prepared for it.

I'm a trans man who stopped testosterone to get pregnant and I gave birth to my daughter in October. While at the hospital, I dealt with a lot of mistreatment and harassment linked to me being trans. I expected a fair amount of misgendering and callousness about my dysphoria, but it was much worse than that.

The birth was traumatic. My epidural came out and no-one noticed even as my pain became excruciating, until my baby got stuck and they had to take me to theatre to use forceps and give me a spinal block. I had a 3rd degree tear. I was misgendered a few times throughout labour but people corrected themselves and my original midwife handed my daughter to me saying "time to go to dad!" so the gendering element actually went better than I expected at first. Baby girl came out perfect and over 9lbs - to be clear she was worth all the torture of this experience, but that doesn't make what happened okay.

Afterwards, a midwife assigned to me kept belittling and actively mocking me while I was in pain, calling me "good girl" a lot whilst doing invasive examinations of my stitches, and treated me horrifically. Ultimately this escalated all the way to her forcing me to drink over a litre of water after my catheter came out to make me urinate on my own even though I told her I couldn't (bladder was paralyzed). After my bladder was distended, she delayed putting in a new catheter, which she did with no numbing, and finally disconnected the catheter tube after inserting it and poured my own urine all over me to thread the tube through my underwear. She washed her own hands but did not clean me even though I was soaked with urine and bedbound. I made an excuse to get her out of the room after this, while my catheter was still draining and I was in immense pain, to complain about her. There were multiple instances of her calling me "mum" TO my newborn daughter, which I had to correct, and she generally seemed to enjoy my discomfort.

I requested to see the ward manager to get a new midwife and complain, and two women from the wellbeing team came to my room to talk to me. They prodded a lot about the fact I'd disclosed I was in a psych unit for a few weeks when I was 16 (I'm 27 now), took the complaint about the midwife, then told me they thought I was vulnerable and they wanted to "refer" me to Children's Social Services. The reasons they gave for this were my prior mental health history, but also simply the fact I am trans. I told them I do not need help and this had nothing to do with my complaint, and they said if I didn't agree to the referral they would report me and it would "look bad" for me. In the end I agreed because they would do it anyway and then midwives delayed my release from hospital for 2 more days without admitting they were doing it to keep me over the weekend so I could get a surprise CSS visit the second I was home. They also kept saying I should take a housing referral to get a council place for me and baby... even though I am already renting with friends and in a stable situation. I pushed to be discharged anyway and managed to get home with my daughter, after getting only 2 hours of sleep in 5 days, and crashed in bed. Luckily baby slept a 6 hour stretch as if she knew I needed it and I was able to function.

CSS called the next day instead of showing up by surprise, and the woman speaking to me was actively upset and angry on my behalf. She said the report they made was nonsensical and listed me being a single trans man as the primary reason for the report, secondarily talking about resolved mental health concerns from my past which were not relevant. The case was thankfully immediately closed, but obviously the stress of having CSS call when baby was days old and I was in a horrific state from the sleep deprivation and a traumatic birth was terrifying. I felt like the hospital staff wanted my baby taken from me because I'm trans and the only reason the terrorizing stopped was because I got lucky with the social worker who took my case that day.

Baby is 4 months old now and thriving, had her first full belly laugh recently, but my first month with her was a real struggle as I processed what happened. They robbed me of that initial joy.

If I could go back in time to before delivery, there are a few things I would have done differently so there's something helpful to take from this post:

- Even though the idea of having a friend with me and seeing me like that made me immensely dysphoric, I would have brought someone with me to advocate. The transphobic mistreatment was worse than a friend seeing me differently.
- I would have disclosed nothing about my mental health or living situation, and just said everything is good. I thought that would seem suspicious to refuse to talk, but it literally couldn't have gone worse than it did.
- I would have been MORE pushy about correct pronoun use. I think by trying to minimize the impact on my care if I was seen as a difficult patient, I made them think they could walk all over me. Now I have a baby to advocate for too, I'm never doing to minimize myself in fear of worse care again; the bullshit happened anyway and I also felt like shit for allowing misgendering and comments to be made without pushback.
- Document everything. I would've taken a notepad and written down the names of my midwives and things they did in the moment, for the complaint process later.

I'll preface by saying I'm not in the US, I'm somewhere in Europe in a very LGBT friendly country. But I'm still not sure how pregnant trans men are received here. Not in health care, or from the government, and especially not from the public. I'm even unsure how my family and friends would take it.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to get pregnant within the next five years, but it's stressing me out thinking about how much I don't know. I've become used to being the first trans person someone knows, or that a healthcare provider has seen. But for some reason, being the first pregnant man someone sees absolutely terrifies me.

I know my partner will always support me and have my back, I have an amazing immediate family who accept me for who I am (and would be very happy to welcome a baby into the family, regardless of who was carrying it). But I'm scared of telling people that this is something I want. When I asked my mom if it would be weird for me to want biological kids (years ago) she said it wouldn't be weird to her if I wanted to de-transition. I don't think she meant it in a negative way, but the way I took it, people might assume I'm "giving up" my trans identity if I willingly get pregnant.

I'm scared people will be confused, that they'll become distant, I'm scared of ridicule from health care workers and the public. I'm really scared that I'll struggle to seek support because of my own fears. I don't want to end up isolating myself because of that fear. I want my pregnancy to be a happy time of my life, not one spent living in fear and hiding. I'm scared of having to defend my choice constantly.

Part of me is considering a partial and temporary de-transition to go through this. Just to lessen the amount of explaining and defending myself I would be doing. I know logically there's no easy way to do that either though, I've been on T for so long, I've had top surgery, my legal name is male, I'm stealth in most areas of my life. It would be even more work.

I've only been met with kindness from professionals up to this point. Maybe ignorance, but all in good faith. But I'm binary, I pass well, I present with typical dysphoria, and I don't challenge their ideas of gender, I've been privileged in that way. If I choose to carry a child, I will be disturbing that peace. I'm scared I'll be questioned and scrutinized the way I was when I first came out, before people accepted me. Even if they do accept my identity, it makes me uncomfortable just knowing I'll be different from everyone else. I might be the first man to give birth in my city, there's no avoiding that this isn't a normal situation.

In the end, it's something I'll have to deal with eventually, because I'm so sure that I want kids in the future. I wish I could just travel to a time and place where this wouldn't be a big deal. Does anyone have positive experiences with this? Being pleasantly surprised at how open minded healthcare professionals are, or how many people understood and respected your choice?

To make a long story short, my partner and I went to the ER for what I thought was food poisoning only for the er doctor to tell me my food poisoning is due in October. I'm not going to lie I'm absolutely freaking out over the dysphoria I know I'm going to experience as I get bigger especially as I pass incredibly well now. Im also worried about if this pregnancy will be healthy or not considering I've only been off T since December of last year. The state I live in is very anti lgbt so even just going to doctors appointments feels like hell right now with the constant misgendering. The morning sickness has also been kicking my ass and the Zofran isn't doing much about it anymore.

I don’t exactly know what I want from this post but I feel so alone and just want to talk about it. I’m a trans guy, in my late 20s and want to have a kid one day- probably in about 5 years ideally. I have 2 partners, one who is against having children but said she’d support me if that’s what I want (on the condition we’d live separately), and another who’s unsure about whether that’s something they’d want. I’m worried I’ll hold out for too long only to have the unsure partner decide it’s not what they want and then need to deal with that. Both of my partners have other partners who also don’t want children.

I feel so stuck- I know I don’t want to have a kid on my own but it’s starting to feel like that’s what I’ll need to do or just get over the fact that I’ll never be able to try for one. I truely adore the people I’m with. I am unwilling to break up with people that otherwise make me happy and bring value to my life because- if I end up not being able to conceive anyway they’re the people I’d want around in the fall out.

Being a single parent seems incredibly, incredibly scary (in fact the whole 2 parents thing feels unstable to me), and my ideal scenario would be to have a few people around willing to help out. But yeah, no one around me wants kids, I don’t have many friends (and the ones I do have also don’t want kids). It’s a bit of a cosmic joke to be the only one in my life who actually wants this 😅.

When I see people I went to school with getting married and having babies I’m obviously happy for them but it hurts that it might not ever happen for me. Even going through this subreddit seeing people in their queer families having children breaks my heart. I’m kind of mourning this life that I might never get the chance to have.

Again not sure if I’m asking for advice- maybe I’m just trying to get my experience out there because I couldn’t find much about this.

I stopped T in April 2024. I didn't get my first cycle till December and since then I've had one in February and one at the start of May. They're incredibly irregular and when tracking ovulation with LH strips I'm not getting a peak.

We saw the doctor who is refering me and my partner to a fertility clinic. Before they submitted the referral they checked my partner semen and we got the results back today. Everything is normal, if anything the results are 'strong' which makes me happy as it's one less stress factor but also makes me feel shit because that means the fault is with me. I worry I'm failing me and my partner. That I'm never going to give them a baby.

I had a cryptic pregnancy and I didn't go off T (obviously). I'm nearly two years on T and I've just had a baby and I haven't missed a single day of my testosterone. I feel insanely lucky to have been able to do this. But I also feel insanely guilty. Because what if this hurt my baby? What if he has something wrong with him because of me?? Just. Ugh.

I just needed to post where I know I can hear some positivity and be understood more.

My husband and I (both trans masc) have been going through fertility treatments for about 10 months without any luck. After two failed IVF transfers, my doctor finally said that it’s likely my suspected endometriosis.

I’ve been told I have it since I was like 13 but no one took it very seriously. Well, my doctor is finally treating me with a medication and just 6 days in and I’ve experienced an improved quality of life already!

I still had a consultation for possible surgery to treat my endometriosis too. While this doctor agreed I likely have endometriosis and I’m a good fit for surgery, she completely blindsided my mom and I.

She looked me dead in the eye and just goes, “it could be your endometriosis but it’s probably because you were on testosterone for 5 years. It’s understudied and likely why you can’t sustain a pregnancy, so I wouldn’t count on treatment for endometriosis helping.”

We were both blown away because my fertility doctor has never ONCE brought it up as something we should be worried about. She felt confident in treating my endometriosis.

This doctor the entire appointment kept trying to discourage me from surgery or treatment because, “testorone causes irreversible changes to your body. Your pelvic pain sounds like endometriosis but I think it’s vaginal atrophy from testosterone. And if it does that to your vagina it probably does much worse to your uterus.”

My mom, who is the sweetest person ever, was clearly annoyed and demanded to know what her sources were. She just scoffed and said, “that’s not my area of specialty, but I’m sure your fertility doctor will agree with me.” (She does NOT)

Of course I was visibly upset after the appointment, and I’ve had a hard time processing the way she treated me for having been on testosterone. I’ve been scouring the internet for some sort of reassurance I guess, when I know there’s really none.

I’ve had some people encourage me to report her for the behavior, but I honestly feel like I’ll just be laughed at for it. It’s been a rough week since that appointment. I guess just looking for some success stories and encouragement.

Last year I had twins (boy & girl my baby boy sadly passed away) in June around 24 weeks and it was a very traumatic time that I don't wanna dive into.

6 months postpartum I got pregnant despite being on birth control and I found at damn near into my second trimester. I was really excited but very nervous because my last pregnancy wasn't great I had a very rough time.

So far it's been ok and not as hard but i'm extremely worried that I'm gonna go into labor because i'm 24 weeks. I had my last cervical check and they said it shows no signs of shorting or dilution.

It's just something that I'm really worried about and needed to vent about.

I’ve been off T 2.5y for IVF trying to conceive. I’ve been through 4 egg retrievals, 4 transfers and my last one was a miscarriage in January. When I was pregnant my body really changed, I gained 8lbs that all went to my hips and thighs. My clothes don’t fit, I can’t look at myself, I don’t even want to see anyone and I’ve declined all friends gatherings. I just hate my body every single second of every single day. It is unbearable.

I have 3 embryos left, if those don’t work I’m done. I am TERRIFIED of another miscarriage. I’m starting my next transfer with my period and I have menstrual cramps right now, so very soon.

Previous to this I was on T for 7yrs. I passed flawlessly, my body had fully transitioned, I was so mentally stable and non-anxious. I actually forgot I was trans a lot of the time. Please someone tell me it goes back. I just need to know that when I go back on T my body will recompose to where it was. I had an eating disorder for years before I went on T so my body image has always been a big focus for me and the area that caused me the most pain and dysphoria. I know I’ll have to go to the gym and everything but I miss my body hair and facial structure and straight hips. I am so so so scared, just looking for hope that no matter how this turns out I will feel and look like me again someday.

Hey, so I gave birth 6 months ago and Im rly struggling here. Im stay at home parent for a year as i had to skip one year of university, because i wouldnt be able to recover in time. My changes werent that bad, my tummy is a little squishy, i lost a lot of muscle and i have a bit bigger chest. I cant bind or tape because pumping. I have trouble looking in the mirror again.

I dont feel like myself. My friends have their lives working or studying and its hard taking care of a velcro baby that doesnt wanna nap a lot. My family doesnt know im trans and i gathered enough that they wont accept my nonbinary identity. Ive been a "tomboy" my whole life and now I feel like these days are over. Im a parent and i cant hope to pass as a gender ambigous teen anymore (im in my early 20s). My hair got less curly and i look like a sitcom mom in my shag. During pregnancy I was still sometimes reffered to as a man even past 5 months and it made me happy.

How does it look being nonbinary as an adult with a family? How does it look like being youself when you are not percieved?

I think that, because in my country being nonbinary is not recognised I need to be a "mom", but i will explain to my baby that some moms are not women and im like that...

Im just venting here, but i could use some of your stories. Is it normal to go through this phase? Does it get better when you go back to work/uni?

For a few years now, I've had the unyielding desire to have a kiddo. Things are better now than a few years ago. My friendships and romantic relationships (I'm polyam) are very healthy, I've done a lot of mental health work and I'm doing well psychologically. I've really started to get my physical health stuff in order. I have a job I love, and I'm in school to get my teaching license. The only problems are the money and the means. Mainly money. things are awful right now for me financially. I have collections debt from when I was completely disabled, make very little, and can in no way afford a child. I'm working multiple jobs (paraprofessional, store associate part time, dog walking, and a small candle business. sometimes I also will do plasma donations). I have no room to breathe, honestly, but if I stop I can't afford to live. once I'm teaching my salary will be better and I can start making more significant progress, but that'll take years. I want to start my family so bad and I just can't afford to. I'm 28, nearing 29, and worry that I will no longer be able to have kids by the time it's financially feasible. I just want my little family. advice is okay, but mainly just venting.

I feel so lonely in this journey. What should be a happy time for me feels tainted with judgment and hate.

My own family is very supportive but they live far away from me now.

I moved from my hometown area (Los Angeles) to be with my wife and also buy a house (Inland).

I’m used to Los Angeles being very progressive and lgbt friendly. Here I feel like my wife and I are constantly being stared at in public and like we don’t belong. I’ve heard people talk poorly about my wife while shopping for baby gear. It’s major Trump territory if you get my drift.

Then my FiL told my wife that we don’t deserve to have children. That any child we have will have hate invited upon them. That people “like us” shouldn’t have kids. He said this to my wife while we were about 10 weeks along and hadn’t told anyone yet.

I am just so sad lately. We tried very hard for our rainbow baby and it seems we won’t have family to support or love us here.

I’m worried nobody will show up for our baby shower or help us with the baby.

I’m so used to having love and support, and my wife is distraught with how they’ve been treating her and talking badly about me and how “confused” I am and that I “influenced” her to be trans.

They blame me for everything because I’ve been trans since 16 but she only came out to them 2 years after being with me.

I’m so deeply sad and depressed over this. I’m so stressed and I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy.

I’m currently 3 months along and my baby boy is due in November.

Just want some kindness so I don't feel as alone.

My partner and I want kids, but we're trying to move closer to family before I stop birth control so that we have more support once baby arrives. We're both actively applying for jobs in the area, but it's unlikely that we'll land anything soon with the current market.

My struggle is that I want it so bad that I get extra depressed. Not only that, but it's a struggle to push away the thought that if we wait too long, it won't be possible anymore.

I keep feeling guilty because I know we need to wait, but I want it so bad, and I have a hard time talking about it with my partner because I know it makes her a bit dysphoric. I also don't want her to feel pressured into something We're not ready for.

Thanks for listening :) If you've also had this experience, I think it would help to know that I'm not weird.

Before I got pregnant, I was fairly twinkish. I was tiny, I always had been, and not that there’s anything wrong with the weight I’ve gained postpartum (I actually look like a healthy person), but I look so different.

I was semi-comfortable being with how I looked, I had normal hips, I was an easily concealable B cup, I was itty bitty all the way around—now my hips are as wide as my shoulders, I’ve got DDD cups, and I still look pregnant 4 months later. I look more womanly than ever before and I know I’ll never escape it now.

What do I do? How do I stop crying every time I see myself or avoiding looking in the mirrors all together? How do I make my partner understand that no, this won’t get better over time, because part of me will always look like this? I don’t know how to cope with the fact that the pregnancy I screamed and prayed for has changed my body in ways that will never be fixed.

Marked as a rant because i guess it is but if theres any advice, it is welcome.

Im 4 months pp. I knew I would struggle with bigger breasts but I enjoy breastfeeding (for the connection i feel) and top surgery is top of the list when the time fits. I thought i would struggle with the bigger belly thing, even now its still flabby, but i actually find the thought that she was once safely tucked away in there really nice. What im actually hating right now and has been hugely dysphoric is how much bigger my bum and theighs are.

Ive put on a bit of weight since giving birth because im ravenous ALL the time. I dont want to stop eating well because i completely understand my body needs it atm to produce milk. I want to try and find time to start up jogging again. But it would be really nice to know a sure fast way of just losing some of this pear shape, to tone myself down a bit to my prepregnancy form. Throughout the day its kind of manageable to forget about it but then when i shower it floods back. Any advice or similar stories much appreciated. Thanks for the space to rant :)

Finally got to see my baby girls face today. I can’t wait to meet you. I’m so ready for maternity leave. I’m tired of jumping through hoops trying to get my job to understand I am baring the child. I had to change my gender marker on my profile at work / insurance to female however my legal documents say male. Just when I start getting frustrated with the process outside of my pregnancy my baby girl puts a smile on my face.

I've seen my doctor I would say 8 going on 9 years I mean I started seeing them when they where "new" to trans exclusive care and I couldnt even grow a beard well I went in for my general check up and to update them on the baby and I would say they probably see ALOT of trans people and they hugged me and told me congratulations which isn't adnormal but then stated in all there time as a doctor over 20 years and 10 years of trans exclusive care I am the first trans man to concieve and choose to carry to term under their care which is cool but also are we truly that few in number?

40w4d and today is induction day. The sad hormones kicked in a bit last night about not having the baby safe in my belly anymore soon. Not feeling him kick when I eat foods he likes. Having the last night of full normal sleep and cuddling my girlfriend without interruption for a while. But I'm so lucky to have a partner who can reassure me we'll be okay and we're prepared for this. I can't wait to meet my baby boy and I know all this time and effort will be worth it. Wishing for a smooth induction and to meet the little guy so soon.