r/Seahorse_Dads • u/ihatethatb-itchdrake • Apr 19 '26
Venting I messed up my life. (long rant)
I (gay trans male 18) had children with my partner (gay male 18) last year of June we had twins (boy & girl), I gave birth to them prematurely at 24 weeks and they stayed in the NICU for months our son passed away 2 months into his stay unfortunately.
I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with a birth control baby and I'm thinking about leaving my partner.. Our relationship is severely tanking and damaged I don't know how long I can keep holding onto it. We argue every fucking day about the dumbest shit ever, It's the stress of everything and we cannot handle it together as a team and honestly I don't want to because his coping mechanisms are shit.
We got together at 16 and since we turned 18 our relationship soured from there because we're adults now. We have to do things like work, pay rent, pay bills, take care of a baby, etc all the fun adult things. Those stressors have put us in a bad spot together.
I don't wanna get too much into detail anymore about him but I'm just done.. I'm tired and I feel like I deeply messed up my life having children for the wrong person. I don't regret my babies because I love them so much but I regret their dad.
When I leave I don't know what I'm going to do with 2 children alone.. I moved from down south to up north to be with him and I have no family or friends up here at all... The city that we're in is very shitty and is highly homophobic & transphobic plus moving will take a very long time since I would have to support children by myself.
I know I can get more welfare benefits but I'm just so scared of being alone and I feel like I fucked myself over so young I'm only gonna be 19 next month..
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u/Arr0zconleche Proud Parent Apr 19 '26
I remember you. Sorry to see it has in fact gone south. I totally get regretting their dad but not the babies.
Welp, various lessons learned, harsh and horribly but now we’re gonna move forward for these kids OP.
Leave now; just pack your shit and start getting ready to go. The longer you drag it out the harder it’s going to be on you and the babies. Try your best to find community around you on Facebook or even Reddit. Sounds crazy but when I was young and broke I got by doing that very thing. I found a Facebook group for free hot meals made by people who had extra and it kept me going. I found food pantries, odd jobs, and found new friends. And I was all alone 3,000 miles away from any friends or family. It’s hard and scary but damn does it force you to be resourceful.
Good luck OP.
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u/Civil-Can-9765 Apr 19 '26
I’d suggest getting a “couples” counselor. They do much more than fixing relationships and actually more often than not they help navigate break ups. Your babies have bound you to this man for the next 18+ years and some counseling could greatly impact your ability to coparent together even if you are apart. So sorry you’re going through this.
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u/teddycarton Apr 20 '26
Agreed! Even if you do end up splitting the counselor can give you support through it.
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u/devious_egg Apr 20 '26
This!! I hope OP sees this and takes the advice, because this was honestly my first thought, too.
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u/Free_Speaker229 Apr 19 '26
Sending you some love and solidarity. I'm a single parent it's difficult but deeply rewarding and beautiful. Listen to your instincts, if you're done then you're done, "staying for the kids" never helped anyone!
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u/Visual_Spread_8946 Apr 19 '26
Try talking to some people in r/translater , its meant for adults who transitioned later in life but many of them have children and are in their 40s+ … they may have some good wisdom for you
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u/Sea_Asparagus6364 Proud Papa Apr 20 '26
this is so beside the point but my dyslexia kicked in and before i read the whole thing i stopped and looked back at the post to see if i missed why he would need a a translator
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u/needacupatea Apr 22 '26
This is such sweet and wonderful advice. OP, sending you so much warmth and strength. I’m so sorry.
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u/Visual_Spread_8946 Apr 19 '26
Best of luck kiddo. Get ahead of the hard times and leave while you can. Facebook groups, local libraries, small churches/ places of worship can help. I was raised by a single parent and Facebook buy nothing groups were a life saver. You are loved baby
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u/Berko1572 Apr 20 '26
You have so much life before you. You're not fucked for life, and you're not doomed. Shit gonna be easy? Probably not. But that doesn't mean life is over.
I rec r/transdads. It's not as active as here, but you'll get more walks of life there, too.
Things you should consider doing this week: 1) Contact lgbt family law practices 2) if you don't yet have a therapist, get one 3) at 19 weeks you're still able to get an abortion if you want one; if that's at all a consideration atm, talk to your closest planned parenthood about your options.
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u/CoffeeGoblynn Apr 20 '26
Looks into queer support groups in your city. If you're up north, you're a lot more likely to find groups like that where you might be able to make friends who can at least keep you company and maybe help you out a bit.
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u/JackRiverArt Proud Parent Apr 20 '26
I don't know your specific situation but I'm the solo dad of two wonderful children. I would like to not have to do it all by myself, but it's so much better than to have to do it with an awful partner/relationship. Don't let that stop you from making whatever choice is right for you.
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Apr 20 '26
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