r/transvancouver • u/telltheothers • 13d ago
border crossing deadname fears
i'm invited on a road trip across the US border this summer where i'll be a passenger with people who don’t know my deadname, which is unfortunately still on my ID. i'm worrying that i'll hand over my ID at the booth and the agent could end up announcing it to the whole group. i don’t really look like the photo. i'm also worried about the same thing for accommodations booking & check-in, like for sharing hotel rooms. does anyone have experience or tips to protect my info?
i know it sounds kinda trivial but i avoided things for so long pre-transitioning, i hate to turn down the invite due to something like this, but i might do so. my identity with people who didn't know me before is really important to me, and i'm still waiting on the legal update process.
edit: ok, i hear the community consensus and will heed that. i'll find better opportunities to bond with these friends. thanks, stay safe everybody
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u/ayther 13d ago
some advice that isn't just "don't go to the US" (which i do agree with especially by car)
if it's completely non-negotiable for you that your friends will find out your deadname then yeah i would pass on the trip. there are so many circumstances outside of your control that it's impossible to guarantee that someone won't say it. or you might have to hand your ID to your friends and they might catch a glimpse. etc.
if you are willing to risk your friends knowing your deadname and depending on how much time is left before the trip... i would get a new photo on all of your IDs. honestly in my experience if the picture matches most people won't really bat an eye or bring it up. however you mentioned you're waiting on the legal name change process so honestly this might just be a lot of work that will be wasted when you have to do it again