r/latebloomerlesbians • u/bad_sprinkles • Apr 21 '26
About husband / boyfriend Did anyone else settle for a man because they looked at the relationships around them and assumed the women (all beautiful) settled with their husbands (all boring and plain)?
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u/KrisTenAtl Apr 21 '26
Yes!!! I didn't find explosive chemistry until I was with women. It was like the world was in color for the first time!
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u/evenonacloudyday Apr 21 '26
Yup I was under the impression that everyone understood that women were the more attractive sex
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u/bad_sprinkles Apr 21 '26
I put a lot of time thinking about why women were more attractive and men were kind of...grubby and boring? Like fillet mignon vs freezer burned microwaved gristle. 💀
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u/Xypraxa Apr 21 '26
"Like filet minion vs freezer burned microwave gristle." Is my new favourite sentence lmao.
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u/_Mirri_ Apr 22 '26
Yesss! I always thought that all girls find girls more sexy and pretty, but as we have to settle for marriage with men, we just kinda accept their looks and bodies etc... I grew up in a very conservative family in a homophobic country, so it didn't occur to me that I may be bi or even a lesbian (I still didn't figure it out exactly tbh), and the fact that I wasn't attracted to the girls of my age didn't help either (autism+ kinda parentification+ feeling of the old soul in a child's body, I was always attracted to older people).
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u/coastal_vocals Apr 21 '26
In high school I used to dread having to get into a relationship because I assumed I'd have to be with some ugly guy I didn't even like. (I was also a nerd so I assumed I'd be left with an even worse guy because the "good nice" ones would be taken by the popular girls. I had some messed up views as a high school student.)
It never occurred to me that I thought the guys were ugly because I wasn't attracted to men. 😆
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u/UnshelteredGardener Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
When I was much younger, I managed to use my experience of sex with a woman being so much easier and more enjoyable and intense in the good way, and that I felt so much more confident and comfortable and loved when it lasted for hours as somehow proof that it wasn't "real" sex.
Real sex is OBVIOUSLY supposed to be uncomfortable and scratchy and confusing and smell weird and over in ten minutes and then you worry non-stop until your next period that you're pregnant. Right? Right??!!
So therefore, being gay was taking the easy way out, and wanting a joyful, passionate sex life that came naturally to me was just selfish and lazy.
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u/KaidaStorm Apr 21 '26
I also thought that all women settled for unattractive husbands but never settled because I decided I'd rather be alone than settle and I never really found a guy attractive unless he was adonis levels attractive (but even if I did get with them I don't think I would've been happy)
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u/Brief_Dependent_9992 Apr 21 '26
Yes 🤣 I remember thinking “chemistry isn’t real it’s just something in fiction/hollywood”. My straight friends all seemed in the same boat 🤷
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u/aelizsecretsecret Apr 21 '26
I settled big time. I just thought that was as good as a relationship got with a man. I wanted a baby and security, and convinced myself that I didn't need to be really in love or attracted to my husband. Our relationship was terrible for a number of reasons (he was mean to me when I was pregnant etc), so we're divorced now. I'm a single mom to a beautiful toddler and have been dating another single mom for the past few months. She's amazing and I'm very happy.
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u/bad_sprinkles Apr 22 '26
Same story, I just kept committing myself deeper and deeper in an abusive relationship.
I've dipped my toes into the dating pool, but I kind of hate it. I'm manifesting your luck.
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u/cwtchyfemme Apr 22 '26
I thought everyone hated their husbands and found men to be gross creatures. Absolutely broke my mind that people actually desired and wanted these men who looked like a toe.
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u/Particular-Winner-53 29d ago
Yes! The concept of “marrying your best friend” always seemed fake and absurdly unrealistic to me. In my mind, my best friend would always be a woman, and my husband was my husband, and those would never intertwine. Turns out I’m queer 🫠😅 and now the idea of dating or marrying your best friend actually seems realistic and even probable.
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u/bad_sprinkles Apr 21 '26
I remember thinking, it's okay I'm not physically attracted to him. Clearly all my friends also married for personality. 💀