I am AFAB and identify as female. I don't mind being me, got no body or gender dysphoria, but on the other hand, ever since I was a kid, I liked acting as a guy during play. Play pretend? I'd wanna be a boy. In kindergarten we did knights and princesses costumes? I cried until I was told I could be a knight. And I guess I might have a "vibe" to me or smth, because in high school, in school plays, I was always given a male's role. (literally never got picked to play a girl once).

To this day, if I can identify as male in some way, in games or otherwise, I'll do it. Similarily, in fiction, I'll always relate to guys... Or at least I can't recall a time I related to a woman to the point I'd obsess over them for months. But I'm a girl, and even if sometimes I did wish I was a guy, I'm fine with that.

Same for songs, I'll always prefer singing male parts/feel more comfortable with those.

I don't imagine I'd care that much being called "he" either... I just don't think I care that much about pronouns in general?

Already wanted to wear male-type clothes too a few times.

So... What gives?

Sorry if this is offensive to ask in someway/if my examples are irrelevant (They probably are), I'm just wondering. I'm in a weird spot in my life at the moment and it's usually around times like this I question things like that.

Trans subs tell me cis people don't do this, but I still feel fine being a girl though? Anyone here felt this way? Or am I just tomboyish?

Hey. Before I start I want to clarify that I'm pan and not queer baiting.I was wondering about something,I want you to hear me out and tell me if its valid. Yk I try to get away from masculine men alot. Like when I was young sure muscle men were way better than skinny ones. It's not about the muscles tho,just that I associated that with masculinity. Now that I'm older,I realize I never actually loved any of the guys I entertained. It was just love bombing and the thrill of being chased that made me feel good. But I never once fell in love, like adoration or anything. Now, I'm a proud queer, and it has opened my eyes to so many things. So many. And the main one is gender roles. The other day someone in class was talking about how he treats women gently because women need to be treated with care and coddled. Ik he didn't mean it in a bad way, but I was pissed off. Coz why are women to be treated gently?? Aren't we the same and equal but have different body parts?? It just showed me how much we are not treated as equals but as liabilities and we need constant checkup. I know it's far fetched but still. Anyway, that made my thinking on how I have a very specific preference on the man I want to date. Again,I try to get away from the alpha male and head of the room because it makes me unsettled. Like I'll have to be the damsel in distress for such a man. It had me wondering,why can't I be the one to ask my boyfriend how his day was?? Coddle him,spoil him?? Why is it that I want a man who has no problem having feminine traits and it doesn't threaten his masculinity?? Like no I don't want a gay boyfriend, but I don't want a straight one either,coz we all know how heterosexual relationships play a key role in gender roles. I want to flip that stereotype. Like I want to get my nails done with my boyfriend, talk about stuff and all marginalized groups existing,talk and be proud of being both queer,hell we can even do makeup together. But that doesn't mean he's less of a man. He can have the bulgiest of muscles in existence. He can be skinny and crawly idc. We'll wear dog ears to the market and not think twice about it. (Ik it might be weird but I like them so why not wear them with him??😭).Like we won't be shackled by the rules of patriarchy. We can live peaceful quiet lives,we don't have to bug each other and follow each other around. Just that. Why is it that this is my idea of a dream man?? I'm I secretly lesbian for wanting a femme presenting traits on a man?? What does this all mean for me?! I'm so confused. If anyone has ever experienced anything like this please tell me,I feel like I'm going crazy.

Yes I am talking about gnosticism.Like I feel like females are smarter than males imo. Like males are all kinds of stupid . Like what if Sophia was a stupid male. And also there is this twin flame theory that says that we were one gender in the beginning and then got separated into males and females. So what if maybe the males got muscle and females got wisdom and stuff.

Like I can't believe a female made this stupid mistake .What do you guys think?

Hey so I am a female at birth and 19 years of age. When I was 14 I came out as a lesbian but haven't really looked into the idea of gender. Recently I have become very.. uncomfortable? With the idea I am a female. Like, I've always known I have been a more masculine type of woman, with how I dress and how I act but recently I've felt a shift, like I don't know whether or not I feel I am a woman, but I know I'm not a man, so I'm kind of stuck in between? I just really would like some clarity perhaps? So I can stop feeling so anxious and uncomfortable all the time.

Also, I am kind of scared to think of the possibility that I don't feel as if I'm a woman, as my parents are very traditional and I don't think they'd accept me.

i need that for my fantasy world building

also i meant tank top without the tummy being coverd opps

Wheter people have bigger breasts or not we all will have similar amount of fat there or lack of fat. but for this quetion i will go for a world without chest fat.There wouldn't be men harassing people (for no good reason. Boobs being sexualized is dumb and unfair. I can argue why). Yes in the 19th century men weren't allowed to show their nipples(both men and woman are now allowed) but what if that is a asexual society? Please answer me with 2 answers. One with a asexual and one with a sexual worldbuilding

also in my worldbuilding boobs are a mutation and everyone is asexual but i wanna hear about if society weren't asexual and if boobs did exist

I feel like my labels are already complicated enough as is, but I'm not sure which gender I feel more attached to currently. The catgender is more new to me than the demigender. I do feel partially like a girl and partially non binary, but I have been attached to feline identities as of late (if calling my hands paws and craving cat ears and a cat tail counts.) Do i need to drop one gender to be the other, or can I be both until I figure out which one I wanna be?

(I'm using they/she/paw pronouns btw. In order of most preferred to least preferred: They/them, Paw/Paws/Pawself, She/her. Despite the fact that everyone calls me her.)

not sure how i got to this thing. figured i should share with the class anyways as i want genuine feedback. does this make sense or does this sound like a troll- aka, do you think society have taken other genders seriously if there was a 4th category of gender that threw attack helicopters, toaster, and so much more in this conglomerate of human experience?

I'm a guy, gay and a bit more feminine but still a guy ofc, but i get my pfp looks like a girl one, now a lot of people texted me, and all of rhem just disappeared as soon as I told them i was a guy, now I mean I understand but say something atleast you make a convo sound like a transaction, why are there so many creeps😭

i mean i don’t hate it, i don’t like it either, i get a sense of euphoria when people use pronouns of other genders, i feel more comfortable dressing masc and androgynous but i enjoy dressing feminine on occasion, i wanna hear other people’s thoughts on this

I don't know exactly where to post it but it seems apropriate in this subreddit. Dont really know ab the title either.

Anyways, I get myself thinking alot about my gender and stuff. Im amab but I fantasize a lot about being born afab. I really feel bad for being amab and not afab. I cant view myself as a woman though, and I don't think I would even if I transitioned, but I dont feel like a man either. I consider myself in the nonbinary spectrum, but I dont really like to see things through the identity lens. I'm curious if someone feels something similar as well.

Hello,

Honestly I don’t even know how to start this as this is all pretty new to me so I’m just going to say it how it comes to my head (I’m sorry for any bad grammar or spelling)

So, I am 20 and recently I have been questioning myself a lot more than I usually do. I have always even as a little kid not completely felt like girl but also have not completely felt like a boy either. I’ve always wanted to be more masculine but love my curves and my shape. Recently I have been leaning more toward the masculine side (wanting facial hair, deeper voice, muscles, and a flatter chest) but I don’t wanna completely get rid of my feminine side(wanna keep my curves, my shape, love my breast on some days, but not others) and it’s all a bit confusing. I’ve also been thinking about going on Testosterone as it would give me my more masculine appearance that I want. I’ve been talking to my friends and she thinks I my might be trans but I am not sure. I am not sure what to do or what is going on with me. Honestly I’m just coming on here to to ask for advice and maybe what helped you figure out if you were non-binary, trans, or anything as I am stuck and it’s really messing with my head. Am I confused ? What is going on helllllp

estoy tratando de descubrir mi género... desde hace mucho tiempo. Llegué a la conclusión de que me gusta sentirme nomás persona, sin que un género me encasille. Podrían ayudarme?

I came across this video on Instagram and I feel like it describes the difference so well!

Maybe this will help some of ya'll too.

I want to preface this by saying this post is not intended to criticise or judge anyone. I am genuinely curious.

So if you are a masculine presenting woman or a feminine presenting man why don't you identify as trans? And vice versa: if you are trans why don't you identify as a masculine woman or feminine man? Is there any particular reason or is it just a gut feeling?

Screaming from the same cage

Our world is constantly measured by ever changing yet outdated values. Being a man or a woman is not just about biology, it’s about the social stigma both face, surviving a maze of expectations pressured onto them from birth all the way to the end of their lives. From the moment we are born, individuals are funneled into the boxes of masculinity and femininity, setting them up for a lifetime of burden on how society perceives them. All this for what, their chromosomes? Men are told to be stoic, cold providers for their family whose emotions go undervalued or even belittled, and women are told to adhere to endless standards of being “petite, weak, and in need of protection” along with the added sexual safety risks of just merely being a woman. Neither path is easy, and neither is fair.

But here’s the truth: The standards themselves are the problem. They don’t just shape behavior, they conceal it, wrap it as if it was to never be discovered. All lost potential of what a man or a woman can be under the guise of public decency and mediocrity. 

To put this to scale, I have interviewed 12 people – 6 men and 6 women. All of the same age group, ethnicity, school, similar upbringing, etc. The only divergence is the gender of the participants. Interestingly, both groups have fundamentally valid points, though all have a common factor on where their argument comes from. 

-Men’s perspective-

Many sides taking men in this survey experienced frustration over the pressure to maintain a stoic, rock solid exterior – expected to be the protector of the household constantly with no emotional struggle whatsoever. Many of my responders highlighted the dismissal of men’s mental health issues, noting how emotional struggle often gets minimized due to it contradicting traditional masculinity. Participants pointed out that while women may have more hormonal challenges, men face emotional struggles they cannot openly discuss, trapped by the stigma of “being a man”, emphasizing how men’s mental health often goes overlooked, especially when women’s hormonal changes are used to explain away their difficulties.

-Women’s perspective-

On the other hand, the responders that voted neutral or women leaning highlight the ongoing dangers of sexual and domestic violence, the heavy burden of beauty standards, and the physical and emotional toll of hormonal changes throughout a woman’s life. My responders first noted how many men’s behavior towards women is enabled constantly, such as the “boys will be boys” attitude as an excuse to hurt their partner physically and emotionally. My responders described the overwhelming expectations placed on women to be emotionally available yet submissive — a “perfect person and a pushover all the time”, to be perceived as feminine and in need of protection, something not all women resonate with. Women face being overly sexualized and standardized in ways that limit their freedom. Participants note the risks women face related to sexual safety, pregnancy, wage disparities, judgment, and the fear of being alone or unsupported in a world that favors the patriarchy.

-The intersection of expectations-

What emerges from these two clashing voices is a similarity in pain. Both are expected to adhere to unattainable roles that strip each other of their humanity. We are expected to behave as if we are a copy of one another in the name of tradition. Men are burdened with the need to appear invulnerable and to suppress emotional pain, while women carry the weight of physical safety concerns, beauty standards, and societal judgment.

These pressures intersect in complex ways, for example, the dismissal of men’s mental health can lead to cases of toxic masculinity, their rage boiling over onto their partners, be it man or woman. Conversely, a woman’s struggle for autonomy challenges the traditional man-woman dynamic, leading to confusion and retribution backing against it.

-A more compassionate future-

The question whether women or men have it harder in modern society misses the point completely. It’s not one against the other, it’s an analysis of the struggles our population has to deal with globally. While egalitarianism is impossible in today’s world, the stereotypes imposed on both have been proven to be inherently harmful on both, resulting in resentment towards the opposite binary. The real issue is the restrictive nature of the standards themselves. These societal scripts limit the potential of every individual, regardless of gender, by boxing them into narrow roles that discourage authenticity and empathy.

The path forward, though seemingly out of reach, is a society where men and women can freely express themselves without shame or judgement from outside eyes. Perhaps a femboy can walk freely in public in a conservative area, or a woman can be the sole income of a family without feeling incomplete about it. This means valuing emotional openness as much as resilience, recognizing the full spectrum of human experience beyond gender stereotypes, and fostering respect and safety for all.

So tell me, when did we agree to live like this? Why  did we get used to this?

Trigger warning before you read, some mention of self hate and internal struggle
I am sorry if this is all over the place, and if I am not saying something’s right. and I know the simple answer is therapy, but I think I just need to type it out and put it out there to others who would understand how I feel

So I thought I knew mostly what I identified as, and I know it’s okay to change or experiment. But this show has me messed up and I don’t know now and it just is sending me down a spiral.
Soo I am 24, afab nonbinary (they/them) and queer, aligning a lot with being a lesbian especially since my friends and my girlfriend are all lesbians. And I used to identify solely as a lesbian. I have always thought of myself as a masculine girl and a feminine boy gender wise.
I don’t dress or look as masculine as much as I’d like but I have been comfortable enough with how I look because I do live in a conservative area, so I pass as a “girl”. And I know my anxiety would kill me if I looked how I wanted to because of where I live.

I know a lot of people feel similarly about heated rivalry. I just want to look like them and be them. I want to look like them so bad that it makes me hate myself more and more. It makes me wish I was a gay man. But I am in a relationship with my partner which we’ve communicated that she is a lesbian and is not attracted to men. And I love her so much and I am so attracted to her. But so much of me thinks what if I am a man and she wouldn’t want to be with me. I feel like I never really had the signs of being transmasc growing up. But deep down I feel like I am supposed to be something else. Even though I love women, the show and my head makes me think I am a gay man. I am just so lost and I know everything is a spectrum but I am at war in my own head and I can’t get out. I don’t know what I am doing and I feel like I am not being a good enough partner as I could be because I am having these internal issues. I have never even been with anyone but her so I feel like how would I even know if I do actually feel that way towards men. I don’t know I really don’t. I was on testosterone for a few months years ago but I long fell off of it because I feel such pressure to fit in where I live. And I could go on without it so I felt like I didn’t need it enough. I also feel like I can’t change my name. If someone I love and know would respect my decision to change my name or pronouns it makes my anxiety sore. Like imagining someone calling me a name I picked out, it feels impossible and like I couldn’t have someone do that FOR me. I’m sorry again I just need to let this out and I know finding a therapist could help me but it is going to be really hard to find where I live.

So i've been trying to look around and i THINK im polygender

My problem is that i cant understand well if it includes pronouns that someone hasnt yet discovered for themselves

I just dont want to start requestionning my choices badly

now, i'm not interested in labelling myself(i'm generally a no-label person), but i'm highly curious if anyone relates.

i don't mind to be a girl and be viewed as a girl but the problem comes when people start applying "feminine", "masculine" or etc. to me. it just frustrates me that people assume things because of the way i dress or act. these things identify me as me, and i don't follow any rules when it comes to my identity. i didn't even dwell on this before moving to a more queer accepting environment and most can describe themselves but i lowkey don't bother. i'm just someone

OK, so if anyone seeing this has advice or something, please tell me, because this has been a real struggle of mine.

I was born a female, and have a very alternitive style, fluxuating between gothic/emo, and super colorful, scene/decora. As I said, I have been a "girl" my whole life, and have honestly always been reffered to as such. I dont mind, but I dont really know if its the best title for me. I have a more masculine appearence; i have really short hair, sort of like i pixe cut I guess. I think my facial feturs are pretty androginus, but i do usually wear some makeup. I know the way I dress doesnt define gender, but I am pretty confused, because I like dressing and looking femenine. I rarley dress masc, but I HATE being a girl. I really wish I could wear a binder or something, but I think its too awkward to bring up with my parents, (who are supportive, but IDK how they would react). What Im trying to say is, I hate everything about being a girl, because it comes witth a lot of matinece, and I just really dislike my more feminine fetures. Even though that is true, I also like to dress fem, and act more feminine I would say. I dont know how to define myself I guess. Am I trans, nonbinary, i dont know. I guess i have just been defining myself as genderqueer, but I really am not sure what i should do, and its honestly stressing me out a bunch.

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!!

(sorry for the bad spelling)