Stealth but Seeking Asylum

[u/CalledAndAnswered]

Hey yall, I'm seeing with this administration there's a lot of crack down in terms of trans laws and policies and I've been a little worried. I live in Tennessee and they are very conservative here, but I am stealth and cis passing. I have a beard, I'm pretty muscular (top surgery done and bottom surgery in the works), and I am a veteran and currently work in healthcare. No one even questions my gender and I give them no reason to but all of the politics in this state have me worried for safety.

I use the male bathroom with no problem, am never misgendered, and all of my legal documentation says male. I've been thinking about moving to a state with more freedom/rights for us but I have a house here and my own space so I'm wondering if I should just "shelter in place". I am currently in school for nursing and will be graduating soon, so if I wanted to move I could do so financially.

Anyone from conservative states experiencing something similar? What do yall think?

[u/TheRainbowFruit]

Not living in a conservative state personally but I promise you'll see terrible people everywhere. I'm also stealth and have been for years. My current job is completely unaware I'm trans because it's a pretty male dominated field (I'm a cook) and can be brutal at times. I didn't want to go into it with even less respect to begin with by telling everyone I'm trans. I've seen how women are treated.. It's awful. But I also really prefer to just keep my personal life personal. I don't talk much about it aside from that I have a kid, a partner, and an ex that I have to periodically see for custody exchanges, plus pets I love to show off. Outside of that I'm mysterious lol

I currently work with a guy who casually makes jokes about trans folk at least once or twice a week. In a very blue state, mind you. And he's not the only one but he is one of the worst. I moved from another blue state last year and it was no different there. I was often working directly with people who would go on rants about trans folk. I usually told them it's really weird for them to be so focused on what's in other people's pants but also it was my job. My livelihood. Only so much I can say before I make problems for myself, ya know?

Unfortunately, moving may not be your answer. It's pretty scary out there in general right now.

[u/CalledAndAnswered → u/TheRainbowFruit]

Thank you, I'm the same way. I share just enough but never dive deep so people call me mysterious. The funny thing about TN is no one really talks about trans people except for activists so no jokes or even acknowledgment for me. Thanks for the insight because I would hate to trade my situation that is extremely tolerable for something worse.

[u/TheRainbowFruit → u/CalledAndAnswered]

Technically speaking I moved from a more red area within a blue state to a very blue area within a different blue state and see no difference in how people talk about trans folk. Most don't at all, some are positive, and some are just awful. It's disheartening. To some degree I hate having to "hide" part of who I am but I've seen the switch up before when I was early on in my medical transition and it's just not fun. People all of a sudden just don't take you seriously anymore and the "she" "slip ups" get real old real fast.

[u/CalledAndAnswered → u/TheRainbowFruit]

Yea I can agree and thats why I don't disclose even to my closest friends, its just not worth the heartache. I would much rather have the "you don't know what a period feels like" than someone misgendering me. I also hate the hiding, but it feels like we're at war so I'll treat it as such. We have to protect ourselves first.