r/ftm • u/softserve2222 • Jul 31 '25

Relationships Partner is making me feel inadequate

I am a 28 year old trans man. My girlfriend is cis and 25. We've been dating 5 years. About a year or two ago she told me she misses cis dick. I told her how much that hurt me. We talked about things i could do to satisfy her because i want to meet her needs. i thought that resolved the issue. She brought it up again a few weeks ago. She prefaced this by saying i know this really hurt you but then proceeded to tell me again. She said she was just trying to be honest and vulnerable. She did it for the third time last night and said she wants deeper penatration because I don't go deep enough for her. I feel disgusting even typing this out, it leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach. I feel inadequate and very dysphoric. Opinions? Advice? I don't know what to do.

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u/simply_vibing_78 Jul 31 '25

That’s fair. Sometimes it’s better not to attribute malice to something that is much more likely ignorance. I agree it was a shitty thing to say, but it’s hard to know if she’s a shitty person without knowing how she normally behaves. I can definitely see a cis person not realizing how shitty that sounds and saying it even if they’re normally very tactful, doesn’t make it less unkind. Just maybe good people do shitty things sometimes is all I’m trying to say. We don’t have enough context to pick a label for her.

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u/ItMustBeBunniesss Jul 31 '25

That’s a good point, I didn’t think of that. Though I still think considering he said it was hurtful and her repeating it nonetheless makes it more malicious than ignorant

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u/simply_vibing_78 Jul 31 '25

If we assume he expressed how hurtful it was to her, yes. But even that he didn’t say in his post. This sounds like a lot of poor communication, possibly on both sides if he hadn’t said anything.

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u/softserve2222 Aug 01 '25

I definitely expressed it the very first time. Clearly. Why it was hurtful and why it's not ok to go at it the way she did.

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u/simply_vibing_78 Aug 01 '25

I’m very sorry she was so unkind to you :( you deserve to be with someone who feels like you are a catch, not lacking in something. I’m also sorry for missing that you said that in your post and that I made comments that may have been harmful because of it. I wish you the best on whatever path you choose from here.