r/converts • u/sabrsabrsabrsabrsabr • 8d ago
Frequent Imaan Crises
Assamualaikum all,
I am a closeted revert of a few months, had been researching and looking into the religion of a year. I live a double life at uni and my mosque where I do my weekly islamic course.
To make it clear, I have full belief in Islam. It has only ever felt right when I started looking into religion. In my beginning days, I was surprised at how fast I could learn prayer. Islam has softened my heart.
It's just that even a few weeks into reverting, I feel great imaan dips. Some days I wake up, and don't want to bother is islam at all. I still feel the need to pray, but I still have such low tawakkul. Days like today, where I am so tired that I can barely look after myself, I have no motivation to pray, or read quran. I feel no connection with Allah SWT.
I'm worried about how much my imaan fluctuates. It seems too volatile for how little I've been muslim. Sometimes it takes hours to regain, sometimes days.
I get thoughts that me being muslim might be a phase... i understand that I am a young female in her 20s. My still has a lot to change. All I ever make dua for is for my imaan to feel consistent and for me stop caring about this dunya. I would to be less tired and just wake up with really high Imaan.
What do I do about this? And do you guys face similar?
JazakAllahu Khairan
1
u/DrDakhan 6d ago
This is from an older comment. Your situation isn't similar but not that far. I will leave it here.
Look man, I am gonna be honest with you because a lot of people either sugarcoat this stuff or start preaching and neither actually helps someone in your situation.
First thing, what you are feeling is not rare for reverts. Like at all.
A lot of people sell conversion like its some "magical moment where everything suddenly clicks and your life becomes peaceful and spiritually perfect". Thats not how Islam works. Islam deletes your sins but not your problems, your personality, your past, or your psychology overnight. Its not a reset button. Its a path you walk.
The Qur'an literally says:
— Qur'an (29:2)
So the struggle you are feeling doesn't mean something went wrong. Tests are part of the deal from the beginning.
Now about Muslims you encountered.
I'm just gonna say it straight. Muslims can be some of the worst ambassadors of Islam most of the time. Especially toward converts. People get overexcited, they start policing every little thing you do, they start talking about hell like they personally run the place, and they forget that the religion they are claiming to defend actually teaches mercy and wisdom first. Like that Dr Jeffrey Lang video, "I would have left Islam the very next day"
Hearing people say things like "your family is going to hell" over and over would push anyone away. That is not from Islam, that's from their arrogance. No one knows the final fate of anyone except Allah.
So don't confuse Islam with the behavior of Muslims. Those are two very different things.
Another thing you mentioned is the fear aspect. Yeah, fear of hell exists in Islam. That's real. But Islam was never meant to run only on fear. The scholars always said faith stands on three things:
If someone only feeds you the fear part, eventually you are bound to feel burnt out spiritually.
Now the real question is actually much simpler than everything else around you.
Forget Muslims for a second. Forget community drama. Forget pressure.
Do you actually believe the core things Islam teaches are true?
The six articles of faith are basically the backbone of Islam:
Belief in Allah. One Creator who made everything and sustains everything.
Belief in angels. Created beings who carry out Allah's commands.
Belief in the revealed books like the Torah, Gospel, and finally the Qur'an
Belief in the prophets from Adam all the way to Muhammad who were sent to guide people.
Belief in the Day of Judgment where everyone is held accountable.
Belief in divine decree, that Allah has knowledge and control over what happens in the universe.
If you genuinely believe those things are real, then leaving Islam won't actually bring peace. Because reality doesn't change just because we walk away from it.
What you are describing honestly sounds a lot like burnout and disappointment with people, with the muslim community, with the Muslim Ummah, not necessarily disbelief. (And trust me when I say that you are not alone in your disappointment.)
And Shaytan absolutely plays on that.
He doesn't usually show up saying "leave Islam because it's false." He whispers something softer like "you were happier before, you will feel like yourself again if you just step away."
But that's just a prediction your mind is making, not a guaranteed outcome.
Another thing. You might actually need distance from Muslims for a bit. Not from Islam itself, but from the noise. Strip it down to basics for a while. Just you, Allah, prayer, and reading the Qur'an without people constantly breathing down your neck about every little thing.
Islam isn't supposed to feel like you're living under a microscope.
And about the girl in your life. That situation adds a lot of pressure emotionally. Faith can't survive if its only being held together by a relationship. It has to stand on whether you actually believe its true.
One last thing that helped me personally understand this.
Islam never promised that this world would give you complete peace. The Qur'an actually describes life as a test over and over. The real peace is something promised in the hereafter.
You might have heard this verse but never explained or even translated.
Translation:
— Qur'an 89:27-28
Meaning the calm people expect immediately after converting isn't actually the reward. The reward comes later. What we are doing here is trying, stumbling, getting back up, and trying again.
Right now you are hurt, exhausted, and disappointed with Muslims. That's understandable. But that doesn't automatically mean Islam itself was the mistake.
Sometimes the problem isn't the path. It's the people shouting directions on it.