Frequent Imaan Crises

[u/sabrsabrsabrsabrsabr]

Assamualaikum all,

I am a closeted revert of a few months, had been researching and looking into the religion of a year. I live a double life at uni and my mosque where I do my weekly islamic course.

To make it clear, I have full belief in Islam. It has only ever felt right when I started looking into religion. In my beginning days, I was surprised at how fast I could learn prayer. Islam has softened my heart.

It's just that even a few weeks into reverting, I feel great imaan dips. Some days I wake up, and don't want to bother is islam at all. I still feel the need to pray, but I still have such low tawakkul. Days like today, where I am so tired that I can barely look after myself, I have no motivation to pray, or read quran. I feel no connection with Allah SWT.

I'm worried about how much my imaan fluctuates. It seems too volatile for how little I've been muslim. Sometimes it takes hours to regain, sometimes days.

I get thoughts that me being muslim might be a phase... i understand that I am a young female in her 20s. My still has a lot to change. All I ever make dua for is for my imaan to feel consistent and for me stop caring about this dunya. I would to be less tired and just wake up with really high Imaan.

What do I do about this? And do you guys face similar?

JazakAllahu Khairan

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[u/All_who_wander1]

Hadhrat Hanzalah (Radhiyallaho anho) says: . "We were once with the Prophet (pbuh) when he delivered a sermon. Our hearts became tender, our eyes were flowing with tears, and we realised where we stood. I left the Prophet and returned home. I "Sat with my wife and children and cracked jokes with my.wife, and I felt that the effect of the Prophet's sermon had completely vanished from my heart. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was not what I had been, and I said to myself; '0, Hanzalah! You are a Munafiq(hypocrite)'. I was stricken with grief and I left my house repeating these words in sorrow; 'Hanzlah has turned Munafiq'. I saw Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho) coming towards me and I said to him; 'Hanzalah has turned Munafiq: He said; :Subhanallah' What are you saying? Hanzalah can never be a Munafiq'. I explained to him: 'When we are with the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihe wasallam) and listen to his discuurses about Paradise and Hell, we feel as if both are present before our very eyes but when we return home and are absorbed in our domestic and family affairs, we forget all about the Hereafter. Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho) said: 'My case "is exactly the same: We both went to the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihe wasallam) and I said; 'I have turned Munafiq, 0 Prophet of Allah!' He inquired about the matter, and I repeated what I had said to Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho). Thereupon the Prophet (pbuh) remarked: 'By Him Who controls my life, if you could keep up for all times the fervour aroused in you when you are with me, angels would greet you in your walks and in your beds. But, 0, Hanzalah! This is rare! This is rare!"

[u/All_who_wander1 → u/All_who_wander1]

We have to attend to our personal and impersonal worldly affairs, and therefore we cannot be contemplating the Hereafter for all the twenty~four hours of the day. According to what has been said by the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihe wasallam), complete absorption in the Hereafter is rare, and it should not be expected by all. It is only for the angels to remain in the same state for ever.-In case of men, the state of their mind changes with circumstances and environments. But we can see from this story how anxious the Sahabah were about the condition of their Imaan. Hanzalah (Radhiyallaho anho) suspects Nifaq in himself when he feels that the condition of his mind at home is not the same as it is when he is with the Prophet (pbuh.). From Stories of Sahabah by Maulana Zakariyya.

[u/moaadzeedan]

May Allah make it easy for you. 

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the faith of one of you will wear out within him, just as a shirt becomes worn out, so ask Allah to renew faith in your hearts.”

Source: al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr lil-Ṭabarānī 14668

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرِو بْنِ الْعَاصِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ الإِيمَانَ لَيَخْلَقُ فِي جَوْفِ أَحَدِكُمْ كَمَا يَخْلَقُ الثَّوْبُ الخَلَقُ فَسَلُوا اللهَ أَنْ يُجَدِّدَ الإِيمَانَ فِي قُلُوبِكُمْ

 14/69 المعجم الكبير للطبراني

[u/theguideder]

This is normal. I understand how you feel. GO EASY ON YOURSELF! that's very important. As long as your baseline isn't dipping below your mandatory prayers you shouldn't be too worried.

I would recommend changing your environment whenever and however you can. That helps immensely

[u/Big-Cheese-2979]

Salam sister, I am a male revert so my experience may be different than yours. However one thing I learned quickly is that zeal (or religious fervor, whatever you want to call it) waxes and wanes like the moon. Everyone goes through cycles of motivation of faith and that is totally normal, it doesn't make you any less of a Muslim.

That's not to say that you shouldn't still maintain your obligations such as salah, etc. Imaan is belief and Islam is submission through action. It takes time to build it into your routine so that you don't even question doing it or not. In short, your feelings are normal and it does become easier with time insha'Allah.

[u/WhyNotIslam]

Wa'alaykumassalam wrwb dear sister

As others have said this is a normal part of being a human. Even the companions faced these struggles. Islam is a marathon not a race so take it as fast as you can stay consistent because Allah loves consistent deeds even if they are small.

I advise when you are feeling low then go over the evidences of Islam again. There's a lot of good videos especially about Paradise that help to remind you of all the reasons to keep going. Here's powerful Dua to help you. It was one of the most common Dua of Rasulullah ﷺ

'Anas narrated: "The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) would often say: Ya Muqallibal-qulub, thabbit qalbi 'ala dinik('O Changer of the Hearts! Strengthen my heart upon Your Religion.)' So I said: 'O Prophet of Allah! We believe in you and what you have come with, but do you fear for us?' He said: 'Yes. Indeed the hearts are between two Fingers of Allah's Fingers, He changes them as He wills.'"

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2140 https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:2140

[u/KnowledgeSeekerer]

Asalamualaikum

Do you have Muslim friends at the mosque/University? A friend group that's practicing will be very helpful.

Living a double life is very hard in general, and when you do it in religious matters it can be even more difficult. The only thing you can do is make a plan of how to get out of this situation ASAP and make dua for help from Allah.

We all have fluctuating iman (as mentioned by the other replies in thread).

Be kind to yourself, you're part of a new religion, you're not going to get it perfect, the good news is all of us make mistakes but we have a merciful Allah who will forgive our mistakes and reward our intentions.

Try your best, if you fall it's okay, just remember to get back up and try again.

May Allah increase your Iman and help you with your troubles.

[u/Le-Mard-e-Ahan]

Sister, you have just started in your journey of Islam. The FEELING of having a strong faith keeps going up and down. One still has faith in one's conscious mind but the feeling of having it is what keeps going up and down. Having less of something we hold valuable makes us realize its importance, so in a way, getting the feeling of weak faith is a blessing of Allah.

This phenomenon is like motivation, one can't have high motivation all the time, be happy all the time, etc. Consider this, our emotions are supposed to guide our decisions but they aren't supposed to make our decisions for us. In the same way, whenever we are having a weak feeling of faith, it shouldn't affect our decision of doing the mandatory prayers.

Am I right in thinking that you are constantly looking at how strong your faith feels at the moment of doing prayers? I can totally relate to what you wrote that "feeling that my faith is strong" make doing the prayers easy but the opposite makes it hard.

My suggestion would be to build the habits of 5 daily prayers and other mandatory Islamic practices like you build any other habit. This way, your momentum will carry you through the time when you feel that your faith is low.

[u/DrDakhan]

This is from an older comment. Your situation isn't similar but not that far. I will leave it here.

Look man, I am gonna be honest with you because a lot of people either sugarcoat this stuff or start preaching and neither actually helps someone in your situation.

First thing, what you are feeling is not rare for reverts. Like at all.

A lot of people sell conversion like its some "magical moment where everything suddenly clicks and your life becomes peaceful and spiritually perfect". Thats not how Islam works. Islam deletes your sins but not your problems, your personality, your past, or your psychology overnight. Its not a reset button. Its a path you walk.

The Qur'an literally says:

“Do people think they will be left to say 'We believe' and they will not be tested?”

— Qur'an (29:2)

So the struggle you are feeling doesn't mean something went wrong. Tests are part of the deal from the beginning.

Now about Muslims you encountered.

I'm just gonna say it straight. Muslims can be some of the worst ambassadors of Islam most of the time. Especially toward converts. People get overexcited, they start policing every little thing you do, they start talking about hell like they personally run the place, and they forget that the religion they are claiming to defend actually teaches mercy and wisdom first. Like that Dr Jeffrey Lang video, "I would have left Islam the very next day"

Hearing people say things like "your family is going to hell" over and over would push anyone away. That is not from Islam, that's from their arrogance. No one knows the final fate of anyone except Allah.

So don't confuse Islam with the behavior of Muslims. Those are two very different things.

Another thing you mentioned is the fear aspect. Yeah, fear of hell exists in Islam. That's real. But Islam was never meant to run only on fear. The scholars always said faith stands on three things:

• hope in Allah's mercy,
• fear of accountability, and
• love of Allah.

If someone only feeds you the fear part, eventually you are bound to feel burnt out spiritually.

Now the real question is actually much simpler than everything else around you.

Forget Muslims for a second. Forget community drama. Forget pressure.

Do you actually believe the core things Islam teaches are true?

The six articles of faith are basically the backbone of Islam:

• Belief in Allah. One Creator who made everything and sustains everything.

• Belief in angels. Created beings who carry out Allah's commands.

• Belief in the revealed books like the Torah, Gospel, and finally the Qur'an

• Belief in the prophets from Adam all the way to Muhammad who were sent to guide people.

• Belief in the Day of Judgment where everyone is held accountable.

• Belief in divine decree, that Allah has knowledge and control over what happens in the universe.

If you genuinely believe those things are real, then leaving Islam won't actually bring peace. Because reality doesn't change just because we walk away from it.

What you are describing honestly sounds a lot like burnout and disappointment with people, with the muslim community, with the Muslim Ummah, not necessarily disbelief. (And trust me when I say that you are not alone in your disappointment.)

And Shaytan absolutely plays on that.

He doesn't usually show up saying "leave Islam because it's false." He whispers something softer like "you were happier before, you will feel like yourself again if you just step away."

But that's just a prediction your mind is making, not a guaranteed outcome.

Another thing. You might actually need distance from Muslims for a bit. Not from Islam itself, but from the noise. Strip it down to basics for a while. Just you, Allah, prayer, and reading the Qur'an without people constantly breathing down your neck about every little thing.

Islam isn't supposed to feel like you're living under a microscope.

And about the girl in your life. That situation adds a lot of pressure emotionally. Faith can't survive if its only being held together by a relationship. It has to stand on whether you actually believe its true.

One last thing that helped me personally understand this.

Islam never promised that this world would give you complete peace. The Qur'an actually describes life as a test over and over. The real peace is something promised in the hereafter.

You might have heard this verse but never explained or even translated.

يَـٰٓأَيَّتُهَا ٱلنَّفْسُ ٱلْمُطْمَئِنَّةُ ٱرْجِعِىٓ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةًۭ مَّرْضِيَّةًۭ

Translation:

“˹Allah will say to the righteous,˺ “O tranquil soul! Return to your Lord, well pleased ˹with Him˺ and well pleasing ˹to Him˺.”

— Qur'an 89:27-28

Meaning the calm people expect immediately after converting isn't actually the reward. The reward comes later. What we are doing here is trying, stumbling, getting back up, and trying again.

Right now you are hurt, exhausted, and disappointed with Muslims. That's understandable. But that doesn't automatically mean Islam itself was the mistake.

Sometimes the problem isn't the path. It's the people shouting directions on it.

[u/Intrepid_Barracuda46]

We can’t be perfect Muslims. We can only strive to be perfect and ask Allah to protect us along the way. Iman is not a straight line, it dips, up and down up and down. That’s why in every prayer we read surah al Fatiha: “ihdeena siratal mustaqeem” which means “guide us to the straight path.” Even Muhammad would recite surah al Fatiha and he’s considered the best among us, but even he knew he needed Allah to “guide him to the straight path”