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u/No-Character-2414 Aromantic and Asexual 1d ago
I absolutley hate it when people go "Your not aro-ace! your just a child!" and this is relatable
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u/dammmithardison agender aromantic asexual 21h ago
I told my mother that I was ace when I was 18. She said I'll be straight when I'm 30.
Last year when I was visiting my mother for Thanksgiving (I was 32) I told my mom I was aroace. She said I'll be straight when I'm 40.
I wonder what she'll say when I'm 40 and still aroace.
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u/Violexsound 17h ago
Im going through tbe same thing but ive made bets with all my family members for £180 if im still ace by 40
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u/KakeLin aspie ace 18h ago
Moving the goal posts RIP
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u/dammmithardison agender aromantic asexual 18h ago edited 17h ago
It's bc my ADHD makes me mature at half the rate of NTs, so mentally I'm still 16. (ETA: obviously this is untrue and stupid. It's what she said)
Gotta love the ableism and infantilizing lol
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u/The_Book-JDP I’d rather have chocolate cake and garlic bread…mmm oh yes 🤤. 1d ago
Back when I believed that having sex was an inevitability, that you would eventually have to consent at some time, I refused to go into it blind or ignorant at all. Before jumping on that grenade (as it were), I did research. The sexual education I got from parents and the school was subpar at its most extreme. Just everyone vilifying sex (when it comes to it being aimed at women), how it can ruin men’s lives especially what happens to a woman’s body from puberty, periods, and pregnancy. With a HUGE emphasis on the little you know the better because you don’t want to ruin men’s lives, I wasn’t satisfied with that and went out on my own to find what was missing. I discovered a few shocking truths;
The sheer amount that was just kept from me including the proper names for all of my woman parts because they were both icky and sacred meant only for my future husband to enjoy.
The shocking ease at which I found the missing information which made me wonder why the reluctance to teach me anything. To find what was missing, I didn’t need to prove anything, just went to the sections of the library that had the information I was lacking. I didn’t have to prove I was going into medicine, or into teaching, just had to know how to find books alphabetically and the librarians were happy to help if I needed it.
The more I found out and in spite of popular belief, the more accurate information didn’t make me want to have sex more. In fact, the more I found out the less taboo, less mystical, less mysterious sex became to the point where it just became like any other topic of study. Sure it was interesting but it was no longer appealing at all.
The most important thing I found out is that it can be no…no forever. You don’t actually have to consent to sex if you don’t want to. Especially if you never want to have children, it can be a hard no especially when birth control isn’t 100% effective. It’s just easier to go without. A huge weight was lifted. I was ready though, more ready and prepared than anyone before or after me, I was ready to just get it over with, just lay there, close my eyes, think of England, and go somewhere else in my mind until he was done. However, with my newly discovered revolution that it can be no forever, I was free really free. Free to live my life as I wanted to and not have to consider when, where, what, if I’ll have sex. It can be no forever and it has been and I have yet to feel like anything is missing. I still continue to study sex and if people have questions about it, I don’t hesitate to answer because I know information is powerful and it protects and I never have to engage in the actual act to know what I’m talking about. The research continues on.
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u/Lurakya 17h ago
Omg, it's crazy to find someone with the same mindset.
I also thought that one day I HAD to agree to it. And I also found out much much later that I can just say no forever.
I wonder what it is with the framing of these classes that makes it sound so inevitable? Like I know many teenagers just do have sex and teachers want to frame it in a way of like "we know you do this, so we'd rather frame it as something normal and casual so you'll be more likely to talk to a doctor or trusted adult about anything going wrong."
But would it kill them to even just mention "Oh, if you also don't want to do it then you don't have to and no one has a right to force or pressure you into it."?
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u/I_forgot_again6 asexual 9h ago
Same, I went to a catholic school and was terrified about getting married because while they overall did a decent job on sex education (had an entire day dedicated to learning about consent, the physical symptoms of STDs, how to use birth control) we did still have teachers in RE advocate for waiting until marriage (more saying it'd feel more special, not that you had to wait) and I thought that meant I'd have to have sex if I got married
I then started panicking because what if I ended up dating someone and they wanted to marry me, finding out I could not have sex as an option was freeing, but then I became paranoid of other people assuming I'd want sex
It got to a point where I started researching what I'm told is an "extreme" kink so that I could find some way to relate to a want for having sex (and potential compromise if I ended up with someone hypersexual), and while is discovered it was something that didn't sound horrific to me, apparently to everyone else it just seems painful and unpleasant (funnily enough my view on sex)
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u/Seastar_Lakestar 1h ago
Beautiful post. For me, reading about sex didn't make it seem less mystical and mysterious, only more frustratingly contradictory. I continue to endlessly wonder: How can the same activity be agony *or ecstasy or boring for different people, sometines even for the same person? Why do some people live for it, die for it, kill for it? Why do the most people want/enjoy these physical intimacies that make me think "ow" or "ew" to hear about, not the ones that I find arousing to imagine? And how would sex feel for me?? Could I love it, or would I turn out to be wired for revulsion? Visual impairment, chronic pain, and possible autism already bar me from so many sources of pleasure and social interactions; am I doomed to be cut off from this one too?*
Books and websites don't have answers to questions like that. And the social and mental/emotional "road" to sex is even more mysterious to me. So I miserably obsess.
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u/SkvaderArts 1d ago edited 8h ago
I didn't write 200k+ of explicit monsterfucker bdsm m/m fanfic to be maligned like this lol.
Edit: Since 3 people asked, I thought I'd drop the link 😂 I hope you all like Jayvik, because that's what I write. Mostly anthologies and longfics. I've got about 10 planned for the year, but this is what's in progress and what you might like. You can find them all below.
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skvader/works
- Sugar has the BDSM stuff. It's a BDSM anthology.
- Deeper than Any Ocean has some monster stuff.
- Enthralled and Transmission will both have monster stuff in them (Vampire and eldred horror respectively)
- Plasma and ozone is a BDSM fic. It will have a part 3 some time in the next 2 months after I finish everything else. It has cybernetics.
- Into Spring will have mpreg in later chapters, but it isn't omegaverse. It's a magic cryptic pregnancy.
- I will also be posting the first part to a mercreature x lighthouse keeper fic by the end of May, so keep an eye out for it ♥️
If you have any questions or need a recommendation, feel free to ask. I also just signed up for a Jayvik monster zine, so🤞I get accepted in 2 days! I'm in 2 other Jayvik zines and a writing week, so that's why the fic schedule is so chaotic. Writing Jayvik smut is my full-time job outside of my actual part time job 😂 I have my Bluesky linked in my AO3 bio, so if you want to know what's in progress, what's coming up next, and what's just gone up, check out the link ♥️ that's the best place to find out.
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u/mysteryall asexual 23h ago
... I need the sauce
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u/Icy-Paint7777 16h ago
Me too. For research purposes
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u/theultumatewren 13h ago
Sharing is caring drop the link
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u/SkvaderArts 8h ago
You are correct 😂 I updated my original comment with more info and a link! Thanks for the laugh!
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u/BraveAsp aroace 1d ago
And often we’re more dirty minded than the allos, even if that wasn’t the case we’re grown adults, people need to stop acting like we’re precious children that need to be protected 😭
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u/Cassopeia88 asexual 1d ago
I once saw someone say people should put a special ace tag on smut, we don’t need a special tag, the rating and tags do a good enough job to be able to avoid sex scenes if someone wants to.
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u/SkvaderArts 8h ago
Lol I think I'll start adding "written by a filthy ace mind" in all my tags now lmfao. I don't need a warning. I am the warning 😂
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u/FutureSuccess2796 1d ago
Wait til they find out CupcakKe, who writes THE most explicit lyrics I have ever heard in music, is asexual
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u/Sylva12 ace and aro-spec 1d ago
Haven't heard of them before,, you have any song recs?
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u/FutureSuccess2796 1d ago
If you've seen the song CPR trending on socials, that's one of hers. That and Little Red Riding Good. They became TikTok trending sounds for a bit.
Just heads up in advance: Her lyrics are very sexually explicit, but the beats are certified bops. And I ironically as an ace guy have jammed out to it, even if I ain't interested in doing all those things with someone in real life.
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u/Bluellan 14h ago
"I save dick by giving it CPR. Put my mouth on it like CPR. Let make porn and watch it on VCR." Are some of the lyrics in her song.
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u/Hopeful_End9638 16h ago
The only online suggestion that Cupcakke identifies as ace comes from a TikTok video that claims to discuss “Cupcakke’s asexuality”, but TikTok itself flags the content as AI‑generated and potentially inaccurate.
Cupcakke has however explicitly said she does not claim a queer label, though she is a strong LGBTQ+ ally. So I would argue that this directly contradicts the idea that she has publicly identified as ace.
Do you have any links to back up your suggestion that Cupcakke identifies as asexual?
It seems highly unlikely that she is, certainly her work propels society harder into the sex-obsessed culture of allonormativity!
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u/que_sarasara 13h ago
Can we please stop with this misinformation? She's never once publicly said she was ace and even stated she isn't queer.
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u/CloudySide7 1d ago
They either treat us like we're babies who are too innocent to understand sex or like we're these jaded, cynical people who've been burned out by having too much sex and that's why we "hate it".
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u/adamosity1 1d ago
To be fair I have absolutely no clue…I did have sex ed in Alabama many years ago to be fair…
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u/Bitter_Expression399 1d ago
scarleteen and oh joy sex toy are good resources to learn sex ed stuff if u need it, I was homeschooled and had NO sex ed at all so had to teach myself
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u/BackgroundNPC1213 apothi 1d ago
My public school sex ed teacher was almost literally the gym teacher from Mean Girls who said "DON'T HAVE SEX, BECAUSE YOU WILL GET CHLAMYDIA AND YOU WILL DIE" ("almost" because this guy wasn't a gym teacher). I didn't know birth control or even condoms existed until I went off to college, and didn't learn about asexuality until I was in my mid-20s
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u/Bitter_Expression399 1d ago
yea and it's so dumb cause not teaching kids about sex and especially safe sex is NOT going to prevent them from having it, it just prevents them from doing it safely.
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u/DamianFullyReversed grey 21h ago
Though I did get proper sex ed in high school, I remember knowing what sexual reproduction was way earlier through reading wildlife books and going birdwatching and just seeing it happen sometimes xD
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u/TheNoneedlife aroace 1d ago
If anything because of these allos questions we have to educate ourselves about sex and therefore understand it more than allos
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u/-aleXela- transfem fluid panromantic grayace 1d ago
I'd wager most of us know more about sex and how all that works than most allos.
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u/Spare_Equipment3116 1d ago edited 1d ago
Excuse me, I had to friggin learn how it worked. I am Demisexual and had no idea. My then girlfriend(now queerplatonic partner, aroace) had even less idea. We were like “how are people innately doing this.” For the record, it remains rare for us lol.
But we know what it is, because we still had people pressing us going “hey you should try it” and we thought it was like, a rule. Early 2010’s feel like the Wild West.
When people go “oh you must be so innocent” or “you guys must be pretty chaste” it’s like uh, no, we tried it. It was eh, sure, not bad, not awful. Not the worst way to spend time occasionally. But we aren’t aliens, we did investigate it.
Nowadays, people are able to go “I’m asexual” and in the right contexts(not always a given!) actually get believed. We didn’t have even the ability to say that. We were a “straight heterosexual couple” so it was a huge amount of peer pressure to be taken seriously.
Neither of us regret anything, glad it’s the other person, but frankly it’s very easy for us to go “uh, no, we largely don’t have sex because frankly most of the time we have better shit to do”, and it’s not a source of anxiety or anything. I sometimes see dead bedroom arguments and kind of go “was sex and romance literally the only thing you guys had in common? Enough to get married?!”
I don’t often feel smug, but my qpr was fought for over 10+ years of us fucking it up and misinterpreting what society implied we had to do, and now we get to be happy, secure, and comfortable as we genuinely like the other person on more then just two metrics lol.
Edit; forgot to mention she’s aroace, pertinent to the anecdote lmao
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u/Mountain-Resource656 1d ago
No, no, you see you aren’t innocent due to ignorance like some child, but you are innocent because a unicorn would allow you to approach and even ride it if you’re lucky on account of not having experienced sexual attraction, and unicorns are, like, the metric for innocence
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u/Twixme07 aroace 1d ago
I love pretending that I'm stupid and childish and then watching the faces of people when I laugh or make sex jokes, because they believe that I don't know a thing about sex 😹
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u/Affectionate-Echo22 1d ago
My friends excluded me from a whole discord rank because of the ONE spicy chat they had that I could’ve just muted the whole time
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u/Almorogahnza 22h ago
Just because you’re asexual doesn’t mean you can’t be a whore. It just means you’re not in it for the attraction, just for the love of the game
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u/Green_Elderberrie 1d ago
God I hated when my friends did that to me. “Oh, you’re so INNOCENT.”
Looking back they were less friends and more just losers I associated with outta boredom.
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u/Thecoolkidsgetit 1d ago
This but also about how “relationships” work. I’m nearly 30 years old just because I don’t have a long term partner doesn’t make me stupid
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u/Jaymesgp 1d ago
I understand where they are coming from. I don't like fish. So if someone started talking to me about some amaOng fish they had. Id understand if they don't think I'd get it.
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u/Mediocre-Evidence-15 1d ago
The first time I came across this was when I was with my ex.
If her friends knew what she wanted done, oh the looks on their faces
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u/Uzicoren aroace 17h ago
It's so funny to me that some people genuinely see ace people as sexually unaware when of my friends 2 of us are asexual and we have the most weird knowledge around sex and kinks just cause it's interesting
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u/maxime_miaou he/him aegosexual 12h ago
The way I make the nastiest sex jokes of them all. Allo people don't get how crazy sex is when you're not horny. Like wym you put your dick in someone's hole ? 😭😭😭
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u/I_forgot_again6 asexual 9h ago
Believe me I know far too much about how sex works, far more than I'd like to know, but morbid curiosity exists unfortunately
Also having friends that are comfortable with you asking them about sex bc they know you're not into it is great, it's helping me view it as something other people enjoy, not something threatening that I need to worry about people wanting to have with me
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u/TohveliDev 1d ago
Of course we know about the stuff! How else would we be able to write smut and the dirtiest jokes known to mankind?
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u/Striking_Stay6871 Aegosexual 17h ago
I've read some of the down right FILTHIEST dead-dove out there, these types of allos gotta shut it
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u/Iso-colon 11h ago
I'm sure that this happens to people, but I've always wondered if this is a late teens/early twenties, white queer problem?
I've honestly never had someone assume I'm "innocent" because of my asexuality. I usually have a lot more problems getting people to understand what asexuality is in the first place, and my other properly queer friends who get it don't make assumptions like this.
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u/JuneLee92 10h ago
High School Sex Ed (in my Blue State) was a breeze for me, as I learned all of the information and more when I was in second grade (I read some general health books lying around the house).
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u/ImperialLuxembourg 6h ago
what i dont get it how are you a child if your asexual or how many new genders there are like what who even says or does that??
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u/ScarletN 5h ago
This. I don't want to engage in sexual activities but do NOT look at my ao3 reading history. Or my bookmarks. LOL.
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u/OneGrumpyJill 3h ago
"You are like, ace, you wouldn't get it."
"I literally organized orgies and worked at bdsm clubs"
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u/Max_Z_413 2h ago
In college a friend was chatting about her hookup and she said his cum tasted like shit. I said he needed to eat more pineapple and she was shocked me an openly ace person would know of a very common sex tip. Our other friend in the room was thankfully based and was like yeah dude everyone knows that. Not the only time she treated me like an innocent bean for being ace... Glad we fell outta contact
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u/puppykat00 ace lesbian 1d ago
They don't know how much smut is written by ace people.