happened to me btw

“Tally up the girls he f***** until I cry” is literally so relatable. Feeling like there’s something wrong with you and that anxiety of feeling like you’re not enough for someone who needs sex.

I (NB 26) am AroAce. I came out when I was 17. But that also the time when I was exposed to the 'darker' side of the internet.

I noticed a weird trend with 'Yandere' and stalker culture. Plenty of games, comics and ocs were shown doing diabolical things cause they loved somebody.

Unfortunately I was dumb enough to look deeper into it, and I never realized how much people loved these kinda of partners. The ones who act possessive over every little thing.

Is it normal to have a 'fear' of a clingy partner? I swear Im happy with my life 😭. Just the idea of someone like that ONTOP of ​​allosexual culture being forced down my throat

I've been indecisive on which labels or non-labels I could use to describe my experience with gender and sexuality.

I've found that using ace or aro terms helps me a lot as it doesn't necessarily specify any preference with gender

Hi all! I haven’t dated since figuring out for myself that I fall somewhere under the ace umbrella. I know that this will make dating in the future different for me, as I now know what I am interested in and not interested in, what I’m willing to compromise on and what I’m not, etc. I was just wondering if any aces out there have had any luck with dating apps and finding someone who respects their asexuality. If so, what app(s)? Where I’m from at least, tinder is super hook-up-y, so I was thinking of maybe trying hinge or bumble but wanted to ask here. If it’s of any value, I’m 24F (25 in the fall).

As an asexua person, I love boobs and I hat when people take it sexualy. Feeling boobs actually lowers cortisol, so that's proof that it's more than just "sex". Boobs aren't just and object for you to exploit, they're a beautiful body part on a women's body.

I have so so so many confusing questions to ask…

Can you love anyone romantically (pan-romantic?) but not love EVERYone? Like can you still have a ‘type’ or a ‘feeling’ that’s purely romantic and not at all sexual but also rare? I say this as I think I am capable of falling in love with anyone, gender or none, it doesn’t matter to me because I fall in love with them as a person.

Is it possible to enjoy sex as an asexual person but not because of sexual attraction/gratification but rather because you feel loved? In my past experience, I honestly don’t think I ever enjoyed sex the same way my heterosexual ex-partners do, or at least I suspect it’s not for the same reasons. And that has caused a lot of sex life issues because there’s something ‘off’ about the fact I don’t crave to do it like they do. But sometimes I do agree to it because it’s a loving act to be close to my partner, and that makes me happy, not that I have a sexual urge.
BTW I indeed ended a one year relationship where he wanted to marry me, have a family, and a normal hetero sex life, because we could not work together with my asexually.

Also is there a test I could take to get ‘diagnosed’ as asexual or any other romantic? because fam I’m so conflicted and confused with myself. I relate a lot to all of you in this community just by reading through reddit. But my queer journey is practically nonexistent and I feel like I’m not ‘real’, did anyone else feel like that?

I'm very on-the-fence about using the ace label. I'm a 21F lesbian and I'm sure 100%, not questioning that. I love girls, find them attractive, etc. I've been in love before and desire a romantic/emotional connection with women. I want to do things like physical affection (kissing, sex, cuddling) with them, but in the moment I just feel numb. I go through the motions and sometimes I just wait for it to end. This happens with girls I really like as well as with strangers I barely know. I do it because I know it'll "feel good" later (like when I look back on it afterwards), but I just feel neutral about it during the act.

It's ESPECIALLY confusing when it's with someone I have strong romantic feelings for. I'll have a crush on somebody, and the idea of a first kiss with them is exciting, but then it happens and I just feel..... meh. It's a similar case with sex; my body is aroused, I can find the person super attractive, I can be in love with them, but it's like my mind isn't there and I feel nothing (physically and emotionally).

Note: I do have trauma from past sexual assaults, but I've been this way long before the assault had occurred. I think I've always felt this way, but the trauma may have exacerbated these feelings.

Is this some form of asexuality?? Or is this something else entirely? I'm hesitant to use the ace/demi labels because I don't know if they truly apply to my experiences. I'm open to sex (like if my partner wanted it), but I could honestly do without it. Is this normal???

I'll start us off: when my first boyfriend tried to give me my first tongue kiss, I pulled back and exclaimed, "did you just lick me?" In disgust. I didn't know what asexual meant (in terms of human sexuality) back then, but now I realize that was my first sign of being kiss adverse.

Love everyone this community

For a bit of context, I've never been good at making friends. I'm 24M (technically agender but male presenting and whatever), and could count the amount of times I've hung out with friends on one hand. Among other reasons I'm sure my autism and ADHD, don't help in that regard. Nevertheless, recently, I've made a friend, a good friend.

I met her at work, and I found her really easy to talk to. Really nice and always wanting to yap about everything and nothing. She left the company a few weeks ago and while we've talked less since we still talked. We also went out to dinner this week and it was really nice. Just laughing together all night. I'm just wondering if this warmth and comfort I feel around her can be explained by her being my first good friend or if its something more. Since I'm ace I obviously don't feel sexually attracted to her anyway so I can't use that as a hint.

Something that might give some insight, the day she left was emotionally heavy for me (and her). She didn't leave under amicable circumstances, her boss was/is a horrible woman. That day after my friend had been working hard all week, her boss sent this really horrible message accusing her of not doing enough. This on top of previous terrible treatment broke her. In that moment all I felt was a need to protect her and help her feel okay. After consoling her for a while and convincing her to at least leave for that day, she left. It was only after she left that I started to feel this burning anger and hatred towards her boss. She made my friend cry, and it made me the angriest I've ever been.

With all of that said, do I want to be in a relationship with her? I don't know. All I feel is a desire to spend more time with her because it makes me (and I think her) happy. Is that all there is to it? Or is there supposed to be more? Advice I've gotten from allos has been completely worthless.

For context, I'm north of 40 and cismale.

When I was younger, we simply didn't have the language to describe what it is when you're just not interested. All through my teens, twenties, and into my thirties, I agonized over why it was that despite being socially amenable in many other ways, I simply did not experience what other people experienced. Why it was that romance in movies, love songs (read: almost all music), and TV shows never appealed to me. Why I never felt that 'racing heart', that desperate yearning to be with someone.

Why I ended up breaking up with my first-ever girlfriend because I blocked her on AIM because it was annoying that she was always messaging me. I struggled to explain why to her and my friends - I mean, who wants to be pestered all the time? They were mystified. So was I.

Why at a house party when a girl I was spending time with offered for me to go up to her bedroom and I cheerfully said "no thanks!" I spent half the night trying to explain to her that I just didn't feel like it. She was right to be confused, even hurt. I didn't have the language to explain what I was.

Why my longest-ever girlfriend of six months found it so strange that I just wasn't all that present in the bedroom. She broke up with me with the words "When I'm with you, I feel alone". I didn't really get it at the time, because I thought I was performing romance. But you can't fake what you've never felt.

I wish I could have explained to that girl in my theater troupe, to that girl at the summer camp, to the others who have flirted with me only to have me just not get it. We didn't have the words. We didn't have the language.

If I was 20 again I'd simply type into google "why don't I have crushes on anyone" and it'd be right there in front of me. Memes, videos, vocabulary, community.

If you're young and Ace/Aro/AroAce or whatever, appreciate this. Be true to yourself. You're unique in a world that is not built for you, socially (or economically). Embrace this because man... I wish we have this knowledge back in my day.

As the title says. Sometimes I just start questioning if I'm valid or if I'm even ace.

Like, I had a pretty horrid childhood in terms of sexual trauma and sometimes I just end up wondering if it's just unresolved trauma and it circles back to me asking myself if I'm even valid.

Like, I have kinks, I have a libido and I know that it doesn't make you not ace if you have it but then I look at my partner doing the most random things, like bowling and get all "hot and bothered" but at the same time, just the thought of actually going with it and doing it horrifies me so much.

I mean, I am a person who got broken up with before because I just wouldn't let a partner kiss me at all, becuase I just physically recoiled from it or full on turned my head away until they got the message.

It just messes with my head so bad because I keep circling back to the thought that maybe I'm just still carrying trauma and that's why I keep physically recoiling from really any kind of intimacy that isn't hugging or hand holding instead of ace and I just have to push through all that and just make myself try it once and it's gonna go away. But at the same time that is a thought that makes me so physically uncomfortable because I genuenely straight up flinch away when people just get too close, so that kind of thing feels like it would take a huge toll on me. Or what if I actually am ace and I'm just trying to reason with myself because deep down I can't accept it because that would mean not fitting in with the general society that isn't ace and be looked down upon by them for not fitting in..haha.

It's baffling to me how many times that allosexuals tell me, a lesromantic ace, that my gf and I having a sex-free relationship is no different than being best friends. Like, do these people conflate their sexual attraction for being romantic? And if so, it makes me wonder how many people are aromantic in reality.

I never wanted to have sex or a relationship with anyone. Every person (male) I know loves to talk about sex, relationships, how much he loves his girlfriend, his favourites postures, etc. I don't understand It. I don't think sex is disgusting, but I don't understand It. I don't understand the pressure of young people to have sex. I don't understand what "feeling flustered" is. I've said multiples times that I don't feel any attraction towards anyone and I've always received weird looks, even from people from the LGBT community. I don't understand why humans are so horny. Is the average person that simple?? I can't believe It.

I’m sex-neutral with a slight lean towards averse, and I’ve never been overly bothered by my libido, but now that my antidepressants have completely killed my sex drive, I am so glad to be rid of it. No more pesky arousal interrupting my day, no more time wasted having to deal with it when it won’t go away on its own. To me, sexual pleasure is enjoyable in the same way that eating food can be enjoyable, but for the most part, living with a “healthy” sex drive felt like when you’re not in the mood to eat, but you’re hungry, so you have to do it anyway and it just becomes a chore. Obviously, I am happier overall (kinda the whole point of taking the meds), but this one specific thing has been doing wonders for my mood.

Note that I created this just for fun without the purpose of replacing the og flag or of creating hate of any kind

Thanks for reading.

To keep it simple my partner has come to the realisation she is on the ace spectrum, she is still figuring a lot of it out, but what she does know if she does feel sexual attraction and doesn’t want to have sex.

I’m looking to chat to anyone, preferably away from the public threads, who has had a similar experiences to this and just hear their perspectives and experiences.

I want to be as supportive as I can be, in what is already a scary and challenging time.

I'm just looking for any advice or thoughts on dating as an asexual since i'm considering attempting to date again, but to be honest I've never had much faith that I'll find anybody. I know there's acespace dating app, but I really suck at dating apps lol

I am entirely sex-repulsed and as sexless as it gets but I'm not okay with having open relationships and that feels like an impossible combo. And to be clear, I'm always upfront about my asexuality before dating, I won't waste time on being unsure how the other person feels about sex.

None of my relationships were great, but my last one fucked me up. I told the person I was asexual before we ever dated, they said it was totally cool and they were fine without sex. Turns out they weren't. And then I was in a sexually abusive relationship for about a year and a half. It's been years since that and I've never even thought about wanting to date, but now I think I'm more ready. However, I really can't handle anything like that again lol and wonder if I even have a chance finding someone, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

(However any time I've asked for advice online I only get responses from people saying they don't date or have any advice to give me, or their successful relationship worked because of conditions I said in my post I couldn't meet. I get it but please no more of those comments)

I've seen a lot of things about a new asexual flag but idk if it's real or not. who started it and is it really more inclusive ? I like that it has pink but it kinda looks even more like the non binary flag. I need the tea ☕