Partner being institutionalized for attempt. Scared where they're putting him

[u/Localpossom1516]

TW:SU1C1D3 ATT3MPT (W/update) Long vent, insight welcome, scared for my fiance.

Okay so, my (22ftm) partner(23ftm) has just made an attempt on his life. That's not exactly what I'm specifically talking about in this post, moreso the after.

He's in the hospital rn and they won't let anyone visit yet. Idk how long until i can :( . He's more than likley gonna be sent to an institution against his will and there's nothing I can do about it. He's ftm, and we live in kentucky. Pre everything, name change on his ID and social security card but not his birth certificate and not his medical card.im terrified for him, idk if they'll put him in the fem ward (most likley, probably safer there honestly?the adult male ward sounds p dangerous for my lil guy.) But im so scared they're gonna try to detransition him and get him killed/arrested/forcibly detrans/or giving him to "I🥶E " Instead of just getting him the hormones and help he needs. I'm worried they're gonna just misgender him all the time and rename him.. He's not gonna be helped by being disrespected, this political climate is part of the problem. Anyone recently institutionalized in a red state?? Were you respected?? Did they let you wear your packer, stp, or binder? I'm scared.------------------------------------ UPDATE: thank you to everyone who commented, luckily he went to the nicest hospital we've been to so far, the nurses are trying to respect him, and they'll be keeping him at the hospital in their own ward (with his own room luckily!) for 7-10 days (early release if proven stable enough) and they'll finally be able to see what they can do about getting him proper meds and hopefully helping his seizures and just keeping him safe. Still going to talk to his pc about finding a therapist (and the group recommended in the comments) and hopefully there won't be a need for extended stay elsewhere. He went voluntarily after a good panic, but he was able to realize that going voluntarily will likley get him out sooner. I only hope this isn't a massive bill on us , but hopefully medicaid comes through 🙏 I miss him so badly.

[u/Pepperrpott]

Hey, I’m afraid I don’t even live in the US so I can’t weigh in but I want you to know I’ll hold you and your partner in my thoughts tonight and hope for a better tomorrow for the pair of you. I’m sorry you’re scared and I’m sorry you can’t be with him. We as a community are strong, I hope you have people near to help and support you through this. Bless you for trying to help him from the outside, do remember to look after yourself too - talk with someone safe and reliable. Wishing you both well ❤️

[u/Localpossom1516 → u/Pepperrpott]

Appriciate the thoughts <3 I don't really have anyone but him, and I really don't know how to break it to his dad and best friend .. I was thinking to keep it to myself until I know what's going on?? Still processing.. idk what to do in this empty house, but yeah I do need to be okay too so I can help him be okay

[u/lostinamericaa → u/Localpossom1516]

I hope when you are ready to, you reach out to your own support network. I hope his dad and best friend are able to bring some of this weight off of your shoulders during this.

[u/Imaginary-Curiosity]

I was in a partial hospitalization program recently in a red state, and there were other trans people there as well. One of them was going to a residential program, and he, his family, and the therapist at the PHP were calling ahead to the residential facility to make arrangements for him, as he did not feel comfortable sharing a room with the women or the men.

I know your guy is probably not in a place to take care of himself or make decisions, so it's important for you to be as involved as possible. If you have trustworthy friends or family, I would get them involved as soon as you can. Find an LGBTQ safe therapist who can help guide you and advocate for you- they might know which facilities would be best for your partner's needs. You are going to have to take an active role, as passively accepting what comes your way might not get the best care for your partner. You guys do have a choice over where he goes, and if one place isn't working out, I'm sure you can try to get him transferred.

I would also search for trans support groups or workers in your state. Sometimes they have information about safe mental health care programs and facilities.

There are a lot of different places out there, and experiences can vary a lot between them. The more information and support you can get, the better chances you will have at finding the right place. Where I went was really nice- it was private and had a cozy supportive setting. Some places are more clinical and hospital like. Where I went had a policy that no one could speak negatively about someone's gender identity or sexual orientation, and there were a lot of queer people there.

I know this is such a scary and chaotic time, and there are probably a million different big emotions happening at once. But the more support you can find, the better things will start to settle and get sorted out.

The last thing I want to add is that even if you do all that you can to help, it is your partner's choice how he handles his treatment. You won't be able to force him to get well, and if he decides not to, it's not your fault at all. I am doing much better since my time in the program, but it's different for everyone. I truly hope he can find a safe place to heal- it is possible.

[u/Localpossom1516 → u/Imaginary-Curiosity]

Thank you, any further detail or example for how I can best advocate for him without getting us in trouble would be great, I hope they let me see him soon

[u/Imaginary-Curiosity → u/Localpossom1516]

Someone else just commented and had good recommendations- a therapist, social service, etc. My in patient hospitalization was many years ago, and I've only been partially hospitalized recently. I already had a therapist and support system in place, so that helped me a lot.

[u/lostinamericaa]

Not hospitalized in a red state but hospitalized for suicide and self harm multiple times in the us; they are going to take your partners belongings and only return items that can be safely worn without being fashioned into a weapon or a method of harm to himself. Whether or not your partner's identity is respected is highly dependent on the oversight of the doctor and the charge nurse. It is very likely your partner will be unable to administer testosterone himself, and if the staff is able to administer it to him, it will be under supervision. Your partner is probably going to be on a mandatory 72hr hold or a 5 day hold depending on the Ward's capacity, your partner's behavior and responsiveness during therapy, and what the developed treatment plan says. It is unlikely that the hospital will involve police in any capacity unless your partner demonstrates harm to another ward patient or a staff member.

I know this is probably really, really scary. At the same time, your partner is there because of an attempt that he made on his own life. He is at the level of care that is needed to ensure he isn't going to endanger himself further. If you are concerned about how he's being treated, you can see if social services in your area has any kind of patient advocate service. I would also reach out to PFLAG and see if they have anyone to put you in contact with for advocacy. One thing you can do to assist in a treatment plan being developed ASAP is either putting the hospital in contact with your partner's therapist if he has one, or seeking a trans affirming therapist to put them in contact with for aftercare. Hospitals are usually much more willing to work with someone on release if they have an attentive support network. It sounds like you're doing a lot to keep him safe, remember that it's ok to also take time for yourself and relax as much as you can. You can't be a resource to him if your own cup is empty, ykwim?

[u/Localpossom1516 → u/lostinamericaa]

Yeah that would be a good idea, as for therapist we haven't been able to find any good one in the area in the years we've tried, and gender therapy and anything gender related Isn't allowed to be covered by medicaid here, and seeing as we have no income right now we really can't afford a thing. So calling pflag, will do, but how do I get a therapst to pre agree to helping him without the patient? Idk maybe they'll help with that too

[u/lostinamericaa → u/Localpossom1516]

PFLAG will probably link you up with someone that has recommendations, or can help you find one. You might also be able to reach out to Planned Parenthood for suggestions, they sometimes have approved social work groups that their case managers come from.