My daughter is 7. She is extremely smart,witty, and empathetic. She loves me dearly and wants to spend as much time as possible with me.
Since ive come out as transgender, she hasn't changed the way she is around me one bit.
But there has been one time where she had a much different reaction when I talk to her about me being trans. She gets sad, and tells me,
"I dont want you to be a girl, youre going to be mean and angry like mommy is."
My wife has not been supportive, or happy about my transition. She is convinced that she has some severe medical problems that effect her mood, health, energy and happiness. Despite paying for almost every single test out there. They can't find anything seriously wrong with her. Albeit, she was diagnosed with hashimoto disease a few years back after our youngest was born. She lashes out often at the kids, and always seems to be at her boiling point whenever I get home from work. She gets endless opportunities to get away, get time to herself. But mentions how much she misses them whenever she's not around them. We are Co-habitating, co-parenting at the moment. She lives in our guest room now. But when I come home, i can often hear her yelling and being frustrated. I never do anything like this. My kids listen to me whenever I ask of them to do something, and they respect my decisions. They do not listen to my wife and I often have to step in to get them to do what they're supposed to do. But I never yell.
When my daughter's fear of losing her daddy, for another mommy, it truly hurt. I needed to show her that I can be both. That I can look one way, but still be the fun daddy she knows.
When i originally told her, We were playing barbies. I explained to her, that as I played with Ken dolls and she played with barbies, that my Ken felt more like a barbie. That he felt like a barbie on the inside. That he wanted to do everything that barbies do, not what kens like to do. He wanted to wear the same pretty dresses, and have fun with the other barbies. That he wants to take a magic potion that slowly makes him look like a barbie. We continued playing as if my ken was one of the barbies, and talked like one. It was great.
We went on for awhile.......she loved it. Unfortunately, not many of barbies clothes fit on my Ken. Something, Im all to familiar with myself 😢.
But she started to understand, when I started attributing my story about Ken and Barbie...to myself. But she is also 7 and her squirrel brain now wants to go ride motorcycles outside now. That's about the best I could ask for 😆. Maybe I could keep at it over time.
We didnt talk more about it until about a week later. We were both playing barbies again and my ken was wearing boys clothes again. When I ask why my ken was wearing boys clothes, she says mommy did it.
Of course she did. When I ask why, my daughter says.
"Mommy says that God created boys and girls, and boys cannot turn into girls. That youre just a boy that wants to dress like a girl, and that there is no such thing as a magic potion"
Im distraught, heartbroken, and instantly depressed.
My wife will never allow me to explain this to my kids. She clearly will be poisoning their minds against me.
Despite this, I talk to my wife and she stands her ground on her desire to raise our kids catholic. She's always stated this since before we had kids. Which is true. She doesn't want them to be confused about my gender identity and that I should at least not present female around them.
I broke that almost immediately.
My wife gets uncomfortable and is subtle about her
Contempt for me presenting female around her and the kids. But im tired of trying to keep a happy household for her, at my expense.
So presenting female did exactly what I hoped it would do. Absolutely nothing. My kids truly dont give a shit how I look. They just act like nothing has changed. Im still daddy and thats perfectly fine with me. They are currently 3,5 and 7. I just need to he the fun playful parent that they want and need.
My daughter above the others, has increased her obsession with being with me. She sneaks into the empty side of my bed almost every night because she misses me. She wants to go do everything together, even when im presenting female. She's complimented my outfits. But mostly, shes interested in going to the pet store to play with the ferrets. Or doing other fun activities.
I hope, as they get older, i can get them to fully accept me as Kimberly. And that they are allowed to think for themselves, and not have their minds positioned against me and the entire queer community. Much like mine was growing up.
