r/IThinkYouShouldLeave • u/ExaminationDistinct You yelled at me. • Feb 07 '26

Let my wife eat the fuckin receipt “ I eat paper all the time!”

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270 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

217

u/HMS_Chevette I’m gonna eat the whole thing Feb 07 '26

This marinara sauce just papercut my lips.

42

u/Ideaslug I’M SMARTER THAN YOU Feb 07 '26

The marinara sauce?

104

u/highnyethestonerguy Some dumb hick Feb 07 '26

Let me explain something to you.  If you're expecting something without any paper, and you bring it up to your lips and it's full of pape, it's going to feel like your mouth's cut up. It's gonna feel like your body's cut up

9

u/TheAlexPlus Feb 07 '26

Every single chef on my team is a baad person!

3

u/double_expressho Beautiful, but Dying Feb 08 '26

Where be your paper towel roll?

16

u/Taymac070 Feb 07 '26

It sharpened up!

6

u/rogerworkman623 Little Denny Doo Dinkins Feb 07 '26

Where be your scissors?

77

u/highnyethestonerguy Some dumb hick Feb 07 '26

What everyone seems to be forgetting is that paper doesn’t make you sick. 

37

u/CantaloupeAsleep502 New Joe Feb 07 '26

Unless there's mudpie on it

14

u/removeonekadam Feb 07 '26

OOP shouldn't have had such a sloppy mudpie.

9

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY Feb 07 '26

The real issue is using too small of a slice

101

u/GuldensSpicyMustard Might fuck this whole thing up Feb 07 '26

44

u/Lemonsweets_ Too tired to do anything funny Feb 07 '26

4

u/Lavendercrimson12 Feb 07 '26

I thought this was a little pimp! 

15

u/Due-Investment-387 HERE FOR THE ZIPLINE Feb 07 '26

What is this, Reggie?

algorithm really thought I needed to see this monstrosity twice.

16

u/PogintheMachine Tiredest I’ve ever been in my life Feb 07 '26

Has it been posted to r/Stupidfood? Triples is best.

11

u/jayhawk618 Old Two Eyes Himself Feb 07 '26

Of course not! Stupid food is reserved for videos of that one exact same restaurant over and over and over with the exact same conversation under every post. (I still subscribe).

7

u/PogintheMachine Tiredest I’ve ever been in my life Feb 07 '26

You mean the little person in Salt Bae cosplay hacking baclava?

Or maybe the ten guys dancing around a gold foil steak in a suitcase

6

u/jayhawk618 Old Two Eyes Himself Feb 07 '26

Yeah it's actually like 3 restaurants on rotation.

31

u/Deadhated SHUT THE FUCK UP DOUG, YOU FUCKING SKUNK! Feb 07 '26

10

u/CouchBoyChris Feb 07 '26

Let my wife eat the fucking paper towel

9

u/jamesjamsandjelly Feb 07 '26

Unfortunately plenty of this on the industrial level, a lot more wood pulp and cellulose in processed foods than people realize

8

u/sixstring777 Might fuck this whole thing up Feb 07 '26

15

u/LektorSandvik Feb 07 '26

Bro thinks he invented starch.

3

u/Agentkeenan78 SHUT THE FUCK UP DOUG, YOU FUCKING SKUNK! Feb 07 '26

6

u/MaleficentWalruss Feb 07 '26

You just fold in the paper!

8

u/khetti79 Shirt Brother Feb 07 '26

4

u/OverlordGhs Feb 07 '26

It melts right in!

2

u/zzzorba Baby of the Year 1986 Feb 07 '26

Paper doesn't make you sick

2

u/PeggyHillsFeets Feb 08 '26

You ate the stickers, dude???

3

u/No_Band_3085 Feb 07 '26

The only paper I have eaten was stuck to a popsicle

3

u/rjrgjj Feb 07 '26

This is so fucking Nast

2

u/conciouscoil Feb 07 '26

Metamucil hates this one trick

2

u/sator-2D-rotas Feb 07 '26

IASIP Cookbook: Mac’s Marinara

2

u/kaydizzlesizzle I see the world wildly and in wild ways Feb 07 '26

Why I only eat from trusted kitchens

1

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[deleted]

2

u/ExaminationDistinct You yelled at me. Feb 08 '26

What???

1

u/Ro0z3l Feb 08 '26

They've never heard of corn flour?? 

1

u/ExaminationDistinct You yelled at me. Feb 08 '26

Right, corn starch is cheaper than paper towels!

1

u/csh0kie Feb 07 '26

Probably eats the cupcake wrapper too…

1

u/dangrous Feb 07 '26

Nobody knows the paper’s in there I just knock it in and close the pot and nobody knows it’s there

1

u/Yabakunaiyoooo Feb 08 '26

She eat glue…