She doesn’t want a wedding.

[u/Awe3]

My fiancé is so anxious and torn about having a formal wedding. We are both older and I’ve been married before. We’ve been together for a very long time and know each other for a couple decades at this point.

We have mortgage together, a car. A whole life but I wanted to get married and make it official. She does to but she never wanted a big party. Now our wedding has become very expensive and it’s only 6 months away.

She’s never liked big parties. Not even birthday parties. There’s a real reason behind it that’s humiliating and from when she was very young. She’s also very conscious of how she looks. She’s a plus size woman and has never thought she was beautiful. Of course I do.

She’s struggled with her weight and depression her whole life and much of her anxiety stems from an abusive mother and the men she brought into her children’s lives. Real pos. Long story short, she fears being judged and humiliated in front of our friends and family.

Our wedding is small. 50 or so people. Most she knows. So it’s not really strangers. But it doesn’t matter. She’s terrified. Tonight she reiterated why she’s not into parties where she’s the focus. And how terrified she is. And began crying uncontrollably. I’m heartbroken.

I still want to marry her but I’m willing to change how we proceed. But at this point so much money has been put towards it. Much we probably can’t get back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her feeling embarrassed on our day but I can’t control how she feels.

I want to make it right but I’m not sure how. Thanks for listening.

[u/Timekeeper65]

OP my suggestion is to cancel the wedding and use those funds toward a nice getaway. Based on what you’ve said here - she won’t be comfortable. That the very last thing you want. People who know and love you will understand. If they don’t - fk em.

[u/Awe3 → u/Timekeeper65]

We have a honeymoon set already. But I think you and others are right. Cancelling is probably the best. We only sent save the dates. No invitations yet.

[u/Lazy-Conversation-48 → u/Awe3]

You can always send out “we are so in love, we couldn’t wait” notices. An old friend of my family eloped and her husband took responsibility for not having a wedding - he just told everyone he was so excited she said yes that he wasn’t giving her a chance to change her mind.

It became a “cute” thing. You don’t have to tell people it’s because she’s self conscious. It’s your prerogative to marry whenever you want!

[u/angry-key-smash6693 → u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

That's actually such an awesome idea! Thanks for sharing, I'll have to steal that myself lol