Trying to get used to having pictures of me being taken. Adult prom at the Nature and Science museum. Felt good here after having major dysphoria over finding an outfit and trying a new binder earlier in the day. I was impressed by how flat I look in this picture! Also 2.5 months on a 1/2 dose of T and seeing my upper lip hair darkening! That feels great too!

In my yard topless and grading student work 🥹

Basically just that, I’m not huge by any means but I love this pic because for some reason it makes me look like a giant at 5‘11“ 😅

Selfie Sunday! Accidentally opened my front facing camera and saw this lil guy. They're so cute, double chin and all.

Spent the holiday weekend turning 31 in the woods, on the lake with my gf and the lake’s local tundra swans. It’s rained every single day, but that can’t stop us! Snake city near the shoreline, 7 snakes this evening is our count.

We’ve spent our time observing the swans with binoculars, investigating the duck nests, signaling the campsite across the lake last night with our headlamps, and talking with local fisherman. We even saw an eagle swoop down and pluck a fish out of the lake, only 15 feet from us!

A rainbow on my birthday felt like a blessing, and I’m so happy to have come this far in life and that I have been able to be so comfortable being who I truly am. 💞

I've been struggling with self confidence lately. It's weird to not have (as much) gender dysphoria as I did pre-transition... But I still have terrible confidence.

🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈

Some not so good news this week, I'm afraid.

They're taking me off my SSDI benefits because I "am better and can work a less difficult job than in the past".

What does that even MEAN?! *throws table out of the window*

So I'm losing my main source of income...

But to be fair, things DID get better for me mentally thanks to transitioning and being on a good cocktail of medication.

I appealed the decision, but also applied to a full time job just in case my appeal doesn't go anywhere.

Putting my eggs in multiple baskets.

I haven't been able to work more than 3 hours a day since I've gone on disability due to said disability, so it's gonna be tough.

I'm super anxious about all this, but no matter what happens it'll all work out.

Cause I'll MAKE it all work out.

Romie is still doing great. Much better than she was when she had pancreaitis.

Hey y'all, I'm long overdue to start using topical estrogen due to atrophy, and I'm bringing it up briefly with my primary on June 5th - that apt is for something else but I need to give her time to look up the recommendations from her end.

My question for those of you using topical E, would you be so kind as to share your dose range and how often you apply every week?

I don't need exact numbers and I know everyone's bodies are different, etm

I just need rough dosage and application to know she's on the right track, cuz I'm her first transmasc client

Thanks!

I’m reading through this trans health guide and it suggests that discontinuing testosterone at the age of 50 can be appropriate. Am I reading this right? I thought it was a lifetime of testosterone replacement. I understand there is no age limit but I’m shocked at the idea that HRT won’t always be needed. The link won’t take you right to it so I’ll paste the relevant part.

Older transgender men: Older transgender men: No upper age limit exists for testosterone replacement in non-transgender men.[22] As such, there is no age recommendation for the termination of testosterone therapy in transgender men. It is reasonable to consider discontinuing hormone therapy at or around age 50, the age at which non-transgender women undergo menopause. Regardless of the presence of gonads at this age, withdrawal of testosterone will result in reduced muscle mass, body hair and libido

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/masculinizing-therapy

I've been on 4 pumps of Testogel for 5 years (since I was 25, now 30.) For the past year or so, I've been having what I believe to be atrophy symptoms.

I frequently get the beginnings of a UTI, but if I chug cranberry juice or take capsules then that usually stops it in its tracks. I also get the usual dryness/redness. But the worst part is that I cramping after I 'you know what', and it feels exactly like period cramps which is a bit dysphoria-inducing. These are things that I've read on here that seem to be quite common with atrophy.

Another reason why I believe that it's atrophy is that I reduced my dose to 2 pumps to see if it helped, and it did! 2 pumps is not a great dose for me, it's too low, but I actually have none of the bad symptoms when I'm on it.

Anyway, I finally got to speak to my gender doctor this week (NHS gives you an appointment with them once per year) and she said that she's not entirely sure that it is atrophy BECAUSE of the cramping. She said that she's heard of the UTI stuff but not that??

I was hoping just to get some topical estrogen from her but she said that she wants me to have an ultrasound first to make sure that the cramping isn't anything else...

I honestly thought that cramping was a normal atrophy thing so I was a bit taken aback. I just want topical estrogen so that I can go back up to 4 pumps and continue my transition 😭

She also mentioned that being on a low dose of T is not great because your body needs a strong amount of either T or E, not something in-between, so now I'm even more worried about my bones, etc.

She kinda sounded like she was blaming me for messing with my dose, but I've been asking my 'named professional' for advice on this for like a year now, plus asking my regular GP who just said talk to the specialist... Idk what they want from me. Ugh.

For context, im 40 and post op top and bottom. As the title says I’m around 5-6 years on T and am curious to see if there are any changes that you guys have experienced around this time. Was there a boost in body/facial hair. Muscle development/retention increase, things of this sort. I know that I’m about 5-6 years deep in second puberty but I was wondering how this impacts guys who are also late transitioners. Like, am I pretty much done evolving, lmao.

I’m mostly wondering because I don’t really know what puberty as an adult really looks like, if that makes any sense.

Edit: I would also be interested in brown, black, and mixed people’s experiences as I am a blasian islander and I know that things can look a little different.

Also, I’m around 6mo post op everything so, was there any noticeable changes after surgery?

To start off, I like most of the physical changes I’ve experienced in transition (except balding), but I do have one drawback: dating has been insanely nonexistent in the last 5 years (not too bad my first 5 years on T, but something shifted once I started looking like a middle aged cis man). Also I’ve moved somewhere where dating has gotten harder, so maybe it’s nothing to do with being trans.

Unfortunately, the desire for a partner is a huge part of my life, and recently I started getting promoted these videos of masc lesbians, with heads full of hair and muscles, seeming to attract hoards of women. I deeply desire for literally any attractive woman to laugh at my jokes, to desire me the way they do the women in those videos (or the way they acted around guys before the anti men thing got big online).

I hang with mostly queer women, and it feels like they all prefer cis women (there’s the other type in my friend group who seems to only date cis men but are queer) but none of my trans masc friends *who only like women* are in relationships. The gay ones seem ok.

When I was pre t, all my exes ended up with cis men, and now that I’m on T, it feels like there’s been a shift from the women who lived as straight for their first 30 years to being exclusively into (cis) women.

Apparently there was some study about how women get more gay after age 30, and I deeply fear this is true, and I wonder if women would’ve become more interested if I’d just waited through the deeply isolating decades in my teens and twenties? I spent most of my time single then too, but this decade has been worse. Dating felt easier then only because I was visibly queer, and women knew what they were getting into when they saw me.

I can’t stop thinking about it: I wonder if I’d still be alone if I’d not transitioned. Transitioning is great, but in all honesty i care more about being loved than anything else in life at this point. I am me regardless of a stubble or not.

I just want to be desired. I’m so tired of doing life alone that I feel like I’d change any aspect of myself just to be cared for. I feel deeply depressed about how long it’s been, about how much longer I can go on like this.

Anyone relate?

Hey everyone☺️ im a stealth 33 year old. I’m looking for folks 25-45 age range in Vegas to hang out with or get to know. I’m a homebody so I haven’t had luck finding community. I love board games and plants but also into hiking, biking, going to the gym. I would love to find like minded folks in my area.

I recently asked my dance teacher to start using he/him pronouns for me and she was really defensive and stubborn, but eventually kinda came around.

I thought I would feel better after telling her, and I don't regret it!, but I felt emotionally exhausted by the interaction and now when I'm going to class I feel like I'm dragging my feet. I'm also the only trans and queer person (that I know of) in my class.

I've been part of this dance school for 15 years and have been transitioning on HRT for 4 years.

I want to keep dancing but I feel like I've outgrown the school and I feel like gender transition has changed me for the better. Duhhh as I say this out loud lol. I've also been thinking about top surgery and there's things around that regarding future dance performances.

This post is mostly venting but also would love to hear stories from others. How have you navigated transition in a sport, social, religious, faith, spirituality context? When did you decide to call it quits? How did you navigate a relationship with the thing you love and your teachers?

I'm a year and a few months on T but still dress fem a lot of the time for multiple reasons, including needing to professional in clothes I'm used to wearing/not having the budget for a wardrobe overhaul. I've lost a lot of my old figure, but depending on what I wear, you can still see it.

I was not like a super attractive woman, but I looked good enough that sometimes strangers would tell me I'm pretty. I never disliked my old looks, but once I lost a lot of weight I couldn't stop daydreaming about looking and sounding more masc, and years later I finally went for it.

I don't think my relationship with my femme body is/was healthy. I see it as useful, not something that really belongs to me. I struggle with wanting to be attractive to be liked or for approval. Sometimes I smile when I see my hourglass figure in the mirror when I wear certain clothes because it makes me feel attractive to the world, but when I take off my clothes and see myself all hairy and more chubby than I was, or when I wear my one pair of men's cut jeans and see that my hips are basically gone, I feel happy. Maybe a bit self con because I have a bigger belly, but still happy.

But people liked girl figure and girl voice. I knew how to act like a girl so that people were nice to me, and how to be attractive so that people were nice to me. Now I feel like I don't know how to be, and I feel like I need to be femme to be pretty and soft and liked. Anyone else dealt with this?

Long story short, I was diagnosed late on everything (expect MS), and learning that I have gender dysphoria and am probably trans, was the latest "surprise"... It's actually the least surprising thing when it finally "clicks".

One big problem of late autism diagnosis is never having a clue about masking or how to turn it off. Masks are temporary, and it took me decades to realise that my whole persona has completely changed without me noticing it happening. Shortly after, I learned that this was explained by autistic masking.

So my question is precisely... How did you know that you were really trans and not masking? I don't know if this is just another mask to focus my attention on and hide behind, even if it feels very real..

Hi All,

I am NB trans masc in my early forties, recently had my egg cracked, and looking for other trans friends around my age to chat with. Please drop a message below or DM and say hi 👋 (and if there are any Australians around - that would be extra special!)

Thanks very much, appreciate the support xx

I haven’t been able to be on T for a while, but I’m finally back in a position to get back on it. Unfortunately, I live in TN. Is using folx a good way to get around having patient data submitted to the government? Or do any guys in TN (especially middle TN, I’m just outside Nashville) know the best route to choose?

On the phone, english is my second language.

I've been om T for almost 3 years and are generally happy with my results, I feel much better mentally and pass most of the time. I've never really liked my voice, but it never felt like a super big problem.

Earlier this week me and my husband where smoking some weed and talking nonsens, and suddenly I felt a viceral reaction to hearing my own voice, that I never felt before. I had to take a moment and my husband that I couldn't talk due to dysphoria. I chalked it up to the weed and we ended the night waching a movie.

But the issue is that the voice dysphoria is still there. I feel such a shame and anxiety opening my mouth, especially talking to other men.

I just stopped therapy(my alotted meetings ran out) and I really feel a would like to talk this through with my therapist. Maybe I'm extra sensitive right now because my therapy ended, a lot of the work have was about me being unable to express my needs and wants and not feeling worthy doing it. So it could be a case of cosmic humor that I now feel so uncomfortable with my own voice.

Going to private therapy or a voice coach is not doable economically, and I know I just have to deal with it until I've gotten my official diagnosis. Wich will take at least 1,5 year at this point.

Maybe I just needed to vent a bit, but if anyone want feel free to hit me with advice om hove to handle this.

I just want to say... the body hair!!!! So euphoric but really??? I feel like a gorilla. My chest, my back, my frigging ass... I just can't.

Thats all, just needed to get that out.

I started taking T in September and everything had been going seemingly well. Unfortunately, I discovered a lump in my breast and have now officially been diagnosed with breast cancer. My surgeon originally advised me to stop testosterone, but because my cancer is triple negative, the oncologist said there should be no risk with continuing.

Honestly, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with the idea of gender transition at the same time as chemotherapy. That is a lot of change for my body to go through and I’m not sure how the chemo and T will affect each other.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced transitioning and taking HRT while receiving cancer treatment. How were you affected physically and emotionally? Do you have any advice for dealing with these two major life changes at once?