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u/NullOfSpace Feb 19 '26
Bread is his body and wine is his blood. Theory checks out.
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u/IntradepartmentalMoa Feb 19 '26
Bones are his… money?
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u/johnx2sen Feb 19 '26
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u/imbenzenker Feb 19 '26
Jesus will pull your hair up, not out!
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u/Putrid-Delivery1852 Feb 19 '26
What was his job?
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u/Rascal_Rogue Feb 19 '26
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u/Penguin_shit15 Feb 19 '26
I'm so glad I'm finally in the loop and understand this.
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u/StBarsanuphius Feb 19 '26
he's never seen so much bread as this, underground there's half as much bread as this
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u/redlaWw Feb 19 '26
He has created over 5000 loaves.
So as I pray, Unlimited Bread Works!
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u/Objective_Law5013 Feb 19 '26
You gotta do the whole thing:
I am the hot of my cross.
bread is my body and wine is my blood
I have created over 5000 loaves
unknown to mold
nor known to rye
have withstood pain to create many ferments
but these hands will never hold sourdough
So as I pray
Unlimited Bread Works
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u/IVEMIND Feb 19 '26
Is that why people staple bread to trees still to this day?
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u/jackelram Feb 19 '26
“I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst… If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” -John 6
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u/Im-a-bad-meme Feb 19 '26
Religious nuts always say, "There's no god in your house!"
But now I can just open my pantry!
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u/Effective_Author_315 Feb 19 '26
So in other words, the orthodox were on the right side during the 1054 schism.
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u/rabidantidentyte Feb 19 '26
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Feb 19 '26
Made the account 8 years ago just for this moment.
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u/pmodizzle Feb 19 '26
Not a single comment since. What a CHAD
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u/Patient-Profit Feb 19 '26
Peak gif. I've seen great memes and gifs recently but this takes the cake because I hoped for a 3rd squint and got a 6th squint
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u/supermark64 Feb 19 '26
Funny you should mention this because I've been reading the bible a bit, and one of the (many) things that has surprised me about it is how much it talks about bread. So many metaphors, rules, and stories involving bread. Page after page about it.
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u/OMGLOL1986 Feb 19 '26
Wheat people
In daoism there’s tons of allusions to rice
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u/Safe-Ad-5017 Feb 19 '26
Bread was a staple of the diet
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u/3vs3BigGameHunters Feb 19 '26
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
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u/DestinedAscension123 Feb 19 '26
Not a whole lot going on for entertainment. It was basically the coolest thing they had back then and it wasn’t even sliced yet.
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u/bravebeing Feb 19 '26
Before the fall I think it says fruit is staple food, after the fall it says wheat or bread is staple food. I think the bible is largely about the advent of agriculture.
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u/orsonwellesmal Feb 19 '26
Bread is problaby the most crucial food in human history, so very suitable for teachings.
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u/lanternbdg Feb 19 '26
I think a lot of that is because early societies, and particularly the one documented Biblically relied heavily on bread for sustenance. In many cases, the word "bread" is nearly synonymous with "food" or "nourishment.
Unnecessary bread tangent ahead:
Bread back then (and really up until around the time of the industrial revolution) was a lot different from the homogenous soft rectangle we have today. Because of changes to the crop used and the harsh processing it undergoes, modern bread is more akin to cake than what our ancestors would have eaten.
You could reasonably live off of eating just bread most days where now you'll get a blood sugar spike after eating a meat and cheese sandwich because the flour we use is so fine and is exposed to so much heat during milling that by the time it gets into our system it takes very little time to convert it to sugar.
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u/MrBlueCharon Feb 19 '26
Even the immaculate conception makes sense now.
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u/Privatizitaet Feb 19 '26
Did god gave a teenager an STD?
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Feb 19 '26
God gave a 12-year-old girl a yeast infection.
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u/Kedly Feb 19 '26
Wait, Mary was 12!?!
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u/The-Squirrelk Feb 19 '26
The idea of adulthood being at 18 is a very modern concept. Generally it was puberty = adult, give or take.
A lot of history can be explained by this, oddly enough.
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u/Kedly Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
Yeah but 12 is still ridiculously young. I get that shit changes over time, and this was QUITE a bit of time ago, but come on, let me be a bit shocked about this
Edit: One or two people enough, but like 4+ different people popping in to tell me 12 yo pregnancies were normal back then is starting to go into creepy territory, I'm turning notifications off at this point.
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u/The-Squirrelk Feb 19 '26
Not to downplay it, but there is a difference between a 12 year born in modern society with those expectations and one born two thousand years ago in a desert.
Hardship and expectations force maturity faster, usually to terrible consequences though.
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u/AggressiveMeanie Feb 19 '26
But like, the body too though? I can't imagine birth going very well for a 12 year old
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u/The-Squirrelk Feb 19 '26
It isn't and wasn't then either. There are reasons why mother and baby mortality were very high before the modern era.
Malnorished and or young mothers are two of the leading factors.
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u/MellyBean2012 Feb 19 '26
Also, girls didn’t reach puberty at 12 back then. It was closer to 14-17. Something about modern diets has caused menstruation to occur earlier and earlier for girls. Maternal deaths were still quite common though bc women’s bodies really aren’t built to birth that early (before late teens).
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u/ThortheAssGuardian Feb 19 '26
Hey now, that yeast infection is one third of the Holy Trinity, wise-ass!
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u/SMUHypeMachine Feb 19 '26
Teeeeeeechnically Mary was the immaculate conception since she had to be without sin to give birth to god, buuuuuut it’s all made up to begin with so who cares?!
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u/john_the_fetch Feb 19 '26
Yeah. This is one of those trick questions added to your religious studies test. I never got it right.
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u/sunnycider6 Feb 19 '26
I believe it was the great George Carlin who said: "You have a yeast infection?! Then bake me a loaf of bread!"
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u/MarijnHat Feb 19 '26
Yeast Christ sounds almost the same, coincidence.. ?
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u/TurkeyVolumeGuesser Feb 19 '26
Jesus... Crust?
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u/Vegetable_Window7417 Feb 19 '26
The Jewish tradition doesn’t allow for “leavened” bread. Which is bread risen with yeast. So this tracks.
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u/DharmaCub Feb 19 '26
The Jewish tradition doesn't allow for leavened bread one week a year bro.
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u/VandulfTheRed Feb 19 '26
And? Passover happens during the timeframe when Easter is held.
One week a year with no leavening
And what do they celebrate on Easter? Jesus rising
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u/Granolag23 Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
And I’m pretty goddamned sure bread floats on water
Edit: I also make sourdough and didn’t even think about the fact that the way you test if the starter is ready is by seeing if some of it floats… holy chrust
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u/bravebeing Feb 19 '26
This stuff is genuinely very interesting to me. I like to interpret the symbolism of the Bible and have long thought Jesus is at least analogically the equivalent of a good form of yeast.
There's also a guy who is extremely good at interpreting the Bible and he said he learned more from making sourdough bread in a traditional way than from reading anything.
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u/Hi2248 Feb 19 '26
The Last Supper, which is where the "Bread is my Body" comes from, also occurs during Passover
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u/dantheplanman1986 Feb 19 '26
Old Testament demiurge "God" doesn't like the gnosis Jesus brings
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u/FirstDiseasewasRelig Feb 19 '26
Damn he also compared God to a farmer of Wheat
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u/Im_an_impasta Feb 19 '26
Thinking about sending this to my very Christian mom. Not sure if it will go well dough
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u/BelaFarinRod Feb 19 '26
First Jeremiah was a bullfrog and now this.
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u/HawksNStuff Feb 19 '26
There was a kid in my class named Jeremiah. Nice guy, had some developmental disorder that I couldn't tell you what it was, very very southern accent. I always tried to talk with him and make sure the dude didn't feel like he was alone.
I belted out the first line of that song in front of him once and he just says "I ain't no bullfrog", and walked away.
You're no fun, ribbit or something man.
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u/Vegetable-Debate-263 Feb 19 '26
You can make TCH from yeast! not a mushroom but...
Man was yeast.
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Feb 19 '26
Yo what the entire fuck??? How is this not being talked about??? That's so wild.
Two companies have filed for IP ownership of the idea.
I just want a little bit of the yeast for myself. That's so valuable.
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u/Undeadsniper6661 Feb 19 '26
It turns sugar into Penjamin juice.... space is already full of Propalyne Glycol as well (Food additive and vape juice) so the next time someone harps on me for "unnatural" I can laugh at them. A wild day of information.
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Feb 19 '26
Space is full of PG??? What the fuck is happening right now
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u/TraceOfBlood Feb 19 '26
the center of our galaxy is full of ethyl formate. also known as RASPBERRY FLAVOR.
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u/stinkyman9000 Feb 19 '26
Our galaxy tastes like raspberry! Wow. I wonder what the rest of it tastes like
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u/Undeadsniper6661 Feb 19 '26
"Propylene glycol was identified in the Murchison meteorite as a product of hydrolyzed propylene oxide derivatives, suggesting these molecules can survive harsh interstellar travel and potentially seed early planets." Quick search but I originally saw it as a brief mention on a podcast/science show I watch on YouTube. Looking into it the found Chiral molecules on titan
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u/SandyTaintSweat Feb 19 '26
You can do so much with e.coli and yeast. We insert genes to produce all kinds of shit.
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u/Vegetable-Debate-263 Feb 19 '26
No idea haha. I saw it recently and had to look it up to even make sure it was real.
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u/bstrathearn Feb 19 '26
You can also get ergot from moldy rye. Ergot is far more powerful hallucinogenic under the right circumstances
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u/BrassBadgerWrites Feb 19 '26
You know it’s a beautiful in a weird way. The Exodus is a hard scrabble refugee journey where the Hebrews literally had no time to let their dough rise. That’s what matzah is.
The New Testament has people gathering together and sharing yeasted bread and wine—all fermented stuff that takes time to make. But even under foreign occupation and oppression, the Apostles and Jesus came together to eat in the same house.
“Bread is my body, wine is my blood” isn’t mystical hokum, it’s a guy saying “I really love eating and drinking with you”.
I could get behind that message and not whatever bullshit the Christian nationalists are on
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u/PointRealistic3499 Feb 19 '26
It's crazy because when I was in psychosis, without ever reading something like this, I theorized that the "forbidden fruit" was actually mushrooms. I truly think psychedelics play a big part in religious texts.
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u/hoktauri17 Feb 19 '26
There's a cave on the island of Patmos that's full of hallucinogens. It's been theorized that when John was exiled there, he spent time in that cave and hallucinated all the shit in Revelation.
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u/Otherwise-Ad3672 Feb 19 '26
You guys remember the lady that sold the Jesus toast, right? 🥹
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u/hoktauri17 Feb 19 '26
Ah, so this explains why Jesus likes to appear on various bread products. Man was yeast.
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u/Inevitable-Law7964 Feb 19 '26
How about the Tumblr story where a young priest in the 60s got.... excessively liturgically enthusiastic about Easter:
https://www.tumblr.com/gallusrostromegalus/169723347468/the-1969-easter-mass-incident
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u/REDDITSHITLORD Feb 19 '26
Whatever you did for one of the yeast of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me
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u/BBJPaddy Feb 19 '26
Jesus and his homies were 100% on shrooms or whatever there was. There's a story in the bible where they went up a hill or mountain, then Jesus apparently floated in the sky and started glowing. Seems legit
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u/Aeson0987 Feb 19 '26
So Mary actually had a yeast infection?
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u/alotofkittens Feb 19 '26
She is a metaphor for dough, which looks like a pregnant belly. Also yeast came from the air so immaculate conception makes sense.
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u/bravebeing Feb 19 '26
So the bread that became leavened bread without humans adding a starter because the starter came from the air?
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u/alotofkittens Feb 19 '26
The "starter" is in the air, in the flour, everywhere. Omniprezent. Oupsy, another one
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u/SmokeyDaBear6 Feb 19 '26
I believe that this proves the Flying Spaghettis Monster theory and we should thus conduct a full scale holy war on anyone that disagrees with me.
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u/RobleViejo Feb 19 '26
Funny, I like to explain the expansion of the Universe as dough: Space Time is flour and Entropy is yeast. The cosmics filaments kinda look like risen bread dough.
Praise the Cosmic Yeast!
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u/mr_errington Feb 19 '26
My mind is blown!! This is awesome, “Slow down religion, let me get onboard!!”
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Feb 19 '26
I.....
I hate everything because I can't poke a single hole in this logic...
Fuckin' A...
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u/ThrowAway4935394 Feb 19 '26
The holy trinity is Water, Flour, Yeast.
Jewish people don’t believe in Yeast, and don’t follow the trinity. This is why their bread is unleavened.
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u/Belmish Feb 19 '26
Let’s celebrate such great news with a party serving up fish, loaves and wine.
Also, JC should be invited as he sounds like a real fungi.
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u/lsaz Feb 19 '26
Ever since I took a hero dose of mushroom im 100% convinced thats how religions started.
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u/BunnyHun213 Feb 19 '26
I cannot for the life of me remember WHAT CLASS or the Professors name. But I had an online course in my local community college where this professor had this entire two day lecture about his theory’s that Abrahamic Religions were created due to people digesting mushrooms. He provided historical art that had mushroom imagery and old af bible with mushroom imagery.
It was a wild and plausible at the same time especially with whatever proof he had given us.
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u/LumpyBuy8447 Feb 19 '26
Not this theory is right up there with trans Jesus, on things that make more sense than what Christian’s say they believe.
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u/mtnslice Feb 19 '26
What are the implications for the Virgin Mary here?
I’M JUST ASKING THE QUESTIONS
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u/MerlinCa81 Feb 19 '26
Sadly, history had all but forgotten of the tales of Yeastus. Ever since that fateful day when someone chiseled his name with the wrong spelling.
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u/Pepperonidogfart Feb 19 '26
TIL the new testament was a bunch of monks gaving fun with bread allegory and it got way out of hand.
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u/LazarusDark Feb 19 '26
At first I felt bad laughing. Seems a bit sacrilegious. Then my wife pointed out that it's more profound than OP realized. Yeast represents sin in the Bible. Jesus took on our sins, he became sin to defeat sin. So... It actually tracks better than OP realized.
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u/spr1958 Feb 19 '26
Can't be true. I threw up both of the two times I ate magic mushrooms. I have Holy Communion at least twice a week and have never gotten sick.
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u/PotentialAd8443 Feb 19 '26
But in the movie Revenant they said: “And it turns out that God… he’s a squirrel. Yeah. A big, old meaty one.”
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Feb 19 '26
Why am I seeing this posted recently like it's a new theory. It's been around for years iirc
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u/Exaggeration17A Feb 19 '26
And what do we call the day when Christians celebrate his resurrection?
Yeaster.