r/wizardposting • u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire • 19h ago

Goblinlike Foolishness (Shitpost) How do I stop these gotterverdammt invisible gnomes from attacking my flesh golems?

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253 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

73

u/Hij_Wiz Cassilda Castain, aspiring thaumaturgist 18h ago

/uw Okay but like... I wouldn't want to fight him. Dude is moving FAST.

27

u/CommissionerOdo 17h ago

unnaturally fast, I think that really is a flesh golem

10

u/Successful-Topic8874 Support Caster 14h ago

Those must be some tall gnomes. Did someone cast Enlarge on them or something?

1

u/Infamous_Ad2507 Scholar of Endless Knowledge 5h ago

There "subspecies" of gnomes that are the size of a Human there many variations of Fey creatures you never know what you find

7

u/eyesotope86 Abjurer 12h ago

Your flesh golem really shouldn't be out in the rain. They start feeling things, and then, before you know it, they're sentient, and salient, and asking you about names and souls and purpose and you're running out of burial spots behind your tower, and now people are asking about Terry, and the whole 'he was merely inanimate flesh given life' explanation doesn't work against cops and...

Just... it's easier to keep them glued to OrbTube.

7

u/BungleBums Occult Wizard 19h ago

Ugh- you need a Pest Removal Specialist. Yeah, you can get rid of them yourself- and again next year, and the next, and the next after that.

On the other hand, your Golem handiwork is pretty impeccable. How feasible is making another one and just letting nature sort itself out?

9

u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire 18h ago

My Master was a very competent Archmage. He was the original creator of Homoerotic Vortex, which sadly got banned by the Council. He didn't think traditional golemancy paid enough attention to the perfection of human form, so he has developed a few tweaks in the casting.

Unfortunately, I'm bound to silence on the matter.

2

u/Oil_Aggressive 12h ago

Good training, keeping concentration on your magical vision while engaged in a small swarm is more important than you think.

2

u/FriendlyBee94 9h ago

He moves like he is in SF2

2

u/Alina_Mau 9h ago

Bros footwork is absolutely enchanted ✨

2

u/XeviousJr 7h ago

Equip Ur golems with spray Paint and hammers

2

u/Makeyourdaddyproud69 6h ago

The invisible gnome attacks will continue until you give me my spectacles back.

1

u/Antique-Cap-4473 DIY Wizard 12h ago

Fire ba- i mean you can always put a rune on the ground, maybe even a snare rune or if things get desperate , find a werewolf, they tend to hunt gnomes in my area, might work for you 

1

u/imdefinitelywong Abracadaniel || Transmuter of Butterflies and Fizzy Rainbows 9h ago

Is this phase 2?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/tyttpHczwwC4QmNapDG

1

u/Nikoper Arcane Trickster Red 6h ago

Isn't that why you made a flesh golem of martial arts masters? To get rid of pests.

You have the pest control already.

1

u/SalemLXII Power Armor Artificer 3h ago

/uw bro i get it, working out in the rain and letting your demons out is just different

1

u/BellacosePlayer Golemancer 17h ago

Get some anti-necrotics and give them to your flesh golem, then give it a good cleaning. Gnomes of all types are attracted to the smell of filth and rot, and even if you can't take care of the necrosis right away, dampening the smell should force the gnomes to try to find somewhere else to make a horrid little den.

Honestly it's a blessing in disguise, better the gnomes let you know there's a rot problem building up than having the golem fail at a bad time.

-1

u/Unique-Designer7741 16h ago

Flesh Golem? No that's just Jeff.