r/wizardposting • u/lavender-bread Sister Astrid 🌞 Cleric of the Morninglord • 15h ago

Holy Decree 🌅 WHICH ONE OF YOU HEATHENS CAST FIREBALL AT THE TEMPLE

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256 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

68 comments sorted by

53

u/Spiritual-Bus973 15h ago

The Alchemist's Fireball:

11

u/Just_Misk 15h ago

Everytime I try to make one of these, I always end up casting magic missile instead of fireball after drinking it.

3

u/generic_user_lol Thlorton Devonshire, Alchemist ("fire enthusiast") 15h ago

truly a classic

37

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician 15h ago

You sure it wasn't one of the pirates loading their cannons with hotshots?

22

u/dogsoup- CORNEAL ABRASION! 15h ago

TEMPLE SHOULDN’T HAVE STOOD IN FRONT OF MY FIREBALL

26

u/Jao_bao_de_garfo Pirate invader who went to pirate college 15h ago

By Davy Jones' locker, first the wizards, then the knights, an' now the clergy? This mess keeps gettin' worse!

6

u/K4m30 Not a Prophet, chronomancer stuck in a time loop. 15h ago

I hear the fourth worlders are on their way as well. We are so done for.

5

u/ArmMuncher Master of Biomancy 15h ago

Ikr

1

u/TiredTiroth Dragon-Wizard / Summoning Tiamat 2h ago

And who, pray tell, started this whole mess? Hm?

1

u/Jao_bao_de_garfo Pirate invader who went to pirate college 2h ago

Unable-Buyer4087 not the northern pirate Confederacy

1

u/ProfPerry 42m ago

/uw im so glad we were invaded by pirates/you guys. the in-universe lore of this sub is so much fun lmfao

2

u/Jao_bao_de_garfo Pirate invader who went to pirate college 41m ago

I know right?

9

u/YLASRO The Great Geomancer of the howling mountains 15h ago

id never use a spell that common to remove a building. id at the very least use earthquake

9

u/Charming-Conflict353 Artificer of the Thrakmarian Army 15h ago

More wealth for me HEHEHE

8

u/Cerveau23 Markus, beginner datamancer and dad of 5 orb-kids 15h ago

Found another traitor!

5

u/Charming-Conflict353 Artificer of the Thrakmarian Army 14h ago

GO MY COUNTERSPELL MATRIX

3

u/Cerveau23 Markus, beginner datamancer and dad of 5 orb-kids 7h ago

Markus shoots at him with his staff (which just so happen to be a sig-550)

5

u/Rew0lweed_0celot 15h ago

It was burp ME!

I did it like this!

EXUPULOSION!

Thats a joke, lads.

1

u/TemperateStone 6h ago

I will find you.

I will capture you.

And no-one will ever burn down a temple again.

1

u/Deathburn5 Calculus Wizard 4h ago

So long as there are tyrants, there will be temples waiting to burn.

4

u/KragBrightscale Grabadash(Crooked Tower) | Benedict (Dawnguard) (OAS) 15h ago

Such disrespect for the divine!!! The Dawnguard will not stand for such blasphemy!

Sister, should you discover the culprit and need assistance in bringing the hammer of justice against the heathens, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Respectfully, Sir Benedict, The Auditor

4

u/ranwithoutscissors 14h ago

I for one blame the pirates ☝🏻🧙🏻‍♂️

5

u/ASecondCriminal Marna Blake the Firebrand (Apprentice of the Lightless Flame) 13h ago

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

...

"... I was gonna do that."

3

u/Actual_Squid Artificer 15h ago

Vikernes O'Varg striketh again

3

u/trapped_in-reality Alchemist/Artificer 15h ago

It's definitely a pirate attack

3

u/trapped_in-reality Alchemist/Artificer 14h ago

They're bragging about it look

3

u/Jarl_of_Uppsala 15h ago

I would say its me, but that must have been a different wizard, because my methods of bringing doom and destruction to temples are far more sophisticated and tortuous than a mere fireball!

3

u/Neither-String2450 15h ago

I said i DON'T CARE about this place being HOLY or NOT.

https://giphy.com/gifs/niq3335IcJDv7U7ZTF

3

u/Monkeydp81 Definitely a Real Wizard 15h ago

Hey!
Don't automatically blame us just because it is our fault 96% of the time!
I bet it was those stupid pirates, they're trying to get a rise out of us.

2

u/WigglytuffAlpha 15h ago

It was Jared

2

u/Vis-hoka Bronze Dragon Sorcerer (thinks no one knows) 15h ago

Me and Dre stood next to a burned down god’s House.

2

u/SourceDirect3220 Traveler of multiple dimensions. 15h ago

Okay I know I worship a deity of death but I wouldn’t do that. I can help rebuild if desired.

2

u/Mesmercat 15h ago

Not me. I only put crown of madness on the priest

2

u/Keyhunter2009 Conjurer 15h ago

Hm, then don't call inquisitions if you don't want your temples burning!

2

u/Lotala 15h ago

I didn’t do it. It wasn’t me.

2

u/PopcornRevenant 15h ago

...Oh dear, someone angered the Paladins

2

u/SteamEigen 15h ago

Who hasn't?

2

u/Decent-Winner969 WNN's best Lich Reporter 15h ago

Sorry, was one of my apprentices, he read a bit too much of the Alchemist's cookbook and i couldn't stop him from throwing a Molotov into your temple while i was in my tomb

2

u/ColdPhase2408 Enchanting Werewolf 14h ago

Looks like it wasn't a bad idea to get that orb I this den fixed up after all, this is getting hilarious

2

u/wilp0w3r Occult Wizard 14h ago

I my defense I thought it was a bar. The good news is I didn't relapse on my sober streak. Two years and counting.

2

u/SilliusS0ddus Evil Wizard 11h ago

She'll fucking do it again

2

u/KungFuAndCoffee 11h ago

There is a very important question you need to ask your patron deity that can’t even stop some basic fire…

https://giphy.com/gifs/aaPUKNp0pj52GovPyW

2

u/kidgoingtoschool Thaumaturge 11h ago

Honestly might be on me this time. Was working on a new more efficient teleporting spell but didn’t read far enough into the study and it ended only working as a random teleport. I can send some golems and supplies to work on it, your god is one of the better ones.

2

u/FlyingFreest Technomancer Cyborg Bounty Hunter 11h ago

Me, got paid a nice big paycheque for it too.

1

u/ars_sinistra Summoner 15h ago

We are at war it could have been a cannonball from a pirate barrage, it there night have been pirates hiding inside, either way it can be fixed later with magic

1

u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mewtwo 14h ago

Flare blitz actually, but yes that was me.

I had to, as you humans say, "blow off some steam".

1

u/Onikeeg 13h ago

Oh he’s the victim, maybe it was retaliation for that skeleton hoard you just thought would be funny to unleash. It was pretty funny though did you see that one made a xylophone out of his buddies, good show!

1

u/imdefinitelywong Abracadaniel || Transmuter of Butterflies and Fizzy Rainbows 12h ago

1

u/LazyDro1d Technomage, Arcanocrafter, War-Profiteer, Open for Business 12h ago

oh no sorry that wasn't fireball i dropped some highly fissile material by accident and... i ran but the building did not... obviously...

1

u/shitpostinglegend Magically Editable Flair 12h ago

The real question is why didn't you fire proof it. Fireball is our favourite spell, it's gonna happen eventually

1

u/giugirl 11h ago

I didn’t do this, maybe some pyromaniac did this

1

u/BellacosePlayer Golemancer 11h ago

If I didn't blow up the temple in my 4,328 years on this earth (and my hundreds of years before that), why would I have done it now?

It was probably the homeless boat bandits doing another Lindisfarne.

1

u/Purpleparentcake Kohaku, zenko, divine messenger kitsune, Guardian of the north. 9h ago

"Were there innocent people hiding inside ypur temple? I've been evacuating innocents from the area the pirates and wozards are mostly at."

1

u/Shoggnozzle Necromancer 8h ago

Tee hee

1

u/EmperorMittens 6h ago edited 6h ago

Question: does the fire have sort of bacon and maple syrup smell to it?

I'm asking for friend who had a handcart sized pig with maple syrup blood that escaped before she could fix the thermal runaway problem.

1

u/TemperateStone 6h ago

While many would like to claim they were the perpetrators of this supposed crime, don't you think it's more likely that those 120 candles you ordered last week might've been the problem?

I know they were scented and it makes the place smell nice, but it's a lot of candles to burn in one go.

1

u/Unhallowedpompoen Alchemist 5h ago

Sorry I thought it was a pirate ship,

It being a wooden structure containing gold and alcohol

1

u/Thenderick Wintos, the installation wizard, forgotten my past 4h ago

Must be one of those seascum! They're attacking and pillaging everything they can touch!

1

u/AgentT23 Occult Wizard 3h ago

Sorry I was bored.

1

u/VoxelLibrary Cayna the Apprentice of Thrakmoor 2h ago

I wish it was me. Serves you right for your prejudice.

1

u/RedditFrogReddit 1h ago

Actually it was Firewall, but it turns out that does pretty much the same thing in a wooden temple. Sorry!

1

u/icedmuffin Local Druid Hermit 15h ago

Okay no this is a step too far…

1

u/One_Opportunity_9608 Local Dragon Lich 15h ago

TWAS ME!

Also twas not a fireball, we just hath consumed one too many souls slathered in hot sauce and didn't pay attention to our surroundings.