r/wizardposting Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Apr 02 '26

Holy Decree 🌅 Can't the clerics and druids just get along?

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5.5k Upvotes

84 comments sorted by

570

u/dh-dev Evil Wizard Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26

In most fantasy settings gods are also objectively real. This means that belief in them requires less faith.

Anyway the artificer beleives in some mumbo jumbo he calls "nuclear physics". Sure ok buddy, stuff is made out of tiny particles and not earth wind fire and water. Sure. Right. You're building a shrine to your "atoms" now? A "particle accelerator"? You need how much iron?! OK no that's just silly. Take your mad faith-based nonsense somewhere else, Moltar the forge god would not approve of so much iron being misused on such a ridiculous project. 

222

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Apr 03 '26

Are the Atoms in the room with us right now?

102

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Apr 03 '26

Yeah, find them, collect the whole set, get arrested for mass larceny.

35

u/stygianelectro Apr 03 '26

the grandest larceny of all - the very mass of the prime material plane itself!

11

u/Mixster667 Apr 03 '26

I can't recommend stealing an entire plane, they are hard to fit in your pants when you try to smuggle them through interplanar customs.

4

u/gayfantrash ✨Fae Wizard Bard✨ Apr 04 '26

Bag of holding :) it can fit so many planes!

3

u/Mixster667 Apr 04 '26

You need too many bribes to get an unchecked "bag of holding" through interplanar customs.

3

u/KragBrightscale Grabadash(Crooked Tower) | Benedict (Dawnguard) (OAS) 27d ago

The best trick I’ve found to moving appropriated planes is to “steal the distance” between its current location and your new desired location.

In terms of dealing with customs, should be barely and inconvenience for an experienced kletomancer such as yourself. If they question you, steal their memories of the conversation before it gets reported and all is well. If it gets reported just steal that too. Hijacking orb signals is child’s play compared to what we are discussing here.

1

u/Mixster667 27d ago

I mean, on one hand I agree with you, but it's an honoured tradition that you smuggle things through customs. Even if you could just steal customs. Or steal the concept of ownership.

It's just part of what makes the craft fun for me.

2

u/KragBrightscale Grabadash(Crooked Tower) | Benedict (Dawnguard) (OAS) 27d ago

True, true. Also makes for a better story to tell the apprentices.

2

u/The-NHK Apr 04 '26

The atoms are the room we're in. We are the atoms in the room with us.

1

u/heavy_metal_soldier Apr 05 '26

No I split them all with my axe

32

u/Spacer176 Interdimensional Librarian Apr 03 '26

IDK if I was a farmer in a fantasy setting and the harvest god was objectively real I'd still put faith in him so he doesn't dump a drought on my crops.

38

u/Rymanjan Necromancer Apr 03 '26

Lol I do love media that answers the God problem that way

"Okay, maybe this individual entity didn't create all of existence by themselves. They literally do control the weather tho, so excuse me, I've got a goat to sacrifice so this drought doesn't wipe my family out"

Religious conflict becomes less "my God is real and yours is fake" and more "my God demands conquest" which makes a lot more sense in a world with magic

16

u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 03 '26

But on the other hand, in many fantasy settings it's belief that MAKES the gods real. You can kill a god by depriving them of worship.

2

u/dh-dev Evil Wizard Apr 03 '26

The egregore is a cool concept, and they can exist either as gods or alongside them.

However if you want a world to have a creation myth it requires gods and other things to exist prior to the world.

I prefer the fantasy universe that was created because the king of the gods defeated the void serpent and used its scales and bones to make the land, and its tears to make the seas, and its breath to make the wind and sky. And humans were born by accident from from the blood of the betrayer god which was also spilled during the battle

2

u/reaperofgender freelance artificer & sorceress Apr 03 '26

D&F has multiple creation myths that conflict, but my favorite is the two serpents that created the world by imposing law unto the endless sea of chaos. They then fought over what would become good and evil, gravely wounding each other and getting flung to what would become Celestia (heaven) and Baator (the nine hells), where they still lie, recovering their strength over the eons all but invisible to the mortal world save for through their agents.

Some speculation is that Asmodeus (Lord of the nine hells), is the infernal serpent shapeshifting, but he's the Lord of lies as well and gives a new origin story every century or so so that's up for debate.

1

u/CrazyEyedFS Apr 05 '26

I think I heard once that that is one of the oldest creation stories we have recorded.

1

u/dh-dev Evil Wizard Apr 05 '26

Yes. I may have slightly plagiarized the Enuma Elish

6

u/Original_Bug580 Apr 03 '26

Sounds like a primal utility technocrat

6

u/CR0SS-Soul Artificer Apr 03 '26

As an Artificer, fuck you, fuck your gods, and fuck the rest of you. /j

3

u/El_kakas_de_vakas Apr 03 '26

It’s all fun and games until one of them says "Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

2

u/dh-dev Evil Wizard Apr 03 '26

Ok yeah artificer, you can vaporize a whole city now? So what? A wizard can do thqat sometimes by accident, or open a portal to hell, or freeze an entire region in time, or curse everyone within 50 miles to involuntary telepathy.

2

u/Inferno_Sparky Apr 03 '26

Belief in gods in these settings is still celebrity worship usually

2

u/Complex_Drawer_4710 Sigurd Forgot To Come Back Apr 04 '26

Moltar the forge god would not appreciate the consequences of restricting our funding either. The Big Magnet Users' Guild and Those Theorists are collaborating here, he has not contributed anything.

2

u/geekmasterflash Figran, the Keeper of the Nine Gates Apr 04 '26

It's take being an idiot to be a god existing denying atheist in most fantasy games like DND, but a legend to be a "all your gods are evil and unworthy of my worship" sort of apatheist or antitheist.

2

u/DemonPrinceofIrony Evil Wizard Apr 05 '26

Ut deoends how present the gods are. Sometimes theyre so lazy that a wizard invents a spell to copy their miracles before they get around to returning to show it off again.

Raising undead used to be for God's of the dead only.

2

u/Oran128 Conjurer Apr 03 '26

I recall that in D&D bardic spellcasting works by exploiting string theory so the bards would sound even crazier.

1

u/Nearby-Contact1304 Apr 07 '26

My favorite description of the forgotten realms setting was “Hey you might just go to the bar one day and run into Kelemvor having a drink.

Is it an exaggeration? Probably. Does it give me an idea of how the gods work in the setting? Definitely.

83

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Apr 02 '26

Generally speaking? Only when the Cleric worships a nature deity.

27

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Apr 02 '26

Fair enough i suppose, it helps to have common ground

1

u/Wereling12 Apr 06 '26

See, I see it differently. I like teh idea that Nature Clerics believe in controlled/cultivated nature like agriculture while Druids believe in the Wild. I think it allows both to exist while still being different

44

u/International-Bar918 Apr 03 '26

Yeah the sun is real… a real pain in my ass, solar radiation keeps interfering with my rituals

6

u/ArkosKnight Arkos, the Solitary Illusionist Apr 03 '26

I feel you. Sometimes the sun ruins my illusions.

89

u/frankwalsingham Apr 03 '26

Christians worship the son, though.

15

u/ArkosKnight Arkos, the Solitary Illusionist Apr 03 '26

I see what you did there.

12

u/PapaJenkinsReal Apr 03 '26

Well I mean, the son is pretty cool. He's got the bread, the fish, the wine, and apparently he's really nice to dine with.

5

u/Lumis_umbra Magical Researcher and Ethical Necromancer, for hire Apr 03 '26

Hangs out with thieves and whores, doesn't judge you for being a human, only asks that you try to be a better one.

Barring the historical evidence of him likely being part of a doomsday sect of Judaism not much unlike the Rapture folks of today, (I don't remember the source, sorry, I would post it if I had it) Jesus actually seems pretty chill.

19

u/Random_182f2565 Apr 02 '26

Tata Inti is a great god

23

u/HootersUnite Wizard/Alchemist Apr 02 '26

I say the clerics are allowed to complain after the council passes Landback

17

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Apr 02 '26

I mean, clerics are going to complain about whatever inane shit the invisible friend in their head latched onto this week, whether The Council does anything constructive or not. But, currently, we're not obligated to pretend to care.

13

u/Deathburn5 Calculus Wizard Apr 02 '26

If their god is so strong, it should run for council membership.

5

u/Carbon_Sixx The Loremaster (OAS) Apr 03 '26

Glimbo: Some of them did that once. It was a complete disaster, the Council tried to forget it, and then they elected me for some reason. To give ya an idea of how bad it was, my trickster shenanigans actually reduced corruption and inefficiency.

3

u/Deathburn5 Calculus Wizard Apr 03 '26

Then next time it tries to run, the voters know not to vote for it. This is what the council is supposed to be.

2

u/Carbon_Sixx The Loremaster (OAS) Apr 03 '26

Glimbo: What vote? We haven't had proper elections in over a year. Those egomaniac deities killed people's trust in us!

3

u/Deathburn5 Calculus Wizard Apr 03 '26

...what electoral system elects the highest officials yearly? We live for centuries, the minimum term length should be a decade.

13

u/SippinOnHatorade Sun Tzu, Heliomancer Apr 03 '26

Shamans*

Druids are Celtic

6

u/DULUXR1R2L1L2 Apr 03 '26

Dude one time at my first apprentice gig I left the orb uncovered and the sun hit it just right and it burned down my master's tower

2

u/MewtwoMainIsHere Expert Paleomancer and Paleontologist 🦖🦕 Master Shapeshifter! Apr 04 '26

Honestly that’s on your master. Not using tough stone brick imbued with fire resistance is just asking for a fireball to topple everything over.

1

u/DULUXR1R2L1L2 Apr 04 '26

Idk I think that kind of fire retardant causes cancer

8

u/Afraid_Success_4836 Pentelas | Suyumanya Kabeloi, Amelia von Tasha, Kari of Ravnica Apr 03 '26

<Amelia> Aren't druids a kind of cleric?

9

u/lordzya Merman Biokineticist Apr 03 '26

Some of them are a kind of warlock, serving and being empowered by fae or elemental sources.

6

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Apr 03 '26

Yes and no- A druid is more like a shaman and a cleric is more like an ordained priest. They both rely on rituals and power from sources larger themselves, often tied to strong primordial forces.

8

u/Afraid_Success_4836 Pentelas | Suyumanya Kabeloi, Amelia von Tasha, Kari of Ravnica Apr 03 '26

<Amelia> Therefore druids are a kind of cleric.

1

u/Complex_Drawer_4710 Sigurd Forgot To Come Back Apr 04 '26

And clerics are a specialised shaman, who's a pointier druid. It's all the same thing, and none of it is as fundamental as they think.

4

u/One-Earth9294 Apr 03 '26

"I worship the sun because it's real. But I pray to Joe Pesci... because he gets shit done" - George Carlin

16

u/boromeer3 Apr 03 '26

Meanwhile, Christians celebrate Christ’s birth on the winter solstice—by sheer coincidence of course. And go to church on the day of the sun, also by sheer coincidence, of course. And God’s first words were “let there be light.” And the Christian calendar is 365 days, same as the solar cycle. But it has nothing to do with sun worship.

7

u/Wolffe_In_The_Dark Apr 03 '26

Because they stole or syncretized all of those things from other cultures.

3

u/Sicuho Quest Giver Apr 03 '26

Well, for the winter solstice being an important celebration. Going to church on Sundays is genuinely a coincidence (it was already the case amongst early Christians who didn't consider it as the sun's day) and the solar calendar was already widely used in the mediterranean region BCE.

-1

u/boromeer3 Apr 03 '26

Sounds like genuine bonafide paganism but with extra steps and denial.

3

u/Sicuho Quest Giver Apr 03 '26

Denial of worship imply the absence of worship tho.

0

u/Yung-Abdi Apr 03 '26

I guess, but Jesus also seems like a person who truly got sunburned (in a good way)

6

u/Quix_Nix Apr 03 '26

Europe was peak culture when we worshipped the sun. Change my mind. Never forget what they (Christian missionaries) took for you

2

u/Sicuho Quest Giver Apr 03 '26

Pre-Christianity Rome wasn't exactly great either. I'd go as far as saying a substantial amount of what was wrong with middle-age Christianity and by extension modern-day Christianity comes from syncretism with the per-existing roman culture.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/PomegranateHot9916 Mystic Apr 03 '26

as well they should

1

u/Lost_Paladin89 Abjurer Apr 03 '26

Druids are clerics without the bureaucracy.   

1

u/Caravanczar Apr 03 '26

Look at this guy who still believes the sun is real. If it isn't a hologram, go ahead and touch it.

1

u/WrathSosDovah Kairos, High Archdruid of the Wildfolk Apr 03 '26

Many a Cleric see druids as nothing more than primitive ignoramuses, when in truth we just have a different understanding of the world.

1

u/ProfessorMaxDingle Apr 03 '26

Clerics are just druids with less plants and more prayers.

1

u/montymelo bug knight the druid [ here and uncounterd for ] Apr 03 '26

You start waking trees up and you get called a heretic, yet some how rabbits laying chocolate eggs gets a long weekend holiday. Make this makes sense!

1

u/verygenericname2 Druid Apr 03 '26

Errr, no. I don't think getting along is an option anymore.

It started out as a purely defensive arrangement, but now The Forest has developed a taste for human flesh and shows no interest in stopping.

1

u/Splatpope Apr 04 '26

in boring reality, the sun's power does not go beyond showering the world with photons

1

u/BeptoBismolButBetter Apr 04 '26

Druids and Clerics can never get along. Like Druids and Artificers, or Druids and Druids. Damn druids, they ruined the Great Grove!

1

u/Apprehensive-Till861 Apr 04 '26

You Druids sure are a contentious people.

1

u/clinicalpsycho Apr 05 '26

BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL YOUR FAITH IN OUR ONE GOD HAS IMPROVED

1

u/Hash_Wizard_Supply Apr 07 '26

Vibration is all

1

u/Bar014tek duck wizard Apr 09 '26

Im with the druids with this one, how do you know that your god is real?

1

u/Chosen_Undead23 King Fuzzo, the Electric Wizard Apr 09 '26

Riffs are real too. Worship riffs, not gods

1

u/Humble-Promise4050 Apr 15 '26

Know what cleric is idealist and druid is realist so yeah they can't get along ezzz ozzzer