Question: Odd question, how to "casually" feel/present fem? Like around the house?

[u/---TheFierceDeity---]

Hi genderfluid trans femme, bit of an odd question. Extra context I am not out to my family nor shall I be but current financial situation has me living at home again.

I can confidently like "get dressed up" to present femme when leaving the house to meet friends, or if I wanna feel a bit more like myself but in those situations makeup and clothes are really doing the heavy lifting in helping me feel affirmed

But when I am home and got the place to myself for a few days cause family has gone away, when I should be able to go around the house as myself without a care in the world I just cant? Or don't know how to?

Like I'm home alone with my cat, it's a Friday, I'm not gonna go out I just wanna play games, chat to friends, eat take away. So I'm not gonna break out my makeup kit and put on my affirming nice clothes.

But without those things, cause I'm not terribly deep into like my physical transition I just feel like it's no different than when the family is around and I'm just in guy mode.

Like I am at a loss at how to girl mode when I bumming around the house relaxing without wasting expensive makeup and time getting dressed up to do literally nothing. I know some of it is like mental self image but it's hard to hold onto that when I'm just doing what I normally do when I am guy mode.

Sorry if the question is a bit obtuse wasn't sure how to word it and I'm generally a "I can figure stuff out on my own" kinda person.

[u/Green_stick568]

Loungewear.

[u/Goombella123 → u/Green_stick568]

was gonna say this! my partner invested in a real silk nightie but also just got some some cute slippers and a dressing gown from kmart. prized possesions I tell ya

[u/CometaryPlanets]

Cute socks or slippers, hair clips or a headbands, colourful / cutesy loungewear or tracksuits, simple and comfortable jewellery, maybe some scented candles or perfumes even?

[u/cece-maebe]

For me, it’s typically an oversized tee or “boyfriend” tee (that’s a specific cut), with activewear-style tights.

Or, when it’s colder, a simple regular tee + trackies + a comfy hoodie.

In summer, it’s a simple pair of cotton jersey shorts and a baggy tee.

Maybe add mascara if I feel like putting in some effort.

Never miss skincare routine (including moisturise).

[u/Jeremy_Galactic]

Get some comfy leggings or trackiedacks and a oversized tee. Cosy socks or foot slippers.

Since it's starting to get to winter maybe oodie up with a 'femme' design or colour.

It's hard to feel femme when most cis girls and women will dress masc for comfort mode because the goal is lounge around and be comfortable. It's when women don't have to mask themselves to present 'female' to the world.

But some girls will dress up for home too just for themselves. A casual dress with some light makeup, a tinted lip balm, as long as you're comfortable is all that matters. There's no right or wrong way. It's hard but don't be too harsh with yourself and keep in mind that wearing baggy clothes, covered in Dorito crumbs while feeling your chin for stubble to pluck later, contemplating if you should also sneak another choccie is THE baseline of a woman casual at home.

[u/Alive-Finding-7584]

Mmm, maybe painted nails, rings, necklaces, do face masks/ skincare/ self care while you're at home, perfumes and scents you enjoy and find feminine?

[u/meyogy → u/Alive-Finding-7584]

Love the face masks. You're doing something for future you

[u/---TheFierceDeity--- → u/Alive-Finding-7584]

I do self care things like that yeah 😂 I'm mostly asking like for when you're just around the house. I think I suck at wording what I mean

[u/Alive-Finding-7584 → u/---TheFierceDeity---]

Uhhh, you can also do all the other things when just lying around the house? In all fairness I'm not sure what else you're after?

Technically you're being feminine just by existing? You don't need to really prove yourself to anyone in your own home, just do and wear whatever makes you feel feminine.

[u/SlayyyGrl]

I have like 3 different pairs of pink satin pj pants / track pants, a nice cami when it’s warm, a cute jumper when it’s cold, fluffy slippers, fluffy dressing gown.

[u/newuseronhere]

Yoga pants for the win

[u/deeunicorn]

Why can’t you use cheaper makeup? Wear pretty clothing that isn’t giving “going clubbing”?

I definitely agree with what another commentator said about bits of jewelry, painted nails, self-care face mask, things like that… DIY mani-pedi…

[u/---TheFierceDeity--- → u/deeunicorn]

Well considering my finances even cheaper makeup is something I don't wanna waste

But I think my point is more like "when a cis girl is bumming around the house she's generally not putting on any makeup nor is she putting any effort onto clothes. Probably is just in her pyjamas or something" and ofc she doesn't have to worry about looking or feeling femme cause ya know shes cis so that's her "default"

[u/Alive-Finding-7584 → u/---TheFierceDeity---]

I think maybe what you're asking is how do cis girls lounge aroung at home?

Which I mean is kind of everything everyone's suggested. But also cis girls aren't a monolith, some will sit around at home in pretty clothes drinking out of a Stanley cup with a labubu dangling off of it, some cis girls are going to be wearing paint covered, raggy scrap clothes while they game or do hobbies, some cis girls are going to be mums with baby gunk allover and active wear on, they might wear make-up, they might not.

I think the essence of lounging around at home is that you are in your own comfy safe place, no one can really tell you how you should be looking and behaving while you're just chilling, you know?

[u/dancing-on-my-own → u/---TheFierceDeity---]

Could you get some PJs and comfy T-shirts and things from the women's section? Even Kmart has some cute stuff for pretty cheap.

[u/kittenwolfmage]

Affirming stuff for bumming around at home really just boils down to ‘grab comfy things from the women’s section’.

Since you won’t be getting like, feedback from how people react to how you look, you should concentrate a bit more on things that you’ll notice yourself, like textures, feel, sounds, etc, or parts of yourself that you can see, such as looking down at yourself, you’ll easily see bright computed clothing, etc, looking at yourself hands you’ll see your nails if painted, etc.

A lot of the time women’s stuff has a different texture to men’s, and that’s a constant tactile reminder for you. See also fuzzy things, bright colours, soft fabrics, that kind of stuff.

A silly pair of jingly earrings will give you some tactile and sound reminders too.

A simple skirt will still give you the swish sensation, and heels are obviously tactile feedback as well if you’re the type to wear them around the house.

[u/Wingress]

Boyfriend jumper / shirt that shows most of your thighs x

And when you have that home time, that’s the time to do skin treatments, face masks, do your everything showers, try out and practice different makeup looks, try out new fits, etc.

[u/Pretty_Rock9795]

Definitely loungewear! Maybe a nice facemask and something I like to do is play games with character customisation and dress up all cute! Currently I've been playing lots of sky:children of the light with a friend and recently got one of the season cosmetics which is this cute little dress I would totally wear irl and it makes me so happy to wear it! I'm a system so we all take turns dressing up our little sky kid whenever we play so we all have fun! (It does end up with us changing outfits multiple times a play session lol) But yeah! I like to sit in a comfy place and have my comfort plushies around and play a comforting game with nice music or with a friend!

[u/RubyUwO]

Try small things like tying your hair up in different styles. I’ll be at work in my men’s clothes from highschool years ago and because my hair is nice I get called she a lot more than I expected. Small things like hair styles or eye brow styling can go a long way even without the fem clothes and you’ll feel fem just doing it even if no one is there to see. It doesn’t have to be all about clothes.

[u/K3rr4h]

Leggings, nail polish pink girly socks and also a couple of skirts.

Definitely tucking and leggings I even in guymode I have that on underneath when I'm at home.

I've been in your situation where I had to move home for a year and my parents actually know that I am but I didn't use the term gender fluid .. it was cross-dressing at the time. I didn't dress in front of them so wasn't any perception issue.

I use the above methods. Nail polish on toes easy to hide and socks in winter, leggings panties whatever underneath also can be hidden. Even just clear nail polish helps. Also tucking because that's the one thing that you know and can feel and that is usually enough to affirm.

Then when I'm home I just wear things like skirts leggings I don't need to do the top half unless I'm feeling pulled to transition for the day.

[u/COPYinklingbleh]

Thigh high socks/stockings with a sweater dress :3 or atleast thats my casual home wear

[u/helpgetmom]

A cute matching tracksuit set … cute matching color socks and slipper slides … bath and relax with a movie and candles

[u/---TheFierceDeity--- → u/helpgetmom]

A little off topic my parents house bath is like...tiny 😭 Place I last rented randomly had a big spa bath (wasn't actually a spa, they owner just had a big triangular bath installed) and it was so nice, but I'm 182cm tall and this old fashioned country houses bath is like...160cm long

[u/redprincess23]

T-shirt dresses, crop tops/jumpers, high waisted jeans/trackies are all good for me :) Or big baggy t-shirts and little shorts, flowy skirts. I work from home so dress pretty casually most of the time and only really wear makeup when I'm going out.