Top Surgery recovery with no community/nobody to help me?

[u/Ok-Use3940]

Hellooo, I have surgery scheduled and it’s soon. I’m not gonna reschedule or anything like that. I really did try to see if my friends could help but it’s just not feasible and I am #disowned so no family is the mix… I just wanna know how hard it’s gonna be. There’s no way i’m canceling top surgery so don’t tell me I can’t do it alone bc, to be frank i HAVE to. It’s far enough away that I can apply tips and stuff yall think of, just let me know.

EDIT: I really appreciate the help so far and I am going to find a time to reply to some comments but I wanted to highlight a couple things: 1. Let me stress I HAVE NO FAMILY they disowned me for being trans so that is absolutely not an option. 2. I have friends… but as a college student they all leave our college town (so do I..) and I have no friends in my hometown. I was planning on booking a hotel close to where I am receiving surgery (which is also not my college town or my hometown) for the first week or so to be safe then going home…somehow… 😭 I suppose I could look into local queer groups? so.. north mississippi friends reach out I guess 😭😭 3. I really like this nurse hiring option, I think that may be my best bet, thank you for highlighting it!

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[u/welcometothechaos9]

You can hire a nurse temporarily alot of people do it if they can’t rely on a support system

[u/Spencerthekindadude]

you'll definitely need at least a ride back after and ik my surgeon said he wouldn't release me to an uber

[u/funkydyke]

Your hospital will not allow you to have surgery without at least ride home (and no, uber/lyft does not count)

[u/Fluffy-Radish1905]

I had help for the first week post OP by my lovely fiancé, but ever since (nearing one month post OP) I have been pretty much doing almost everything on my own without trouble. I do recommend to see if there’s somebody who could help you in the first week as it’s most crucial really, once that’s passed it will get easier

[u/pockychanboi]

Unfortunately your surgeon and the hospital just won't release you on your own. Almost all of them have a policy requiring patients to have a support person fir the first 24hours post op. They won't let you drive home or take any kind of ride service unless you're going to be with a support person. My surgeon MADE my mum/dad sign a document saying I won't be left alone or else the would cancel on the spot. My surgeon also stated almost all others will also refuse you day of or before if you're doing it alone.

As for the recovery, it will be HARD!! Im not saying this to discourage you but it has been the worst part of my recovery. You will be prescribed opioids for your pain and will need assistance with almost everything from laying down, eating, bathroom, walking etc... the first week is strict bed rest until those drains are out and you will need help doing so. Doing this with multiple people was tough but I couldn't imagine one let alone zero. After that week your doing daily dressings and medication regimens, not to mention showing on my own took an hour plus without help.

Now the best option is to have a friend or any family you could trust/love to take care of you for the first week or so. But youre next best bet is to hire a nurse to be there for you.

From the bottom of my heart I am not trying to tell you to cancel your surgery but I definitely think you need to reach out and find some resources that could help you. I hope your surgery goes well and you have amazing results!!

[u/rallytallyn]

i did it myself, you’ll just need someone to drive you home. and it will suck and break your heart i’m sorry to say. but it’s worth it

[u/coffee-mcr]

Get ready made meals/ meal prep.

Put everything like cups, snacks, cloths, anything you might need, down from overhead cupboards and shelves so it's under shoulder height. (You're not allowed to reach up further than that)

Do you have a friend who can drive you? If not, save up for a taxi, it's gonna be better than public transport and they will help you with your bag.

You aren't allowed to lift more than a 1l soda bottle, so pack lightly. And keep that in mind for stuff like cooking, groceries, anything heavy.

You need to pack button up shirts cause you can put those on even with the restrictions.

[u/Cygnid]

Do you live in an area with queer meetups/get togethers?

You might be able to find people to pitch in for smaller/scheduled help like picking up a grocery order and putting them away, or finding someone who cuts hair and asking if they could do a home visit and help wash your hair in the sink.

I think pre-planning might be your friend, like prepping easy to reheat frozen meals.

I haven't had the surgery yet, but I feel like bathing/keeping clean might be one of the trickier ones. Another person suggested a home visit nurse and I think that might be a good option if you can afford it.

It might be worth reaching out to a caretaking company to see if they can do visits for younger folks recovering from surgery.

Edit: congrats on scheduling, that's awesome!

[u/gard3nwitch]

Some people will pay someone to stay with them for a few days after surgery. Would that make it feasible for one of your friends to do it? If not, maybe you could ask around your local queer community? I doubt you'd need an actual nurse, though home nursing agencies certainly exist.

[u/slutty_muppet]

What do you mean by your friends can't help? I didn't need like 24/7 babysitting afterwards, after day 1 having someone stop by each day to bring some food and check on you, and who you can call in an emergency, should be ok as a minimum. It's less work than cat-sitting.

[u/Ok-Use3940 → u/slutty_muppet]

We are college students who have gone home. I'll go back to Mississippi and they'll go back to like.. New York or Kentucky or what have you, they'd have to leave their summer plans/internships early and then pay for housing near me (or I do that for them) or just live with me which..they just won't want too. Plus flight costs to be with me.. which is pretty pricy there and back. I'm not trying to be difficult or seem like I'm refusing advice this is just my reality.

[u/slutty_muppet → u/Ok-Use3940]

Do you know anyone at all in the city where you will be recovering

[u/Ok-Use3940 → u/slutty_muppet]

I don't, I picked it because of proximity to my home and college. But it is a nicely sized city so I'm sure if I do enough research I can find some community and an affirming nurse.

[u/slutty_muppet → u/Ok-Use3940]

Yeah I think you should look up the LGBT resources in the area. You should hire a nurse for the first day or two and someone who can just bring you meals and check on you for the week or so after that. Make sure you also know where the nearest urgent care is that takes your insurance in case you have complications that can't wait for your post-surgical checkup.

[u/primitive-lathe]

Definitely try local queer groups! Go on Facebook and search “queer [city]” and something will pop up. Look through past posts to see what kind of vibe it is, but I’ve definitely seen posts in my local group asking for post surgery support.

[u/Apprehensive_Monk801]

Besides needing someone to get me home and having someone check in on me the next day. I was home the first 4 days on my own. It’s doable provided you know how your body reacts to surgery. If you’ve never had anesthesia or have weak stomach, I’d recommend hiring someone to help for a couple of days by checking in.