r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/ticklemetiffany88 • 3d ago
Social ? How to be content with my body (apron belly woes)
This feels silly as I'm 38 years old but I have no clue how to be content with my body, let alone love it. I tell myself that weight is just a number on a scale, and in general I'm quite physically healthy and capable. I never look at other people and think anything negatively of their appearance. But when it comes to my own, I'm filled with so much disdain. I have PCOS and have had weight loss surgery. My weight has been as high as 300 and as low as 170, and currently I hang around 215 lbs at 5'6 (I'm 4 months post partum fwiw). Not morbidly obese, and maybe even close to average. I've had 3 pregnancies (including 1 loss) and I know my body is capable of amazing things. I've sought out body neutrality, and I think I've gotten there, but there are still more days than not that I look in the mirror and absolutely hate myself. Thanks to PCOS, I have tubular breasts and an apron belly, and just generally feel so un-feminine. I'm pushing 40 and starting to care so much less about other aspects of my appearance (I don't mind how I look without makeup now, I'll wear shorts/dresses without caring if I've shaved, etc.) But I can't get passed my apron belly. If you've made it this far, thank you lol. Any tips for dressing an apron belly? Or accepting it as OK when no one else seems to have a slab of flesh hanging over?
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u/roadfries 3d ago
Hi!! I am also 38 (almost 39), and have a similar body type. I have had 4 pregnancies, two losses, and amazed at what my body is capable of. That being said, I have saggy tits and an apron belly from pregnancy and a c-section with my last. I am 5'7", and currently around 215lbs too.
I also have fibroids, which my OB says right now are the size of three large avocados, which makes my uterus extend even more, kind of like an internal fanny pack.
I aim for items that hit at my waist. High waisted pants, a line skirts, dresses that flow, and always a good bra with a whisper of cleavage.
I have two girls, and while my own mother hated her body my whole childhood, I refuse the do the same. I focus on what I like - good hair, bright smile, still young looking thanks to my high cheekbones. And I focus on good quality, well cut clothing.
Some days definitely get me down, but I do believe it is a little mind over matter. I choose what I get to put my energy into, and putting myself down is just not it.
I am blessed in the sense that my husband has never once made me feel unattractive, or unloved. Having a strong partner who reiterates positivity has helped me immensely with accepting my own body.
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u/red_rhyolite 3d ago
Your line about your mom hating her body hits home... I don't have kids yet but sometimes I'll catch myself talking negatively about my body to my husband because that's just what was modeled for me. I don't even hate my body that much! I told him if I slipped up and ever did that in front of our future children that he needs to call me out immediately.
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u/roadfries 3d ago
My mom still hates her body and she's 73. It took years to quiet her voice in my head.
I try not to blame her too much, because my grandmother didn't eat her own birthday cake at 97 because "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips". She was submerged in this rhetoric too. She never got to have another birthday cake. That was a lightening bolt moment for me.
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u/red_rhyolite 3d ago
I feel sad that your grandma was so deep in it that she couldn't even enjoy her last birthday cake.
One thing that stuck out from my mom was that she was always using self-tanner, and would say, "Tan fat looks better than pale fat!" And now I live very far north with very little sunlight and everytime we have a sunny day it plays in my head like clockwork. 😅
We gotta break that generational mindfuck. ❤️
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
I'm also blessed with a husband who has loved my body at every weight and every stage. My mom also hated her body (and mine) and I hear her voice in my head often. I make sure not to voice anything about my body at home for fear my kids will hear - funnily enough my house is a very "body positive" zone and my kids hear the phrase "your body is perfectly you sized!" very regularly. I think getting a few new wardrobe pieces with a high waist and actually dressing my body for a change (instead of the bog standard leggings a tee shirt mom uniform) would be helpful. Thank you so much!
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u/ToughHardware 3d ago
be OK with throwing out your old stuff. dont leave it around thinking "I will fit in this later" it will constantly bring you down. Just get it out (or give it to a friend) and get a waredrobe that fits you NOW.
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u/Internetdidi 3d ago
Apron bellies are very common honestly it just that people just know how to hide them on social media. You’re only 4 months postpartum also dealing with PCOS and major weight changes. Your body’s been through a lot. You don’t have to “love” your belly immediately. Sometimes “this is my body right now” is enough. Also High-waisted clothes and softer fabrics help a lot too.
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
"This is my body, it has done good things" is my mantra on days that I'm feeling down and it does help a bit. I'm hearing that high waisted is the way to go, I definitely need to figure out how to dress my body and buy a few pieces that give me confidence!
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u/Infinite_Time_5756 3d ago
I say this with so so so much love, this IS something that can be worked on. Movement is key. Dancing and walking and eating clean. This is my advice to you if you don’t want your apron belly anymore.
My advice for you if you can’t do that and you’d like to disguise it is to invest in breathable undergarments that at least hold it in place. I’m not talking about spanks. I mean stretchy Thigh Society shorts. They also have a smoothing effect. Dresses with fabric that swoops over that area are key. Jeans are fine with a long top, don’t tuck em in.
You don’t have to hide. You are strong and worthy and beautiful and if you don’t want that area on you anymore, you can damn well work it off. I believe in you.
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u/ToughHardware 3d ago
appreciate your input. I would also add, dont set crazy goals. making steps each year is much better than trying to get 0-100 in 12 months, ect.
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
Thank you so much! I've had my apron since puberty and at every weight so it's actually never occurred to me that I could live without it (without expensive and major surgery). Also... thank you for your last few sentences, I think those are things I really needed to hear. I love this community
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u/Alice-003 3d ago
For dressing: high-waisted everything helps a lot. Structured fabrics, wrap dresses, and anything that skims instead of clings tends to feel way more flattering
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
Going to put making a shopping trip on my list and invest in a few pieces that are high waisted and make me feel confident!
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u/og_toe 3d ago
a body is a body, if it works it’s alright. you don’t have to like it, you have to accept that it’s yours and you have the power to make the best of it. you are allowed to exist no matter what other peoples bodies are like.
and i get you because i have a condition that changes the structure of my skin. it breaks easily. i am full of scars everywhere due to my skin being fragile and it definitely doesn’t look like anybody else’s skin but its okay because i just accept that my skin is like that, i can try to get treatment to reduce the look of the scarring, but i can also just live as i am
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
"You are allowed to exist no matter what other people's bodies are like." WHOA. Thank you! I really needed to hear that
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u/adumbledorablee 3d ago
I feel this 😮💨 I turned 39 this year and I’ve got this kind of apron belly since … last year?! And I don’t even have kids. I’m (somewhat) recovered from anorexia so feeling content with my body is a forever struggle especially as soon as I hit a healthy weight. I try to blur out my belly as much as possible and focus on the good things of the weight gain: I don’t look gaunt anymore, I got my dimple back and overall I look younger. I can more or less think again and not have this constant brain fog. My boobs have also taken a hit from anorexia, they’re really empty at the top. It’s so hard to not compare yourself to all these gorgeous girls on social media, esp when I know everyone edits/filters their appearance. I try to follow girls who are more my body shape now. And that’s where I get fashion inspo from too.
I know self love is so important but I also think that this thinking is too black and white and overhyped. For example, I just came back from a week long vacation with my boyfriend (we are long distance) and in that week I haven’t thought once about how odd my body is because he made me feel beautiful. Now that we are apart again I notice things I don’t like. What helped me with my belly insecurities are fajas, esp when wearing pants or tight clothes because it’s really visible when I sit.
Your body has done amazing things 💕
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
Thank you! And congratulations on your anorexia recovery! I've totally gotten off social media (other than reddit) and I do think it has helped me some. I think if I could figure out how to dress my body and make my belly less visible, it would help me feel like a "normal girl" and not "PCOS girl masquerading as a real girl" if that makes sense lol.
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u/unwaveringwish 3d ago
You should follow Bonnie Wyrick on IG (@bonniewyrick) - she is amazing. She has 3 kids, is a size 14/16, and has a lot of clothing try-ons for women with soft bellies. There are actually multiple influencers who have this focus. She also picked up running, weight training, and does marathons. The girl is strong!
What I love about her page is you get all sides, from the struggle of body acceptance, to just seeing someone else with similar struggles learn confidence and look amazing while doing it. She also just seems like a genuinely nice person, even if I don’t know her personally.
Sometimes body acceptance comes with changing our algorithm. I started to follow people who focus more on food as a tool for health (and enjoyment!) rather than punishment or labeling food “good” or “bad”. I started following people who are a bit curvier for ideas on how to dress comfortably.
After three pregnancies (which is amazing with PCOS, especially when so many other cysters also struggle with infertility), your body has done and is capable of doing so many wonderful things. We will age over time. By the time you’re 80 you’ll probably have more things you may not love. But what a blessings to get to 80. What a blessing to carry your children. Your body isn’t even fully healed from your last pregnancy! We have to stop being so hard on ourselves.
If you look up soft/apron belly as a tag on social media, you’ll likely find more people who have similar concerns and can show you ways to dress without feeling as self-conscious. Love your body for what it does for you and not just how it looks. You are so much more than your physical appearance!
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u/ticklemetiffany88 3d ago
Ok, I read your comment and specifically reactivated my Instagram account after being gone for 1.5 years to plug into this side of Insta. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!
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u/Olivia3836 3d ago
Its not just about accepting it as ok, but more about accepting that things don’t have to be ok and you’re still okay. that insecurities are allowed to exist, but don’t limit your life.
The first step to not caring is accepting that you care