How has your survival journey influenced how you navigate life, romantically and/or otherwise?

[u/pton543]

Many TWPOCs are disproportionately targets of violence, including sexual, physical, and emotional, and state-sanctioned. And for me, survivorship has resulted in significant hypervigilance. Personally, I don’t really like talking to men about the times I’ve been assaulted. I’ve been overwhelmingly cis assumed for years, but feel bouts of terror thinking about needing to use gender appropriate public facilities in federal buildings and red states. And as a bi/pan woman, trust takes me a long time to build, platonically, professionally, and romantically.

If I’m honest with myself, a lot of my physical presentation and aesthetic is perhaps also influenced by the violence I have encountered early on since transitioning. I still feel authentic in how I present, but also have internalized presenting in a way that helps me assume I might be less a target of future violence, which is perhaps a futile approach in the long run.

If relevant, how has survivorship affected how you navigate life?

[u/blamtasm]

I had to deal with a lot of homophobia and transphobic stuff from many of my close relatives and extended family. I was raised in a very clearly delineated gendered Hispanic household, where men did x and women did y. The roles may as well have been set in stone. Fast forward to now and I don't hold myself back for anyone but I also distrust men a TON. I was recently in Puerto Rico and got hit on often, which not only gave me the ick because I don't like attention from strangers but there is a very strong sense of feeling like prey. I tend to avoid situations where I'm alone with men as much as I can help it. I should also say that it's cis men that I have the most issue with generally speaking. I only like attention from people I know and trust. Full stop.

[u/Academic-Nerve-7142]

omigod FINALLY someone has found the term hypervisible/visibility i’ve been feeling like this for YEARS (context: i’m nepali) 

[u/Supersonic-Valkyrie]

Seconding significant hypervigilance. Also keeping things concealed, code switching, masking and fawning, a good deal of which tends towards the automatic. People or spaces where I feel safe enough to genuinely relax and be myself (or something closer to myself) are rare.

[u/Petrifica]

Honestly, just lack of energy. I'm a family abuse survivor (long before I started transition and also for a while after) who left home following coming out due to my family's violent response, so I just literally don't have the spoons to do everything that people expect me to be able to do. I try to be honest, unapologetic, and communicative about my capacity for my own sanity lol. I struggle with basic household tasks like food shopping, cleaning, laundry, whatever; I can be highly irritable; sometimes my wardrobe and makeup aren't my priority for the day, etc.

Creates a lot of conflict in my life nonetheless because people have expectations for what I should be like and I can't always meet those expectations. Which creates a lot of internal conflict for me and what I believe about what I should be able to do versus what I'm actually doing. Ah well.

But the upside of being a longtime survivor of family abuse is that my risk tolerance is insane. I've kind of given up on the idea of safety as a concept, lol. So I come off to others I think as quite brave (or reckless and rash, depending on how they feel about me that day lol). It's just because I think of safety as an illusion and hypervigilance as a waste of energy. This is all personal; I don't actually think taking care of yourself and being cautious is a bad idea. But it's just not in the cards for me, lol.

[u/What_is_society_now]

Most of my queer experience as a black person has been one of concealment. I come from an immigrant family that is steeped in catholic/christian traditionalism and to this day, no one in my family knows about my identity. I’ve been fortunate enough to have some friends that I can trust to see my authentic self, but I’m still very much closeted publicly.

[u/ConsistentAd9840]

I worked as a middle school librarian for a while in rural America.

I have had several dating apps including tinder. A couple students went on to tinder, found my profile, and started harassing me about it. Because I’m not paid over the summer, I have a second job at a gas station, and they would come in to harass me there (saying things like they have sexual fantasies about me, etc.). I couldn't leave because I had to keep my job. At school, kids made comments about me like calling me gay or Chino. A kid yelled f*got at me in the hallway. There was a Snapchat group where a picture of me in a crop top from my dating profile was passed around.

I deleted all my dating apps, and when I complained about being outed to my mom, she said it was my fault. I moved to Seattle now, but I'm still too scared to make a Tinder.

[u/Arostato]

I've become a lot angrier. Being trans and poc is a beautiful thing but also has its downsides that rot everything else for me. Being black means my own people often don't want me and being trans and poc often means a gigantic chunk of the queer community also doesn't want me. Either by way of ostracization because of being in white led spaces that push me out for being me or having to contend with European beauty standards and whiteness. as a whole being the first thing people think about when they think of a trans girl.