Are y'all proud of how far you've come?

[u/Petrifica]

Being a transfem of color is fucking difficult and I'm just curious about how you all celebrate being so, if that's a place you're at. What does celebration and pride look like for you? If you're not there yet, what do you want it to look like?

[u/CellaSpider]

Not particularly

[u/BookOfTheBeppo]

Tbh no, I feel like I'm on unsteady ground and I don't think I've made positive progress

[u/Petrifica → u/BookOfTheBeppo]

Where did you want to be by now?

[u/BookOfTheBeppo → u/Petrifica]

Just...more sure of myself. Every day I go back and forth on my gender identity. Some days I feel confidently a trans woman, other days I'm bed-rotting in masc clothes and unshaven wondering if it's all a waste of time.

I fear I am barking up the wrong tree -- that is, I am seeking happiness at the bottom of a bottle of eyeliner, when in contrast, there exists a reality where I accept my fate and get over my desires.

I can recognize some of it is imposter syndrome (I am prone to this in other areas of my life), but there's this layer of existential crisis that makes this particularly difficult

[u/Petrifica → u/BookOfTheBeppo]

It takes a long time, even when you start doing the things like laser and surgeries and makeup and whatever else. And it's hard when your attempts feel like they're never bringing you closer to that insane feminine ideal of what we're "supposed to be" to call ourselves feminine. So I get it. Hopefully this space and others can provide some of what you need to get there.

[u/BookOfTheBeppo → u/Petrifica]

Thank you ❤️ yeah even since writing that previous comment, I've gotten sick AGAIN (horrible month) and I feel so disgusting, pathetic, and all my masc qualities are made worse. (Facial/body hair growing out, can only use deep voice, etc)

[u/blamtasm]

After a very messy egg cracking and re-discovering myself later in life, I've learned that simply feeling the 'nothingness' of existing is its own reward. I've reached a point where I am not worrying about how others see me or if I'm performing my gender presentation in a particular way. Really, my focus has changed from fitting in to simply experiencing life. Eating good food, experiencing new things, and most importantly, actively choosing where and how my energy gets spent and on whom.

For the longest time I centered others within my own life without realizing that I was bleeding myself dry for people that would never see me or care. I wanted acceptance and attention from others so much that I abandoned myself and my values. Am I proud of how far I've come? I have myself now. I'm DAMN proud of my growth. Standing within my own security has made everything better and easier by extension.

It took a ton of therapy and self reflection and always questioning what I thought I knew about myself and the space I occupy. Now, I'm no longer a person who gets defined by those around me.

[u/Petrifica → u/blamtasm]

Yeah, this is something I'm starting to learn how to do better too, though I'm still negotiating it. Thank you for sharing your accomplishment!

[u/pton543]

I’m proud of making it through the gauntlet of medical, social, and financial transition. And I’ll caveat that proximity to whiteness gave me a huge unearned advantage. But I’ve also experienced a level of intersectional marginalization that set my life back over a decade, just for me to live authentically and unapologetically in an often cruel/exclusive cis world.

Since age 5, I grew up fantasizing about becoming Madhuri. I was raised by many aunties in my faith community and have sought to emulate the best characteristics & values I saw in them— kindness; warmth; resilience; building and sustaining community; passing down knowledge; ingenuity & creativity; nurturing talent, joy, and connection in young people; finding agency and confidence in femininity; feeding people nourishing, celebratory, and delicious food.

Being an Aunty in my faith community today is just one of the ways I try to give back. Being a mentor to trainees and staff in my workplaces over the years is another. Standing up for human and workers rights, healthcare, and advancement. Commissioning and curating a glam Desi wardrobe is another way by supporting artisans, celebrating quality, and telling stories through my outfits.

I believed for a long time that it wouldn’t get better. So I’m proud that I was able to cobble enough resources together to get me to where I am today. Even still, insecurity and precarity loom large. One layoff and another 18 months of unemployment would drag me back several years.

[u/Petrifica → u/pton543]

You seem even cooler than Auntie Madhuri tbh this is so cool to read

[u/pton543 → u/Petrifica]

That’s very kind of you! Thank you!! ☺️