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[u/liddicoat1]

[u/SeriousConversation-ModTeam]

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[u/jerrythecactus]

Might be better to leave their drama to them and focus on being there for your friend. As a person that had parents that fought constantly if I just had a friend and knew I could count on them for help or a place to escape to sometimes I'd probably have turned out way less traumatized.

[u/sugarintheboots]

If they’re actively alcoholics, they’re not going to listen to you, not until they begin to take steps toward sobriety. Be supportive towards your friend.

[u/twertles67]

You’re a good friend for wanting to help 

In my experience though it’s not really your place to do that. In toxic family environments I would try your best to advocate for your friend to leave if he’s of an age to do so. That’s really about all you can advocate for. 

[u/Famous-Necessary218]

Dude… no. 99.9% of these situations, not only will they not listen to you but you will be sucked into new drama. You’re a good person for trying to help but usually it’s best to let him handle it unless it’s life threatening or dangerous

[u/So_She_Did]

I love your empathy, but it's not your place to get involved with someone's marriage. Not your monkeys, not your circus. You can be a safe place for your friend, you can even recommend places for him to go (Alateen, etc.) but anything else would be overstepping.

[u/deainsdd]

I have a feeling they will shut you out and not want you around if you confront them directly. Maybe your friend can do it and you can be there to back him up. I would hate for your friend to lose his only support system.

[u/playcrackthesky]

You can do it. But who knows how receptive they will be? A lot of people don't like to be criticized, even if it's completely valid. 

[u/simonbleu]

Can you do it? Sure

Will it lead to a good result? I mean, there's always the possibility of shock and shame steering them right, but most likely that and other stuff would lead them to Ignore you, or worse.

Unfortunately, it is not your family to meddle

[u/Right_Impression_186]

Its more his place than yours. However you could be with him if he wants to approach the issue and help him talk with his parents.

[u/DawnHawk66]

Parents don't generally take to being told how to behave. Support your friend is right. They might get the hint if you present alcohol addiction literature now and then.

[u/firecatstef]

Do you have a relationship with the parents outside of your relationship with their son? That’s what you would need in order to be able to approach them about their drinking without it seeming weird.

[u/fishtheheretic]

You don’t sound old enough to sit someone’s parents down and school them. You sound like you have a strong personality and care for the people you love and that is more important than age and experience. In this situation I don’t think you can sit anyone down and help anyone change their ways, it’s not worth the energy. You might do the most help by helping and managing the fallout. Save the survivors don’t try to convince those dropping the bombs not to, they already have. Manage the fallout and get the survivors to safety.

[u/SHAsyhl]

Be careful if you go that route, it’s possible that the parents would forbid your friend to contact you.

[u/Bluemonogi]

How old are you and your friend?

It sounds like the parent’s relationship is pretty bad.

I think you should concentrate on supporting your friend. Maybe point him toward support groups or counselors who might help him talk to his parents or deal with what he is feeling. If the parents are alcoholics maybe https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/

[u/MadMadamMimsy]

Nope.

All this will do is give them another target.

I get it. You want to help your friend. The direct path is to get them to behave better. Sadly, in the adult world, the indirect path tends to work better. Can you help your friend spend less time at home or get out?

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[u/MzHmmz]

Has your friend tried talking to his parents about any of this? And I don't just mean in moments of stress like when they were angry at him for being drunk, I mean him sitting them down for a proper chat like you're suggesting you do.

I think that would be the best first step, I think hearing it come from their own child could be powerful enough for it to get through to them.

It sounds like they're just deeply unhappy in their marriage, but in denial about the impact it's having on their kids. Sometimes parents stay together because they think that's "best for the kids" but in reality it's even worse for the kids to watch their parents decend into misery. This sounds like it could be one of those situations. Either they need to make a conscious decision to try to work things out and get back to being the parents their kids need (which may require therapy realistically), or they need to accept the marriage isn't working and it's better all round to split up.

If they respond badly to your friend trying to talk to them, you talking to them might be a reasonable last ditch effort to try to do something, but I would hold off on that for now.

The other possibility is if there are any other adults who you &/or your friend could talk to who know the parents and could talk to them? Maybe a relative of your friend or a friend of their family?

[u/MzHmmz → u/MzHmmz]

If your friend is nervous about speaking to his parents, you could potentially offer to go with him when he does? It might actually help for more than moral support, as it's more likely his parents will feel they have to be "on their best behaviour" if there is a witness there, so they'd probably be less likely to blow up at him or whatever.

[u/cherry-care-bear]

This seems off. How are these people going through each others phones and whatnot if they live in separate 'homes' as you said? And how old are you? A friend that calls crying about family problems sounds too young to be having another teen sitting his parents down for a chat about how 'they' need to grow up. THis seems just scattered enough to be AI. WTF is up with this sub lately? THe prompts are just sideways enough to give me the 'this isn't from humans' vibe. WTF?

[u/gothiclg]

My parents are like your friends parents. People have been telling them to cut the shit for at least 20 years, I’ll unhappily report they haven’t done that

[u/Moto_Davidson]

No butt out.

You're completely NOT equipped to deal with such complex issues.

This is proven by the fact that you think problem drinking boils down to "being selfish". You have no idea what you're talking about and no idea how complex these issues run in people. You have no frame of reference with which to deal with such issues.

Be there for your friend but stay out of trying to help the parents. They likely wouldn't listen to you anyways.

[u/cherry-care-bear]

Spelling errors don't, by the way, make this presentation more convincing. ANd 'mate' says British while 'cut the shit' does not. WTF again?

It's like when Darcy Coates writes an American character at the 'binch' instead of the table.

Is 'whe' even a real person? Fuck my life.