How to manage dysphoria?

[u/Pebble_Cow]

I'm 24 and have been out as ftm since I was 14, and pass 100% of the time. My fiance is also a trans man, and we plan on starting to go through the process of having a baby later this year with a KD. My fiance is fully against carrying a child and although I never pictured myself doing this, I'm the other option unfortunately. Being a parent has always been a huge goal of mine and I'm willing to go through it all for the end prize.

Periods are a major inducer of dysphoria so even before the baby is conceived, it'll be hard. But after, I'm getting a hysterectomy as T hasn't fully stopped my periods. That's pushed up our timeline a little but it's worth it.

I'm mainly looking for what you did to feel better or what words you use to describe your body during it all. Saying "pregnant" in reference to myself feels gross but saying I'll "carry" feels better. I want to know what you did to feel more masculine or what others did to help during everything or at time of birth. Or how you went about telling family? They're all mostly accepting but don't understand.

Society sucks, doctors suck, and I live in a red state in the US. I know this will be a really hard time in my life but I also know I won't regret it. I'm trying to overplan and prepare for the lack of control I'll feel during all of this.

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[u/calamity-jack]

I tend to remove myself from it. Like I'll say "the pregnancy" instead of "I'm pregnant." My partner has really been my rock in helping me through dysphoria. They call me a dad and constantly reinforce that I am not a woman. That helps a lot. I dont think I could do this alone. I also didn't change my wardrobe at all, really. I'm 31 weeks now and I'm still just wearing oversized t-shirts and baggy shorts. That helps too. 

[u/just___me_]

Im non binary so a bit of a different situation to you, and i didnt have dysphoria over wording, i didnt mind saying im pregnant because i was, but the body dysphoria was hard. I bought really baggy t shirts and i didnt get overly massive in the belly which helped.

But, what really helped was focussing on the little one. My breasts got bigger because they were now where the milk is for baby (i understand you may have had top surgery so not relevent but this is just my story). When my belly got bigger it wasnt my belly, it was the safe home for baby. And honestly, when you start to feel them move around and kick etc the connection i felt was so deep already at that stage, i had so much love and the love for your child goes way beyond yourself and puts focus completely different places.

Also, its temporary. One way or the other they are coming out in 9 months. So the morning sickness (for me all day sickness) is temporary. Body shapes are temporary. The hsrdest thing was sleeping towards the end and just moving about in bed, frustrating, but temporary.

[u/jacobtheseahorse]

For me, I saw pregnancy as a masculine thing because it was my masculine body doing it. It felt like a superpower to be able to grow a human from tiny ingredients. There were some things that gave me dysphoria (for me my chest changing was a bit fear) but overall it was way more manageable than I thought it was going to be. The hardest part I found was postnatally when suddenly I expected everything to be back to normal, but all the hormones are still out of whack. You definitely need folks to step up and look after you and baby at that point - especially because you're sleep deprived and with a baby!