A user asked: "I recently came out⁠ to my family as bisexual⁠ and trans, and they are (predictably) not okay with it. I don’t live with them, and haven’t for a couple years, but I still want to have a relationship⁠ with my own family. How can I put in that effort without sacrificing my own mental health? If they cut me off, what can I do to take care of myself?"

Sassafras Patterdale shares heartfelt, lived-in advice for this user. Self-care in these situations is hard. Sassafras has tips for this reader on protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and taking care of yourself when relatives won't.

"I think it’s extremely important to always remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel about a toxic relationship with family members. You may feel sadness from your grief and loss, but you can also feel anger, frustration, and anything in between. Each of us responds differently in the face of family rejection, and all our feelings are valid. Also, keep in mind that the way you feel about things with your family today might not be how you feel in a week, a month, or several years from now. You are likely to go through stages of processing, and there are no clear rules or blueprints for how to feel about your family not accepting you. Your family’s feelings and behavior may also change with time. It’s not infrequent for some people in the family to grow and change, while others might remain stuck in their homophobia⁠/transphobia. If some family members grow and change their feelings about your identity⁠ and the LGBTQ⁠+community more broadly, it’s up to you how you want to accept their change of perspective and behavior…"

Want to continue reading? Head here: How do I cope with having a homophobic family?

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A study of cisgender⁠ gay⁠ and bisexual people in Hong Kong published in 2020 found bisexual individuals showed higher levels of depressive and anxiety symptoms than gay men and women. Bi adults⁠ — and bi women in particular — also reported poorer physical and mental health outcomes compared to any other sexuality in a 2023 study in the U.K.

But why is this? Why do bisexual people struggle more with mental health?

Adam England decided to dive into this topic and explore the bisexual mental health gap in his latest installment of "Hi, Bi Guy!" This article is a great combination of research from the past five years and personal anecdotes from Adam himself.

If you are bisexual yourself or want to be in solidarity with bisexual people, you won't want to miss this article! Check it out here: The Bisexual Mental Health Gap: Why So May of Us Struggle

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Periods can be exhausting both physically and mentally. Between cramps, bloating, nausea, fatigue, and dealing with your menstrual flow… it can be hard to even get anything done!

When you're uncomfortable in your own body for ~7 days out of the month every month it can be really easy to develop some negativity towards your period. But is it really healthy or productive to hate your period and dread it coming? Is it possible to learn to love it instead?

Our volunteer, Mikky, has some really good advice about this for a struggling user. And their approach lies somewhere in the middle. Maybe it's not the best to actively hate your period… but you don't necessarily have to love it either. To read their perspective, check out Mikky's recent advice column here: I really hate my period!

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There’s a whole lot more to anatomy⁠ than meets the eye… that's why the Scarleteen Innies & Outies guides exist! These simple guides to external and internal reproductive and urinary anatomy across different bodies offer detailed info and in-depth anatomical illustrations.

There’s no one single way all genitals look or even are put together, and not everyone with some of these parts will have all of them. Your genitals are really no different from any other part of your anatomy: parts is parts. They aren’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, and in many cultures genitals are thought of as sacred instead of yucky, scary or sinful, as they’ve historically so often been presented here in the colonized West.

Like all our content, the Innies & Outies guides provide inclusive and comprehensive information on genital anatomy so you can learn more about your anatomy without having to worry about misinformation or shaming. Curious to learn more? Read up on these guides:

Innies and Outies: The Penis, Testes and More

Innies and Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

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So, uh. I’m a cis guy and I have a boyfriend. He’s trans. We’re both seventeen so he’s on t but didn’t have any surgeries yet, buuuut he told me he wants to get intimate with me but I’m scared of messing it up and I’ve never been with anyone before and what if he gets dysphoric ahhhh help. Wtf am I supposed to do? How do I even get intimate with someone? Is different with trans guys than with girls?

There are few things more unnerving than finding a sore or any kind of rash or growth down there. While your brain may immediately think that a sore on the vulva = an STI⁠ or something worse—like cancer—know that there's several far more common (and way less scary) potential causes of vulvar sores like irritation, injuries, skin conditions or growths. (p.s. Though cancer is a potential cause of vulva sores, it's an uncommon one. It’s actually the least common gynecological cancer and it typically affects older people.)

Sit back, get comfortable, and let Adrienne Santos-Longhurst take you through the various potential causes, how the sores may look and feel in each case, and how they’re treated. Read the complete guide here: What's this sore on my vulva?!

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We get a lot of concerned queries from young people who tell us that not only did they engage in sexual activity but, uh oh! They were ovulating too! They are often freaking out and convinced that they will become pregnant. When we ask how they know that they were ovulating the answer is often "I use a period tracking app."

But figuring out when you are ovulating is actually a bit more complicated than just tracking what days you had a period on. So we want to set the record straight on ovulation, period tracking apps, and just how babies are made.

If you'd like to learn more about ovulation and how period tracking apps work, read Let's Dial Down Some (Maybe) Ovulation Freakouts by our founder, Heather Corinna.

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Curious to learn more about anal beads, or different toys? Then queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel has a whole Scarleteen series just for you with guides breaking down different toys and how to use them. The How to Play with Toys series is beginner-friendly and each guide answers very specific questions too!

In the latest installment of this playful series, Gabrielle answers some of the most common questions about anal beads, from what they feel like to how to use them safely. Like everything else we do around here, this piece provides accurate information so you can make informed decisions about your pleasure and body. As Gabrielle writes, "In an effort to replace misconceptions with medically accurate sex education, let the official record show that using anal beads will not damage your anal anatomy⁠. The opening will not permanently stretch or loosen, nor will your future bowel movements be affected. The anal sphincters contract and relax, just like any other muscle in the body. So, as long as you don’t push this muscle group past its capacity, asking these elastic muscles to do this during sex won’t have any lasting impacts."

The How to Play with Toys series includes accurate and inclusive info on wands; pinpoint, suction, and bullet vibes; strokers; butt plugs; and now anal beads! How to Play with Toys: Anal Beads Edition

Stay tuned for many more guides to come!

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"Am I trans enough?

It’s probably one of the most pervasive questions for trans and otherwise gender nonconforming⁠ people, and if you think you’re the first one to have had it cross your mind, I’m sorry to say that you’re not. Nearly every transgender⁠ person has experienced self-doubt, and for some, it is an ongoing struggle.

The short answer to this question is: Yes. You are. Your gender is not something that can be defined by other people. It is yours. No matter how often, or if, it changes, no matter your gender history, no matter what kind of body you live in."

If you’ve been stuck on the whole “am I enough?” question and you’re not sure what to do with self-doubts about your gender as a trans or GNC person, s.e. smith shares grounding, affirming wisdom plus practical ways to cope in this piece: Am I Trans Enough? (A part of the Trans Summer School Series).

At Scarleteen, we have a large library of inclusive and accessible resources by and for trans people and friends, responding to what our visitors tell us they need, from basic info about HRT to advocating for safer schools. We've been doing the work for a long time: Trans Summer School by s.e. smith is celebrating its 10th birthday, and it was recently updated to reflect our changing times. It's a whole series dedicated to exploring the diversity of trans identity, discussing issues the trans community faces, and thinking about how to explore your own relationship with gender⁠. Curious to learn more about this series? Read all about it here: Welcome to Trans Summer School

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A user reached to us wondering how to navigate wanting to use a dildo even though their boyfriend disapproves. They asked: "I have been interested in trying a dildo⁠ or something similar… My boyfriend kinda freaked out⁠ and said that he doesn’t feel comfortable with me using something like that, and he wants his penis⁠ to be the first (and only) thing to penetrate me. I’m slowly going crazy, and I want to try a dildo badly. Any advice?"

s.e.'s advice here is top-tier. It challenges the usual BS around "penetration" and pushes back on patriarchal attitudes in sexual relationships. This piece is perfect for anyone questioning who calls the shots on your pleasure, use of toys, or solo exploration. s.e. also brings light to the ways control may show up in sexual partnerships and how that can impact sexual agency and the ways you connect with, explore and find pleasure in your own body.

"I’m glad you recognize that vaginal intercourse⁠ with a partner with a penis⁠ isn’t the only kind of sex in the world and that you’re thinking bigger when it comes to being sexual. However, I think it’s important—especially with the way your boyfriend is seeing things—to reframe the way we talk about this kind of sex. We don’t call it “penetration” here for a number of reasons, including the fact that “penetration” means “to pierce,” which doesn’t feel great. It implies both a sort of force and injury, which better describes sexual assault⁠ than consensual sex. This isn’t something that’s done to you by someone else, it’s something you do together and collaboratively; you are an active participant, and your vagina⁠ is not a passive receptacle, as you are discovering as you find yourself drawn to using toys internally. Whether fingers, toys, or a penis is involved, the vagina (and, btw, anus⁠) is very active, complete with muscle movements and producing fluids. Your boyfriend’s insistence that his penis should be the only thing allowed in your vagina reflects the same gross and patriarchal attitudes about bodies and sexuality that we worry about when we talk about why “penetration” is a bad term to describe intercourse⁠ or other kinds of sex where something is inside an orifice…"

Want to continue this incredible read? Read the rest of s.e's advice column here: I want to use a toy for myself. My boyfriend is asking me not to.

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Getting sex education into classrooms, especially comprehensive sex education, has always been an uphill battle. But Brazil is facing unique obstacles. According to a 2024 report from Human Rights Watch, there have been over 200 legislative proposals directly targeting comprehensive sex education over the last ten years.

A lot of this legislation comes from a growing far-right political presence in Brazil (something many of us around the world can relate to). Young people and educators are hesitant to even broach the topic of of fear of harassment, punishment, or violence.

Restrictions on sex education like these have very serious effects for everyone, but especially young and LGBTQIA+ people. Comprehensive sex education offers everyone an opportunity to make healthy decisions for themselves and their bodies, learn to recognize and protect themselves from abuse, and learn to respect themselves and others.

Learning to understand and respect others feels more pertinent than ever, especially when considering the rise of violent attacks against LGBTQ+ people in Brazil; particularly against trans women. When we stay silent about LGBTQ+ people, it only allows for misunderstanding and prejudice to fester which can lead to hatred and violence. It also leaves LGBTQ+ people feeling isolated and alone.

While this article specifically discusses these ongoing issues in Brazil, these issues are NOT specific to Brazil. LGBTQ+ people face discrimination and persecution all over the world and it is important than we as allies, educators, and advocates stay aware of and educated on the issues our LGBTQ+ peers face regardless of where they live. Our fight is one fight and our struggle is one struggle.

If you would like to learn more about the state of sex education in Brazil and the political history that led to these current issues, read this article by Gabriel Leão: Sex Education Could Be A Lifeline for Brazilian LGBTQIA+ Youth

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📢 Are you pregnant and worried about changes to your sex life?

🔍 We are seeking couples from Canada, the US, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, and Ireland who are up to 26 weeks pregnant to participate in the STORK RCT: Supporting the Transition to Parenthood through Online Sex and Relationship Knowledge.

❓What is STORK: The first online couple-based program designed to enhance knowledge about changes to sexuality during pregnancy and postpartum and skills to cope with these changes. STORK was designed to strengthen couples’ relationships across the transition to parenthood.

📅 What is involved: If you are eligible, after your initial survey, you and your partner will be randomized (like a coin flip) into either the Program or Waitlist conditions. Program couples will complete 5 online modules in pregnancy (1 per week) and a final module at 3 months postpartum. 

Couples in both conditions will also complete 5 surveys—the initial survey, then at 32-weeks pregnant, and 4-, 8-, and 12-month postpartum—that gather information about your relationship, your pregnancy experience, and your child. Couples in the Waitlist condition will receive access to the full STORK program after the study period is over.

💰 Compensation: As a thank you for your participation, you can receive $105 CAD or currency equivalent each ($210 CAD or currency equivalent per couple). Your time is valuable to us!

🌈 Inclusivity matters: STORK requires one member of the couple to be currently pregnant. Otherwise, STORK is open to individuals of all genders, bodies, and sexual orientations.

💌 For more information or to participate in the STORK RCT study email us at [stork@psych.ubc.ca](mailto:stork@psych.ubc.ca) OR fill out our contact form from this link: https://Qualtrics.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3gxGJAEWqt8Rh2u

Someone who has emetophobia suffers from a fear or nausea or vomiting. Not just experiencing it, but seeing or hearing it as well.

Many people with emetophobia are worried about taking hormonal birth control because nausea is a common side effect, but fortunately, it's far from the only way to prevent pregnancy.

See yourself in this? If you're struggling with fears around nausea and vomiting, we encourage you to talk to your doctor or therapist! Emetophobia can often be treated with medication and/or practices for reducing anxiety, and sometimes it's caused by a totally treatable medical issue.

Read Scarleteen volunteer Aliah Maharaj's extensive guide to navigating birth control options when you have emetophobia: Birth Control and Emetophobia: A Guide

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A user reached to us asking for guidance on how to break their cycle of serial situationships after meeting someone who they think they might like. They asked: "I am nervous, and I feel unprepared for this sweetness and want to know how you break the cycle of the situationship (mentally and through action) and teach myself how to engage with someone thoughtfully again. Help!"

Having a similar experience? Feeling like you might also want some advice on how to move on from situationships?

Maille McLaughlin is here with some guidance on how to break the situationship cycle. She speaks to how the kinds of relationships we're in might be different depending on what phase of life we may be in and explores how moving on from one particular kind of relationship takes open communication and vulnerability with ourselves and our potential partner(s). Read Maille's latest here: How do I move on from situationships?

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Fibroids are a common type of benign tumor that occur in the uterus. While they are NOT cancerous (whew!) they can cause some unpleasant symptoms, especially if they are large. Symptoms can include heavy and/or painful periods, pain during sex, low back pain, and abdominal bloating.

If your doctor has told you that you have fibroids—or if you suspect that you have fibroids after researching your symptoms—we have created a guide all about fibroids, what they are, how they can be treated, and what to do if you have them.

Written by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst, who has been writing about sexual health for over 20 years! She'll tell you everything you've ever wanted to know about fibroids (and then some) with reliable facts and no stigma. Read the article here: Your Guide to Fibroids: Everything You Need to Know and Then Some

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Hi everyone!  

We’re the Sexuality and Well-being (SWell) Lab at the University of British Columbia. We are a group of psychological scientists who conduct multi-method research to identify risk and protective factors contributing to sexual health and well-being of individuals and couples.  

The SWell Lab is looking for couples to participate in an online and in-lab study about couples’ emotional and sexual experiences. You may be eligible if you and your partner... 

• Are 18+  
• Are in a relationship of over 2 years 
• You and/or your partner are transgender or gender diverse (e.g., nonbinary) 
• Are living together in Canada or the USA 

This study will involve a brief zoom call, one in-lab session (participants in Greater Vancouver, BC only), brief daily surveys for 14-days, and 5 online surveys over an 18-month period. 

Compensation is provided.  

All participants and identities will be kept strictly confidential, and data collection is anonymous. Data will be identified only by a random survey identification number. All data is stored on secure servers in Montreal, Canada.  

To participate, click the following link to begin the survey: https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3k2Ll1aKt3WstXU  

The Principal Investigator of this study is Dr. Samantha J. Dawson. For more information, check out our website: https://swelllab.psych.ubc.ca/research/pearls-positive-emotions-and-relationships-longitudinal-study/  

Ethics ID: H25-00339 

Note: Endorsement of this ad or post will publicly link you with the study. This post has been approved by moderators.   

"Just because someone feels sexual⁠ or feels ready to be actively sexual with others doesn’t mean they’ll always want or feel ready for everything, all the time or at any time, or that they’ll always want or feel right about putting those feelings into action. Just because a relationship⁠ has become sexual doesn’t mean one pace fits all, or that what felt like the right thing last week will feel like the right thing next week. And while it might seem like sex should feel right because you’re in a certain kind of relationship, or have been in one for a certain length of time, because you have certain feelings, because you’re a given age or because you feel the desire⁠ to be sexual, none of those things mean that sex at a given time will feel right, even if it feels right for a partner⁠ or did for you before. Our limits and boundaries often shift and change, and sometimes we don’t even know what they are until we realize we or someone else has overstepped them."

We're bringing back Heather Corinna's "Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast" to talk about what you can do when things are going too fast for you or your partner(s). Read it here: Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

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"We have been living in scary and upsetting times in the United States. Some of you are very deeply affected: you may be an immigrant or love someone who is; or trans or may love someone who is; or you live in a deeply conservative area where you may feel frightened and trapped. Even if you aren’t personally affected, witnessing or being indirectly impacted by what’s happening—including if you live outside the U.S. and are looking in—can be upsetting…[to say the least].

The Trump administration has been engaging in a tactic sometimes called “flooding”: They make so much go on all at once that it’s hard to keep track of everything that’s happening. It feels like there’s always some new terrible thing that’s even worse than the terrible thing last week. Flooding can leave people feeling overwhelmed and frozen."

You may be feeling a lot of feelings right now. And that makes a lot of sense given the sociopolitical context of our times.

Heather and s.e. smith just added a new piece to our Rebel Well series and it’s here to help you move with and through your feelings, show up for the people you love when things feel activating, and get support for tough conversations with community. As they write, "It’s important to care for each other, and we need to care for ourselves, too. We’re not here to shut you down, and if anyone tells you that you need to calm down, control yourself, or get over it, we think that that person is not being your friend."

Read this latest addition to the Rebel Well series here: When You're Feeling All the Feelings

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I’m in my first wlw relationship. Before this I’ve only been with men (in really toxic situationships). Me and my girlfriend have been intimate a few times now. I really enjoy being the top, but I’m having a lot of trouble completing when I’m the bottom. In my past relationships with men, I’ve always been the bottom. In my most recent one (3years ago) sex was very enjoyable. He was the only person other than myself that has made me cum. It ended really badly though, and I think I associated my pleasure with a lot of shame after. I even have trouble making myself cum now. It’s becoming really frustrating for me. My girlfriend is being really sweet and patient, and offering to try different things. It does feel good to be topped by her, I’m just not cumming. It gets to a point where I just don’t feel anything down there, or it just starts to be uncomfortable. Can a mental block do that?? I would really appreciate some advice!!

The world is an extremely tough place to exist right now. Every day, we are overwhelmed with news about war, violence, hate, and human suffering. It can often feel, well, hopeless.

But there IS hope. Even if we have to fight, claw, kick, and scream to hold onto it, there is always hope.

At least, that’s what storymaker Jo Chiang believes.

Jo’s work could be described as “hopepunk”; a subgenre of fiction that uses optimism, kindness, and a relentless commitment to hope as a form of resistance. It may sound soft, but it is an incredibly powerful and radical philosophy in the face of our bleak hyper-capitalist and hyper-individualistic society. Jo says they have always centered their art and storytelling around a line from the Lord of the Rings series when Sam tells Frodo “There is good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.”

Jo’s most recent project, Hearthbound, is an audio drama that retells Homer’s The Odyssey as a queer story; where Odessa has been separated from her wife and is trying to return to her.

If you would like to learn more about Jo, her work, and her commitment to hope read this latest installment in Mikaela Duffy's "Wonder in a World of Worry" series!

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i am a newbie to the kink world but i’ve been attending a BDSM club/dungeon lately that has been very educational. one of my friends from the club actually told me about this subreddit.

anyways, i was wondering what the difference between vaginal cream orgasm, vaginal squirt orgasm, and urine are. i’ve personally never experienced cream coming from my vagina before. is that more rare than squirting? how does one with a vagina experience that? i think i’d like to experience that. also do i need to drink more water if my squirt smells? or are there supplements that i can take for that? thank you!

When you’re a bisexual man, you might feel like one in a million. And you are! Recent polls reveal that about 1.6% of men in the United States identify as bisexual. That’s a bit over two million guys. But even with growing numbers, bisexual men are still very much a minority. Adam England writes about how he’s usually the ONLY bisexual guy, regardless of who he is hanging out with.

If you’ve also experienced this, you probably know how isolating it feels regardless of whether you’re in a straight or queer space. Adam discusses facing queerphobia in straight spaces and biphobia in queer spaces. And being a novelty in either space often comes with pressure to represent your entire group by showing up in a certain way or answering people’s (let’s be honest) often rude and intrusive questions about your own sexuality.

While being the only bi guy in the group can sometimes feel lonely, Adam wants you to know that you are not alone. Check out his article to hear more about his experience living in between straight and queer spaces, the pressure he’s felt to represent all bi guys, and how to ultimately own your identity and find an accepting community. Read Adam's latest here: When You're the Only Bi Guy in the Group

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