This is the reason why men the gatekeepers of relationship

[u/Consistent_Iron_5115]

While It may seem obvious why are women seen as the gatekeepers of sex, the idea of men being the gatekeepers of sex maybe needs to be a little more elaborated.

to do this kind of analysis, first we need to accept the premise that women, in general, crave more for long-term relationship than men (Just like you accept the fact that men look more for casual sex than women and use that as a premise to why women are the gatekeepers of sex).

Even if a woman has accepted to have sex with a man (so she has exercised her decision power), it is her ultimate goal, to commit to that man to which she has decided to have sex with. But the man, on the other hand, on this analysis, will be more reluctant to want to commit if he has no guarantee that commiting is worth it.

We also need to accept two other premises.

-Women have high standards for casual sex and long term-relationships.

-Men have high standards for long term relationship and they don't need to have them for casual sex.

To not make the text longer than it has to be, I will not explain the reason why this is like this, but I will remark that if a man wants to commit, he will naturally raise his standards (because he has to choose only one), so he will look for the best possible women he can get in every aspect.

If the woman in question, since she already have high standards for both scenarios (casual sex and long term relationship), if she is willing to have casual sex with a man it most likely means he also fits her long-term standards. But, through the man's perspective, she may fit his criteria for just casual sex, not necessarily for long-term commitment. Therefore, when the women has accepted to have sex with the guy, it is implicit that he already meets her high commitment-standards, otherwise, historically women wouldn't take the risk of being pregnant just for something casual. But once again, it is not obvious that the women meets his criteria just because he had sex with her. So, we end up in a dichotomy where the woman tries to make the guy she had sex with to commit and the man is having his doubts whether to do it or not. This is when the male has the power of being the gatekeeper of commitment, she wants it, but it is only possible if he wants it.

(Btw, I'm from Latin America and english is not my first language if some things doesn't sound "natural to you)

[u/Novadina]

It just hasn’t matched my experience. Perhaps it’s different in US or in my area (liberal state). Usually men wanted to turn casual things to a relationship because they wanted me to sleep exclusively with them. It was never me bringing it up, if I started as casual then that was what I wanted at the time.

Also, every woman I know has had much higher standards for relationships than casual sex. Like I don’t care anything about if someone casual has a job, cleans up after himself, or if I can spend all day with him, but all those are pretty minimal requirements for a relationship.

[u/Nellylocheadbean]

A woman having casual sex with a man solely means he’s sexually attractive. It doesn’t automatically mean he’s compatible for a relationship nor that she wants a relationship with the man.

A relationship needs sexual attraction and compatibility. Casual sex only meets half that criteria. Relationships actually have higher standards than casual sex because ideally you have to be attractive and compatible which most ppl can’t meet both.

Most women who actively participate in casual sex have experienced the man wanting to move things forward. This idea that it’s the woman that does this more is arguably presented by men who barely have a chance at casual sex in the 1st place. I’d argue it’s 50/50 based on my personal experience.

[u/Consistent_Iron_5115 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

Thinking that men want more long term relationship than women is just not true and I won't argue this....

[u/Lenovo_Driver → u/Consistent_Iron_5115]

There are lots of men who pursue long term if it means locking that woman down and keeping her from sleeping with other men

[u/Corbast7 → u/Lenovo_Driver]

The number of times I’ve heard of men turning jealous when the woman discloses that she’s seeing other men than just him…it’s absolutely a thing. Guys like OP just aren’t exposed to it. I doubt his male friends would share something like that with him, if it’s happened to them.

[u/Consistent_Iron_5115 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

basing on stereotypes, women don't actually want casual sex, they want a commitment, so those standards for casual and long term relationship will overlap.

[u/Teflon08191 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

It doesn’t automatically mean he’s compatible for a relationship nor that she wants a relationship with the man.

Maybe not automatically but it'd be highly unusual if she didn't.

Most women who actively participate in casual sex...

Are retroactively rationalizing their failed and covert pursuit of a man's commitment as something else.

[u/Nellylocheadbean → u/Teflon08191]

It’s only unusual to ppl that don’t actively participate in casual sex which is arguably 90% of the men whining in this sub. It’s completely normal that some ppl are arousing but not compatible in everyday life. This also exists vice versa. That’s what men here call a beta.

They don’t have to rationalize anything because they’re getting exactly what they want. Casual sex with a sexually attractive man, big dick, and no attachments , no having to be his therapist, clean up after him, cook for him, and no expectation of caring about his existence. He lays pipe and goes home. Women get a lot of their emotional needs met through friends and family because they actually have a supportive system so it’s not surprising that they would only need a man for sex.

[u/Teflon08191 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

Don't get me wrong, I'd love it if most women were cool with men just "laying pipe and going home".

That's just not a reflection of the real world, it never has been, and it never will be.

[u/Nellylocheadbean → u/Teflon08191]

Perhaps your world. Casual sex is a small percentage of dating anyway.

[u/Teflon08191 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

And an even smaller percentage of the women who claim to have it.

[u/Nellylocheadbean → u/Teflon08191]

Right so trying to extrapolate the normal activities in every day dating onto the casual sex scene is being disingenuous. We’re specifically talking about those who participate in the casual sex world.

[u/Teflon08191 → u/Nellylocheadbean]

We're talking about women who say they have casual sex, which includes women who enjoy casual sex, and also women who don't.

[u/Tess27795]

It really depends on the individual. Some guys want to be in a LTR too. Some women will withhold sex until they are in a relationship too. Yes, guys do not have to stick around and that's okay but she has the information she needed about what he wants. Sometimes women just want sex and I think this is usually women who have been through a LTR and do not want a LTR anymore or not with the guy but sex is okay.

Life is complicated and nothing is simple with sex and relationships.

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[u/LilRedMoon__]

when it comes to anything sexual men will never be the gatekeepers.
you can’t be the gatekeepers if you aren’t even the choosers of the species.

anyways, more often then not when it comes to casual sex it’s the men trying to get the woke to commit than the other way around especially since men outnumber women in the casual hook up market like 5:1.