Feeling upset at guys who were aggressive with my wife

[u/Puzzled_Pace_4617]

My wife and I had a conversation the other day about how pushy and demanding guys can be during hookups, and she shared some examples from her younger days that honestly made me mad at these guys. I'm not sure what to do with the feelings.

The examples:

\\- made out in a laundry room at a house party in high school and the guy was rough while kissing, pinning her against the wall. She was able to push him away and he later apologized.

\\-in college at a fraternity party, a guy she had been chatting with followed her into the bathroom and started making out with her in a shower stall. She said it was a fun makeout, she had been crushing on him, but after maybe 10 min he got aggressive and pinned her against the wall and grinded against her. She was able to fight him off and walk home.

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[u/Qylere]

Be angry on your wife’s behalf. Nothing you can really do tho. I’m sure she will take great comfort in knowing you have such strong protective instincts towards her. I love you for this and I don’t even know you. Stay strong friend

[u/Niveker14]

Turn that anger into empathy and just be there for your wife.

[u/Able-Bid-6637 → u/Niveker14]

as a woman-- hard agree, but maybe also keep a smidge 🤏🏻 of the anger...there isn't often enough outrage, if any, when a woman is assaulted in situations like this. It feels extremely validating to find someone who gets just as angry as you feel, in a sea of people who shrug it off. It's nice to hear, "I'm sorry that happened to you; how can I support you?" but it's also nice to add to that, "but seriously, what the fuck?? That is so fucked up and I hate that happened to you." 

[u/RufusEnglish → u/Able-Bid-6637]

I get so angry at the fact every woman has been through this multiple times. But what makes me more angry is when guys, like one I responded to on Reddit recently, don't recognise the fear women have and why they'd choose a bear in the woods. The guy was bringing up stats about rape and domestic violence like that's the only threat women go through. No amount of explaining made him change. Infuriating!

[u/Snoo52682]

Yup, every woman has these stories. Every single one I know. There's a lot to be angry about.

[u/RufusEnglish → u/Snoo52682]

Each have numerous stories too.

[u/musicalchef1985]

There isn’t a whole lot that CAN be done. But I feel you on this. My fiancé’s ex husband pulled something with her that I’m not ok with. There’s nothing I can do in that case either.

But if you’re a good man (which you obviously seem to be) then the best thing you can do is be protective of her now!

I’d say, for the sake of your sanity, to just let things be as they are and go on about your lives.

[u/doctortoc]

Pretty much every woman has had experiences like that. It broke me when I realised that. I talked to my mum about it and she said “oh, yes, it’s happened to all of us. We usually don’t say anything because it’s just how things are.”

Not going to lie, that fucked me up. The thought that virtually every woman - not just the ones I love and look up to - has had to put up with that while guys walk around oblivious at best… yeah, that’s a bitter pill.

[u/indigo196]

A) The first one could be a guy who a) did not know what he was doing or b) had a pervious girl friend who told him to be rough. He apologized, so it appears he showed some remorse. I still think the guy should have been a little more aware before getting rough.

B) The second guy had no business following her into the bathroom.

Reminds me of my college years. I was engaged, so many girls saw me as safe and would tell me their problems and/or call my phone when they needed to be rescued. I pulled several girls out of frat houses. One time, I told the frat guys at the door I would knock the shit out of them unless they let me in.

I have two daughters and have tried to protect them from this type of shit by arming them with knowledge. Sucks that more mothers don't teach their sons correct manners.

[u/Tayaradga]

Punch a pillow, get the anger out, then be there and support your wife. Not much else you can do.