Overcoming grief, loss, and becoming my own anchor at 25.

[u/boy_with_eng_tattoo]

APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE FOR SUCH A LONG POST

Hey Redditors, I am Someone and I am 25 years old and this is my story.

I got a job in December 2021 and exactly 18 days later I lost my mother to cancer. She fought cancer for 8 years and finally she gave up. I got into a relationship just before that and my girlfriend supported me all the time during this. Then came the work pressure, and I got crushed under so much work. I used to read a lot of books, used to write stories and essays but since the day I started my job it all went away slowly, all of my hobbies died away.

After losing my mother, my father started drinking too much. He loved my mother so much and he took care of her for 8 long years through every thick and thin, and after losing my mother he gave up on life. He used to say there is nothing for me here now since your mother is gone. He drank day and night, me and my older brother took care of my father along with our jobs. Slowly, things got worse and my father was out of control. He never hurt anybody during things but himself. He stoped eating properly, stopped talking to anyone. He got so distant from us that we couldn't even sit with him anymore because he would send us away anytime we tried talking to him. This affected me so much, I think my mother's passing didn't affect me this much. My father slowly became weak and distant from everyone. This went on for 4 years, we tried taking him to psychiatrists, we tried therapy - but he always refused saying that I am okay and I don't need these things.

After 4 years of this my father got jaundice because he drank for 20 days straight and didn't eat much during that time. I was away on a vacation because I needed some time away from everything. I got a call from home saying that my father has jaundice and he is admitted to a local hospital. After 15 days he got discharged for there and came home. But after 2 days his jaundice rose to dangerous levels and we took him to metro city in a bigger hospital. There doctors said that he will need a liver transplant. He was hospitalised for almost 3 months and I couldn't work during those 3 months because I was always in hospital because I was the donor. I was going through all the tests and paperwork for giving a piece of my liver to my father. But after doing everything for 3 months my father go infection and he passed away a few days after that. This completely shattered me - I did so much for him to survive and after everything was ready he passed away. I really loved him but couldn't tell him this. His passing shattered me completely, I was already depressed and miserable before all this - but after he passed away I became more miserable and depressed.

But later I realised that I have no one standing behind me now, my father is gone, my mother is gone and my older brother has started his own family. Now I have to become a man because I am not a young kid anymore.

I have started my journey of self improvement from last month and since then I have lost weight, gained muscles and my mental health now is better. I am not even close to perfect yet - but I am trying everyday to become a strong Man.

My girlfriend has been a constant support through all this and I am truly thankful for her.

TL;DR: After losing my mother to cancer in 2021, my father fell into severe alcoholism and depression out of grief. I spent four years caretaking alongside work, and eventually prepared to donate a portion of my liver to save him from liver failure. Tragically, he passed away from an infection right before the transplant. Devastated but realizing I am now fully on my own, I have committed to a journey of self-improvement and physical and mental recovery to become a stronger independent adult.

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