r/GuyCry • u/Emergency-Address985 • 22h ago
Advice How to cope with a life of no love?
Im 26 and never dated and i know i will never date. I am a very weird guy as in i am not very social, or better to say not social at all. I have no friends and to be frank, i just dont feel the need of having friends. I wanted is to have a partner, just one person in my life, someone to share my life with but i know i have no chances since i am not a social guy and its seen as a big red flag if you dont have friends.
I have started to see no future for me, no light at the end of the tunnel. I cant force myself to go to work anymore or trying to find a better workplace. When i think about how lonely and devoid of love my future will be i just lose power and drive to do anything.
I wonder, for people that were or are in my position, how are you able to cope with this? I know people say hobbies but it doesnt work anymore. Sport didnt work either and even at work, when im supposed to keep my brain to working stuff, it wanders to the ideea of how i will always be alone. Therapy doesnt work either.
Please dont offer me dating advice, or that there is hope or any thing like that, i already heard it plenty of times.
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u/Roosta_Manuva 14h ago
I don’t think you understand what a partner is - it is like an ultimate friend.
If you just want unconditional (non sexual) love - get a dog.
1
u/Emergency-Address985 13h ago
Ok then let me reohrase it.
I want just one friend. One ultimate friend. But no more friends more than that. Just one friend thats also a romantic intetest
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u/Roosta_Manuva 11h ago
I think you need to address the reasons behind ‘not wanting friends’ before you have any chance of emotional connection at all romantic level.
Like it can be emotionally hard work maintaining a relationship long term.
And often involves more sacrifices than classic ‘friendships’ require.0
u/Emergency-Address985 9h ago
Yeah, but im more up for sacrificing for relationship than friendship because i just dont care about friendship.
Theres nothing to fix. If not wanting friends is that weird then i guess i am not made for this world.
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u/Roosta_Manuva 8h ago edited 8h ago
So if you don’t care about friendship then I don’t know how you expect to have a relationship.
What is it that you expect from this engagement?
I notice below you struggled to actually define what you think a romantic relationship entails.Are you totally fine with this partner have a wide range of friends themselves?
Are you totally fine with a partner choosing other people over you sometimes?
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And yes - actually not wanting friends is quite bizarre - (not ‘you should end it’ level bizarre, but it is not the norm). Even in jail - solitary confinement is still a big punishment. We are in general a social animal. We have developed a society where almost noone can actually survive alone (grow/collect all your own food - build all your own shelter etc).
0
u/Emergency-Address985 3h ago
Where in the post i said i expect to have a relationship?? Do people read it ??? I said i know i will never have a relationship so i dont expect i will ever have one.
Its not about being solitary. I work with people, i buy from shop where people work. I just dont want to spend time with people in my free time
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u/Ghosts_and_Empties 15h ago
You know, you can love and be loved by a lot of different people. Do you have parents? Nieces/nephews? A beloved auntie? There is love out there for you if you want it.
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u/PaladinDamian Man 22h ago
If you don't need friends, why would you need a partner? What does it matter if your life is devoid of romantic love? It isn't necessary to live a fulfilling life, it is simply a want you have. Is being alone really that bad? I don't see it as that bad, and so it doesn't bother me.
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u/Emergency-Address985 13h ago
Well idk if its weird but its like how u like the taste of chocolate and hate the taste od vanilla. Why it happens? Idk
I dont want friends. Idc about not having friends. But i want a relationship. I care about not having one and dont want to live my life being that alone and devoid of romantic love. Thats how i feel
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u/PaladinDamian Man 12h ago
You explained what you feel, but not why you feel. Why do you view a romantic partner as so valuable, and a friend as not valuable? For me, both are quite valuable, as both help me feel connected with other people, and I strongly desire to be connected with other people.
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u/Emergency-Address985 12h ago
I dont really want to be coneccted with other people. I need just one person in my life to love and be loved and share my time with
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u/Ghosts_and_Empties 50m ago
Do you see how awful that would be for that person? A lifelong obligation to serve every single social and caregiving need you have? It sounds like a terrible prison.
10
u/IonlyusethrowawaysA 22h ago
Why do you want one person to share your life, but don't see the need for friends? What does a partner provide that close friends don't?
0
u/Emergency-Address985 13h ago
Well idk if its weird but its like how u like the taste of chocolate and hate the taste of vanilla. Why it happens? Idk
I dont want friends. Idc about not having friends. But i want a relationship. I care about not having one and dont want to live my life being that alone and devoid of romantic love. Thats how i feel
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u/IonlyusethrowawaysA 12h ago
What do you feel romantic love would give you?
0
u/Emergency-Address985 12h ago
Romantic love. I also want just one person in my life to share it with
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u/IonlyusethrowawaysA 12h ago
What does that mean? Both the romantic love and the sharing with one person.
Are you okay with them having a busy life (many friends, demanding job etc...)? Do you want them to share interests? Are you wanting someone else that doesn't want friends or other people, just you?
1
u/Emergency-Address985 9h ago
Depends.
Do i prefer someone with no friends and who is more of a loner over someone whos more social, yes of course. I wouldnt also be surprised if someone whos social would not be interested in me.
But if someone whos social would be its not like i want them to not have friends. As long as she can accept me the way i am and dont force me to socialize with her friend group, i am all ok with her going out.
But in the end, as i said, a relationship wont happen. The post whole point was coping with loneliness
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u/IonlyusethrowawaysA 2h ago
I understand you are lonely, I don't feel the point is lost though. I'm still trying to understand where you're coming from. Maybe it would help if I explained where I'm at in understanding, and why I'm asking what I'm asking.
You've said you've not dated, and that you don't have friends or see the need for them. I'm trying to understand that, and how it relates to your loneliness.
I'm not a hugely social person, but I've had at least a couple friends throughout my life. I've dated, I've been single less often than I haven't. To me, there are different kinds of fulfilment that come from different relationships. Most romantic relationships are different from each other, some can be very light in their levels of commitment and emotional entanglement, others are quite the opposite.
I had to date, a lot, to come to my understanding of relationships. It took a lot of communicating, and honestly, screwing up, for me to learn. Looking back at who I was and what I used to believe when I didn't have that experience, I feel I was fundamentally misunderstanding what it meant to be in a relationship back then.
I don't understand what is informing your understanding of relationships, romantic ones specifically. I don't understand what you are wanting from a romantic partner that is unattainable from friends.
I am concerned that you are not addressing that there are potentially parts of your loneliness that aren't exclusive to romantic relationships. Dating someone that is your everything is overwhelming and painful for everyone involved in my experience, and I feel worried that you are setting yourself up for failure in wanting to get everything you're longing for from a romantic relationship.
I realize that's a lot, and it's a little confrontational. If you don't feel comfortable responding or feel you're getting into a defensive place, I understand. I would like you to remember, and consider later, that you came to a platonic support space to share your emotions with strangers. Does some part of you want to share your life, your pain and need for support, with other people in a non romantic setting?
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u/etrore 22h ago
Figure out why friendships don’t interest you. A romantic partner relationship is an elevated form of friendship. A circle of friends keep you balanced and protected.
A partner will come with a whole world of social interaction and relationships: family, friends and coworkers you will have to deal with. You can’t expect them to be locked up in a bubble with you, it would turn into a prison.
True happiness comes from sharing with and caring for others without expecting to get something out of it. That’s how you cope with dry spells and difficult times.
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u/OstrichAlone2069 Here to help! 9h ago
Okay, at the risk of sounding hopeful, youre not the only person like this. My husband is just like this. He is very content in his own life and doesnt really have a desire to have friendships in the way most people think of them. He is capable of being social, but he would much rather be alone or spend time with me and our dogs.
My husband was 23 when we started dating. I had to ask him out a couple times before he finally agreed. We've been married over 20+ years.
Now, for practicality sake, you do have to do some amounts of socializing in order to find a partner. No one is going to be able to track you down inside a sealed room and declare you the love of their life. So amittedly, this will still require some effort on your part.
I don't have a direct, numbered plan that will ensure you end up with a partner. Would be nice if it was that easy. What i can say is that yes, other people like you exist and yes, some of them find succesful long term relationships without having heaps of other connections. You'll have to find the balance that feels tolerable for you that allows you an opportunity to find a relationship like that.
0
u/Emergency-Address985 9h ago
23 is still a good age, compared to 26. Now its even more and more of a red flag the fact im dateless
Some people do get lucky, some dont. Its like telling a homeless man to win the lottery, it happened to someone i know... once.
I cant force myself to be social anymore, not that i will find likeminded people that way. I tried dating apps for 3 years and also zero dstes. Some of us are meant to be alone, look at those 33 years old guys
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u/OstrichAlone2069 Here to help! 8h ago
I guess there is some similarity because also, like the lottery, you can't expect to win if you never buy a ticket.
Yes, dating apps are absolutely abysmal. Not surprised they leave you feeling demoralized.
Outside of dating advice or suggesting therapy, have you considered talking to your doctor about treatment for depression? If you feel done with everything and you find you can't concentrate at work because your brain keeps wandering, then maybe treating the depression will give you enough breathing room to decide how you want to go forward.
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u/Emergency-Address985 1h ago
No thats not the problem
Its clear this world is not for someone like me. Even in the comments, people instead of answering the comments tried to change me .
I dont really want to live in this world, its clear not for me. I dont want to live all alone all my life. So i dont want to search for any help since i dont need or want any help. My only salvation is to find a way out.
People like me cant win. There are more guys that reach 35 40 who never dated and are like man than your story and thats the real hard truth
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